Posted by: Bekah | September 4, 2009

Where Rob can go to escape

I'm so annoyed, this is how I'm picturing you

I'm so annoyed, this is how I'm picturing you

Dear Rob,

I’m kind of annoyed at you. Sure, it’s probably because you’re being selfish and staying indoors instead of coming out and having new photos taken for me to pine over, but mostly it is because you seem to be complaining a lot. You told Premiere magazine:

“I haven’t found one place in the world yet where I could disappear…” “When friends ask you to meet up, you have to tell them, ‘Sorry, I can’t go to that place,’ because you know the photographers will be waiting for you…”

DUDE. You’re FAMOUS. You’re not going to STOP being FAMOUS anytime soon and you’re not the only FAMOUS person in this world.  So go out, wave hi to the paps & DEAL WITH IT for a few weeks. Eventually, they’ll get bored and realize how truly boring you are. You’ll hear thickly accented whispers of “Really? He’s reading an extremely boring existential book again?” or “Can’t he wear something different? No one will believe that this picture was taken on a different day. He’s lowering my asking price.” And eventually, once they realize you are not going to start feeling Kristen up in public, they’ll leave you alone and you’ll just have to deal with the occasional pap snapping a flash in your face anytime you change your clothes. (So basically once every 2-3 weeks.)

This dude wrote an article that had a ton of people up in arms. I laughed. I thought he was funny, “Being rich, famous and sexy is a drag…” That’s funny right there. He asked around at his local pub (in England) if anyone knew who you were- the majority didn’t. He argued that’s because they were all over the age of 18. I argue differently. Here at LTR, we’ve proven to you time and time again that your fans (your most dedicated fans) are hot, sexy NORMAL and definitely over 18 (and by normal I mean like PattinsonPants lady & TammyO), so I think the England pub-goers didn’t know who you were because…GASP not everyone does. I run a blog about you and I bet if I did an experiment amongst my friends, the majority wouldn’t recognize you from a picture.

But the reality is we live in a little Twilight/Rob bubble. And you do too- and in our bubble everyone knows everything about you. They know you’re in Vancouver. And they know where you’ll be next (my house), and so you may feel like you can’t escape. But you can. Moon and I put our heads together and came up with a few places we know you won’t be recognized:

So all we have to do is watch cars drive around in circles?

So all we have to do is watch cars drive around in circles?

  • The local VFW on Bingo night. Pro: Beers are $2.00. Con: They only have domestic, but you’ll live.
  • The corner deli: where Abu will have NO clue who you are and you can read your Independent People in peace (plus pick up a little curry chicken surprise!)
  • Montana* (Cuz who goes there?)
  • Moon’s Grandma’s house. You may have to pull a couple weeds and find her cross stitch, but she makes a mean Chocolate Creme Pie and has a recliner. You could nap.
  • The NASCAR races. They won’t give a shit about you there. Spoiler alert: Cars drive around in circles. There. Now you know. And you can just sit & relax (possibly nap- the sound of the cars whooshing by is quite calming) and finish some pretentious book. (Plus you already have the perfect T-shirt)
  • Myanmar (Burma): Basically the whole country is censored. I bet you no one has seen Twilight yet
  • Isle Esme: cause its a real place but everyone thinks it’s fictional. See ya there!

While you escape to one of the before-mentioned places, you should reevaluate your life and your fear of everything but hot pockets & wearing sweaty, day-old shirts of your friends and think about who is more famous than you. And then consider how you could use their fame to your advantage.

Why would I throw out a perfectly good 10-year old cable knit sweater?

Why would I throw out a perfectly good 10-year old cable knit sweater?

  • Start a rumor about a new Brangelina baby. We could ask Zephyersky to photo-shop another baby bump on Angelina.
  • Set Jen Aniston up on a date. You could even eat at the same restaurant that night. No one would care.
  • Throw a big party and invite the JoBros, Zac & Vanessa, Miley Cyrus and Taylor Swift and then don’t show up. You’ll have a whole hour of paparazzi-free peace (that is until Miley decides to strip & the JoBros leave to repent from their lust)
  • Offer to babysit Jon & Kate’s kids while they go out and buy more Ed Hardy t-shirts.  (after being with that many kids the paparazzi might not seem so bad)

So Rob, get over yourself and your fear of everything. Start to fear things normal people fear- like girls with mullets & 4 year old blue sweaters. And show your face this weekend and look extra hot so I forgive you.


A Cullen Smile for this Friday: This article discusses how Rob is a prisoner of the paparazzi, and says:

Because of the paparazzi, the star has been unable to interact with his many fans.

Are you laughing? Good. Cuz that’s funny… thinking that Rob wants to interact with his many fans….

Are you “over” Rob’s fear of the paps? Is it different than any other famous person? Where ELSE can Rob escape to?

*I was gonna apologize to those of you who are from Montana. But then I remembered I suggested that Rob visit you. So I take back my apology

Moon breaks every bit of Twi news down for us on LTT
Do you think Rob could escape to The Forum?


  1. I thought that article the dude wrote was hilarious…and then people (Rob bloggers who are not Moon and UC…cough-cough) got all up in arms and felt that it was their personal duty to defend him and go off on that poor fella. Um…hi…get a freakin’ life, people.

    But here’s the thing…GUARANTEE you Rob would’ve read it and been all, “This man is brilliant.” And then Rob would invite him to join his coterie of brilliant friends and all would live happily ever after.

    And…Burma…oh my stars, that cracked me up.

    p.s. I almost broke up with Rob because of that Nascar t-shirt. I love me some Nascar and we own season tickets to both the spring and fall race at Bristol, but dude…no self-respecting male over the age of 12, who is NOT gay, wears a #24 t-shirt. Jeff Gordon is gay. The end.

    • LA- you realize Moon totes pshopped that tshirt, right?

      • Yes, that’s why I “ALMOST” broke up with him. Cause I knew there ain’t no way he’d be wearing a #24 shirt.

        GET HIM CAR #88, STAT!

        • you’re talking but i dont understand the words that are coming out ofyour mouth… car 88????

          • Earnhardt Jr. Used to be Dale Jarrett’s number a long time ago. Excuse me, I have to go shove a fork in my right eye for knowing that.

          • I think if you asked Rob or ANY British man what NASCAR was – they’d be clueless. I pretty sure England doesn’t have white trash – just hobos.

          • I have to point out that Rob may in fact, be recognized at a Nascar event. Jimmie Johnson’s (#48) wife, whom I met this spring, knew exactly who Pocket Eddie was. And almost stole him from me. Pocket Eddie also posed with Jeff Gordon’s car in the winner’s circle. Coincidence? I think not.

            Disclaimer: I am not a Nascar fan but have a friend who is an executive with Team Chevy. Any racing vocabulary or driver’s names are just regurgitated information….I have no personal understanding and couldn’t pick most of them out of a crowd of 2 if I were the other person.

        • That blue cable knit shirt Robbie’s wearing looks mighty familiar, I think TomStu wore it at one time as well (big suprise woohoo).


  2. I dont know how I feel on the subject and have gone back and forth on it. All I know is that this Pattinson drought is killing me….

    Just a documented trip to Starbucks would make me happy….is that sad??

    • No. That’s Normal.

      • I’m totally with you. We could be “normal twinners”.

  3. loved this post today! I, too, live in my twilight bubble where everyone I know (Ok…everyone I twitter), knows where Rob is every second. But since my RL friends call him Rob PATTERSON, and they sometimes will say “is he the guy in that vampire movie?” and then they tell me that he is on Brothers and Sisters (and secretly not believe me when I TELL them that i KNOW that he is NOT!) – I’m starting to have the sneaking suspicion that not EVERYONE knows who Rob is! I know…hard to believe. But if he came here to my town in Western Pennsylvania and walked into the local giant eagle, probably only the 20 year old cashiers and me would be up in arms. Well, then again, Giant Eagle is a major cougar hangout and he is all over the magazines there…so maybe not the Giant Eagle. We don’t have an In and Out here, so maybe the local Wendy’s….noone would know him there either.

    And the assisted living place too…no one there knows him either.

    • HAHA! I forgot that kid on Brothers and Sisters looks like a poor man’s Rob. Hell, even photos of him would help us through this drought.

    • they totes know Rob at some assisted living places….that may or may not be all my fault…
      my mom works at a nice little catholic nursing home and she’s completely twi-sessed-she brought the old ladies paperback copies of Twi and New Moon, and lets just say- those little old ladies ate that shit up….even the nuns..yes, I said it-nuns!
      anyway, if you mix in my mom’s twi-session and my robsession, they get a constant fix of Rob news at the old folks home!- 90yr old women in southeastern PA know that Rob is in VanCity making Eclipse!
      and Rob may or may not be in danger of humpage even from nuns!

      • The idea of nuns swooning over Edward is tooooo hilarious for words!

        So much for evil vampires, and the loss of Edward’s soul!

      • Oye veh.. now “the church” is corrupted by Twilight.
        Wonder what those nun’s are really thinking when they read Twilight?

    • Something tells me Rob doesn’t go to In-n-Out anymore. 😦 It seems he is getting used to Kobe beef meatballs and sushi. Yeah, I guess they don’t have in-n-out in NYC and Robcouver but c’mon. He was in LA recently for what, 7 days, and he took KStew&Co to The Hall.

      Great post today UC!

      Dear Rob,

      If you really want to hide don’t go to Bobby Long’s concerts. The guy is almost as famous as you are (in our little bubble). Come to my house.

  4. Mystery solved my LTR lovelies. I’ve been hiding Rob in my pants for the past few to help keep him out of the spotlight. I throw him a Hot Pocket or two so he doesn’t starve to death, and he’s sporting one of those beer hats containing Heineken to keep him happy. He keeps clinging to my leg like a spider monkey mumbling something about flashing lights and a mullet. When his anxiousness subside, I’ll let him out. 😉

    • LMAO…so jealous that Rpattz is in your pants…*le sigh*

      • Mmmmmmm, month old Hot Pockets, stale beer, and Rob-stench IN YOUR PANTS. That’s a turn on.

    • Any room on your other leg…I don’t mind keeping Rob company……

      • Krazy and Ruby…Yes. You two can alternate days to latch onto the right leg (for whatever reason he prefers the left). Just come armed with a Hot Pocket. It seems to soothe Robert. He might be kind of skittish at first, but the Pocket seems to lure him out of hiding.

        • oh jebus….

          why oh why did the sentence “It seems to soothe Robert” make me get all tingly?

          • No need to worry. The sentence containing the words “Rob” and “dumpster” get me all tingly. Deep breathes. And remember. It’s normal. 😉

    • Rob in your pants – wow. Except, why is there a flashing light in there? And you could cure that mullet with a Brazilian, y’know what I mean?

      • He’s like a Vietnam War vet having flashbacks…hence forth the mumblings and moments of hysteria regarding flashing lights and the mullet. 😀 But other than that he is happy and cozy nuzzling up in my skinny jeans. 😉

    • ooohh.. let pocket Robbie out to play.. we miss him!!
      (Pretty please with a sparkley peen).

      • It’s up to him. He seems to be enjoying himself rather immensely taking up refuge in my pantaloons… But I will be sure to tell him that he is dearly missed. 🙂

  5. Dear Rob,

    Everyone knows you are in Vancouver. You are probably getting cabin fever hiding out in your hotel room and will soon make a break for it wrapped up in a blanket a la Johnny Depp c. 1994. But you really don’t have to go the crazy route. You can come on up to the Mid-Maine region. I won’t tell anyone. I’ll cook you meet and farm-fresh veggies on the grill. For excitement I can take you to the county fair where you can eat fresh blueberry cobbler and fried dough. But if you puke all over yourself on the Tilt-a-Whirl I’m going to make you throw your shirt away before we get back in the car.

    • And your pants, too.

      Or you can come to Vermont, and we can have fried dough with MAPLE CREME and no one will know who you are except my seething husband and I. The barf rule still applies.

      Joke: What’s 45 feet long with no teeth? The line for the beer tent at the Champlain Valley Fair!

    • Seriously, you’re from Maine, too?!

      • Is it because Maine is so desolate in the winter that reading Twilight is the only refuge? I wonder if there are more fans in New England than in the rest of the country… I’m going to say yes.

        • And I’m going to agree!

        • I’m a New Englander trapped in TN. Lived in Newport, RI and hearted it hard. My dad’s family lives in CT and my grammie and grampie live in ME (Northeast Haabaa).

          • I love Nahtheast Hahbah! Very pretty there. Do they actually live there year-round or do they head to Florida in the winter?

          • Aw, I just moved to NYC from Tennessee….I miss it! 🙂

          • Pink…I hear your anguish loud and clear, and am reaching out to you across the GA/TN border.

          • I know the feeling…I’m a Michigander and now living in Kentucky. It’s so different. I miss the cold winters and the snow. We don’t get much here in KY.

          • I am a native Tennessean-yay! Neighbors!

          • They’re actually year rounders. I’m so jealous. They have easy access to snow AND Dunkin Donuts.

            What I’d give for a Boston Cream donut right now…

        • I’m southern New England — NW Connecticut… I know, doesn’t really count as New England…. but I live in the country, gets a goodly amount of snow in winter, lose electricity pretty frequently and had lightning strikes for two weekends in a row — last ones took out 500′ deep well pump. sometimes it’s best staying inside to read when outside is that dangerous!

      • Seriously, I am! I’m in the (not so) Greater Bangor Area. You?

        • Totally in the Greater Bangor Area, too! For only for one more day, darn it…then off to Georgia (aka HALE. Don’t ask.:()

          • GTFO! Are you coming back or are you going to Hale for good? If I’da known we could have gone downtown for some bagels!

          • wtf. When can we have a New Englandahs meet and greet and how much booze should I bring?

          • LTR Party at the Portland Suisse Chalet! If everyone brings two bottles of booze we just might have enough!

          • Not sure just yet…BUT I suspect my trip to the gates of HALE will not be permanent. Although I’ve probably earned eternal suffering for some of the shit I’ve said on here. I would have loved to meet up for bagels, JodieO. What do you think of Taste of India, though? My fave.
            I like the idea of a New Englanders’ Twi-summit (pun intended). Very much. Too much?!

          • There will be a Twilight Convention in Boston next year, but I don’t know if I want to wait that long. Plus, I need someone to have a little drinky drink with before the convention.

          • I love Taste of India. Chicken Tikka Masala here we come! Let me know when you’re back in town! Send me a PM on the forum. I’m always findable there. =)

          • I will! Yay!

          • I didn’t like, go to school with you or anything, did I? I keep peering at your avatar wondering if I can place that eye anywhere. ;P

          • *waves hands waves hands* sign me up for the new englandahs drinking get together

          • Another New Englander (greater Boston) here. My spousal unit is refusing to go to NM when it opens – he thinks RP looks “weird” … help me!

            BTW, I have to be closet TWI/RP obsessed; it’s not “cool” to be into something pop-culture around here. I’m also told that it’s not consistent with my job as a senior business exec. What’s that all about?

          • I’ll travel to New England for the Summit! What’s an 8 hour drive between bloggy friends?

    • jodieo – make him throw the shirt away regardless of if he pukes. also the pants and probably his whole duffle bag while youre at it!

      • Make Rob get naked in my car? You’re the boss, Moon!

  6. he can come babysit Jon & Kates kids ’cause that puts him practically on my doorstep…however I am not helping babysit. I’m not good w/ kids….even the one that I have.
    Oh hell, I’ll just lock them in a room and have my wicked way w/ rob….they’ll be fine…maybe

  7. I’ll admit that dude’s little blog did piss me off a bit when I first read it. He has no idea what it’s like to be famous on Rob’s level (cuz I totally do, right?). The Attack of the Fangirls video terrifies the living shit outta me, so I can only imagine how Rob feels.

    But then I read the comments and once again verified my normality. I wonder if Rob knows chicks are going to the battlefield for him and if he appreciates it. I appreciated the humor they provided.

    Anyhoo…I do think the paps are a bit too crazy over Rob. Their constant presence would piss me off too and I’d probably want to be reclusive as well, so I can’t be mad at Rob for flying under the radar.


    PS. Rob…I live half an hour from a REAL NASCAR track! You could come here and no one would bother you, except for me. But you’ll like it…my long hair is real.

    • HAHAHAHA “my long hair is real”

      love you face. and your hair.

  8. ‘Start to fear things normal people fear- like girls with mullets & 4 year old blue sweaters.’ ROFLMAO!!! 😀 I couldn’t agree with you more…if most people have the common sense to fear these thignsg I don’t understand why he just can’t seem to…What that guy wrote about people in England not really knowing who he was…thats not surprising being that he once mentioned wanting to go back to London because people didn’t care about fame as much as they do here…he should come to TX we would treat him right and not freak out when he wants to hang out at the local watering whole!! 😉

  9. I’d also suggest Vermont as nothing ever happens there, and as its full of rich hippies who don’t care about anything but artistic movies nobody would recognise him 🙂

  10. Have to admit I thought that guy had a point…
    I know for a fact Rob could come here {Ireland} and hang out in our local and would not be accosted {by anyone other than me} as they really don’t give a sh** about anything except having their own good time…..truth……

    “once they realize you are not going to start feeling Kristen up in public,”
    Awww …that’s the kind of proof we all need since
    ‘the tape’ hsn’t been leaked yet…..
    5 ***** post as usual

  11. So I’ll be the first to admit the Rob picture drought is killing me (hence why I’m so excited for my date with Rob next Sunday night). But I’d honestly be ok just knowing what he’s doing.

    I can live without pics for a for a few days at a time, just make sure your every move is documented in those pic drought intervals. It’s really for your own good Rob, we just want to make sure that you’re ok.

    Knowing that you were leaving your hotel and heading to set, that you’re filming, that you’re microwaving hot pockets and drinking a heinie for lunch, that you’re back to filming, that you’re ordering room service for dinner, that you’re doing the mullet then heading off to bed readying yourself to repeat it all the next day.

    Is that too much to ask? Just a little info on your whereabouts?? I didn’t think so. Can’t wait to see your smiling face (and you best be smiling) for our date.

    ♥ Me

    • Dude. Rob toooooootally asked me to go out with him Saturday night. What a womanizer!

  12. The NASCAR spoiler was hilarious. And the picture with the caption = priceless.

    Thanks for one of my favorite pictures of Rob – the longshoreman blue cable-knit sweater long hair beanie Rob… drool……

    • I like to think that Rob is “The Sexiest Catch”.

      DAMN! I even think he looks hot as an opilio crab fisherman!

      This is a serious drought…counting down till Sept 13.

    • This also is my favorite picture. I like to imagine him here as an Irish fisherman, stinking of the sea, with very chapped hands.

      • well, he kinda smells like fish after being in Sharpie’s pants for the last month. Does that count?

        • ACK

  13. If I weren’t so far away, I’d say come to my place in Wales. No-one else would be excited about Rob being there, it’s the start of the rugby season and that’s all anyone is talking about. I could do with a little light relief.

  14. LOL. I don’t know but I hope he gets over his fear soon but at the same time, the paps need to cut him some slack.

    I know where no one’s gonna recognize him. I say come to our cabin in the Michigan upper peninsula. We’ll get snowed in and aside from wildlife outside, there’s nothing! It’s beautiful up there though but very cold. I can think of a lot of things to do on a cold snow day. 🙂

  15. “The NASCAR races. They won’t give a shit about you there. Spoiler alert: Cars drive around in circles. There. Now you know. And you can just sit & relax (possibly nap- the sound of the cars whooshing by is quite calming) and finish some pretentious book. ”

    I agree! I never go with my husband to NASCAR races. I tried watching it at home with him and that’s exactly what I do…I fall asleep haha! BTW he’s a fan of Jeff Gordon and I don’t believe that Jeff is gay.

  16. “Isle Esme: cause its a real place but everyone thinks it’s fictional. See ya there!”

    Ha! I knew it!

    I love you more for this article, UC.

  17. Man, I was SO 2nd hand embarrassed for all those people that started going off on that journalist. I’m pretty sure someone told him no one reads his paper – it’s the TELEGRAPH, that’s a pretty massive paper!

    The reason people clashed with this article is that I don’t think the journalist does realise just how big of a star Rob is. However, we need to realise how much of a Rob-centric bubble we’re living in! Well done UC for pointing that out!!

    At any rate Rob should probably go home to London for some respite. I’m here and I know I, for one, will not be going to every single place he has ever been spotted here the minute I know he’s back.

    • for example, before I got involved in the twi-world and started hearing comparisons all the time, I had NO idea who zac efron was. and wouldn’t have been able to pick out a jobro if all 3 of them were the only ones in a line-up

      • I’ve read about Zac & the Jobros since being Robsessed and spending all day searching Entertainment news, but I still wouldn’t know them if I fell over them. I have Rob blinkers!

  18. Oh my Rob! You can come to Texas and camp out at my house for all eternity. No one would bother you here. Swim and lay by the pool all day so I can watch you in all your hot glory. Play your guitar under the stars, play Playstation with my boys and just live here forever…..

    • Cough, splutter, cough, I might bother him if he is coming to H-town and whatever you do, don’t send him to Dallas…..


      • H-town represent!!

        Born, raised, and proud to be from H-town (prouder to NOT be from Dallas)…but I live in the NE now.

        • yay! texas girls on LTR! i was raised in waco (don’t judge). i’m now in the midwest….hating the seasons.

          • Cough, raised in Great Britain for many, many years and then ended up in H-town…..the Texans are mighty friendly

  19. Our little Twilight bubble…..totally. It is funny….I always assume that everyone has the amount of knowledge of Rob/Twilight as I do. sad. I was in the subway last night sitting next to a bunch of snotty girls talking about Rob/Twilight…..they were saying how much they loved him and how hot he is…..come on that is a given….move on ladies….anyway, they were arguing about where the location of the Eclipse movie shoot was….this went on for 35 blocks….35 LONG blocks. All I could think of was these women were COMPLETE AND TOAL AMATEURS!! When it was finally my stop I got up looked at them and said Vancouver, and walked off the subway. They just all had this blank stare on their faces…..again amateur hour. It made me smile all the way home!

    ps…Rob, come on….you are a big boy…*cough* cough*…..take off the underoos and put on your man panties and get out there!!!

    Happy friday!

    • right… like my friends that HAVE read the books & seen the movie & know I run the blog will call me and be like “Omg- Rob got engaged!?”

      i have to constantly say “i live in rob bubble. not everyone lives in this bubble with me. and That is Normal”

      • I think we need official LTR/LTT tshirts that say “That is normal”…..I’ll get right on that! 🙂 After all we need something to cover our lady humps when we all wear our Pattinson Pants.

  20. I understand that the paps come with the territory, but I believe they’ve been extra awful to Rob. Not to mention the CRAZY fangirls (present company excluded). So, I feel for Rob and understand his need to hide when he can. Even thoughI miss him terribly, we’re all lucky to have UC and JAG to make our day. They’ve really been pulling out all the stops to tickle our funny bones during this Rob drought. Thanks, ladies!!!

    Rob needs a place to hide? One word, IOWA. He would blend right in with us locals. We wear a lot of plaid and we’re all pasty skinned. I promise to let him rest at least 3 hours a day.

    • Iowa, eh? I am your neighbor in Nebraska.

      If Rob needs a place to hang out, Nebraska is it. Cows outnumber people. We are pap free (I think). And on Husker game day, Rob could walk down the street, go to the mall for some new cloths, etc. and not be noticed cause everyone is totally wrapped up in the Husker game.

      Dear Rob,
      There is a home Husker game tonight. I’ll take you out to get some new cloths (cause I really do not do smelly no matter how hot you are) and then out to get a real burger. As long as you are in Husker gear, no one will even notice it is you. So, my house, 5:00???

  21. Ha! In Vermont they would say “look- there’s that bird who played Dali!”

    Please tell me that t-shirt is photo-shopped. Because as someone pointed out, the only thing gayer than Jeff Gordon, is someone wearing Jeff Gordon apparel!

    So did anyone ever think he might be afraid of girls sporting mullets but is just being nice? He could actually be living in fear as we speak, but doesn’t have a clue how to get out. We [volunteers?] need to rescue the poor thing. Deprogram him, if you will.
    It’ll be a tough job…but SOMEBODY’S got to do it.

    • photo-shopped!

      • @UC thanks 🙂

  22. Rob, your British, don’t let us down – come on boy, it is time for that good old British stiff upper lip (or for that matter, stiff lower lip “ifyouknowwhatimsayin). And I quote:

    “One who has a stiff upper lip displays fortitude in the face of adversity, or exercises self-restraint in the expression of emotion. The phrase is most commonly heard as part of the idiom keep a stiff upper lip, and has traditionally been used to describe an attribute of British people, who are sometimes perceived by other cultures as being reserved”


  23. Now why would Rob get rid of that blue sweater? It was such a steal at the Old Navy outlet for only $1.97. You can’t get rid of such a gem as that.

    • Did Old Navy even exist in 1992?

      • No, but maybe his Nana knitted it for him and he’s not going to part with it until it unravels by itself.

      • ’94. I was giving him the benefit of doubt that it’s only 10 years old. 😉

    • I seen that blue sweater before.. on TomStu.
      (no kidding).

  24. Super duper post today with EXCELLENT ideas for getting away. I’d like to add Tulsa, OK to that list–home of the Cain’s Ballroom–single greatest small music venue in the world, thanks very much. Elvis Costello played last night – INcredible.

    Happy Friday gals!

  25. I couldn’t agree more. I am not mad, just annoyed that he says he can’t go out. He can. I have a suggestion of my own. Go into a dunkin donuts in Ohio. No one will know who he is. Especially if it is in a bufu area. Or maybe downtown Cincinnati. No one will know him there. Seriously. There are places he can go. “Oh, the places you will go…”

  26. Rob is whining because he has no place to go. Dang, it sucks to be rich, famous and beautiful. Well Rob, maybe you are just a little too predictable. I’m pretty sure the paps know you are eventually going to head to the local grocery for Hot Pockets or the Goodwill for some clothes. Mix it up some. How about you try spending some time at country concerts, become a groupie? Toby Keith would be a good one for you. Not too many folks read so they probably wouldn’t even know or care about Twilight. Plus, the majority of the women are attracted to men in wife beaters and jorts – you are much too pretty. It’s the perfect spot for you.

    • Jorts mention….WIN!

  27. Note to Rob:

    If I ever saw you in public, I’d stare for exactly one millisecond, facepalm, and run in the opposite direction. (Of course, in the rest of my fantasy, you run after me, grab me by the shoulders and say, “but don’t you know who I am?” And then we have mad sex against a wall. But I digress.)

    I only knew you as little dead Cedric until I watched Twilight on DVD. (That’s a lie. I also knew you as the filthy-haired goofball in my mum’s Life & Style.) I am more of a Harry Potter fan than Twilight, FYI. I’d probably chase Rupert Grint down an alleyway for an autograph quicker than I would you.

    One word–Skoal. Learn to spit through your front teeth into a Mt. Dew bottle. No one will want you, trust.

    Listen to JodieO and come to Maine! I lived up the street from Stephen King and no one gave a crap. We aren’t impressed by celebrity. We’re too f*cking cold.

    Finally…take UC’s advice and grow a set. You’re famous and rich, so quit crying about your awesome fortune. There’s a big boy.

    That is all.


    • OME!!! Did you really live up the street from the world’s greatest author!!?? I’ve always to go see his house. My grandparents aren’t that far away from him…I need to plan a visit.

      • Pink & Katie–yep! The house is massive and so is SK. But like I said, no one local gives a crap. I’ve read all his books (great) and met him a couple of times (ho hum). He and I went to the same college.
        So does this mean I’m famous enough to marry Rob? Steve, are you reading this? Use your connections and hook a sister up…

    • I’ve seen Stephen King up in the ME area. He’s like a giant.

    • “One word – Skoal” – ugh, that’s a disgusting image. If I ever saw Rob spitting at someone – even in a film or worse, hawking up in the street, I’d be so over him in an instant – spitting/hawking should be a capital offence with instant delivery of sentence, no possibility of appeal.

      and Skoll is a super-cheap lager here in UK – young kids buy it to get off their heads on before going out to kick some nice middle class father of two to death!

      Hope never to see Rob drinking that stuff!

    • Thank you for the thumbs-down, whoever gave me one. Please come out to play!

      • HUGS UUUUUP!

  28. Dear Rob:

    Come to El Salvador! I can offer you beautiful beaches, colonial towns and I can offer myself to you to hide… wait, that does not sound like it should but that’s what I mean, you know, yeah, you know…

    ah! and even though in several bookstores are lifesize cardboard cutouts of you, I can assure you that if someone sees you they just say:

    “It looks like someone in a movie, obviously he’s not from here”

    And also “wow, that dude is really tall” (because the average height here is 5’6)

    oohhh!! and I am seriusly afraid of girls with mullets, you should too… so, stay away from girls with mullets! 🙂

  29. Kinda OT here but since we are in a Rob drought, and it’s desperate times, I finally started reading Wide Awake.

    I need a freaking Twi-vention here. I have to admit it’s kind of or totally ruining Twilight for me but… ack I really want to know where her story is going.

  30. As funny as this whole post is… nothing makes me laugh as much as that pic of Rob in the NASCAR shirt. Best facial expression ever.

    Running around like crazy today and don’t have time to read all the comments 😦 Happy Friday everyone! & Happy LONG WEEKEND! to the Americans in the hizzouse. WOOT.

    (I’m so lame)

  31. i love when you yell at Rob!

  32. I appreciate all the open-minded-ness & agreement this am. I’m anticipating this afternoon some tammyO & Robkris-type “bitch don’t you talk bad about Robby. he’s the most FAMOUS man on the EARTH and you have NO idea what it’s like you stupid loser cougar hoe” (cuz ‘hoe’ is how you spell ho)

    and so since it’s a holiday weekend and I’m not at work today and I have plans that will keep me from enjoying the tammyOs and robKris’ to come, I will respond and say: “no he’s not the most famous man ever, He needs to get over it and show his face- if he does it more they’ll eventually leave him alone and also I am 26, and LOVE YOU x”

    • shut up you stupid HOE cougar biotch. go back to the gates of HALE. um thanks.

    • Yes UC you should expect TammyO and Robkris to come out to play. its a full moon. The real crazy’s are out to take a piss.
      Word of advise. Bring an unbrella.

  33. Man, I am schooled! Which is cool cause I love it when you school me UC (that’s sounds gross, but you know what I meant).
    Anyhow, time for a letter from the Rigs.

    Dear Rob,

    When you go out this weekend, PLEASE GET TOASTY DRUNK! Cause for some reason I like my celebs drunk. Don’t judge.

    To add to UC’s list of hiding places, ROB, you could also come to Washington, DC to hide, because TRUST, everyone here is too pretentious to admit they’ve read or watched Twilight. You’ll be safe, you can have beer with Obama, you can compare your ostentatious literature with the millions of Grad Students who go to one of 6 universities in this small ass city, and you can buy a new hat, with a crab on it, to wear when you’re crabby. Seriously, the only place the paps hang out here is the airport, so you’ll be snapped only once, and then will be free to go along your merry way.

    However, if you would like to try to escape some pap attention, let’s go talk about your outfit choices. As I’ve said time and time again, if you would change it up a little, like different shoes, other hats, no hoodie, or whatever, then paps and others would not recognize, your “signature” look and you could blend in more. Until you realize that changing it up some is to your benefit, you have no one to blame but yourself.

    So remember, get drunk, get papped drunk, you can hide in DC, and change your look. Oh and stop effing complaining. Somehow effing B Pitt & Angelina can still walk down the streets of New Orleans and ignore the paps, and survive with like 10 kids in tow. Take a valium.

    J to the Rigs

    • Brangelina & other celebs live in N.O. for just that reason- nobody gives a shit. Locals are just glad people still want to move there & keep the economy going.
      Even pre-K, N.O. always had famous folk hanging out, chillin’, making groceries like everybody else. The most response they’d usually get would be a head jerk and a “Hey. ‘S up?”
      There are no paps at the airport. They practically need an invitation that someone Special is coming to town before they bother, and it’s usually actual news crews anyway.
      Move to N.O., Rob. Great music, fabulous food, & you can get Brad to take you to the Rock-N-Bowl where he hung out with Tom while they shot ‘Interview With a Vampire’. Win.

      • best seven days of my life were spent in N.O., and even though it was 8yrs ago I still crave cafe au lait and begneights (sp?-whatever, french doughnuts)
        I think Rob should take a vac there defnitely. The street music is incredible…the music in the bars is even better and as I recall, I wasn’t on Bourbon St for more than ten mins before I saw a topless lady dancing on a piano….at 4pm….on a Sunday….
        now that’s something I’m sure he’d appreciate

  34. Montana! No!! Wyoming is the place to be! We have more antelope in Wyoming than people!! We have never even heard of the paps. What is it? Some kind of new cow disease? Robbie, I will meet you there at our family farm and we can do all kinds of awesome farm chores and then you can quit complaining about being “famous” and rich and handsome and get off your pansy ass! We can go fluming and meet out at the “jump”! There may be a few mullets around, but those are the real kind, no artsy, fartsy mullets for a “film role”!

    Meet you in Wyoming!! Go Pokes! (Yeah, that is actually what we say)

    • LMAO! I really hope he hears you!
      The mullets would certainly help. I imagine what a shock it would be for him to find himself in a mullet-free zone. Baby steps.

  35. I agree with you at the end: Show your face and look sexy! hahahaha It’s been a while now and I’m getting mad! Wherever he goes he’s famous and people will recognize him no matter what! Ohh you know! He can come to Puerto Rico! haha No one will notice! You can give him that idea pleaseeee!!!??? haha I just wish he could take some time off and enjoy life but make an appearance first, take some photos and run!!!!

  36. Rob can stay at my place , I live in Brazil and no one will notice him , for sure , unless we walk by a school or something but I would drive him straight to my place and he´ll be safe from anyone but me .

    So here it is , Rob in Brazil ( I think he would be as hot as MexiRob ) He would wear those nasty tank tops and look all sweaty . plus … we don´t have girls in mullets here , it´s illegal ( pf )

    I can rub sunscreen on him …I dont want him to get a tan .


  37. Rob could come to Iowa. Yes…, don’t blink, re-read, stutter, blink again…I did say Iowa. It is so boring here that being out in public might as well be the same thing as hiding. Trust me, even the paps wouldn’t follow you here. Everyone drinks… all the time…you could smoke at my house, read books o’plenty, listen to good music, and read LTT/LTR whenever you want. Yeah, Iowa could be good for you (and me) 😉

  38. He should go to my parent’s house, because my dad is British, and needs someone to talk about cricket and ‘football’ (translation: soccer) with.

    I’ll bet very few of you americans know that England just won the ‘ashes’ in a match (translation: some kind of World Series) ofcricket against their rivals Australia….

    Seriously, Rob, go stay at my parent’s house for a week or so, my dad has beer, and we all cannot understand a word of cricket-talk.

    • First time poster here.
      I have been reading for a while now and I heart you Moon and UC!
      Rob, come to India! Thanks to Twilight not releasing here only 2 out of ten teen girls know you out here (the rest are totally unaware) so you can walk down the streets of Mumbai and no one will bother you except me. You can dress like a homeless beggar here and no one will pay attention to you taking you to be one of those tourists who dress like that thinking that they would fit in here dressing like that while the rest of us snicker behind their backs. It will be hot here so I look forward to seeing you lounging shirtless at my poolside. I totally wont mind if you want to go skinny dipping with me…
      P.s. lapushbaby, the Ashes is not a world series. It is an annual test match (since your pop is a Brit, I am assuming that you know what a test match is) series played between the Aussies and the Brits to prove who is better. Usually, the Aussies win so i am stoked that the Brits won this time.
      Er…sorry, got a bit carried away with all the cricket talk there. One of the side effects of being Indian.

      • Oh, I love that cricket brought you out of lurkdom…it’s so funny, he (my dad) was going ON and ON about the match (well, baseball season is winding down in the states, so I thought a world series comparison might make sense…lol) and the night that England won, we went out for….Indian food! So he yammered on at all the waiters and I think one of the cooks. They totally indulged him, since they pointed out that they had each other to talk cricket with, and he had no one. It was all pretty funny.

        No apologies about getting carried away with cricket talk, I understand. I grew up with it, though I still don’t understand it….


        • I meant I understand the getting carried away part, not the actual cricket talk.

  39. “So Rob, get over yourself and your fear of everything. Start to fear things normal people fear- like girls with mullets & 4 year old blue sweaters.”

    Ameeeeen! Preach it UC!

    “Are you laughing? Good. Cuz that’s funny… thinking that Rob wants to interact with his many fans….”

    Yes, I am. I just blogged about this last night. Since when has Rob ever loved interacting with the crazies…er I mean fans. 🙂

  40. Loved the bit about Montana because honestly I cannot think of one major city in Montana and this is not because I was home-schooled (although my husband would tend to disagree) Really, does ANYONE live in Montana?

    PS – I just want to let you know I am sitting here with wet hair, half done makeup and only 15 mins to get to work because you all are too funny and I have to read every word you write.

  41. It’s obvious Rob needs a better disguise. So, how about you wash your hair, blow dry it smooth and off your face, shave all that grunge off your face and put on a grey linen suit?

    No-one would take a second look cos they’re all searching for the plaid, beanie/hoodie combination with unshaven Rob and grungefest hair.

    And come back to London – as long as you stay away from the Groucho club, the Ivy and Boujjis no-one will pay you any attention.

    • @Emma;
      I checked out the clubs you mentioned (Groucho, Ivy and boujjis).
      They seem pretty pretentious, for a 23 yr old guy who purports not to be pretentious.
      I know about the Groucho club..

      But I’m curious, what do you think the attraction is to belong to one?
      Status, or privacy? (but I’ve seen pap pictures taken from inside the club of celebs as well). i.e. TomStu at the Groucho.

      • Well, Scrumpy – the Groucho is a club, so only members & their guests can get inside – this appeals to some famous people as it gives them some limited privacy, the groucho is very popular amongst actors and Rob is a member – but the paps & fangirls will hang about outside as soon as he returns to London, on the offchance of seeing him, Boujjis is a very popular nightclub with the young royals but I don’t imagine Rob going there too often. The Ivy is where all the stars go to eat, as they’re sure to be photographed – Rob has the same problem that every actor faces – you need fame to get work but fame means no privacy. so you go to the Ivy or similar places when you want to promote yourself & you hide in your hotel room when the fame becomes a pain in the ass – I guess.


  43. I love these! You guys crack me up.I also enjoy all the witty comments! THANKS…..

  44. YOU ROCK!!!! You wrote exactly what all of us have been thinking!

  45. Rob could spend all day with my husband, up here in Connecticut, restoring old race cars, drinking some good beer and talking in his adorable English accent (like my husband)… because my husband wouldn’t recognize Rob ONE LITTLE BIT!

    Hell, my DH has sat next to major movie stars in airplanes and not recognized them. Basically, if you don’t have a chassis number, he won’t know you.

  46. I’m currently renting out my house in Hawaii. As soon as Rob gives me the heads up, that famly staying there will be kicked to the street. I have some aero beds and a microwave – what else would he need. He can even bring his friends. It is close to the beach where Oprah and Obama come – and nobody bothers them. I’ll even stock the fridge for him.

  47. UC you have made my Friday!
    I’ve been telling Rob to stop whining and come to mine –
    Come to me baby I could help you escape your delusions. I knew from the first time you joined TWILIGHT that you will be driven mental by three evil things FAME, MONEY and WOMEN and I wasn’t wrong. Now you are relapsing and people just don’t understand – they think you are hiding. This is pure harassment of a ‘vulnerable person’, people don’t understand that you are a paranoid schizo sufferer. We could take them to prison you know. No ignorance plea here, everyone should know the symptoms (self-neglect, alcohol abuse, delusional thoughts that people are out to get you, disengagement with society….aka FANS) So yes Roby darling lets file a law suite! And don’t forget , I still have those antipsychotic you left under my bed. Please come out from hiding and show your beautiful face to me and your many lovers aka – twifamily, I promise they won’t bite – OK, only the right places. Love you

    • wtf is a law suite?

      Your post is very funny but please be careful about suggesting even in jest and on blogs that you may believe are not widely read that a major celeb suffers from mental illness.

      Sorry to inject a serious note, but really, there is a line not to cross.

  48. UC, thank you for your down-to-earth POV.
    I’m with you here and also feel the need to vent a little. So, here goes:

    Dear Rob,

    You’re being silly. It’s those books. I’m telling you. You’re reading those ridiculous books and having the existential crisis right from your hotel room. And the mullet isn’t helping either. You talk each other to sleep with that shit every night, don’t you?
    I’m sorry if I’m being rude or vulgar (you mentioned in the interview that you are a prude person). You truly are a tortured soul with 5 gorillas walking with you everywhere. After all there are dangers out there: you can get kissed, hugged, jumped by hot girls, get you picture taken. Wow. Yeah, you should probably stay in the hotel room with Sartre, Camus, your blanket and warm milk (disguised in a heine bottle) and bitch about how your life sucks.
    Just lose the mullet and we’re good, okay?

    Love, Gizmo.

    Now for reals, UC you’re spot on about our boy being in the bubble with the rest of us. He’s blinded (by the mullet) and cannot exactly put things into perspective. There are always options in life. Some people can’t handle the fame thing and that’s alright. Last time I checked, nobody was pointing a gun at him making him stay in the business.
    I hope he reads your letter and realize that he can always hit Burma (my favorite LOL).

  49. Dear Robbie:

    TomStu’s play PUnk Rock will be over at the end of Sept. So we hope that you will come out of your hole (like that famous American ground hog Punxsutawney ) so we can make important weather decisions. We miss you terribly.

    A number of us here at LTR especially miss drunk Rob.

    My pocket Eddie is beginning to answer me back and that’s not good (or is that normal? ).

    xoxo, yours faithfully- Hermes.

  50. “Myanmar (Burma): Basically the whole country is censored. I bet you no one has seen Twilight yet”

    I might have to excuse myself from my desk cause I can’t hold my big ass laugh that’s about to emerge!

    If he’s afraid, I will come be his hand holder and if a scary situation comes up we’ll just duck behind a dumpster.

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