What to do while Rob’s not on screen in New Moon

See you tonight!

Dear Rob,

Today is the day! I FINALLY get to see you in a new movie for the first time in a YEAR (minus that one about the pregnant friend of yours where you’re a totally cute dork. I never saw “How to Be” or that Dali movie. I know, worst Rob-fan ever) But here’s the thing. I’m kinda concerned. You see, I just said “I finally get to see YOU in a new movie…” It’s the YOU part I’m worried about. Sure, I know you’re in the movie- I’ve seen the trailers and heard about the apparition, but I’ve read the book and….Edward disappears. For a long time. I’m pretty excited to see if Kristen can top her stuttering & blinking numbers from Twilight, and I’m definitely excited to see how many different colors of jorts the wolfpack will be wearing, but all-in-all, I’m excited for New Moon to see you. Just like I loved the Twilight saga books because of Edward. So since I am a good blogger and think about all our readers, I’ve decided to compile a list of things that we can do while you are gone from the movie.

What to do while Rob’s not on screen in New Moon:

• Pray for the wolves to get heart worm and have to be put down thus necessitating the Vampires to come back early and save the film from becoming Marley and Me 2

• Utilize those refills on the large popcorn and diet coke you bought at 73oPM while waiting in line to go into the theater. Make BFF’s with the popcorn dude so when you come out for your 57th refill he feels bad for you and gives you a free package of sour patch kids

• Bring your fanfic folder with a print out of the epilogue of The Office. The wolfpacks’ jorts ripping when they phase should sub in nicely for the panty ripping sound effects courtesy of the Beautiful Bastard

• Count how many times Bella blinks or stutters

• Fill out the Land of Dreamer’s questionnaire and start on your first challenge: Figuring out which song of Bobby Long’s would fit in each scene of New Moon

• Figure out what the lyrics are to “Let me Sign”

• Write a 1 shot Fan Fiction involving a wolf

• Design a pair of Pattinson Pants with all New Moon pictures

• Pen a hate letter to Stephenie Meyer for leaving Edward out for the majority of the book

• Whisper “When is Edward coming back?” to your neighbor every 5 minutes

• Whip out your iphone and put on your headphones and watch Twilight until Edward comes back

• Count the number of differences between the movie and book and each time you spot one yell “That’s not supposed to happen” out loud.

• Just like when your mom used to tell you to “Count sheep” to help you fall asleep, close your eyes and count the number of wolves you see while Edward is gone

• Every time Taylor comes on to the screen yell, “Who does he think he is?”

• Hand-sketch Rob in many different colored pairs of jorts

Following these suggestions will be sure to pass the time while you’re off-screen. The best thing about this list is that it really can be applied to any situation to help keep you occupied. So next time you reunite with Kristen and she starts to tell you a story, just whip out the list and start checking things off. Before you know it she’ll be done with her story and you can move on to more interesting topics (like deciding what photo-shoot outfit you recently stole will be the most comfortable for Thanksgiving dinner- hint since you’re a t-giving newbie: choose the one that has pants with an elastic waist)

Can’t wait to see you on the big screen (and can’t wait to count wolves when you’re missing from it),
UnintendedChoice

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