Sometimes we get really obnoxiously annoying “OMG I LOVE ROBERT PATTINSON THE VAMPIRE FROM TWILIGHT SO MUCH TELL HIM I SAY HI WRITE ME BACK” e-mails sent to us. And then sometimes the letters to Rob are so full of win that we fall passionately in love with the writer. This is one of those letters:
I have an unholy confession to make.
Before I was passionately ushered in to the inner sanctum that is the world of Twilight fandom, I thought you were ugly. And dirty. And greasy. And had massive eyebrows. I could not appreciate the “fine bouquet” that every one else seemed to. I remember seeing the Twilight trailer (never had heard of the books) and thinking, first of all, I hated Kristen Stewart for being a white trash slut in Into the Wild and secondly, that you were not that hot. And then my husband chimed in with “Great, now they’ve made vampires gay”. I have to say, with a shame that cuts me, I agreed. It looked totally gay. Like Teen Choice FAB-U-LOUS! gay. And so my life continued on as normal for the next several months.
And then I watched the MTV Movie awards. I’m not saying you won me over then, don’t get me wrong. I only watched to see Andy Samberg do his shit. But then Twilight slaughtered the awards, and your almost kiss with K-Stew excited me in ways I don’t usually get excited while sitting on my couch in my mismatched flannels and huge Reese’s Peanut Butter Cup t-shirt. So I gave in, I put Twilight on my netflix queue and awaited my husband’s mocking. It came, along with the movie and I sat, by myself of course, and watched you in all your cold, sparkly glory. Consensus? It was ok, not the worst movie I’d ever seen, but alright. And you looked much better than in real life. So I thought that was it. I’d let down my guard and joined the Hot Topic crowd for 122 minutes. Then out of desperation I picked up Twilight to read on a plane ride. How ironic that the day I bought the book that has turned my life upside down I stood in the checkout line and pointed out a tabloid with your face on it to my sister-in-law and asked her why you had to look like that in RL. Needless to say, I was done the whole saga in a week. And then I started to look up stuff about New Moon on the world wide interweb. And then I watched video of the panel at Comic Con. And that was it.
You could’ve stuck a fork in me and called me done. The first time I saw your adorkable, self-deprecating smile and heard your charming guffaw laugh I fell. Because I’ll admit I have always had a thing for British guys – who doesn’t right? But a funny British guy? How could I not? So I have spent the last 3 weeks or so starting and ending my day with video mashups of pics of you set to truly awful music. I started following every post on LTT, trying to convince myself thoroughly (as Moon and UC do) that I was not the crazy one. That designation was saved for Pattinson Pants Lady and AmanDUH. I could laugh at them, just as the school bully makes fun of the special needs kid – if only to make myself feel more normal. But its not normal. I was reading a post just the other day of people’s sexy dreams they’ve had of you and I was jealous. Yes, that’s right, I was jealous of the time people got to spend with you in an unconscious state. I hadn’t had a dream of you, did that mean I didn’t care as much as I thought I did? Well I have to thank LTR for posting that 18 second slice of heaven called you at the Oscars giving a fan an eye-f***, because I watched it 12 times before bed last night and then you came to me. [UC Note: That’s what she said]
You were bartending at a restaurant in a tux. I was running behind the rest of my party and so I walked in alone. You scanned over me quickly as I walked in and then looked again. I of course couldn’t tear my eyes off you. Then I had to get up to go to the bathroom and ‘we sort of ran into each other’ because there were these other guys blocking my way. And you gave me that same exact Oscar look. Let me just say I woke up happy. No I didn’t get to do x-rated things to you, but in my mind this was even better. We had a moment.
So I guess in a way I want to thank you. You have turned me from a hater into a lover, from a normal person living a normal boring life into a person who doesn’t care if she stays up till 3 am watching all the interviews you’ve ever done. Of course no one else knows of my obsession. My husband makes fun of me but he really doesn’t know about the hours upon hours me and you truly spend together. Even most of my best friends don’t know I’ve read the series or that I watch the movie every time I get on my elliptical to exercise, which is about twice a week. I usually get to the field trip scene before I can’t breathe anymore. I seriously don’t know if its the running or your face. So thats it, I’ve confessed my sins. I remain yours truly.
We want to start featuring your stories on the weekends of how to came to love Rob, so send us the great ones via e-mail. And share the not as great but still good ones in the comments! xo UC & Moon
Happy Birthday Emmeloowhoo from all of us! XO