Posted by: themoonisdown | November 23, 2009

From Moon’s mom to Robert Pattinson: stop slouching!

*Enjoy this LTR takeover courtesy of Moon’s Mom as she write to Rob!*

Nice puffy paint! Obviously, Mama Moon is into the contraband tshirts!

Dear Robert (she insists on your full name),

This is Mama Moon, don’t be scared… cause I’m not. Since Taylor is only 17 and I don’t live in Georgia, you’re my favorite. I even have the tshirt to prove it! Since Moon is under the weather from what’s she’s calling the “swine fever” I’m stepping in to write my very first letter to you.

When I asked Moon what I should write about she told me to write about the things I liked or didn’t like about you. I thought about it and as a Mom, I gotta tell you there’s only one thing you need to improve on: in interviews you need to sit up straight and stop acting embarrassed! Be proud of what you have accomplished, you are a phenomenon now like the Beatles and trust me, I remember Beatle Mania! I had the Beatles hair cut, the trading cards and the records but now I have an Edward shirt, the Twilight candy is in our candy dish and we’ve renamed the entertainment room: the Twilight memorial theater cause that’s all me and Lilcrazycow watch, much to Dad Moon’s dismay. So be proud of what you’ve done! You’re gonna go a long way baby, I can feel it.

Stop slouching!

Also, I hope you realize how much time Moon spends writing you these letters, somedays she doesn’t even have time to return my calls. But I understand cause love will do that to you. Like when me and Dad Moon were dating my “watch broke” and I lost all track of time and didn’t realize I had missed curfew till I saw a bank sign whizzing by us on the back of his motorcycle. Grandpa Moon was NOT pleased and needless to say I was grounded from such activities. But I trust you have a watch that works and even if you didn’t I would overlook a little indiscretion like returning Moon home late. Trust me, I get it! I’m so Team Edward!

But really, just work on that whole “embarrassed” act you’re putting on. If you don’t straighten up, I can always move to Georgia!

Love,
Mama Moon

PS You really should meet Moon, she smiles way more than that girl you’re hanging around with now.

So what do you think? Was it like reading a letter from YOUR mom? Slouching, calling everyday, she hit it all! What would your mom say to Rob?

Our internet game is ridiculous: The Forum, LTT, Twitter

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Responses

  1. Hi, Mama Moon! Great letter and good advice! Even if I like Rob’s blushing shy thing. It’s cute!

    If my mom were to write him a letter it would probably go something like:

    “Dear Rob,
    Please stop trying so hard to be sexy. It’s not working and you’re at least kind of cute when you smile. Now please comb your hair and put on a clean shirt.

    PS Could you put in a good word for me with your friend Bobby Long? He is aDORable!”

    • Hahaha…please comb your hair…so right……
      PLUS something like…

      ” Ahem……I know this is not my buisiness anymore…..BUT….
      just yesterday I read (..put in ANY magazine you know) that SMOKING had caused this year blablabla % more bad diseases…….!!!” (while making a worried face…)

    • Oh damn that didn’t work… anyway

      I so wish there was the Bobby emoticon here because I totally want to use it right now, I guess I’ll just have to link you with this: http://www.emofaces.com/en/buddy-icons/e/emo-buddy-icon.gif

      • Hee!

  2. Hey Mama Moon…great letter today…you did a very good job and….

    YES…you sound like my mum.. especially in the part…

    …you have to sit up straight….lol

    and Moon…GET WELL!

  3. OMG this was so funny, my mom said the same thing about Rob!!!!
    “Your little boyfriend, needs to sit up straight and quit giggling like a little girl, I saw him on Ellen today you know”…

    Aren’t Moms the best?!?

    • Moms are the best!!! My mom said “I saw your buddy Rob on the Today show the other day.” Me: “My buddy? hahaha He can be my buddy any day.” 😉

    • Yes, yes, but we love it when he giggles and runs his hands through his hair in a “I don’t know what to do with myself” gesture, right? 🙂 That’s just – Rob.

  4. Dear Robert,

    Please purchase a decent coat and gloves to wear in this cold weather. You are old enough to know better and walking around with your hands tucked in your trousers with a flimsy t-shirt and jacket is just plain silly 🙂 Not only will you catch a cold but you will stretch said trouser pockets due to those very, very long fingers you have. Yes, I did happen to notice those fingers 🙂

    Many thanks,

    Cazza’s Mum x
    p.s. Mama Moon is right. Stop slouching, you slouch the same way as that Kristen girl, although you haven’t quite mastered her rocking movment yet!

  5. Moonie!! Momma moon is adorable and cracks jokes. So great, can’t even begin to tell you how great.

    Sigh, yes both rob and Kristen need some lessons in posture.

    • Hollywood needs to go back to the times that they taught etiquette lessons.

  6. Mama Moon rode a motorcylce with Dad Moon adrenaline rush-Bella style? That’s way cool. Go mama moon!

  7. Hi Mama Moon! Cute letter! However, I love the slouching, I have terrible posture too, I slouch like mad, and it reminds me that Rob is just another guy from London, not a super-duper-mega-star! Likewise, with being embarrassed – he IS embarrassed, I would be if Ellen’s audience screamed for me for 5 minutes straight, yet another thing that reminds me he is normal bloke that I COULD POSSIBLY meet down the pub if I go to Barnes, say, around Christmas time, and do a pub crawl… which I have no intention of doing, of course.

    • @Shleeeigh – let me know if you don’t want company ‘cos I was thinking of not doing a Barnes pub crawl at Xmas too!!!

    • Mamma’s around the world gave you thumbs down cause you slouch.

      • But that doesn’t include me.

      • I totally do slouch, it’s awful, I deserve the thumbsdown!

    • I slouch, too, and I totally shouldn’t because I’m short. Help me, Mama Moon!

      • Hahaha, I slouch too Jodie and I’m also a shortie! I only slouch on the couch though, it’s just so comfy.

    • Of course, Shleeeigh, no one has the intention of running into drunk Rob in a London pub.

  8. Oh Mamamoon….I love your letter! I have the urge to bake cupcakes together and icing them with the words ” team Edward” . Can you come to Holland so we can bake cupcakes together?
    Love
    Natasha

  9. OMG it’s Mama Moon!!!!!

    This is quite possibly the most epic letter ever written to our Rob(ert).

    I, too, want him to stop being embarrassed. It would bother me more if I didn’t truly believe that he is mortified by all the screaming. You can just tell that he could almost die from it.

    Suck it up Rob! You’re incredibly gorgeous, a multi millionaire at 23, the most famous person on the planet and loved adoringly all around the planet. It think you will be alright.

    Thanks for chiming in Mama Moon!

    • Yes, it would be nice for him if he could stop being embarrassed and put a brave face on it, but somehow his self-deprecating slouching is still..endearing, maybe British (the British hate being noticed in an embarrassing way, I have noticed) and makes me want to hug him and possibly hide him in my raincoat while I usher him to my car.. (mohohaha, kidnapping Robert Pattinson!) 😉

  10. Dear Rob,

    Could you please stop terrorizing my daughter? She is insane. She has a beautiful daughter and very nice Mr. Fang who does whatever she wants. You appear on the tv or computer and she almost does a backflip. This is not normal. You need to fix your “fucked up hair” and shave. Get out in the sun a bit also.

    Love,
    Momma Fang

    PS. From Fang “fucked up hair” is her words exactly. Psh. She has so much to learn.

  11. Dear Mama Moon,
    fab letter and I hope Moon feels better soon.

    I just wish the screaming would die down a bit so’s Rob didn’t have to cringe from it. The shoulder hunching is like a protective stance 😦

    I don’t want him to change one little bit tho’ (apart from the smoking, ‘cos it is bad for you and smelly and makes your teeth and fingers go yellow, even though he makes it look hot as f***!)

  12. Was Mama Moon a bad girl? I mean, breaking curfew and running around on motorcycles–I have to say, I’m impressed, and I’m a card carrying Bad Girl myself.

    My mom would tell “Robert” to quit acting like he’s not dating Kristen. Enough already! Just give us some truth, man [she was also a product of the 60s and 70s]. She would probably also tell him to rethink the plaid and flannel and QUIT SMOKING. Then she would hand him one of those Christian evangelical tracts that looks like money and invite him to church.

    • WOW….I can immagine well…and I am kinda impressed…clear words!

      and I guess after an announcement like that Rob would even follow your Momma to church….without opposition! lol

  13. Mama Moon wrote a fantastic letter! It sounds like something my mom would say, only mine would swear more. And Mama Dolphin still tries to pretend like she’s not exactly sure what Rob’s name is, but I know it’s a front.

    Today was a good day for a letter written by a parental unit. Yesterday, I was in Wal-Mart with my family and we passed by the calendars. I of course pick up one of Rob’s (I’m still trying to decide which one I want). My dad goes “Doesn’t that kid ever brush his hair?” I gave him the stinkeye and told him that that was so not important. He rolled his eyes and went off to look at vidoe games. What am I gonna do with him?

    PS. I quit trading with Wal-Mart officially yesterday as well. Is there some reason they did not have How To Be????? I didn’t think so!

  14. Mama Moon Rocks! I love all your advice, but mostly I like that she’s not afraid to go to Georgia! I hear they’re handing out Team Taycob t-shirts at the border.

  15. Hi Mama Moon!!!!!

    your letter is amazing!

    “she smiles way more than that girl you’re hanging around with now.”

    Loved it!!!!

  16. I was waiting for the famous “Make good choices” line…cause that is what my mom would say!

    Great letter Mamma Moon! And I totally LOVE that you threw caution to the wind and totally hooked up with your Rebel Without a Cause.

  17. Mama Moon!!! You were a total bad girl, weren’t you? My mom was a goodie-two-shoes, so she would sooo not be ok with “Robert” bringing me home late. But at this point, she might just be so thrilled that I’m willing to “go steady” with someone that she might let it slide…

  18. Mama Moon is awesome!!!! She is a COOL Mom, and not just because she missed curfew and was on the back of papa Moon’s motorcycle.

  19. Mama Moon!!!

    You are lovely and honest. My own Mother led me to believe she was a saint. It came out rather recently that in her teens she drove around small town mid-west in a convertible with the top down and a flask of vodka in the glove compartment. Her response to this, ‘I don’t remember that.’ Well, if you were doing it right, I guess not!

    The Mother in ME now, wants to tell Rob to do things…’because I said so, that’s why!’ And, ‘if you know what’s good for you…’

  20. Great letter Mama Moon. Hm, were you an adrenaline junkie in your younger years? Riding on the bike of motorcycles with Dad Moon.

    My mom would tell Rob to iron his clothes and then ask for his address so she could send him a portable steamer.

  21. …to add…
    Mama Moon…

    I guess Mama Clare (he said several times that she uses to call him 10 times a day….)would appreciate your letter….you know…Mamas and their “little” boys….:-)

  22. C.M.E. = Coolest Mom Ever!

    Moon- take 2 aspirins and write us in the morning!

  23. “PS You really should meet Moon, she smiles way more than that girl you’re hanging around with now.”

    I ♥ your mom! She is made of win!

  24. Mama Moon is awesome! Love your letter! My mom has no clue who Rob is. She just informed me that she just discovered the band “Boys II Men” and is really lovin’ them! She is only a few decades behind the times. I guess when my daughter starts stalking Rob, then Mama House will know who she is talking about!

    Moon, Swine Fever is no laughing matter! Rob loves when you “Pull his Pork” Ahh! Did I just say that?! Sorry, a little pervy this morning!

  25. Mama Moon is cool. She could wear purple and make it work!

    My mom would write:

    Dear person I’m supposed to write to,
    Who are you?
    Greetings,
    Mama Alice-NaA

    Becasue I’m still in a closet in the shed in a Belgian backyard. 😦

  26. Dear Mama Moon,

    Thank you so much for saying what all moms the world over wish they could say to Rob: stop slouching and be proud of what you’ve accomplished! I gotta say that, while I find his timidity endearing, my mom always says he should be more assertive. Is it like a mom requirement to point that out? 🙂

    Props, Mama Moon. Also, my fave line in your letter to Rob is: “PS You really should meet Moon, she smiles way more than that girl you’re hanging around with now”.

    You are just as genius as Moon. Guess we know where she got it from.

    • P.S. Did you make that Team Edward tee? Very nice. Is Rob’s face plastered on the back, by the way?

      • I would like Rob’s face when he is plastered! Not necessarily on the back of a t-shirt though…. (Just saying.)

        • WIN! Hahahhahahah!

          I swear that wasn’t what I meant! After all, plastered Rob is our favourite here on LTR, am I right?

    • But then, those of us who like more assertive in their men are already on Team Taylor, right? Nothing like a man with no co-ordination and the “body of a pre-pubescent girl” (no more!) to make us feel warm and fuzzy inside..like eating chocolate cup-cakes or Cherry Garcia ice cream..

  27. you know how you imagine what you’d say to rob if you could only meet him, knowing you’d only have 10 seconds of his time? This letter is the EXACT conversation i’d have with him! I’ve had it in my head many times. In addition to the “stop slouching” I’d add “and look people in the eye when you talk to them like a real man”. And then most importantly l’d tell him that i’d be happy to TEACH him how to be a real man (behind the dumpster).

  28. btw does mama moon have twitter? I am a fan of mama moon!

  29. Mama Moon is quite the matchmaker. And apparently, has some sort of motorcycle thing in common with Bella. Ah synchronicity.

    My mom would write something like, “You are gross and not cute at all. I don’t know what my daughter sees in you. Especially because her husband is Jesus, and I like him better than her, and you know what? You can have her if I can keep Ryan. Your hair is hideous.” Because she thinks my husband hung the moon, and in her mind she’s comparing Rob to the illustrations on the front of the romance novels she covertly reads, and who can stack up to Fabio?

    However, should Rob choose to come to my dad’s church and play the guitar or sing some Hillsongs, she would sing quite the different tune. She’s fickle like that.

    • This “Fabio”..is that the blond long hair guy with an italian surname? I saw him once in Italy/Rome..I guess he is famous in the U.S….omg..plz…if your mother likes him…she can’t love ROB…..def.-incompatible!

  30. Mama Moon is all kinds of WIN!!! Yay!!!

    My mother would just tell him to wash his hair…”it looks naaasty…”I bet he has body odor” she would say…

    One of the many areas my mom and I don’t agree.

  31. I love Momma Moon! Great advice! You sound like you and Momma Rigs would get along splendidly, but I don’t think my Momma knows who Rob actually is. All Momma’s can’t be so enlightened. Hugs & Kisses

  32. Ha! I love it. Even if I personally like his I’m-so-British-and-shy act.

    p.s.- I was outted after the New Moon premiere party I went to Thursday night! The local paper was there and captured me receiving a door prize… cruel fate has revealed my indentity! I didn’t even get ribbons over my eyes! I’m so first hand embarassed.

  33. Dude…your mom so pimped you out to Rob right now.

    • WIN! I wanna be pimped out to Rob!

  34. I will never ever let my mom near Rob. She’s a complete coug and would prob drag him off behind a dumpster.
    That being said, she’s the only RL person I know who doesn’t look at me like I’m a freak when I start going on and on about what Rob’s been doing lately or what we’re talking about on the blogs.

  35. Dear Mama Moon-
    Well said!! As the Mama of a nearly teenaged boy who has grown 7 inches in the last year, ‘Stop slouching’ comes out of my mouth about 50 times a day! This is something that is just inherent to motherhood?
    I love your letter and that you took time from Fed Ex-ing chicken soup over to Moon to write to Rob for her.
    Thanks for the laughs, and I love your shirt!!!
    LPB

  36. Hi mama Moon
    could this be the Rob’s reaction to your letter?

    Hahaha!

    • That’s a keeper.

  37. Me and Mama Moon are totally on the same page: Stop slouching and look at me when you speak. Stop smoking, that’s a nasty habit. You’re not going outside in that outfit, are you? Would it kill you to shave once in a while? I don’t think I’ve seen the floor in your room for a month and when was the last time your sheets were in the laundry?. No, I’m not going to serve Hot Pockets for dinner. Eat your vegetables. For crying out loud.

    No, really I adore all Rob’s embarrassing little traits, and that he owns them. It’s what makes him so real!

  38. My mom would tell “Robert” to go to school (as she always did with me) and stop dating the little girl who’s half his height cause they look funny and that’s why he slouches. And she would probably send him cooked meals every day so he won’t look “anorexic” anymore. From time to time she sends me articles about smoking or beauty tips. She would probably do the same with him.

    My mom would tell me: I thought you were over with all this dating artists thing. You’re not in uni anymore, so grow up. Plus your real-life boyfriend cooks and cleans the house for you. How will you survive with a guy who’s messier than you?

    I would tell Rob: I don’t care, I just want you. Don’t change anything except for the girlfriend. You can even keep her as long as we can see each other.

    • A thumb up…I especially agree with your last sentence…and… I am not jealous…sharing is caring!

      • Hi hon!

        Tahnks. I also agree with what I say. And i’m not jealous either.

      • I have heard about car pools. How about we make a Rob pool? 😉
        (Pool rhymes with drool, by the way..)

    • And if my mom was Rob’s mom (ok that’s weird but still) she would warn him 100 times before the press junket that she has a social life and doesn’t want to explain during dinner his great jokes (that I love) about giving birth or 12 years’ old virgins. Maybe that’s why Clare texts him during interviews, to remind him. Fortunately for us, he always forgets.

      • ….or the “strained ass cheek”…hilarious!

        • I think I had this. Me and Rob should really get together you know to do some massages.

          Oh there was also the “I would have hoped/thought Twilight would open the flood door for you know all this 15 years’ old” – MTV Twilight Rob.

          I’m starting to suffer from the post-press-junket-Rob-dash. But feeling quite excited for the months to come. And still getting my hopes up since I read some articles about Bel-Ami being filmed in Paris.

    • “I would tell Rob: I don’t care, I just want you. Don’t change anything except for the girlfriend. You can even keep her as long as we can see each other.”

      Well hey me too! I fell that way too! She can be the young GF while I’m the slightly older GF who will pamper you. How’s that? 🙂

      • Hi hon…sounds good, I am pretty sure you will “pamper” him well….and I love the part of “slightly older”..b/c I am “slighty slightly older”…<3
        I have send you the video…I LOVE IT!

        • Hi I’m really stressing out right now to the point of me wanting to pull all my hair out! The video made me laugh but I don’t know what it’s about :-).

          • Hi Southernbelle,

            I hope your daughter will be fine soon!

            And moon too!

          • Me too 🙂

          • Hey hon the interviewer asked him to make a “hot” face….lol…so that was Rob’s HOT facial expression…..

      • He needs a more experienced girl to “pamper ” him…behind the dumpster 🙂

  39. ohhh mama moon. that’s wonderful.

  40. First of all I would want my mother to stay the hell away from him. She would have nothing profound to add.

    Mind you When I was younger my mother was/is a cougar. I was 15, He was 22, and she was 35. Raowr. It was his birthday and she was the bartender at the bar….just saying. Stay far away. Im sure she would consider him too young for her.

    I would advise Rob
    1) stop smoking
    2) sit up straighter.
    3) More Skin …….. Hello!!
    4) Lose the beanie

    I am loving the embarrassed blush that he does.

  41. haha this is totally something my momma would say. We were watching some awards show or something where Rob was on and all my mom said was “his hair….” followed by a head shake. Apparently she doesn’t appreciate the hair.
    She’d also say something about how he needs better clothes. I might have to do an experiment later and see what she has to say about our Rob…
    I’ll report back.

  42. Yay for Mama Moon! I love her!

  43. […] This post was mentioned on Twitter by LetterstoTwilight, Brooke Lockart. Brooke Lockart said: Mama Moon writes Rob a letter today at LTR http://bit.ly/51Z0w8 spoken like a true mom. seriously. Via @letter2twilight […]

  44. Love your mom’s letter!

    My mom said, after seeing the movie Friday, that “those kids [the Trinity] should go to school now that they have money and do something real with their life.” LOL. She especially meant this towards Rob; she was less than impressed with his underwhelming appearance on Regis and Kelly.

  45. Hi Mama Moon! Please tell Moon to feel better soon! I think that’s what we have here too (swine fever)! It’s not fun.

    I’m glad I came here today,you made me laugh! I wish my mom was like you, more outspoken for her love of Edward and Rob! She does like him. Once she said “Rob is hot” and I nearly choked on my hotdog! LOL. Wish you could meet my mom, she’s fun, extremely outgoing and a little crazy, just like me…I guess the fruit doesn’t fall far from the tree.

    You’re so cute Mama Moon!

  46. I want Rob to quit slouching, but it has nothing to do with being a mother- I can’t see his beautiful face when he’s all hunched over!

    PS I spent the ENTIRE weekend reading “Wide Awake”- and LOVED IT! Thanks guys for encouraging me- now should I read “Clipped Wings”, “Dom/Sub”, “The Office”, or “Breathe Me”? Or something else??

    • Word! …especially in the british interviews he was hunched over …so that interfered quite a lot with the neck and jaw porn!:-)

      • You make me burst out laughing with all you porn remarks, that I also share. But what’s jaw porn?

        • Look at his jaw line……ohhhhh that’s PORN !

    • The office – if you can find it.

      Also add “Master of the Universe” on your “to read” list

    • Add Emancipation Proclamation, Tropic of Virgo and Hydraulic Level 5 to that list. You can’t go wrong with any of them!

      • EyeC I miss you!

    • I am so into “Clipped Wings” right now! I love Tattward!

  47. And to quit smoking, although y’all are right- sexy as all hell!

  48. Hi Mama Moon! This is srsly one of my favorite letters to date!!!

  49. Dear Moon and Momma Moon,

    This is my first response to Letters to Rob. Letters to Twilight for that matter, as well, seeing as though I only discovered this website a few days ago. That`s bullmess, saying that I discovered it, because every good, respectable Robert Thomas Pattinson fan should know about this website.

    I should probably, in hindsight, go back and read all of the previous Letters to Rob, but, yeah, hahaha. 😛

    I suck because I don`t remember right now which one of you – UC or Moon – lives in Los Angeles or whatever the frig, but, just sayin`, I feel for you.

    I live in Vancouver. Yep. I live in Vancouver, where New Moon and Eclipse were both filmed, where Breaking Dawn has a big arse chance of filming here again, and where Rob spent months. Yeah. I`ve met Jackson Rathbone, Ashley Greene and Xavier Samuel in a roundabout way – I went to a 100monkeys concert and was inches away from a sweating Jackson Rathbone, made eye contact with Ashley Greene, and saw Xavier Samuel on the other side of the place, recognizing his friggen hair – but, I understand when you say that when Rob is in L.A., and you`re in L.A., it`s stressful as frig, hahaha. 😛

    Anyway, that was a little bit of a rant, but, this is basically what I wanted to say.

    Momma Moon, you did a great friggen job on today`s Letter to Rob, trust me – you`re a great example of a Twilight Mom, seeing as though you don`t wear Robert Pattinson panties (right?), you don`t write songs about Moon and the Robert Thomas Pattinson posters that she may or may not have (as in she totally has them, and if you can`t see them, then just check underneath of her bed in the Nike shoebox underneath of the hobo pants and Nonsten pins, trust me, they`re there), and, you just generally rock. Thank you for being cool, Momma Moon, for realzie, hahaha. 😛

    Word.

    Anyway, I`m looking forward to tomorrow`s Letter to Rob. I mean, somebody needs to set the facts straight – the facts being that wrist holding does not equal OH EM GEE, SMEXI TIMEZ, and, that a few more In and Out burgers than Summit Entertainment reccomends just makes Rob`s belly even more endearing as frig, hahaha. 😛

    Sincerely in love with Robert Thomas Pattinson and having mad respect for Momma Moon,
    – Cassie. 🙂

    • ^ Love your prolific use of “frig” in all its permutations. It simply friggin’ fits!

      Welcome! 🙂

  50. In the spirit of the holidays, my mother said she would like to cook a Thanksgiving dinner for Rob. She thinks he looks like he could use one.
    Yeah Mom, I want to “cook Rob a Thanksgiving dinner” too!


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