Posted by: Bekah | October 19, 2009

Breaking down the Vanity Fair Pictures

Dear Rob,

You don’t give us anything new over the weekend? That’s okay, we know you enough to figure out what you’re thinking & saying at this point. Enjoy Moon & I breaking down the new Vanity Fair pics, Vanity Fair style. We do a little role-playing as you and Kristen & provide some personal commentary as well.

Show your face soon (or get Vanity Fair to keep releasing outtakes cuz dayyuummm),
UnintendedChoice and theMoonisDown

vf1

Kristen: yea, YOU I’m pointing at YOU. You don’t like these nasty shoes? You think they smell? I’ll show you exactly how much I care. Bang bang

vf2

Rob: Dam, I think I gotta take a dump. Those carne asides tacos from catering are doing a number on my delicate digestive system
Kristen
: Now?
Rob
: Yes now. Right now. Do you think Peggy will notice?’
Kristen
: I’ll smile and she’ll be totally dazed since I never smile- then she’ll be distracted long enough or you to do your thang. But I’m not swinging on the swing with you afterwards. Poop I can handle, vomit? Not so much

vf3vf3-1

Kristen: OMG this totally reminds me of that one time at the Fall out Boy concert
Rob
: wait, FALLOUTBOY???
Kristen
: I mean uhhh…. elliott smith. Fine. I lied. I had a crush on Pete Wentz before he got with Ashley Simpson. I love his emo man bangs swoop!
Rob
: you like emo? you should hear my dashboard covers album Let’s jump to show them how emo we are!
Kristen
: can we stop jumping now?
Rob
: yea I’m feeling sick again

Which end does Rob let it all come out? Find out after the jump

5

Rob: let’s pick on the little guy
Kristen
: I bet he’s never had his nipple pinched
Cam: why doesn’t anyone pay attention to me anymore?”
Tay
: If I smile maybe they’ll stop giving me titty twister

5-1

Tay: (thinks) I’m hard
Rob
: (thinks) Dude, I think Tay is hard. I think he thinks Cams hand is Kristen’s

6

Photographer: Rob- give me primal. Give me lioness. Work it Kristen work it! GRRR baby. NO really GIVE ME GRRRRR. Like you’re a lioness on the prowl
Kristen
: WTF? I’m gonna hit you…
Rob
: Seriously… look at her. she’s gonna hit you
Cam
: I’ll give you grr
Rob
: wow, she kinda is a lioness. Kristen, wanna watch Lion King tonight?
Cam
: Hakuna Matata- ain’t no passsing phrase
Kristen
: it means no worries, for the rest of your days
Rob
: it’s our (mumbles mumbles mumbles) philosophy!!!
Taylor
: (off camera) Hakkkunnnaaa Mataataaaaaaa

7

Kristen: Seriously I said go find a porta potty. or don’t eat the tacos next time. You’re worse than my dad coming down off his high.
Rob
: so you show me your underpants? that’ll make me leave?
Kristen
: it makes most of the boys leave..

8

Rob: (pondering the flashing) I’ve never seen anything like it. I think she had on a Jacob thong. Bitch. I thought she was Team Edward
Kristen: maybe if I lean hard enough I can get him out of the frame all together. I look so hot today. This should just be a photo-shoot of me

9

Cam: dude that whole spider monkey thing was only for the MOVIE
Kristen: What is this Rob?”
Rob: you’ll find out. Keep reaching
Taylor: (thinking) I think Rob is hard

vf10

Rob: wanna have a staring contest?
Kristen: that’s so lame
Rob: Come on
Kristen: I won the stare championship in 6th grade, I’m already the champion. It’s over. It’s why I was home schooled. I beat everyone in a stare down and the kids were afraid of me

vf11

Moon: You know that special feeling you get when you climb the rope in gym class? Rob’s definitely got that feeling here

vf12

Rob: What are you doing?
Kristen
: The sad salute
Rob
: cool (salutes)
Kristen
: You have to pledge your life to plaid, the anti showering message and being sullen. Those are the tenants of living the “sad” life
Rob
: you say plaid, I salute. Can I also have sex with you in the sad life
Kristen
: Maybe.
Rob
: I’m in!

vf13

Moon: this is the picture where they bet on who has the most grease in their hair. A VF staffer is gonna bring out a measuring cup
UC
: Rob wins. A stylist made Kristen use an entire bottle of PSSSST dry shampoo
Moon
: Plus she has to shower more often… you know “lady” reasons
UC
: Yeah. the Jacob Thong gets an occasional wash
Moon
: Yeah, Rob just flips his underwear inside out
UC
: She carefully washes that Team Jacob thong as if it were a delicate La Perla under-garment

vf14vf14-1

Moon: This reminds me of those summers at camp where we would do trust falls
UC
: Rob trusts her.. and she’s like “Suckaaa” and pushes him down
You never trust a lioness

vf15

Moon: this whole photo shoot makes my hay/ragweed allergies act up just looking at it

vf16

Moon: This whole photoshoot is so amazing. This lady just needs to sell these or print a book or something
UC
: It’s all soo freaking beautiful. It makes me so mad that they’re so beautiful……. I really hope they’re together in real life
Moon
: Dude anyone who thinks they’re NOT together is totally blind!
UC
: I know! He’s TOTALLY hitting that. No wait- he’s TOTALLY making love to that!!!
Moon
: People who don’t believe should stop wishing they were her (or him). They’re sharing their magicness.
UC
: Seriously. Delusional freaks.
Moon
: I mean, I can’t even pay attention to the fake lesbians here because of what’s happening. They might as well just COME OUT already we all know
UC
: I can’t even pay attention to Rob trying to get up on Elizabeth Reaser because I’m so distracted by their amazingness
Moon
: Dude Rob knows an experienced woman who knows what she wants when he sees it.

You can't deny the magic

You can't deny the magic

UC: You were talking about Jackson & Ashley and how he’s kissing her here right?
Moon
: Of course. Who else would I be talking about? Maybe Elizabert and Jashley can double date…to a 100 monkey concerts or something
UC: or Kellan’s Bible study… that he leads on Wednesday nights

It’s the photoshoot that won’t quit! Thankfully. Can’t wait to see what they bring this year! No pressure vanity fair! It’s not like Moon & I started this blog because of your first photoshoot….

Enjoy Monday live on The Forum
Read Moon’s recap of the Scream awards on LTT!

There’s more pics where these came from. Via Robsessed

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Responses

  1. “Heeeere they come, the beautiful ones, the beautiful ones, la la la la…”

    Ooops, sorry, just got a mid-nineties Brit Pop soundtrack going for those photos…

  2. This is such a beautiful shoot, but Rob’s Camilla eyebrows just make me sad.

    • “camilla eyebrows” HAha

    • They overplucked them for this shoot….seriously….look at a photo from the GQ shoot and compare it to the Rob in VF.

  3. You had me laughing out loud at the office, yet again. You ladies are killing me with laughter!

    “Which end does Rob let it all come out? Find out after the jump” –> even that is killer!

  4. “Moon: You know that special feeling you get when you climb the rope in gym class? Rob’s definitely got that feeling here”

    Yes, I know that feeling. *Runs off to throw up.

    Ok. I’m back. Beautiful pictures. Makes me want to get all sex kittened up & get a photo shoot done of me. It is my senior year in college. I have heard that is the “new thing” to get college senior pictures taken. I wonder if I could pay Rob to show up and have a fake staring contest w/ me. I’d lose because I’m not hardcore like KStew but it would be terrific.

    I just need for someone to fix my hair like hers. πŸ˜‰

    • yeah, that sentence about GYM was epic πŸ™‚ so true

    • COLLEGE sr pics?! WTF?!

      • Yep! My friend got pictures like that (I of course skipped the whole graduation process). They’re all under a tree or by a river or with a baby lamb. The usual.

        • “They’re all under a tree or by a river or with a baby lamb. The usual.”
          WIN. That’s so weird. Marking the end of your education by standing on a river bank with livestock.

          Mine should have been in front of a bar with a Soundgarden tee-shirt on with people I just met, who I am sure share my life’s ambition.

          And yes, i referenced Soundgarden, because I woke up once, in a Soundgarden tee shirt. Not MY tee shirt, so you see where I am headed with this. The usual.

          • “Marking the end of your education by standing on a river bank with livestock.”

            That is awesome.

            I just want Rob to come stare at me for mine.

            Or me alone in a library reading or on the laptop. That would be much more real. #antisocialangel πŸ˜‰

          • BWAH!! So true. Your college career sounds suspiciously like mine. Although instead of Soundgarden, I woke up in a Collective Soul tee. And then there was the time I had to do the walk of shame in a shirt that had cartoons of lizards in all sorts of interesting, uh, positions. And boxers. And cowboy boots. Yikes.

            Senior college pics = lame. That’s what party pics are for. Although I do look back at the pictures I had taken for our Pom Squad shiz, and I did look perty hawt in that cheerleader outfit. Those were the days. My kids ruined my bod.

          • oooh the walk of shame.Out of a Frat house. During Rush hour on a busy street. With honking while you try to run your ass as fast as possible.

  5. I love the Vanity Fair pictures so much! What great photography. I hate to admit this, but i love Kristen’s hair and makeup, and the dress is hot, too…would have liked to have seen some heels with the dress, but anyway…for me that is saying a lot because i don’t like to give her compliments if i can help it- just a self-preservation thing. πŸ™‚

    • KStew did look beautiful in this shoot. I almost became a fake lesbian.

      • She might have had you too because we know Oregano was not on her mind at all. mmmhmmm

  6. I can’t believe they are still releasing shots from the VF photoshoot that is 1 year old. I mean, there are some great pics there, but . . . they are a year old. Maybe I’m lacking appreciation of the subtle differences in fingers raking thru hair.

    But so glad that the original release inspired this super awesome blog!!!!! And the “I can’t believe she’s wearing a Team Taylor thong” was brilliant.

    • I thought the pics were newer?

      Am I a bad fangirl?

      • you are a bad fangirl FB…but that’s beside the point πŸ™‚

        Really, don’t feel bad. These pics from this photoshoot are like Tupac songs, new ones keep coming out and keep coming out…

        • Shit. Oh well.

          I guess it shows that I have a smidgeon of RL sometimes.

          Oh & Tupac is still alive. Him & Elvis have a flat in Buenos Aires. πŸ˜‰

          • amazing how RL has a way of messing up a perfeclty good obsession. I caught myself doing all kinds of real things with real people this weekend. Of course I’m playing catch up on all the sites this morning but I’m almost positive some scans from a Bulgarian teen mag got past me.

            Isn’t Buenos Aires where all the Nazi’s ran off to as well?? Good hiding spot.

          • I can just imagine Elvis, Tupac & the Nazis going out to brunch together. That would be awesome!

          • I believe that, Fang. Buenos Aires is defs a “dead” celebrity hiding place. And Elvis had to take Tupac into his secret hiding place, because they knew someone would have to bring the updated gold. Vegas Elvis IS Gangsta Elvis. True Story.

            Mr. T starter kits.

          • Let’s just hope Rob doesn’t read this and go join them!

            ARGH!

          • Elvis is not in Buenos Aires. He’s in Mississippi. And he’s not dead, he’s undead. And he goes by the name “Bubba.”

  7. “It’s our (mumble mumble mumble) philosophy” – did you have Rob say this because you didn’t remember that it’s a problem free philosophy? Be honest.

    So, all these pictures with Rob sticking his ass out? Not helping me quell my desire to bite it.

    I’m waiting for the Kristen/Taylor rumors now since she is totally running her fingernails over his nipple to get a rise out him. Pun intended.

    And my boy looks like a accomplished swinger. I am too. That sounds naughty, but I like it.

    oink

    • haha… you caught me! no actually moon wrote that line & of course she remembered the lyrics, she’s good like that. I just changed it to mumble mumble.. cuz you KNOW that’s how Rob sings it!

      • I just got the BEST mental image of Rob singing Hakuna Matata. He does a little hip swivel. It’s fabulous! I recommend every one do it.

  8. Moon: You know that special feeling you get when you climb the rope in gym class? Rob’s definitely got that feeling here

    Oooo my, I just thought it was the jets from the local swimming pool that you got *that feeling* from….wow, did I just say that out loud?

    x

    • oooh snap! You did just say that!!! (heine)

      • the world is a better place with Heine Girl in it πŸ™‚

  9. I want a new Vanity Fair photo shoot!!! I seriously could look at these shots all day! πŸ™‚ Rob and Kstew have some serious magic…..le sigh. Love it when you ladies break it down!

    xo

    obird

    ps…..what time does the Bible study start on Wed. nights?

    • Yes me too! They should have another photoshoot like this :-).

      • I really need a new photo shoot…..I am tired of these folks doing all these magazine articles and all we get are one or two photos….major fail. I mean I will take what I can get…..don’t get me wrong! BUT, come on the VF issue is like the best twiporn ever…..it is like the gift that keeps on giving! πŸ˜‰

        • “the VF issue is like the best twiporn ever” – exactly πŸ™‚

  10. I seriously thought I was gonna have to find another blog to spend my mornings reading-it made me so sad, until I realized you were talking about Ashley &
    Jackson. Whatever you really think/believe/hope please don’t crush the dreams of those of us who remain Nonsten. It’s hard enough as it is.

    signed,
    A Delusional Freak

    • I was thinking the same thing. If I couldn’t count in LTR to feed my Rob addiction and my Nonsten fantasies I don’t know what I’d do.

      Signed,
      Delusional Freak #2

    • Delusional Freaks #1 & #2, even if we became hard-core Robsteners, we’d never admit it. It’s just too fun to piss off the people who give us thumbs down

      Love,
      really mean bitch

  11. Oh this brings back so many memories! I remember watching the entire video of this when my crush on Rob started! :-).

  12. Thanks to you I will be singing Hakuna Matata all freaking day. Thanks.

    And yes, why do they deny their love? I just don’t understand it…CLEARLY Jack is the SMARTEST dude on set to go after that.

    *off singing “When I was a young warthog (when he was a young warthoggggggggA!)”

  13. Why are they giving TayTay a titty twister??? Will the next round of Outakes show Nikki giving him an Indian Burn or Peter milking his mouse?? Poor kid…that’s why he’s all swole now. He was sick of getting picked on by the bigger kids on the playground. I bet Rob and KStew pushed him off the rope swing too.
    Bullies.

    • I’m scared to ask you what ‘Milking his mouse” means. But I will anyway.

      • Milking a mouse is when you curl up your pinky then grab it and squeeze and push up at the same time. It’s hard to describe but it hurts like hell.

        • That’s WAY less dirty than I was thinking.

          • Me too. Then she said “that’s why he’s all swole up now…” and I thought for sure, she meant a whole ‘nother thang.

            So glad KStew had some kind of undergarment on when she flashed Rob – even if it was the TayTay thong. Where do they sell those BTW? At least you give her creds for washing them now and again, you wicked girls!

            But remember, we know she has more than one pair of undies – because you girls already outed Kristen last week for the pre-used undies she may or may not have been buying at the second hand clothing store.

            I hope she doesn’t come on here today and read all this shiz. If you do, Kristen – it’s not meant as anything other than fun and total bad taste. I bet in real life you have shares in Rigby & Pelier.

  14. In the “poop” picture Kristen looks like she’s saying, “wanna see my cooter? Ha Rob made ya look!” No wonder he had to $#!%.

    Seriously though, if I have to endure any more pix from that photo shoot, I’m going to scream. Enough!

  15. These extra shots from the VF shoot were like the Second Coming of Jesus.

    So. fucking. hot.

    I would even do Kstew – she’s hot and I want her hair. They obvi made her shower for this photoshoot, so she’s safe for some scrumpin’.

  16. Dear KStew:
    Would you look at yourself? LOOK AT HOW HOT YOU ARE. Why do you continue with the mullet when you could have hair like that? Why do you insist on frumpy flannel when you’ve got a hot little body that can rock a sassy dress with the best of them? Stop doing yourself and the rest of the world a disservice and sex it up! Lord knows that if I had that potential, I’d be showing up to work glammed up in my lil’ black dress every day.

    Love,
    HeyyyBrother

    • AAAAAMEN!

      • I know! I don’t get it…she went from spider monkey to grease monkey!!

  17. I was looking forward to a “Breaking it down VF-style Part 2” from you guys, glad that you didn’t disappoint. Did wish you had provided commentary on the pics of the “kiss”, Kristen slipping her hand into Rob’s sleeve & grabbing his bicep, and giving him a “wet willy” AGAIN. She sure loves fingering him (that’s what she said).

    This is the shoot that keeps on giving. Seriously, they all looked good (extended cast) but Kristen, in particular, was stunning. Of her public appearances & shoots, I have never seen her more beautiful than she did that day. And Rob looked like a man smitten … helped along by Kristen who was all over him (seriously, she was firing on all cylinders that day).

    BTW when I read Kristen’s Allure interview where she talked about bloggers & commenters, I immediately thought of you guys & the folks here. I wouldn’t be surprised if … you know. πŸ˜‰

    • #1: I completely forgot about the kiss picture (i KNOW!) b/c that wasn’t in the post we were looking at on Robssesed. My apologies. MAJOR oversight on the snarky commentary possibilities

      #2: I haven’t’ read the interview! Running to find it now!

    • I put a link to the kiss pic below. My fave.

      I feel bad for her when she said something to the effect about a few blogs being mean to her and sometimes the commenters are even worse. She said “I know what they are saying about me.”

      • I felt bad too 😦

        Sorry Kristen, but you know your hair looks crazy, girl. I couldn’t help myself. Forgive me.

    • Agreed Paula. She has never looked more beautiful than on this day. Rob too. It must be a combination of the golden light, the makeup, the atmosphere – it was before the fandom got too crazy and the stress began to take its toll on them all.

      Rob and Kristen appear totally exhausted now and look several years older than just last year when this shoot was done – and the fact they hardly go outside now because of the fans and paps is showing in their skin which now looks puffy and under their eyes, which look like Louis Vuitton grip-bags.

      They sooo need a total break from all of us!

  18. Hakuna Matata, hahahahahahahahahaha! Win!

    I also have ragweed allergies and grew up in a place that looks JUST like that. These pics always make my eyes itch, too.

  19. My favorite one is not on here. I can’t find it anywhere but on Robsessed and I can’t click on it but here’s the link to the article. It’s on the bottom, the second one….and he’s kissing her….le sigh….

    http://www.robsessedpattinson.com/2009/10/robert-pattinson-in-hola-magazine-hq.html

    • Aww, come ON! Thumbs down? Really? Sad clown.

  20. VF-best shooting ever, they all are so beautiful, the light, the mood, sure, the outtakes are amazing….now…one year later…she IS with HIM, damn!

    LIFE is so cruel…lol
    and I forget: she was stunning that day, Rob is beautiful and gorgeous everytime!!!

  21. Poor Tay.. He’s walking around with a constant hard on.. I hope Nikki took him aside in some haystack and took care of him after the shoot..

    • ewwww
      and you know she did
      behind the taco cart
      refried beans turn her on

  22. I just love “poop” humor in the mornings! Thanks gals!

    I really missed you ladies, I was away on vacation for one whole week and I was having LTR/LTT withdrawl. I was up last night until 2 am reading letters from last week. So apparently I am addicted to LTR/LTT and fan fic. Good thing Moon has started writing her own fan fic πŸ˜‰

    I do miss Cam! Where has he been hiding?

    • hahaha i’m glad you caught up!!!!!! Yes, Moon IS a fanfic writer!

      And you’re welcome for the poop humor. It was worse, but I cut it out, thinking of the early morning readers:)

      • Please don’t edit the brilliance, UC. Poop humor is the shit. pun. intended.

  23. I can totally picture Rob mumbling Hakuna Matata.

  24. Rob in the VF shoot = Mystic Tanning Rob

    Too orange. Too manscaped. *sigh*

    Somehow, still hot. Especially bending over.

  25. I love the Jackson and Ashley moment. They’re so adorable. I did notice it before I noticed the fake lesbian action going on. le sigh. Good post. Love you girls.

    M

  26. Love it, love this shoot…makes me want to re-watch the hour long video,…but I’ll wait for the LTR anniversary break-down and/or re-cap of said video. Glorious!

  27. My faves:

    “Moon: You know that special feeling you get when you climb the rope in gym class? Rob’s definitely got that feeling here”

    “Kristen: You have to pledge your life to plaid, the anti showering message and being sullen. Those are the tenants of living the β€œsad” life”

    But this one wins! LMAO!
    “Moon: this whole photo shoot makes my hay/ragweed allergies act up just looking at it”

  28. Love this shoot. It’s a welcome relief to see Taylor back in the little bro role. Summit PR has totally honed in on T’s abs and crazy gymnastics skills; lately all I see is him in wet clothes and strange poses – I feel like I’m looking through a teen chippendales mag half the time.

  29. OMG, the sad salute frigging killed me.

    And the greasy hair! The staring contest!

    Fuck it – it was all hysterical.

    You girls are awesome!

  30. VF shooting, such a positive thing…but for the first time I read on perezhilton ( I know it’s shit, but it’s there….), OMG there is a girl, she claims a sexual relation to Rob in 2007 and said he was a boring guy, I mean, I wonder how does it feel to work on for beautiful things, pictures, shoots, etc. and out there are people saying things like THAT, true or false, I can’t say, but awful anyway, it really worried me today……

    This girl needs to get a life…..I mean, if you don’t like him, why are you wasting your time? Sorry girls, but these beautiful pictures made me think about this….

  31. Rob boring – he says that about himself I am sure he’s not bothered !!!!!

    • Thank you, I forgot ! You’re right…yes,yes,yes,I’m feeling better….lol,strange, but when you are in the mood of Heineken, and I live in Germany, it’s almost evening. things seem to be a little strange…..
      By the way , one thing I like about KS, her EARS….
      again thank you, unknown friendgirl….

  32. By the way I want to join this Sad Life sounds fun lol

  33. This was hilarious :)))))) you guys rock!
    and I TOTALLY second the idea: “Moon: This whole photoshoot is so amazing. This lady just needs to sell these or print a book or something” -most amazing shoot ever

    • LOVE your avatar!

      • thanks πŸ™‚

  34. Hakuna Matata?!?! You make me laugh so hard and that totally made my day. This makes me miss Cam though – he is so yum!

  35. sad salutes, hakuna matata and taco poop….
    WIN!!!

    Just imagining what a UC and Moon photoshoot would be like…..sign me up…i can hold up those shiny light reflecting things (serious photography term btw) or prune the vegetation into aesthetically pleasing shapes….

  36. This photoshoot rules all.

    I read this this morning and have had Hakuna Matata stuck in my head since. I have been singing and humming it off and on all day.

  37. […] Breaking down the Vanity Fair Pictures Dear Rob, You don’t give us anything new over the weekend? That’s okay, we know you enough to figure out […] […]

  38. Epic post, brilliant comments!

    I think this was the best photoshoot of them – ever. They both looked so good. I am not a huge Stewie fan and it hurts a little to say this but she looked freakn’ amazing. So beautiful. And Rob, holy hell….his eyes were on FIRE…

    I am not sure what it was, the hair, make-up, lighting, photographer, or their innocence that was the most beautiful. You will not see innocent banter and playfulness like that again. That sadness makes these pics even more astounding.

  39. You included my favorite shot, it looks so intimate. When Kstew is leaning back, her legs on the swing and they are holding hands. I just melt. it’s gorgeous. I wish it were me!!!!

    • Hmm, like that one too, though I think Rob had a bit of a bulging problem…

  40. […] going to have to go with Vanity Fair Rob – The one from 2008, not the corn-eating one from 2009 wearing a horse […]


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