You know that horrible sinking feeling you get when you missed a really big occasion like your moms birthday, the anniversary of KStews mullet, or Christmas?! How about when you remember but you celebrate the wrong age, date, holiday? WAH, WAH WAaaaaaH. Yes, if there was ever a moment for the instant fail button, it is now. Please use it on us repeatedly. So yea, that’s pretty much what we did. And I bet you were laughing your arse off yesterday as we were congratulating ourselves and getting all gushy and thinking we’re cool by creating top ten lists to celebrate our TEN MONTH anniversary of blogging when in fact it is our NINE MONTH anniversary of blogging (hit it again, for good measure!). Yup, we’re clearly math majors and should be teaching children of the world how to count and do simple mathmatics. Oops.
How neither of us caught that until last night as I lay in my bed counting the months as images of sugar plum fairies (Kellan) danced in my head. And I sat straight up having a Bella style nightmare and recounted before sending a frantic text to UC, “um did we miscount?”
Yup, pretty much soooo if you’ll bear with us and to make up for our shenanigans and since we ALL make mistakes here are the Top NINE Mistakes Rob Pattinson has made!
All of them! But mostly the crappy freebie baseball hats you’ve been sporting since you filmed Remember Me in New York this summer. The crab one, the New York one and now the ugly one with the science beaker on it from the Bobby Long/Vancouver show? Yuck. Just throw them out and start over. You’re not hiding under those so please stop suffocating the locks of lusciousness and let your mane go wild and free. But if you must cover them up for windy days or bad hair day please go with something ULTRA British like a Beefeater (thats what she said) guard hat. I mean no one’s gonna bother you then cause they’ll think you’re on duty. Or just plain batshit crazy.
What other mistakes has Rob made, follow the cut for more fails!
09. Ring of Nibelungs
While this did provide us with hours of laughter. At your expense. You had a mullet and ran around with a tunic on we simply can’t be alright with any sort of party on the back of your neck. Sorry
8.5. Modeling before the age of 16
The pictures say it all. We’re still agreeing to agree with never happened, right?
08. Dying in Harry Potter
Seriously, you just should have refused to die in that scene where Cedric’s dad is crying “My boy!!!” You should have sat up and said “Dad, I’m fine I’m totes just playing dead so Harry can win and then later I can kill him off and take over the Harry Potter franchise too!” That would have been amazing and we would have Cedric/Cho rumors now instead of Robsten gossip.
07. Thinking Spunk Ransom was a good nickname
06. Choosing the line “spider monkey” from Cathy Hardwickes list of new dialogue for Edward
I know you were a starving actor and just wanted to please ol Cathy but at some point you gotta put your foot down and stand for your artistic integrity and tell that cougar: “NO! I will not utter a line referencing a spider monkey whilst Kristen Stewart hangs from my back and you cannot lure me in with your older feminine whiles! I have a teen on my back and I’m digging her ‘laise blah’ attitude!” Yup, you coulda just said that and she would have given up and drowned her sorrows in another cocktail at the TGIFridays Cougarriffic Happy Hour in Oregan and saved us all a lot of cringing.
05. Not hooking up with Ashley Greene
Are you crazy or just farsighted? Cause I’m beginning to think you can only see stuff that’s like an inch in front of your face because obviously had you recognized her true beauty we’d be talking about Robley right now and not dissecting pictures of you and the mullet at concerts.
04. Licensing your image/likeness for shitty merch like bandaids and candy heart containers
I have a sinking feeling you get like NO cut of the merchandising or if you do you have absolutely zero say in what gets produced because I can’t really see you ok-ing a shirt with your face on it that says “What if I’m the bad guy” or knowing somewhere out there a girl (me) has a sparkly Ken doll that bears a strong resemblance to you but is anatomically incorrect.
03. Raiding your Dad’s closet
We love Dick (um, that’s what she said?) but any place that gives us the dad-leather jacket, the tweed dumpster coat, the dadcase and probably that blue cable knit sweater should be closed off and marked for demolition.
02. Alluding to the fact you crapped your pants on national television
(:34 mark. The rest is just a gift from me to you!)
Um, not really a shining moment in the Rob TV hall of fame. I was embarrassed for not only you but mostly for me cause I wrote a blog about a man who mentions fecal matter in award acceptance speeches. I shutter still.
01. Not playing or creating enough music
Really, do we need to beg? Cause I’ve got like a gaggle of girls who will gladly get on their knees with me (that’s what she said) and commence the begging if you needed to be convinced further. If you could wear out an MP3 I’d say I did it months ago because of how much I’ve listened to your stuff. So I’m rationing out listens to the vinyl version of the soundtrack, cause I don’t need to be shelling out 20 clams every other month for a new album.
See, Rob you’re just like us, mistakes and all! So will you forgive our miscalculations and the fail on behalf of the US public school system and love us anyway?
Happy 9 months/mistakes!
PS Oh and UC, you know that stuff I said yesterday about 10 months, just cross the 10 out and sub in a 9 and we’re good! XO