Posted by: themoonisdown | September 3, 2009

2nd hand embarrassment, This chick wants to be Mrs. Robert Pattinson

I want to be Mrs. Super Embarrassed

I want to be Mrs. Super Embarrassed

Dear Rob,

You remember when the most embarrassing thing your mom could do was kiss you on the cheek in front of your pals, or drop you off too close to the movie theater then honk and yell “MAKE GOOD CHOICES” out at the window as she sped away while your friends laughed their arses off on the curb? Well ol Clare and Mom Moon ain’t got nothing on this mom.

Sarah Barry Williams mom to 16 year old daughter Chariss Amber decided to forever embarrass her daughter writing, recording and SELLING a song about her daughter’s love of You, Mr. Robert Pattinson. Explaining in song her daughters love for you by hanging posters, talking about you non stop, her sudden infatuation with hobo’s, how no other man will measure up, and her love of the movie Twilight. While Momma Sarah finds this obsession song worthy, we just think “THAT’S NORMAL!”

Momma Sarah explains how she ended up recording it:

“A lot of people asked if there was a download of it and then a local studio who had heard it on YOU TUBE contacted me and offered to record me singing it so this is the version that is much clearer than the original camcorder version. I really hope you enjoy listening to the song as much as I enjoyed writing it and performing it.”

Follow the cut to listen to this gem of a song!

Prepare yourself… are you sitting? Ok, this opens in a new tab

She Wants to be Mrs. Robert Pattinson

She sits alone in her bedroom at night
staring at his poster on her ceiling
In her dreams and her fantasies, he knows her thoughts and her feelings
She has a tshirt that says she loves him so all the world can see
No other man will ever take his place
it’s only Robert Pattinson she sees

She wants to be Mrs Robert Pattinson
Then all of her dreams would com true
Just to be Mrs Robert Pattinson
There’s nothing she won’t do

Her Friends they think it’s a school girl crush
on a star that’s too far to reach
But in her dreams and Twilight eyes
Is where she and Mr. Pattinson meet

Like the stars that come out every night
And the sun that sets every day
And her dreams each and every night
Oh they fly on the sky high above
They fly on a wing (OHHHH)

Wait, she wants to be MY wife??

Wait, she wants to be MY wife??

UC’s and my songwriting teacher at music school (where we met) would have a field day with these lyrics. So glad I’m not her and this isn’t a “critical listening day” in class.

Can you imagine even trying to explain that to your friends? Yea, my mom recorded a song about my lust for Robert Pattinson and is now selling it on iTunes. It’s like your dad creating a Youtube channel and uploading all those naked baby video and emailing your school the link: EVERYONE KNOWS YOUR EMBARRASSING SHIZ! (don’t get any ideas DAD!)

So who want’s to duet with me on Mrs. Robert Pattinson during the New Moon Premiere extravaganza Karaoke night? (totally just made that up UC, hope you’ve been practicing “All I want for Christmas is a Twilight Calendar“)

Sitting alone in the bedroom with my Twilight eyes,

PS I can’t believe I spent 99 cents on that song. That’s worth like 100 fan points (or maybe it’s a deduction) and 4 kisses from Rob himself

and you thought “We are the Rob” was hard to get out of your head! HA!

Soooo what would you do if your mom wrote a song about your Rob “issues?” Does this compare to your most embarrassing parental moment?

Source: Park Mag, Picture from Robsessed

Did Rob save the movie version of Twilight? UC investigates over at LTT (Oops UC got tipsy & changed her post idea)
Sing Mrs. Robert Pattinson with your pals in the forum


  1. I would totally kill her and then die of embarassement. Or maybe the other way round. I think her chances of ever being Mrs. Pattinson just dropped to 0. Or maybe rather – 1000. Poor thing.

    • negative points on the possibility of marrying rob scale?? SUCKS to be her!!!!

      • Dear Moon,
        Just had to write to thank you for posting the article about the song I wrote “She wants to be Mrs Robert Pattinson”.

        The different takes on line about the song are so dramatically different, from me being the most embarrassing Mum, and the song being the most cringe worthy ever; to teenage girls writing to me saying that their mothers hated Twilight and they thought it was brilliant that I had written the Robert Pattinson fan song and the other Twilight inspired songs.

        It’s been quite mad reading the various comments and opinions from different people, it seems people either love the song or hate it.

        The RP song was written from an observational point of view honest!!!, about a teenage crush on a famous star and was meant to be a tribute to Robert Pattinson’s ever growing explosive popularity amongst the female race in general.
        Robert Pattinson was brought to my attention by my daughter its true, who thinks he’s gorgeous along with millions of others and this is where the idea for the song came from.

        I did spend Christmas night 2008 on a step ladder putting up posters of him on her ceiling, they had to go on the ceiling as there was no room left on her walls, she has posters of various bands she likes, Orlando Bloom from Pirates of the Caribbean and Robert Pattinson of course.
        My arms were killing me by the time I’d finished, it’s much easier to put posters on a wall, the effort involved in getting them to stay up on a ceiling is quite remarkable.

        And now just when you thought it was safe to go back in to the water.
        I’ve recorded yet another version of the RP song so that you can now dance to it as well as sing along to it……..I haven’t got a dance routine for it yet though LOL 🙂

        I have written lots of other songs over the years about lots of different subjects and I started writing the Twilight inspired songs after reading the Twilight Saga books on my daughters recommendation a couple of years ago, before Robert Pattinson had been cast as Edward, and just fell in love with Stephanie Meyer’s story.
        Yes I became a Twilight fan, for me it was such a wonderful love story and a great escape from reality.

        I launched another song called “In Your Arms” on to you tube about a week or so ago.
        It’s a love song and was inspired by the incredible love between Bella and Edward.
        It’s very different to the Robert Pattinson song.

        Thank you again for writing about the robert pattinson song, and thank you to everyone who took the time to listen to it and comment.

        Best Wishes.

        Sarah x

        • hey sarah! so glad you got that we’re having a good time here and wanted to show off some other folks who love rob in a “special” way. love the amped up version of your song! good luck!

        • Fame kills.

      • Hi
        Just had to let you know that my daughter was offered the opportunity to go to the premiere of “Remember Me” in London last week as the nominated journalist for a magazine.
        She was offered this opportunity as a direct result of this song,and attended the press conference which meant that she had to sit in a room with him and about 20 other journalists for half an hour and she got the opportunity to ask him a very insightful question about his charachter in the film.
        She behaved in a completely professional manner as the nominated journalist and will be writing a piece that will be published in the magazine.
        She was to say the least blown away by this opportunity.
        Thank you to everyone that enjoyed the song and had the intelligence to understand the fact that it was an observational song about the symptoms of a crush on the very talented Mr Robert Pattinson and not a way of punishing her in any shape or form.
        As you can imagine the song turned out to be not so embarrassing after all.
        Also there’s a new book out about RP called Robert Pattinson a-z and F is for fan song it’s a section all about the song.
        Sarah :XD

  2. Dear Moon,

    You do not gain fan points for supporting the crazy. You lose them like hell.


    Seriously though, this is more embarrassing than the time when I was 10 and grocery shopping with my parents and my dad hollered at the top of his lungs “Does Oink need pads too?!” That was an isolated incident (Dane Cook anyone?)… this is forever.

    • OoOooOO…ur dad seriously effed you up on that one…that really sucks balls of goat!!! LOL

      • Eh…it was 13 years ago…I’m over it. Now I make him buy me tampons. We’re even.

    • That reminds me of the time my dad took me to buy my first bra. I was twelve. We walked up to the counter and I stood there as he asked the incredibly nice looking teenage male employee where the “titty holders” where. Seriously.

      • Ahahahahahahah! *cough* I mean….. omg, that’s horrible!

      • “Titty Holders” bahahah! Why on earth would you go to buy your first bra with your dad?!

      • omg! your dad’s name isn’t lloyd is it? totally sounds like my dad. my sister and i needed strapless bras and we’re both rather large up top. after getting on his hands and knees to look at the bottom rack of bras in fredricks of hollywood he then stood up asking very loudly why anyone would want to buy edible panties because in his words “fruity flavored fish is nasty!” Love my dad, but damn he was and still is embarassing! and i’m 30!

      • LOL. I got my period at 13 and I remember we had a big party a few days after I got it. Anyway, there was a guy there that had a crush on me and I really have always felt uncomfortable with him. Well then my mother decided she was gonna announce my “womanhood” in front of the whole dinner party!!!! Later on that evening we were low on drinks and she told me and that boy to go and get some drinks from the pantry! I was so mortified and was mad at mom for months after that! Anyway, that was the last time I spoke to that boy!

        Oh yeah and then when I went to college (I was barely 17 yrs old, I skipped a grade), she told me in front of my friends that she doesn’t care if I had sex as long as I didn’t get pregnant!!! Arghhhh.

      • At least he didn’t say “over the should boulder holder.”

        • that would be shoulder not should.

      • @ Raven LMAO.
        The only time my macho man Dad used to turn red was having to take me shopping for girl stuff… (undies, sanitary napkins, etc.) but he did it.. what a guy. I miss him. the marine corps. does make good men.

      • OMGUH! Hilarious! Titty holders? WIN! So since today is tell your most horrifying teenage moment in a comment day here ya go.

        When I was 13 and going to my first dance with a boy, my stepdad came in to the room with my mom to take pics and informed my date that he better not think about touching me. Then he added ” She doesn’t even have boobs yet so there’s nothing for you to be curious about.” FML.

        Thank god my mom divorced that d-bag a few years later or I’m sure he would have continued telling that story until death.

        • My dad also had a special way of informing dates that touching wasn’t allowed. Well, not so much them as me. Every single time I went out, no matter who it was, right before my date and I walked out the door, Dad would yell “Keep your thumb on it!” for everyone within hearing distance to enjoy. Mortifying.

    • i knew it was a crap shoot whether i’d lose points but i had to bring the crazy!

    You quoted THE movie.

    No, girl…it’s a 100 point deduction. But you did take one for the team, therefore…all points are earned back.

    • I love THE movie. If we’re thinking about the same movie.

    • no joke this is mom moon’s favorite thing to say. im gonna get a shirt made with this saying on there.

    • I also loved THE movie.
      I first heard this song about 3 months ago on some one’s blog. I spent some deep thoughts trying to figure out if this was a for-real-oblivious mom embarrassment moment or a clever ploy to punish her daughter for some misbehavior. If it was a punishment, genius.

  4. Since Rob was a child when I was 16 I guess it would’ve been “She Wants to be Mrs. Michael Stipe”(hey it was when he had hair) and I would’ve wished for the ground to open up and swallow me, as this poor girl probably does.

    I hope she uses any money she makes to pay for that kid’s therapy sessions.

    • Um…I totally love you for this because I love Michael Stipe to pieces but I only thought he was sexy after he shaved his head…What’s the Frequency Kenneth video changed my life..true story…

      • he’s cool..I still love REM.

    • i’ve only know Michael Stipe to be gay. Was there a time when he wasn’t out & you wanted to be his Mrs?

      • Being gay doesn’t stop me. I seem to have a thing for the gay boys. Although back then I don’t think he was out.

        • I might get shot for saying this….but you all know it’s just a matter of time before our dear ole MISTER Patty is out. Serious. Or maybe the images of Little Ashes are still just jading my perception. You know what I”m talking about.

          • Gay Rob would be hot. See, doesn’t stop me one little bit.

          • This, here, is my worst nightmare. Shut yo mouth!

        • TomStu aka: the cupcake.
          IF Rob was gay? Playing for both teams is a distinct possiblity.

    • well i just gave her 99 cents so either she’ll get a minute of therapy or something off the value menu at mcd’s. bonding moment with big daddy?

      PS MICHEAL STIPE IS GAY?!!! omg where have i been?

      • She’s a Dollar-menu-airre. Y’all!!!

      • I think for awhile there they had Mr. Stipe pegged for bi-sexual but he finally said he didn’t like the label. He always saw sexuality as being more “fluid” than static (I guess in the scope of things he thought it lays more on a continuum than as a fixed position). So, he’s had relationships with men and women but I think he mainly chooses men. Can you tell I’m an REM fan?

        I think he’s hot because he’s smart and writes beautiful lyrics and I love the way he sings and he has these amazing blue eyes and he smokes like a chimney. Jeez…notice any similarities??

        Rob = gay. Still not a dealbreaker for me.

      • I am with you Moon, Stipe is Gay??

      • he said (a loooong time ago) that he was “an equal opportunity lech” (but he probably leans more towards gay)

  5. “In her dreams and her fantasies, he knows her thoughts and her feelings”

    I do hope for your daughther’s sake that her dreams and fantasies are a bit more…’lively’, so that at least it is somehow worth the mortification.
    Ohh and why not publish your daughter’s diary? I’m sure that would sell as well.

    P.S. If my mom did that I’d be sueing her for psychological abuse.

    • publish her diary! HAHAHA

      • I had a teacher who read her daughter’s diary to her class. Not the one I attended, thank God. My best friend’s boy-friend told us – and how embarrassed they all were by what she did.

  6. Oh man… and I thought it was embarrassing when my mom told anyone who would listen that I was going to NYC to ‘stalk a younger man’. At least my embarassment wasn’t put up for sale on itunes. Yikes! That poor girl is going to need to change schools!

    • I’m with you I thought I was bad in the NORMAL dept…this by far makes me totes not as crazy!!! Sucks to be this chick fo serious!!! LOL

      • Yup. The more crazy others are, the more normal the rest of us appear. I’m cool with that. =)

        • Yeah-the minute I saw this post I went into the kitchen and said to my husband”oh there ARE people who are crazier than I am”-don’t know if he bought it but I love being able to give examples.

          • if he ever says you’re crazy just press play on this bad boy and reveal in the fact you’re SOOO less crazy

          • I say the exact same thing to my hubs at least once a day…it makes me feel better! He just rolls his eyes!

    • And her name.

  7. Um…yea…no.words!! That is all… :-/

  8. Her mother apparently hates her. I shriveled up and died a litltle on the inside. I can only imagine how poor little Chariss feels. My guess is she will need extensive therapy and will now have psychotic flashbacks every time someone mentions the word “vampire” or “sparkly” or “Heineken” Poor thing.

    • @ Sharpie;
      You forgot “Hot pockets and plaid” .

      • True. Very, very true. And probably anytime she has to use a microwave she goes into hysterics. 🙂

  9. Where’s Dannygirl? She’ll vouch that I have already aired some unfortunate Dad stories…I’m sure I can dredge up some Mom stories as well.

    I am so scared to click on the youtube link because just the lyrics gave me hives. There has to be something worse than second hand embarrassing? Can we add degrees of power? 2HE^2 (second hand embarrassing squared)?

    This is a major #momfail. For shame, Momma Sarah, for shame.

    You know what else is embarrassing? That I can’t spell embarrassing without spell-checker.

    • It would be pi embarrassing. Embarassment that just keeps on going with no definate end….

    • this is like the highest level of 2nd hand embarrassing

    • Fear Not. “I’m aliiiive!”
      Girl, we sure have bonded over the daddy *cough* issues *cough* stories. Don’t you find it weird that we’ve been babbling about our shameful little events for the last couple of days and now this? I’m telling ya, this sh*t is gonna keep hunting us for the rest of our existence! Ha ha, don’t get me wrong, I love it.

      Daddy stories make us unite in embarrassment. I don’t know how we’ve been able to relate almost every post to this. It started with the eyebrows and now it won’t stop. I told you, those female/male reproductive organs my dad drew for me and my brothers and sistas f*cked us all up! But it’s OK. I got to learn where everything was supposed to be and how it worked and had the chance to explain it to all of my friends just for the fun of it. I totally got back at my Dad cuz all the mothers were aaangryyy and wanted to talk to my parents. Ha ha! We were in elementary and my school used to be pretty conservative so…u know.
      Love ya Zees!

      • Almighty Balls, anyone who can bust out the “ALIIIIIVE” is alright in my book…thumbs up for ya from me, AND Mike Newton. (is it wrong, that I actually thought that was one of the best lines in the entire movie?)

        When I become a psychologist…(please see my post on the 2nd page that is total batshite crazy but proves that Zees runs on huge amounts of Dunkin’ and not sleep), maybe I will research the dad issues that lead to celeb obsession. Woah…that sentence started as a joke, but I think it might be serious. Wow….PSA alert…The More You Know. Word.

        I’m all out of Dad stories…and my mom is pretty cool, so I will share a Zees story.

        I was, oh…about 8 years old and I was at my friends house for a meal.

        Now, at Casa de Zees, if you want the pickles, olives, etc…you ask for someone to please pass the pickles, olives, etc.

        Friend’s parents were a bit more fancy….they ask to please pass the condiments.

        Little Zeesalah asked if friend’s Rabbi dad could please pass the condoms.

        • It’s not wrong at all, its normal! I tots love that line. Since the first time I heard it made me giggle (it still does).
          Please, please treat me first when you become a Psychologist. Especially on the matter of the celeb (Rob) issue…you know what? Nah! I don’t want to be cured. I would just appreciate a little enlightenment (after all your investigation) about why I’m sooo normal.

          “pass the condoms” bhaha haha ha! Hilarious!

  10. I saw this song a few months ago on iTunes (while searching Robert Pattinson) and this crap came up, I listened to the preview (hoping it would be funny) but then realized how La Gay it is…I hope this poor 16 year old girl dosent think she has the golden ticket to get to Rob, because her ticket is a ride in the back of her moms minivan to family therapy.

  11. The fact that I am listening to this song at 7:30 am is 1st hand embarrassing.

    I would totally be one of those kids that you hear about on the news that hired a hitman to kill my mother if she ever even considered singing a song like this.

    This is coming from the girl whos mother used to do costume deliveries. She showed up to my classroom once dressed in a nude suit with a diaper and wings. (cupid)

    I hid under my desk.

    • It might be shameful for you…but that is pure awesome! The visual…gah, they need to make a movie of that!

    • Your Mum is totally awesome, {though I do understand your embarassment}.
      That is the main reason I ‘enjoyed’ my sons being teenagers, the public displays of affection and dancing in the supermarket that they sooo enjoyed are amongst my favourite memories….sigh….

    • listening to it at any time is embarrassing!

      and your mom sounds crazy hilar. isn’t that always the way? everyone but yourself thinks your mom/dad are cool.

      • Oh she (and everyone else) definetly think she is hilarious.

        I do admit that I would find it funny if it happened to someone else.

  12. I couldn’t finish watching the whole thing. I literally have tears streaming down my face and can barely breathe from laughing so hard! poor poor girl, i hope she files for emancipation.
    this is even more 2nd hand embarrasing than the birds and the bees talk with my parents.

  13. Wow!! This is “buckets of crazy”!! So funny, though. Definitely beyond 2nd hand embarrassing…

  14. Ummm, no.
    My mum would never do anything like that to me.
    She can be incredibly embarrassing (which she knows and uses) but she’d never do that to me . . . I think.
    Those lyrics!
    So inspiring! (*cough*)


  15. Two words:


    That is all

    • justifiable Momicide?

      • Oh LTR, you have no idea what kind of a fangirl squee I let out when you tweeted my comment. I have an unholy, adulterous crush on Robert Pattinson and YOU!


          i freakin love it

    • Flipped: HUMILICIDE

  16. And the crazy just keeps on coming!!

  17. I listened to the song while reading the lyrics (didn’t watch the video).

    Here’s my postsecret for the world to know:

    I want to be Mrs. Robert Pattinson, but I’m old enough to be his aunt *cough* and I’m already married.

  18. OMG. I only got up to the first line of the chorus before I had to hit mute.

    I was cringing in pain as if Jane was looking at me.

    Who DOES this kind? Much prefer “We are the Rob”

  19. that made me feel normal and also made me cringe

  20. That poor girl. Does her mom hate her? It’s almost like she is making fun of her.

    Poor Rob. That must feel so weird to him. If I were him and I heard this I would hid under a rock, a bigger rock than he is already under. I’m sure he gets shit for it from his friends.

    Hopefully he just thinks it’s funny that people are so nuts?

    I am sooo normal.

  21. I almost couldn’t click on it. After reading the lyrics I was scared, truly scared .
    I couldn’t listen to the whole thing. Sooo bad. I’m trying to figure out if her mom is making an effort to bond with her daughter or one of those moms that would pimp her daughter out for $100 and a carton of Marloboro reds.

    • Did they write the lyrics together, and she thinks it’s awesome she has a cougar mom that wants to know what she has fantasies about? Like those moms that rent their kids a hotel room for your first time and buy them condoms and lingerie.
      Is she proud of the song?
      Or is the mom a complete nutter “they’re all going to laugh at you” and decided to scar the poor Chariss for life?

      “Sorry honey, I have to sell your soul on itunes to make a couple bucks”

      • Well, you know…times are tough.

        I’m sorry, I couldn’t even post that snark because I am so thoroughly sad for daughter and for mom.

        It’s like when you’re at a concert, and the daughter is having a good NORMAL time, and the mom is there in her “Cougars Love the Lamb-ert” American Idol t-shirt and throwing her bra onto the stage, and you want to take the daughter aside and tell her you feel for her *true story*

    • Ha! We were on the same page.

      I am suddenly envisioning this woman standing with her daughter on a street corner with an acoustic guitar: What will the rest of her album consist of?

      Track 1: She wants to be Mrs. Robert Pattinson
      Track 2: (If he is unavailable.)..she will settle for being Mrs. Taylor Lautner
      Track 3: My daughter and Robert Pattinson Living in Sin
      Track 4: My 16 year old wants to have Spunk Ransom’s Love Child
      Track 5: Please someone famous marry my daughter I am sick of my day job.

      • What mom really thinks it’s ok for her 16 yr old to marry a 23 year old guy? Are they from Mississippi?

        • Apparently Tennessee…I can say this for two reasons.

          1) I’m from Tennessee
          2) My aunt was 16 when she married my uncle who was 23 at the time. They have been married for 35 years. (not saying it’s ok…just not not normal)

          I’m country.

          • I’m in TN now….my great grandmama had her first baby at 14! On purpose!

          • @PinkDolphin

            I read that a your great grandmama JUST had her first baby at 14.

            And thought about it for a second and decided that wasn’t too weird.

            I am so freaking country it isn’t funny.

        • Legal in Georgia

      • don’t forget thanks to Miley Cyrus she can now dream of being a pole dancer at 16 too!

  22. My mom doesnt know about my Pattinson affection…she would never, ever understand. She would complain that I need to get a “real boyfriend” and stop lusting/dreaming/talking about someone I cant have.

    I believe Will Smith said it best…”Parents Just Dont Understand!”

    Thats why I am glad I have you guys…. :)=

  23. I can’t form a witty retort. I’m thoroughly creeped out. Are you sure that wasn’t AmanDUH’s song?

    I was a bit embarassed when my mom bought me an Edward poster. Now I want to go to her work, hug her and say, “Thank you so much for being a good and NORMAL Mom.”

    • My mother refers to RP as my “little boyfriend”, which seems like unflagging support until she gets sick of me and says, “Oh, for God’s sake, he looks like he needs a good showah” (Maine accent).

      • Ha! There is nothing “little” about Rob! I would know. I swear.

        My Mom says he looks too feminine. I’ll give him a good showah.

        • Yeah – I think this lady DOES NOT have a daughter at all and she’s just embarrassed to confess this song is really about her. TRUTH! My mom totally thinks Robert’s a babe and if she ever wrote a song – it would be about HER lust for him – not mine! 😉

  24. I didnt make it past the first chorus.
    This lady is ill (and not as in old school rap ill, as in sick in the head)

    Did she seriously put it out there on youtube and itunes that “there is nothing” her 16 year old daughter “won’t do” in order to become Mrs. Robert Pattinson?

    Does anyone else get the feeling that there is nothing that Momma won’t do to pimp her own daughter out?

  25. That’s embarrassing! I had moments like this with my own mother but nothing this bad though! I feel so bad for this girl, she may need therapy soon! 🙂

    I can’t watch the link for some reason.

    • I can’t watch it because that part of my brain that says “this is too much to handle” told me not to. It’s VERY rare that I listen to it, but I will now.

  26. exactly. this is what is in store for AmanDUH’s offspring. except there will be an interpretive dance to complement the stunningly inane lyrics.

    kids these days have it rough.

  27. that poor poor girl. 1. your mom cant find anything better to write about than hanging up posters of rob? 2. its a crappy song at that. 3. your mom just outed you in front of the world. if my mom did something like this i would change my name get some serious plastic surgery and run away. very far away. dear god could you imagine having to go to school when all your classmates find this?!!? i think i might be traumatized for her.

    • This reminds me of when Sharon Osborn went aroudn saying that Rob would be a great bf for her daughter… I can’t remember her name.

      Completely embarassing. Especially for Rob.

      • I think her name is Kelly Osbourn.

  28. What did my mom do to embarrass me when I was younger?

    I have no idea…I have blocked out EVERYTHING before my 18th birthday (which ironically I can’t remember either…oh, yes, I can *hehe male cheerleaders*)

    Hopefully this girl is counting down the days until she is out of the looney bin and off to college where she can smoke and drink and slut her embarrassing memories away.

  29. I really can’t remember that far back now, being an old cougER, my memory is not as good at it used to be……by the way, is it safe to come out now? Has that ROBKRIS gone?!


    • You aren’t a cougar! You are a liger!!!

      • GOOOSSSH!

  30. P.S. I think the heading for this post should be

    “This Chick wants to be Robert Pattinson’s Mother-in-Law”

    I now have a theory that Momma Sarah is the one who loves Rob, but is too embarrassed to admit it, so she projects it onto her daughter.

    no, wait…that would assume she has any dignity.

    Never mind.

  31. This is nothing compared to the daily mortification I grew up with. My father embarrassed me regularly and in spectacular fashion, but it’s made me the filterless master of self-deprecation commenting before you today. Humiliation is good for old Chariss Amber–builds character.

    • In that vein, thank you SO much for introducing me to @shitmydadsays

      Absolute Brill on a Stick!

    • but it’s made me the filterless master of self-deprecation commenting before you today

      I adore you.

      • I’d like to share with you the story of the time my dad went grocery shopping with me at Wal-Mart–in shorts, up-to-the-knee athletic socks, plastic sandals, and my mother’s raincoat.

        • My dad once picked me up from high school wearing a polka-dotted welder’s cap, overalls with no shirt, and sandals made out of old tires. It wasn’t necessary for him to get out of his vehicle, but he did. He did.

          • LOL. OMG that is hilarious! I feel bad for you! 🙂

            Sandals made of old tires? Oh my, that could be the next trend though u know?

  32. I think the mom secretly wants to be Mrs. Pattinson but doesn’t want to admit it so for psychological reasons she wrote a song and blamed it on her daughter. Real mature eh?

    I can’t believe the popularity this song has on itunes. The bars for purchasing goes way to the end, LOL! Wows!

    • Exactly what I thought. She’d rather embarrass her daughter than assuming her fantasies.

      I don’t mind claiming how much I like Rob and I assume completely (with a nickname and only here :-)). Ok, maybe I am as pathetic as her then…

  33. Yup, I am NOT NORMAL. I know this because I wasn’t even tiniest bit 2nd hand embarrassed. In fact, I may have thought ‘awww, that’s a nice song’ once or twice or that the woman can sing better than me, which isn’t hard to be fair, but at no point did I worry for her daughter’s street cred.

    The thing is, I never knew what a real fan was until I worked for this woman who is a proper fan of this singer dude, and this woman is in her 50s and she travels around the country going to all his concerts and tv appearances and whatever and gives him flowers and cards and collects his signatures and his photos. I really didn’t know people like that existed until I met this woman and then er…well, Robert Pattinson fans.

    The thing is, she is never ashamed of the depth and breadth of her fandication and neither should you be. Embrace the song! It is who you Are! 🙂

    • If that’s the case (this is who we are / embrace the song and fandication).
      God help us.
      Their isnt a nut house big enough to hold us all.

  34. OMR!
    UC and Moon is this your advice on how to get We Are The Rob out of my head? You win then! :P.. It is stuck in my head now :o((.. I first heard it sometime in May, and was totally speechless! Was able to forget about it until I heard and saw that AmanDUH vid that made me speechless as well :D… And so I was all happy rocking my world with “Dead and Done” only, and recently with “We are the Rob” until today when I have already caught myself singing that “She wants to be Mrs. Robert Pattinson” without even listening to it, just reading about it. Oh, please, God (or better Rob), don’t let me slip in public today and accidentally sing it out loud – pretty please? 😉

    “Just to be Mrs Robert Pattinson
    There’s nothing she won’t do”

    Well, then you better watch out, “Mom” because it could totes get out the hand, so you might ‘polish’ some of your parental responsibilities, if you even sing about your daughter “There’s nothing she won’t do”. It might get crazy and dangerous 😀 (well I guess the first part: crazy – check!)

    Anyway, I think “Mom” should admit the fact that she wrote it about her true feelings towards Rob :).
    And there would be no need to 1st hand embarrass your daughter, because if you (Mom) just came here among us, and share your music and feelings with us, we would not tell you we were 2nd hand embarrassed, we’d tell you: “That’s normal!” 😀

    PS: she has another song on youtube – New Moon

    • Well, the fact that she has that other song out just proves that she is the one who wants to be Mrs. Pattinson. I am eagerly awaiting the remix:

      “Okay, I am the one who wants to be Mrs. Pattinson, not my daughter”

    • She doesn’t even have daughter.

      • OMG that is total Win girl. She made Chariss up to hide her love of Rob!

  35. I took a deep breath and tried to play the song – even after reading those painful lyrics – only to be told that the file is corrupted – how appropriate is that!

  36. Momma Sarah….EPIC FAIL!

  37. OMFG. There are no words. This girl should be completely mortified, but if she’s anything like mom, she’s probably really enjoying the attention. And well, let’s face it, if somehow the song gets to Rob, I’m going to start writing songs about him too. First one: I wanna sex rob up (feat Paris Latsis/ any other member of color me bad).

    • Ah tick tock and you don’t stop!

      Get to writing, I’d download that tune! LOL

  38. Thank God my work blocks YouTube – gives me a reason not to listen to that. Yikes.

  39. I read the song and – what a strange feeling: now I’m glad my English sucks! Ha!
    I’ll try to watch the video. I just have to take a shot before (pun intended LOL)

    Let’s get random:
    Yesterday I bought Twilight 2 discs blah blah blah DVD and guess what? I WIN a [em]ticket[/em]* to go watch “New Moon”!
    *Oh, that’s the way – uh-huh uh-huh – I like it – uh-huh, uh-huh…*


  40. Two things –

    1. I would totally pay 99 cents for this song just to secretly upload it to my husbands ipod so that one glorious day when its on shuffle and he’s carpooling…well, hilarity would ensue.

    2. Maybe this girl could become Mrs. Robert Pattinson, depending on what she looks like, no not really, depending on how old she is, and he HATES children. So actually no, nevermind.

    I had my first kiss with Rodward last night, I’ll try to get time to describe it on the Forum later:)

    • I so love the idea of putting it on the hubs’ Ipod…he might get pissed though because his Ipod is one of his most cherished toys. It might be worth it to see his face when it came on.

  41. I can’t even press the play button! I consider myself a humongous fan of Robert Pattinson but there is a limit to what I will do to reinforce that fact! Poor, poor kid!

    BTW, I’ve been a lurker for a long time now and I must say, your site is the best!!!

  42. This is so sad…oh my. I suspect a mom who’s ‘trying’ to have a music career?? Please, uh, don’t.

  43. Special. ‘Tell me about the rabbits, tell me about the rabbits…’ special.

    I will NEVER complain about my parents, childhood, or teenage angst issues again…ever. I have no right. BUT, I would love to retort with my own composition of what I would like to DO to Robert Pattinson?

    OMG…it could be epic. Wait, wait, Moon and UC…how about you start a post with one line, and everyone leaves one line in the comments. Yeah, I need to leave the house now.

  44. Um, I don’t know if I’m more 2nd hand embarrassed that you took one for the team and bought this song Moon… or that I was the one who found that shizz on iTunes.

    I seriously wasn’t searching for it, I promise guys!

    I’ve only ever typed “Mrs. Robert Pattinson” into ONE search field in my whole internet obsessed life and that was to see what it would look like plastered in rhinestones across the ass of a hot pink velure jumpsuit!

    • “I’ve only ever typed “Mrs. Robert Pattinson” into ONE search field in my whole internet obsessed life and that was to see what it would look like plastered in rhinestones across the ass of a hot pink velure jumpsuit! ”

      That statement absolutely made my day.

  45. I now have the perfect song for the “first dance” at my future wedding reception. I’ll play this instead of “No Diggity”, as planned. The tempo is perfs for booty-dancing, at which I EXCEL.

    • Please make your first dance with a Robward cardboard cut-out! Your husband can sit that one out.

      • The Robward cardboard cut-out IS my future husband. Didn’t I mention?

        • you too?! When is the wedding?

  46. Omg this is actually really catchy!

    I wouldn’t mind my mom doing this for me.

    I wish Rob really did listen to this. Its pretty….and i think right up his ally in music taste.

    haha NICE! 😀

    • 😀 😀 😀

      “I wish Rob really did listen to this. Its pretty….and i think RIGHT UP HIS ALLEY IN MUSIC TASTE.”

      LOOOOOL 😀 :D… That was a good one, LadyN! (joke)… it totally sounds like Van Morrison, even the lyrics are very elaborate 😀 😀 😀

      … oh, wait!! Were you being serious???

      • wait, what? whatta I say?

        stupid comment? *confused*

        well, they both play guitar and slur when singing… sounds the same to me! LOL! (ok, don’t kill me, yes hes hot and his music is fabulous, ok? How’s that?)

        I still think it’s cute and catchy and fuck it, anything to make Rob go ‘wtf was that?! o.O’ and milk the shit out of this… why not? *shrug*

        Poor Rob. lol I’d make it up to him and take him out for some waffles. He deserves it. 🙂

        • Hahaha :D… (no, not stupid; it’s cool that you actually like the song 😉 )
          .. so you meant it sounded a little like Rob’s music, and not the music that he likes? …
          … hmm, .. although I already read somewhere that when Rob is singing he sounds like a dying goat 😀 😀 I couldn’t stop laughing for hours after reading it. There might be something to it 😀 but I love his “singing voice”, and if it was not for his music that I, actually, heard first (and the fact that he played Dali) I would never get into reading or watching Twilight, to be honest 🙂

          I’m not sure if Rob heard this song would only leave him with “WTF was that?” (I wish!).. he’d might go into hiding for a long time 😀 😀

          • HAHAHAHHAahhaha@dying goat.
            poor guy! its those special moments when you catch a glimpse of what he’s actually saying that you go “Wow he’s good.” LOL!

            ie. Let me sign song, the “I will wrap you in my arms” part is just *sighhhh-goosebumps* haha that’s a good part. Never think is perfect. I think he’d be awesome in studio recording. I’m a singer so I tend to analyze shit like that. lol

            Noo, but he’s great. he has nice vibrato and a good tone. but most importantly the soulll of it. 🙂 Even if i never knew him and heard Never think, I’d still love it. He’s good. I’d love for him to make a whole album…. WITH piano! urgh, piano! I’d buy two copies.

            Heard that, Rob?! TWO! get on it, babe!

  47. Slightly scared,….Fan Girls and their moms are scary.

    I will leave now to “Make Good Choices” with the rest of the day.

    PS You get your points back for taking one for the team, but if you at all enjoyed it or ever mention this again, those points are gone.

  48. Could someone please put this guy in his place! The nerve!

  49. This mother has all kinds of parenting fails. I mean there is the obvious, and then this:

    “She sits alone in her bedroom at night
    staring at his poster on her ceiling.”

    The poster goes on the wall, and the mirror goes on the ceiling! How the hell else is she going to see her Robward bed sheets! Embarrassment is only tolerable when it comes with the wisdom of motherly advice.

    I am not completely shocked that someone made this song to tease their daughter. However, I am a bit amazed that a studio heard it on YouTube and thought, “cha ching!” Maybe, they left out the part of the story that explains Chariss’ dad owns the studio, and both parents never want her to get laid.

  50. That is by far worse than my mom trying on a bra over her clothes in the middle of Target. Shameful.

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