In keeping with our Sunday theme of letters on “How I fell for Rob,” I decided to post something not in that theme. So I guess I’m not keeping in the theme, huh?
There is a term used at LTR/LTT called second-hand embarrassment. It is basically when a member of the fandom does, says, or even creates, something so pathetic/sad/traumatizing that the entire fan-girl base shudders in a collective cringe.
We have suffered through AmanDUH and Balding Fake Edward’s video love fests, Pattinson Pants Lady’s iconographic fashion statements, and more recently, the terrifying attempt of a mum to essentially pimp her 16 year old daughter out via what I have termed in my own mind: Second Hand Embarrassment Unplugged.
The very same day that the Mum’s unplugged set made me throw up a bit in my mouth, I watched that old interview with you on Tyra. I had seen the bite, but never watched the rest.
As I sat watching you apparently trying to make a slingshot out of a Team Robert g-string and cringing over the fact that you totally told Tyra that your panties had a stain on them…I realized that loving you in general means often suffering from second hand embarrassment.
Think about your fans trying to defend our “Nah-uh Rob Pattinson IS a genius and sex god in human form” stance whilst you get on stage in your ‘Boys to Men’ jacket and publically admit that “there’s a little bit coming out of [your] pants right now”
And what were we to do but blush in embarrassment at your Chris Hansen Alert Cannes comment?
Then there was the time not so long ago when you once again unleashed the verbal [something that might come out of your pants] with yet another Dateline moment referring to your TEEN choice award fans at the hottest hottie twi-hotties or whateveryousaidiwastoobusycringing.
But it’s okay. We love you despite it all (or because of it all). All that I ask is that you give back something in return. Here are my suggestions:
- You wear a t-shirt that “says you love [LTR] so all the world can see”. Then, you pass it around to Sam, Marcus, and Bobby like you would with any fav shirt.
- Declare your love in the best second hand embarrassment move to date by making and wearing your very own Moon and UC Hobo Pants!
- Help poor Chariss Amber out by making a YouTube video response to Momma’s song.
Relax, you don’t have to get Sam Bradley or Bobby Long to write it for you. Here are some lyrics to get your stated. Hint: You can rip the tune off an eighties classic!
Oh Chariss! You dont’ have to put on the red light!
Oh Chariss! You don’t have to sell your body to Twilgiht!
I know that I am asking a lot of you. But then again, when you think about it, I am only asking you to do some of the things that your most insane devoted fans have already done for you. Of course, I would totally understand if you aren’t willing to do these things, not from lack of love for us, but because Summit won’t let you. But Moon and UC have really shown their total devotion to you and helped so many others do the same. I just KNOW that you want to give something back so…
- Email UC and Moon a Sex Tape starring YOU and TomStu alone, for them to share exclusively with LTR/LTT readers (except haters…and Stephanie Meyer cause for some reason that just seems wrong. Sorry Steph!) It should begin with you having some stoli and logging on to see what new and exciting things the girls at LTR have come up with today. After that you can just get creative. I trust you.
Can’t wait to see which option you pick!
What else could Rob do to give back? Besides showing up at every dumpster in every city across America & around the globe?