Posted by: Bekah | November 15, 2009

The one where UC, Moon & Rob save her life…

Dear Rob, day after day, week after week for ALMOST an entire year now, we have written about you, talked about you and read letters our readers wrote TO you! We’re jealous. Where’s the love for us- the actual girls reading & writing day after day, week after week? So when we got a letter for US this week, we couldn’t help but want to post it (even though it does mention you a bit). So deal with it this Sunday, ok? I’ll see you tomorrow. Love, UC

Twilight Chick Flick

Chick Flick? Nooooo

Confession: How I developed an acute fondness for all things ROB

Dear UC & Moon,

Just sitting around a couple of months ago, feeling sorry for myself cuz I just got laid off, my son came home from college for the weekend and promptly assumed his usual horizontal position on the couch and began reading a book. To my extreme surprise it was not a textbook but a regular work of fiction that he said his girlfriend was making him read. Making him read? I haven’t been able to make him do anything since he was a baby and I could physically move him from one place to another.

As the weekend was coming to an end he plopped the book on my coffee table and declared “That was really good. Definitely a chick book but still a real page turner”.

I had a little extra time on my hands, being unemployed and all, so I borrowed the book telling him I would return it to his girlfriend the next week. I sat down that very evening after he left and began….it was like an alcoholic who takes their first drink or a teenager who smokes their first cigarette or and meth head who…you know what I mean. I woke up the next morning, still fully dressed in my big chair with drool on my cheek and the book across my boobs. What the f&%$#k?

I got up, put on a pot of coffee and returned to my big chair to finish the book. Exactly 10 seconds after I read the last page I called my son and sweetly asked, “WHAT THE HELL? IS THERE ANOTHER FRICKING BOOK? THIS CAN’T BE ALL”.

“Mom”, he said in a calm but condescending voice, “There are 4 books, you read the second one”. He then explained through his laughter that I should rent the movie for the first one. He could not possibly fathom why anyone would want to read a book instead of just watching the movie. So, I did as I was told and trotted my happy ass to the local Blockbuster and rented Twilight, watched it, oh……I’d say 6 times. Huummmppppp… was ok I guess but who the hell is this kid playing Edward Cullen? “Too young…too young…too young”, come on say it with me!

Over the course of the next 2 weeks I had purchased all 4 books plus the DVD of Twilight. I read each book too many times to count and then of course the DVD played on my decrepit player each and every night. I noticed the magazine section at the grocery store and saw his face staring at me, calling my name, and I am positive he winked at me.

OK…that is when I really started to get worried. He’s 4 years older than my son for god sake! I couldn’t stop. I began surfing the net for hours at a time, finding It was sent from Heaven just for me. Something was really not right with my head, what was wrong with me? Bathing and eating were an after- thought. That’s normal, right? I decided that maybe I was depressed stemming from the unemployment thing. I have never been a depressed person though and believe me I have had my reasons to be. I definitely needed to make a doctor’s appointment and get on some of those happy pills I’ve heard so much about.


UC & Moon: Better than Rob

But then, just in time, I found LETTERS TO ROB. You ladies saved my life and a $20.00 co-pay. Oh my God, there are others. I read the letters, the comments, everything from you and your brilliant family of ROB lovers. The wrist-holding post this week was particularly great (wrist holding) and I guffawed my loudest most un-ladylike laugh. The dog jumped 4 feet in the air and stared at me as if I had lost my mind. The great thing is though because of you, I know I have not. Thank you-thank you-thank you! You are geniuses.

I imagine the progression into the wonderful world of all things ROB was a similar progression for many of us. Yes, I get to be an us. Please keep up the great work.

With love and adoration,

Steamy Sparkle

After the jump, it’s business time

With the premiere on Monday and movie releasing Friday, our inboxes are STUFFED with crap we gotta chat about. So put on your business socks- It’s business time.

FIRST: Will you be in LA next week? Wanna meet us? Email us because we’re doing something somewhere at sometime Tuesday night 🙂

SECOND: Have you heard about The Fandom Gives Back? Some awesome fanfic writers have partnered with TONS of Twi-sites (including us!) to raise money for Alex’s Lemonade Stand.  Donate here OR participate in the auction that starts TODAY at 10 am EST.

THIRD: Alex’s Lemonade stand is actually giving away a NEW MOON SCREENING FOR 50 people! from now until Monday. Win this. And invite me. I’ll bring cupcakes. Read details here

FOURTH: Cathy the Cougar opened her big mouth for a second and instead of taking a big gulp of a TGIFriday’s margarita special, she outted Robsten. And THEN told MTV she’d let them have the Rob & K audition tape. So Monday (the 16th) starting at 10pm EST on MTV, there will be TWO New Moon specials… and at some point the audition tape we have all dreamed about (and replaced Kristen Stewart’s face with our own) will be shown!

FIFTH: Wanna win New Moon tickets? is giving them away. Read about it here

I love Business Time:

I also love The Forum and LTT


  1. HAHAHA suck it rob, we’re better!

    • Moon is dreaming outloud again.

      (In reference to Rob sucking it because we all know that in reality you two are the best.)

    • Yeah I dream of Rob “sucking it” all the time……..cause ‘That’s Normal’!!

  2. aaaargh!
    I am sooo jealous of you guys!
    We get to see NM only on 4th December here in India (yes, I am still not over it)

    • I totes love your name.

  3. Hilarious…

    Now I love Business Time too! Fan-freakin-tastic!

    Have fun together this week ladies!

  4. yes, I too am grateful for this site as I had also been dealing with my Robsession alone for a few months before I discovered UC and Moon and all the girls on here. And I’ve said before I am no spring chicken so it feels much worse for me as I should be grown up enough not to be a fangirl.

    Some time in the future, UC & Moon will design a twelve-step programme for us all to get over it, but not yet please!

  5. Steamy sparkle …I love your letter and your NAME!
    You’re story is just NORMAL….lol

    Can’t be in LA , Rob has left Germany so I have to wait until 26th! Kinda boring thing…this thing!


    if that stuff is true, I mean audition tape + outing the love of your two actors….I would feel very sorry about Rob, selling him out in this way…. and at the same time I would think that you are FRUSTRATED!

    I know well that feeling, he is not shagging ME either …..:-(
    WOW, seems like YOU were very much more into it……

    Following ebay, I always had searched for the auction of the “audition-bed”….without sucess….obviously you kept it….

    poorly dreamer!

    • …..reading my comment again…I think I am the CATHY-HATER….hahaha…that’s b/c Rob had left my time zone…

      Dear Rob,
      I feel jealous, you seemed so happy in Europe!
      Plz, have a shave before the premiere!
      Love you!

  6. I Sooo want to be LA with you guys. The trouble we could cause…..but I cant as the RL is calling ( Helloo?……..Why wont you pick up?) Sigh.

    This site has helped me with my Robsession and its my daily fix!!!

  7. I have completed my homework…

    re-read New Moon, check
    re-watched Twilight, check
    read Entertainment Weekly, check
    read Vanity Fair, check
    read Harper’s Bazaar, check
    follow Twitter daily, check
    watched pertinent YouTube videos, check
    and MOST important
    read Letters to Rob and Letters to Twilight so as not to miss all the exciting fun things they get to do this week and try not to feel extremely jealous that I’m not with them in LA!

    I will be forever grateful for UC and Moon and that they started LTR and LTT!

    Have fun for us UC and Moon!!

  8. Fabulous letter Steamy Sparkle 🙂

    My hubby commented yesterday and I quote:

    “I can’t wait for this shit to be over with”.

    By shit he means the New Moon movie and my pre-party I am holding for 20 women on the 19th. It probably didn’t help when I had said:

    “Well don’t expect to be fed this week because I’ll be prepping for my party to the very last minute”

    Little does he know that once the *shit* is over with I’ll be busy planning for June 2010 🙂


    • Cazza, I think you are so right: it is a good idea to take it slow, introduce one concept at the time.

      My man is making fun of me and supporting me at the same time, in a sweet way – he got me the New Moon 2010 calendar, and he offered to come with me to the New Moon premiere, but then he refused to watch Twilight with me again this weekend and take a 20 question quiz afterwards to prep him for the next movie. (!?) So lame, right! 😉

      Still, he is my Edward, serious tweed and all, so I haven’t even suggested we squeeze in a trip to California for the Eclipse premiere – yet.

      • I, too, am slowly preparing my guy for these things. This is a step by step process, not to be rushed. As in walking ahead into a jungle at night, I am sometimes not quite sure of what lurkes ahead.

        Just last night we went to the mall and I bought 3 Edward bookmarks and 1 Jacob bookmark for each of my friends who will be attending the holy day with me this week. I also purchased some Edward and Jacob chocolates and some of those sweetheart candies, also.

        See, we are not willing to be outed by wearing Twi-gear, and would never allow the husbands the satisfaction of possessing that ammo. And the books brought us together, so we will all have matching book marks. My hubs, instead of making fun, well he said it was a nice gesture. Later when we ran into practically everyone he knows, he tells them all about his 30 year old wife and her friends going to that “vampire and wolf movie”. The Dirty Rat!!

        But, alas, we are sisters in Twi, and here we belong. Thank you LTT and LTR for that!

        Bastard men.

        Wait until June. I will be planning a huge party with all my Twi obsessed sisters here, in our home, and not only force him to be here with them to be polite, but then force him to keep the kids while we all go to see Eclipse. That’ll teach him


      • I went to see Twilight on opening night last year with about 20 other librarians from work. Alas, I was the new kid in town and nobody thought to save me a seat, so I ended up sitting by myself next to some cuh-razy screaming teenagers. It was sad, and I cried (for real…at work the next day. And THAT is not normal.) But in the end, the other librarians were all, “That movie sucked @$$,” and I was glad I sat next to the squealing teens after all. At least they can appreciate great art (and Rob) when they see it. 🙂

        This year my darling husband, understanding my lack of RL Twi-friends, offered to come to the midnight showing of New Moon with me. I think it’s because he has a crush on the KStew.

      • Hubby has yet to spot the 2010 Rob Pattinson calendar hidden in *his office*……


      • Thank goodness for all of you! I try to keep my Twilight obsession to myself but every once in a while it explodes in the house as I ramble on at the dinner table about some Twilight/New Moon related goodness.
        I try to be sneaky and talk about it in a roundabout film school way so hubby thinks that I am sharing his interest in cinema. “Chris Weitz said this, Melissa Rosenberg said that” kind of thing…but, inevitably, my ruse is revealed.
        Yesterday, he caught me watching Into The Wild. It was as close as I could get to Twilight at that moment. After sitting and watching with me for a few minutes he says “Hey, isn’t this a movie with Kristen Stewart that girl from Twilight?” “Yes” I answered hesitantly. “You always say that she acts as if she has autism so I wanted to see her in this part”. But, it all boils down to being caught again.
        So, again, thank you all for sharing.
        P.S. My 2010 Calendar is hiding between two enormous dictionaries on the top shelf of my bedroom closet.

  9. Yes, I guess, being on this site has almost made me a (fake) lesbian, as in a moping, star-eyed fan of UC and Moon! (Girls, if we ever become real lesbians, would you consider marrying me? I have a degree and a job and everything, and I am – reasonably – normal. Just saying.)

    It has been a little heady walking around for almost a week, breathing the same air as Rob. (Well, Europe is the same continent, after all!) I swear, when I was at the Reykjavik airport more than a week ago, I couldn’t stop looking, thinking, well, maybe he WOULD change plans here between his continent-hopping? A girl can hope, right?

    But now he is all yours again, and I only hope you get to pass out watching him go by..from jaw, long fingers and messy-hair overload. Enjoy!

  10. Dear Steamy Sparkle,
    You are perfectly allright. Rob DOES wink at people he loves from the cover of magazines. I know it, because he does it to me, all the time.
    Love and fake lesbian kisses,

    • Hahaha…to me it’s more a SHOUT! Bite me……ääähmmm… buy me! lol

  11. Dear Moon and UC – you guys are like tiny little sparks of happiness in my life everyday.


    So jealous about the LA excursion – sounds spectacular. Can’t wait to hear all about it!

    • So true!

      UC and Moon are my freakin rays of sunshine!

  12. This blog is my most favoritist part of the fandom. Feeling normal when I am anything but. Thanks, UC and Moon.

    • Good therapy will NEVER end…lol!
      VIVA LTR!

  13. steamy sparkle, your letter is truth and very normal…twilight books are like crack…LTR/LTT are the rehab

    UC, you put Jemaine Clement on LTR…i literally love you forever…

    (have fun!!!)

  14. Dear UC and Moon,

    Thanks for the laughs, the happiness, the joy!

    I will forever be grateful =)

  15. I love this letter! I am 32 and I have also found myself searching for all things Rob! It is a good thing that my 2 daughters love twilight because I love buying all things Rob and Twilight. My 6 yr old has the backpack, the lunchbox, the (gasp) dolls! But they are really for me.

    Love this site,
    (AKA ryanepaige)

    My mom has also jumped on the Rob train!
    My brother also has tickets to midnight showing for his wife, he says if for her, but she told me he can’t wait to see it! LOL

    • My daughter Karly says hi!

    • I’m 36 and also spend about 3 hours/day scouring for All Things Rob. I pretend to go about my work, write my school thesis, go through the motions of being a wife and mother…blah blah blah, but the whole time my thoughts are 100% consumed with by this SEXXXXAAYYY MF. My husband cant figure out why I suddenly want sex so frequently again after all these years : )

      Like many people have written, I too have begun planning how I can go to the Eclipse premier, and am soooo jealous/excited for my LTR friends who get to join together and witness “all things good”. Have a GREAT time and I’ll be looking for photos on twitter!!

  16. I spent an entire weekend waxing lyrical about how great everyone on here is to my best friend – although she is a Twilight fan, I don’t think she ‘gets it’ – but I know you all do, and I’m thankful everyday for it. That’s normal. x

  17. Steamy Sparkle, sorry to hear about your job.
    I’m jobless right now as well, and my boyfriend and I have been fighting like cats and dogs. I’m talking knock down, drag out, possibly end our 6 relationship fighting.It’s a good thing I have UC, Moon, and Rob to make me smile again.

    On a lighter note, Flight of the Concords totally own me and I was super stoked to see that video here!

    “Business hours are over, babay”

  18. We bought glow-N-the-dark fangs to wear to the opening night! We are supposed to dress in character…if nobody chickens out! Can’t wait!
    Moon & UC…don’t do anything i wouldn’t do. Which means don’t leave any stone unturned! [Just take lots of pix]!!! You are loved…in that fake lesbian kind of way!

  19. A post including Jemaine’s Business Time? I know I’m in the right place. I adore those kiwis.

    Great letter, Steamy Sparkle. As a completely closeted individual, LTR/LTT is a definite haven for me. I don’t post much, but just visiting brightens my every day.

  20. Never saw Flight of the Conchords before, but as soon as I finish typing I’ll be youtubing the shit out of that. Business Time was EPIC win.

    So – I’m trying to contain my jealousy about the whole L.A. thing & me being here on the east coast – but . . . yeah – I’m crazy jealous. I hate you both. In a I really love you but hate you kind of way.

    Bought my sister in law Twilight audio book today for her bday. Expecting her to listen to all 12 hours tomorrow. Because that would be normal.

  21. She outted Robsten? She outted Robsten? O shit… (swallows an antidepressant again)…

  22. Awesome!

  23. Love you girls and all the LTR/LTT peeps! I’ve been known to refer to Moon and UC as, “My friends that write a blog……” SRSLY. Hope you have sooo much fun together this week – can’t wait to see the pics!

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