Posted by: Bekah | October 1, 2009

Back to the Basics of Rob Pattinson

Dear Rob,

You know what I miss? I miss the good ol’ days when I could post 3 sentences about how I hate your new hair cut and then take it back the very next day. Or when Moon would write a 3 paragraph post inviting you to her house for Christmas and when a video we find for Saturday Morning Delight hasn’t already been viewed 347,785 times. I miss the newness and simplicity of our love (and I miss how saying “our love” wouldn’t be totally 1st hand embarrassed because only Moon & 3 people read it as opposed to thousands of people and media outlets). I miss writing to your mom and to your ex girlfriend (Will you break up with your rumored current girlfriend so I can write to her?)

There’s all this pressure. And there’s no news. You’re hiding in a foreign country and as a result we have to be more creative. Not to mention we seem to spend more time making FUN of you lately than gushing over you. What happened? What did YOU do (because I know it’s not me)?

So you know what I say? I say eff it, I’m over long-winded posts where we make fun of you (for today) or put down that girl you’re supposedly with (for today) or where I write a manifesto of why or why not, how or how not or if or if not something or other is going on, will go on, should go on or needs to happen behind a dumpster. I’m OVER IT (for today).

I’m taking us back to the basics. Back to the days where I would look at a new picture and think of how nice it would be to see YOU vaccuming my floor. Back to when “Rob Porn” meant pictures of you organizing a bookshelf (I just had an orgasm- Rob & organize in the same sentence? Yes! Yes! SEVEN!) instead of a caption that says “Wanna ruin the organized books and get it on up against this bookshelf?” So today I bring you- traditional Rob “Porn for Women”

Clicky to make small pics bigger




What will Rob do next? Will he Vacuum? Iron? Or….. put away the LAUNDRY!? Find out after the jumpmanual






Sigh…. nothing like the good ol’ days…

Now get over here and disorganize my bookshelf,

Do you miss a time when lovin’ Rob was so much less complicated? Sigh…

Remember the good ol’ days on The Forum
See what Twilight prayers have been answered over on LTT
Don’t forget about the “Imma enter a Twilight contest” Contest Enter from now and October 7th at 11:59 pm!

I love you Moon. PS Aja- recognize the Sweatpants Porn? You sent that to us AGES ago! THANKS!



  1. Mmmm, delicious.
    Thanks chicas, this definitely puts me in a good mood before bedtime! hahaha

  2. First time commenter, long time… ehm.. enjoyer? Anyho, couldn’t NOT comment on that SEVEN. I might have just fallen in love right there. Awesome. Just awesome. Keep it up.

    • yay!!! i’m glad you commented on that:)

    • A one two, a one two three, a five, a six four two, a seven, a three five two, a seven, a five one three, a seven, a six seven


      • CLASSIC!!!

      • Ha ha ha! Yes!!! SEVEN, SEVEN, SEVEN, SEVEN, *shuts up and shows seven fingers* …SEVEN…

        • Its ok UC, I’m NOT going to say that “s” word to you…….so thanks for cheering us up with your basic Rob porn just like the old days. Oh, I almost forgot….what is three plus four? I can’t seem to remember……LOL…..only joking with ya!!!!!Love ya, HUGS.

  3. Awwh, UC. You can write me letters even if Rob doesn’t break up with me. It’s all good!

  4. Hah! Absolutely wonderful as always πŸ™‚
    The sorority sisters wedding had me laughing so hard that my toddler came in and gave me a strange look πŸ˜€

  5. UC & Moon,
    re: the contest-are we limited to one entry per person?

    Sorry if this was already answered.
    Sorry, forgot to add great post! Can’t wait to see your next post!

    • you can enter as many times as you’d like!

      • Thats what she said

  6. I love the simplest one-you were right! I’d love to hear my stubborn hubby say this a little more often.

    ” You were right, reading fanfiction all day HAS improved our sex life.”

    • Mr. Fang has no idea what I am doing until 1 am. Reading FF instead of doing my HW.

      I love your example!

    • That picture, the simplest one, is my favorite as well. He is so amazing in that picture. *Sigh*

      I was thinking about writing a letter to Rob about how he has improved, my hubby and I’s sex life. He used to refuse to call Rob by the right name, and just recently, realized that he definitely needs to show Rob more respect, because sex has been more frequent and better…

      Fan Fiction is the best way to spend a day off, especially when you know that you can get your husband to do things, that you read from “The List”, later on that night.

      • *Blushes and shuffles feet*
        I hear ya, it’s got it’s benefits, that’s for sure!

        Go fanfic
        pervs anonymous

      • I agree about the FF! I need a fix of it everyday and it certainly spills over to RL. As your teachers told you, there are benefits to reading!

    • *snicker* After a particularly wonderful evening one night last week my husband turned to me and said “What the hell has gotten into you lately?” and I busted out laughing. I had to confess that some (as in all) of the FF I’ve been reading is a little (as in a lot) racy.

      I doubled over laughing at the sorority sister and poker night ones…Brilliant as always gals.


  7. I miss those days a LOT .. When did everything change ? 😦

    • when did everything get so complicated?!


      • Since a sour puss was added to the equasion

  8. “our brows totally needed manscaping.” = epic win!

    Too bad there wasn’t any Robporn of him with a vacuum cleaner… that would’ve been awesome! An iron will do, too. πŸ™‚

    • Hmmmm… Rob with a vacuum or any household appliance. Well, we might get a story akin to the ‘wipey thingy’ to bring a smile to our faces! Remeber his adventures with the microwave!

  9. I miss the days I would look at a picture of Rob and a) my heart would quicken and b) he didn’t look totally miserable. Bring on New Moon promotion, just ONE interview with Rob laughing, joking and generally being adorkable (and obviously happy) would do it.

    • Yep, I agree, we need our bunnyboy to be laughing that crazy Rob laugh, giggling that Rob giggle, and smiling those killer,panty-dropping Rob smiles. I’ll even take an interview where he talks about that crazy,stilldontknowwhatthehellhewastalkingabout Buddha video,at least he was more relaxed(probably high/drunk)then. We need our Happy/Smiling/BunnyBoyRob back!!!!!!!!!!!!

      • I miss miss miss the old Rob and all his happiness!

    • amen sister. that same thought sent me on a rob interview binge last night

  10. “you were right” = WIN!


  11. You Were Right pic = “Yes! Yes! SEVEN!”

    LOL Great Friends ref.

  12. I think I am going to enlarge the last one, print it out, and put it on my desk. *sigh* I love the good old days of Rob porn…

    • I already printed it out and hung it up.

      • Win!

      • You are my hero! πŸ™‚ I think I’m going to print it off at home and put it on my nightstand by my bed. I don’t think the hubs will mind too much.

      • I need a frame. A heart-shaped one.

        • Yes! And the picture frame glass must be smudge-proof so my lipstick kisses don’t ruin the glass…wait…er…I mean…yeah. πŸ™‚

  13. Love the Rob porn!

    I miss the happy, dorky interviews too, as candid Rob makes my heart (and other bits) do the salsa . I hate to say though, I think they’ll focus on Jacob and Bella interviews this year. Boo! (Who gives a shit about the love triangle!)

    I really do hope they give us some good Rob interviews to last us through until next year, but I hope I’m not being the Queen of wishful thinking.

  14. A one, a one-two, a one-two-three….etc etc etc….seven, seven seven seven Seven SEVEN!! *holds up 7 fingers*

    Oh, its a good, nay AWESOME day when there is “You Were Right” Rob-porn and Friends references.

    ❀ You, UC

    • Happy you quoted Friends before me…I was just gonna do the Seven part…this was much better!!

    • UC – you’re never gonna live it down with this seven thing, are you???It just goes to show that what you say may be held against you, huh?

  15. Is he doing the two-finger salute intentionally?

    • i’d sayyes if that was taken NOW… b/c of david slade being in his life- the man who invented the two fingered salute, but this was last year.. a more innocent age… so i say no… he’s just being awkward

  16. You were right picture? Effing sigh. Lovely way to start my day. The color of his eyes in that picture makes me tingle in special places.

    Anyone who has a Friends reference along with Rob porn has my heart forever.

    And yes, they should’ve gotten the silver Volvo!


    • @PinkDolphin: it’s one of those breathtakingly beautiful fotos where you can count the individual blond hairs in Rob’s beard—the same as your avi which happens to be my all-time favorite Robfoto—can’t scroll past it without stopping to look at it & wishing it were larger—

      don’t mean to get too personal, but is the oink for Rob or for what Rob makes out of us all?—<3

      • The oink is for my own typing skills. I got so excited one day that I misspelled my own name and called myself an OinkDolphin instead of a pink one. So I took it and ran with it.

  17. I don’t miss anything and I won’t be missing anything that it yet to some. You’re-right-Rob is all I need from now on.

    “What will Rob do next? Will he Vacuum? Iron? Or….. put away the LAUNDRY!? Find out after the jump”
    I let out an excited fanfic-Alice squeal when reading this!

  18. the last picture… yeah… RIGHT.

  19. “Who’s Clive Handjob?”


    • @zees84: bless his simple-woven male soul—LOL

  20. Ok! No doubt about it! This man is beautiful no matter what he wears, but HOLY COW that black suit and those GQ pictures do something to me…

    Rob, where, oh, where are you tonight?

    Please show yourself!

  21. I love how his eyes are the color of his suit in that last picture. Who ever did the ‘lighting/coloring’ in that one needs an award.

    Totally off subject but I was thinking the other day. Oregano is sort of like Jen Aniston. Here’s why…He and KStew were together for YEARS (just like Jen and Brad) then KStew goes off to do this movie (just like Brad did) and falls for the hottest human being on the face of the earth, Rob (Angelina)…so basically….

    Rob is a homewrecker.

    Now Oregano is gonna start dating the female version of Vince Vaughn and John Mayer. My heart really goes out to him.

    • haha i love this. please find me that female version!

      j simpson?
      cameron diaz?
      TARA REID!?

      • kim kardashian?

    • Mary-Kate Olsen.

    • Avril Lavigne

  22. Oh, good lord. These are my absolute FAVORITE posts! I needed to smile today… The “You’re right” Rob made that happen.

    Oh, and the “manual” and “poker night” ones? GOLD!

    xoxoxo to UC (and Moon)

  23. ” SEVEN, SEVEN, *holds up fingers and mouths “seven”. haha, LOVE it.

    I miss the good ole days too. I miss writing him letters in the comments. Haven’t done that in a while. So here goes!

    Dearest Rob –
    I used to use this comment section to discuss how much I wanted to bang you. How I would love to have some Cream of Cullen (Anyone? anyone?) and I would remind my fellow commenters that nothing says “welcome to the lords table like a signed picture of Rob Crotch”. Those were good times. So I am asking you to come out of hiding, wear a red shirt and grow a little scruff so I can be reminded of all that is lusty about you. Enough with this sneaking around under wraps crap.
    Love, me

    • I second this of course!

    • I “third” your letter, except replace the red shirt with the NewStoliShirt and add a tad more scruff. LOL. Just sayin’.

    • cream of cullen!! remember the icon!!! i love how we talk like this was ages ago and it was really just a few months! hahaha

      oh yes red shirt… black pants… sex hair… beardward.

      YES PLEASE!! seven seven seven!!

    • I do miss those good ole days! The banter was so crazy and infectious and everybody would bust out with an impromptu letter to Rob on the spot. We couldn’t contain ourselves! HE was putting out with all that charisma and Gen would throw a pic into the mix. Just beautiful. Yes, those were the days….

      • AWW i miss it too!

  24. Thanks, these are awesome! Simple and very sweet! This doesn’t remind me of Rob, it reminds me of DH! He talks like this most of the time.

    I love the one of Rob coming out of the taxi! πŸ™‚

    • Awwwwwwwwwwwwwww! Your hubs sounds lovely!

  25. That last picture stunned me into silence for a good 5 minutes.

    • Me too!!! His eyes!

    • Me too BN, that photo is priceless. Sigh. He has the most beautiful eyes.

    • What she said and in HQ *thud*

      • i found it on google images. i searched for “man to eventually fall in love with UC”

        NO.. yahoo images… it was like page #1 or #2. go go FIND!

        (really searched for “robert Pattinson”

    • Agreed. Those aren’t even bedroom eyes. Those are beyond bedroom eyes. Those are “you won’t even remember your own name” eyes.

      • Boardroom eyes…TO, anyone?

        • Oh god, yes.

          • Boardroom eyes, shower eyes, kitchen counter eyes, balcony
            eyes, top level of building by the pool eyes, dressing room eyes.

            Praise be to all that is Holy.


          • AMEN

  26. I to have been going back to the basics of Rob. After being constantly bombarded from friends and family with the “why do you like him so much?” question. I was finding it difficult with him hiding out in VanCity to show them the evidence of his hold over me. That is until yesterday. I was checking another site (I swear I only look AFTER I’ve checked LTR,& LTT) and saw a posting from two ladies who had supplied cupcakes to an after party at a 100 Monkeys concert last week. They gave Rob and Kellan each a cupcake. Kellan gushed over them but Rob was more sedate. Then, one of them got a phone call at 2:30 AM the next morning from Rob who told her how wonderful he thought the treats were. After reading that my heart started to beat faster and a huge smile appeared on my face. Because ladies, that is the basic of Rob. He is a genuinely kind person. Who, when you least expect it will go out of his way to make someone else feel good.
    I have no problem believing he would say all of the above things.

    • i read that! and immediately thought… dude’s trying to get some ass…. did you see those chicks? they were hot:0)

      then i thought.. um.. what about kristen… aren’t they supposed to be together?

      then i thought.. ‘uh oh….’

      • “Then, one of them got a phone call at 2:30 AM the next morning from Rob who told her how wonderful he thought the treats were. ”

        Um…. what?! When were phone numbers exchaged and how did they accomplish that?! I can’t wrap my mind around this.

        • Kellan got their business card…I would have put my cell number on the back too.

          • That’s amazing. Cupcakes unite!!!

      • Yeah, 2:30 in the a.m. is totally booty call time. Bar’s closed… what to do?… BOOTY CALL!! I wish he’d booty call me. =(

      • You got that right’ and of course one of the ingredients was sexismous, its no wonder the cupcakes thrilled the boys.

    • Thanks for sharing this story. I no longer envy Kristen… I envy this cupcake-making goddess who was lucky enough to have Rob’s voice in her ear… late at night… thanking her… in his British accent… oh my.

      He was probably drunk, too to top it off! Dang her!

      • I know!!! Talk about sweet dreams. I wouldn’t be able to sleep for days after because I’d want to keep reliving the call. But, once I finally passed out, Ugh! I’d be living large in fantasy land!

    • Rob was definitely making a “bootie call”. I guess KStew was busy?? I am hoping that he is getting bored with her, already.

    • @Christa64: wanted to write yes, yes, yes when i was here earlier & add a Rob quote i read recently which fit perfectly with the telephone call (couldn’t remember the quote, so i gave you a thumbs up)—in today’s Rob travels i came across it again, so here it is:

      ROB: “I don’t find any particular pleasure in being an attention seeker”

    • When I saw that article after worrying about Rob in the recent the taxi pictures, I was also relieved. Pants smeared from cupcakes, calling in the middle of the night, oh Rob….

    • Just the thought of Rob calling at 2:30 in the morning—I’m gone!

    • That was nice! I want to go and bring cupcakes too! Wow I think I would faint if I got a phone call from Rob! That would really, really, really make me HAPPY! He can call me anytime, day or night, rain or shine. Sigh.

    • I wish he would go out of his way to make me feel good

      That. Is. All.

  27. How could you send me off to my Soc. of Religion class just after seeing that last pic?

    That scruff and those blue eyes… God!

    *(Having a “religious” experience)

  28. Oh…Sweet. Baby. Jesus. That last pic is the BEST way to come back from the flu. I have missed you guys so much the past few days. I was so sick that I literally didn’t have the strength to click a mouse. I’m still on a narcotic cough syrup, so I thought I was hallucinating, looking at these pics, ’cause it’s CRAZY for any one human being to look that hot…CRAZY, I tell you. Okay, back to bed for me…but I’m taking that last pic with me.

    Oh, and the ‘Friends’ reference was BRIL!

  29. “(I just had an orgasm- Rob & organize in the same sentence? Yes! Yes! SEVEN!)”

    —-I love Friends references!

    I also love the “asking for directions” porn.
    I also love how you can basically take anything and turn it into porn with Rob. WIN!

  30. YES! I love classic Rob porns! This made my Thurs morning so… drooltastic.

  31. Last pic killed me :baba: I’m thinking i’ll use it as wallpaper in my office computer ^.^

  32. *Sigh*

  33. “All river’s are a-flowing, sage Heraclitus said.”—hope the quote is right—haven’t been there for many moons—it warms my heart, though, that SexyRob is already being wrapped in the comforting cloaks of nostalgia—ladies, do take heart—there were even recent stalker fotos of Rob laughing as in days of yore—

    and, UC, thanks so much for the memories, esp. memory #7—Rob is truly a beautiful man—xox

  34. loved the post today! breath of fresh air from all those “new/old” pics of rob floating around during the drought. and i bet he would so say all those things. mmmmmm

  35. glad you liked the friend’s reference! i sat down last night, having NOTHING to blog about, and decided instead to watch episodes 1-4 of season 1 of Friends. and then decided i will watch all the seasons, in order… πŸ™‚

    so you’ll probably see friends references for the next year or something!

    • I love watching TV on DVD! No commercials!

    • If you consistently put Friends references into posts about Rob…??

      That would be like a Turkey on the head, smelly cat, rolling over the juice box in the planetarium *SEVEN* for me.

    • Yay!!! I love Friends. More please, MORE!!!

  36. I love the Friends reference added in with Rob and book shelves and scruff and his lips…. oh damn.


  37. Have you ever thought of compiling all of the Rob-Porns to make a book? I’m sure you guys would make a KILLING.

    Incredible pictures of a Perfect Being? Check.
    Rob saying wonderful things? Check.

    I smell a best-seller!

  38. Ah, Traditional RobPorn was exactly what I needed to get through Thursday! πŸ™‚

  39. Rob-porn and a Friends reference all in one post = MAGIC.

    That last image is brilliant — the eyes, the scruff, the lips, the message! Looks good on my fridge, too.

  40. Way to reconnect.. I feel reconnected.. don’t you guys feel reconnected.. I’m connected… I’m so connected I think that last pic got me pregnant… I’m gonna go pee on a stick and see… I’m pretty sure..

    • Wouldnt be more like “wee on the stick”

  41. Okay…so anyone going to L.A. in Nov. Bring your aprons and you Betty Crocker Cook Book because we are baking some effin’ cupcakes!

    • I’m going to make Stoli Cupcakes for him.

      • LOL! He’s going to be overwhelmed with gifts of cupcakes now!

  42. Thank you! After a long day, this is all I need – those eyes, that smile – Rob porn!

    And I must beg to differ – nothing can dilute the pure joy of seeing Rob again, or remembering his voice, or his dorkiness or his sexy hands – nothing! It makes getting up in the morning worthwhile – another day thinking of Rob…

    • I agree… he always makes me happy!

      I had a Rob moment this morning.. you can read about it here

      He always makes me happy.. but when he’s not around. .. boy am I ticked at him!!! Cause he just needs to be there… more.. we need a middle ground between NYC this past summer and Vancouver this fall… I mean come on!

  43. Back to Basics – I love it!

    I love the cupcake story – how Clipped Wings of him to go gah gah over a cupcake.

    I know how to make cupcakes Rob. I’ll even let you lick the frosting off my, um . . . knife.

    • Oh yeah! Clipped Wings! I can’t believe I missed that connection. You know he reads fanfic about himself and is just as excited about updates as we are… Then when he finishes a chapter he looks at you and says, “You were right.” Le sigh.

  44. Oh god. That last pic should be ILLEGAL it is so good.

  45. Ahhhh…thank you. That was very refreshing…and very much needed!

  46. dont worry about the captions – can we just comment on the sorority sister wedding pic… thats all i need…dear lord.

  47. […] the heels of yesterday’s Back to Basics post I found myself watching all your old interviews from the Twilight press junket and missing the […]

  48. I’ve been missing good ol’ hottspice Rob. The paps have tried to run the poor hott boy into the ground IMO. I miss the hyena laugh and him just being publicly adorkable. I hope he gets some rest while they’re filming. I just don’t want him to get any rest (or anything else) with KStew!

  49. *sighs and gets all dreamy eyed*
    So…I’ve spent the last two days looking at these pics, trying to come up with something
    a) funny
    b) profound
    to say.
    Sorry, ladies…I got nothin’. That’s how utterly perfect they all are. You are GENIUS, and should be praised as such πŸ™‚

  50. “Back to when β€œRob Porn” meant pictures of you organizing a bookshelf”

    Oh this may be the very definition of fabulous porn for me! Rob. books. organizing.

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