Posted by: Bekah | September 14, 2009

Bedtime stories with Robert Pattinson

Dear Rob,

Shh…. it’s early in VanCity, I know. Just lay back down and let me tuck you back into bed & read you a bedtime story written by our very own Zephyersky, Emmeloowhoo & PinkPixieChick






5-bluerobContinue after the jump

















To be Continued

Zephyersky, PinkPixieChick & Emmeloowhoo….. you RULE!!!!
Everyone make sure to check out Zephyersky’s one-shot FanFic about (hold your ears, R0b) Jasper (one shot!? You can read that at work) When you say nothing at all!

Go hang out with these girls on The Forum
or meet some new pals over on LTT


  1. You’re a poet, and… well, I’m guessing you know it. Blue Rob #3 is gorge. Keep rhymin’!

    • A few things, this lil diddy takes me back to the DR. Seuss type post where I desperately wanted someone to add the line ” I would blow Rob in the thunder, I would blow Rob behind a dumpster” and 2, I loved it. It was bril!

      Also, I think it speaks to our extreme crazy.. I mean loyal fandom that we all endured the hot mess that was the VMAs last night to get a lil glimpse at Rob and at KSpew’s mullet pulled back which I am now also referring to as “The Tuck”.

      • or “The Tuck 2.0”

    • I love Red Rob #1…. best rymes EVER!!!!

  2. “This Rob has a little scar”.
    “This Rob has a little car.”

    I nearly fell over laughing – Damn girl I’m at work! My colleagues are looking at me.

    Loves this! you rule.

    • that was my fave part too!

  3. wouldn’t he still be in NYC after the VMA’s?

    • They supposedly left last night since they have to work today!

      • That seems unlikely. Unless they went private plane. Not a lot of flights west at night from NY area airports.
        (My hubby travels ALOT for work, so I am totes famil with the airline scheds from this area)

      • Can you imagine how annoying there lives must be? They get dragged from one country to another for literally less than 5 minutes of work and then don’t even get to go get drunk afterwards.

        • their**

        • no worries, Rob got drunk beforehand!

          • And it was fantastic.

          • Indeed he did. And it was the only saving grace of that pile of crap known as the VMA’s.

          • Agreed… his beautiful tipsy ass made the whole 30 seconds of him worth the wait…

  4. Oh how I love my sad Rob picture…a story is just what we needed the morning after the night before, so many thanks for that.

    When Rob is sad
    He makes me feel bad
    But not in a Kanye way
    Who I wouldn’t want to lay
    Even if you could pay!
    So dearest Rob you are my ray
    Each and every day!


  5. Good job, Ladies! It came out Robalicious!

  6. Sad face Rob makes my day. Is that wrong?

    Oh, and I’ve never wanted to lick a knee more.


    • I want to lick no 1 blue Rob ….you KNOW where….
      where the skin is bare…

  7. Bahahahahahaha!!!
    I love it!!!
    Best. Story. Ever!


  8. You’ve made my night

  9. I wanted to write a cute rhyme full of praise for the authors. But I suck and got stuck at…

    You girls are more awesome
    than Rob is handsome!

    K. No future in poetry for me.

  10. Loved your book! The scar-car-are triplet was awesome. Almost makes me feel better about wasting 3 hrs of my life last night on the VMAs. Wow did that SUCK!!!

  11. Beautiful story.

    I definitely think you should get that published.

    My four year old would love it! She already tells everyone within hearing that “Edward is cute” and also that “Daddy is jealous of Edward.”

  12. Oh and I officially blame this website for me staying up until three a.m. on Saturday night “doing homework” (or in actuality, reading the fanfic, “Wide Awake”) when I had nursery duty at 9:30 a.m. Sunday morning at my church.

    Love the story. Hate my extreme desire to read it all in one night.

  13. if i had little children i would read that book to them everyday!

  14. Sad-glad-very,very bad combo about killed me dead. True story.

    Nice job, ladies!

  15. I love the Silver Fox….I love these three ladies so very hard!!! And the simple fact that you included my favorite non-cast member is just amazing.

    And I will never be able to read Dr. Seuss without dirty thoughts again. Thanks girls!

  16. This is fantastic! Hilarious as all hell, but I see great potential in this.

    Think about it, there are all sorts of baby books for boys that play into their dad’s obsessions (I just bought my 1 yr old nephew a “All About The Mets book because his dad is a Mets freak), and don’t tell me that if I have a boy that the hubs won’t be getting him books all about airplanes, trucks, sports, grunting, etc.

    Moms of the world, Rejoice! Finally, a baby book for YOUR interests. I am printing this out in High Quality and making my little lady a brand new bedtime book. Bonus, I get to take Rob to bed with me as well….

    Teach your children well.

    yet another #momoftheyearaward

  17. ok not only was One Fish Two fish my favorite book growing up but you put it with Rob..OMG I love you girls!

  18. Love the poem and the pics!

    That one with him wearing a blue button down with his underwear wristband showing, well eh, let’s just say that jumptarted my heart this morning! πŸ™‚ I get a little stir-crazy when I see the happy trail/underwear or his abs!!!

    • His underwear “wristband” showing? Is that a Freudian slip?

  19. Dr. Seuss aint got nuttin on you gals! One fish two fish is my all time fave, and now, to be able to replace it with one rob, two robs, WOW, that is sheer genius.

    It’s as good as Rob porn any day. And I have to say, I am impressed with all the poets posting today!

    Last night blew hard, I sooooo needed more Rob. Wanted some pan shots of him in the audience, but due to all the empty seats, I am guessing he was no where to be found out there. Too bad for us, but enjoyed the trailor.

    Have a great day ladies!

  20. sad/glad/very very bad combo for the ULTIMATE win. yum.

  21. Great again. I think I’m addicted to LTR! You make my day(s). I love you (not like Rob). ;-D

  22. Hmm… I think I’ll take Black Rob with a side of Sad Face Rob. And then Blue Rob #1 for dessert.

    Thanks so much!! πŸ˜‰

  23. Blue Rob #1 + Black Rob #1 = HAPPY FREAKIN’ MONDAY!!!!

    So good ladies!!!



  24. Amazing. What a perfect way to wake up this AM, and I will totally be going to bed with Rob tonight.

  25. Awww, this made me smile. πŸ™‚

  26. This is no bedtime story. This is a little jolt of sexy for a Monday morning and definitely makes the beginning of the work week not so blah. Too many pics to choose the best from, praise Jesus for the collage.

  27. LMAO.

    That is all.

  28. EXCELLENT! Give us more! Ideas for other children’s book adaptations: “Where the Wild Robs Are,” “Bella Has Two Daddies,” and “Bella’s Adventures in Edwardland.”

    • I see these books in pop-up form with a Robward popping up on every page… Storybooks that every mother and daughter will enjoy…

    • Where the Wild Robs Are – excellent idea. The wheels are turning in my head as I write this. hmmmmm

      • Loves it!
        While we’re at it, how about Goodnight Rob?
        Goodnight hair
        Goodnight stare
        Goodnight goosebumps everywhere!

        Hee hee

        • Goodnight Moon! that was a fave in our house…

          this one could be called Goodnight Rob’s “moon”…

  29. Total win. You ladies are brilliant.

    1000 fake points for you!!!


  30. Great way to start my Monday!

  31. Awww, Rob! You are rhyme-inducing!

    Roses are red,
    Violets are blue,
    Rob is pure sex,
    In his Nike shoes!

    • THIS

  32. You dirty little MILF’s!!

    Love you! Dr. Suess is now hot! My world really is turned upsidedown!


  34. i’ll settle for RobBlue3 and Rob very, very bad—& if you can get some pics of him with stars upon thars i’ll love you forever—<3

  35. Hottspice! My favorite kid’s book that this is kinda based on has been redone in a totally awesome way! Love them all!! I think I am finally getting used to the beanie and actually liking it now. Can’t quite love the sh!teous Nikes though. Maybe TomStu can steal them and throw them in the trash somewhere…just not in a dumpster. He might see them and reclaim them.

  36. “go ask Rob’s dad” ROTFLMAO! LOVED this!!!!

    I love Red Rob…..le sigh.

    • btw you just cured my Monday blues….I was having a massively bad morning
      and this made me laugh hard!

  37. We are focusing on Dr.Seuss Books at the school I am teaching at….do you think that this “Seuss Inspired” version is appropriate to share????

    Good, I thought so too! lol

    What I would give to *tuck Rob into bed everynight

    *tuck ryhmes with :_________

  38. Awesome. This is just awesome. Thank you!

  39. Hahaha!! I remember being in chat when they were trying to figure out the logistics of this πŸ™‚ I wasn’t much of a help though, cuz I just wanted to talk about Jackson, I’m sure. Turned out pretty good!

    And you should DEFINITELY read Zeph’s ‘When You Say Nothing At All’. Srsly. Go do it. Haaaaaaaaawwwwwwwwwwwwwwwtttttt Jasper. Makes you all squirmy and stuff.

  40. Thanks, girls! I’ve been needing some new bedtime story material for my (almost) 7-year-old who loves her some Edward. She asked for a Pocket Eddie for her birthday. Bad mommy, bad bad mommy.

  41. Cullen Smile. —–> πŸ™‚

  42. Well done! Looking forward to the rest of the story (and pics).

  43. this was in amazing post. it made me happy. i can’t wait for more.

  44. OHMYGOD.


    “This Rob has a little car”

    I’m going to come back to this page every time I feel like I need a good laugh! Damn UC, you ROCK.

    Wish you could have been with us last night!
    We had a blast! As I’m sure you saw!

    ❀ Ash

  45. oh that is perfect for right before my nap this afternoon, good job ladies! πŸ™‚

  46. The two Red Robs… *whew!* This man looks great in every colour!

  47. “One Rob” So Hot!!
    “Blue Rob” More Hot!!
    “Black Rob” One of my FAVORITE pictures of him. Most Hot!! Hand at the button fly, gets me every time… Sigh…

    This definitely made up for last night’s “small” appearance at the VMAs.

    I think that his “beige” shirt was meant to coordinate with KStew’s dress. How sweet… Yeah, they are most definitely a couple. Hey, at least his jacket matched his pants this time!!

    Wish I had a cupcake to eat last night…

  48. Would you do Rob in your house?
    Would you do him instead of your spouse?

    Yes, I’d do Rob at my house.
    Yes I’d do Rob and not my spouse

    I would totes do Rob here or there
    I’d f*ck his brains out anywhere!

    I tried to rewrite the following actual lines from Green Eggs and Ham, but I couldn’t stop giggling.

    Would you eat them
    in a box?
    Would you eat them
    with a fox?

    I am decidedly NOT normal

    • You are my new hero! This was genius!

    • P.S. This was normal… in the Robiverse… (see? I just made the word universe into a Rob reference! We’re all normal πŸ™‚ )

      (I’d F*ck his brains out anywhere) INDEED!

      Get in line cupcake!


  49. haha This is great!!! More more more!

  50. You just combined two things I absolutely love! Dr. Suess and Rob! Loved it! LMAO @ Very, Very bad Rob.

    Also – Red Rob! holy sex!

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