To our amazing LTR gals,
I know we don’t do this often- stray from the topic of our site- but I came across this important health message that we really felt like we had to take the time to share. We’ve gotten to know so many of you and feel like we have a certain influence over your lives, so we thought we’d share this vital announcement- because there’s nothing more important than our health. Without our health, how could we wait patiently behind a dumpster amidst all those germs for as long as needed without getting terribly sick? You see the importance, I know you do.
Just looking out for ya,
UC & Moon
~ Do you have feelings of inadequacy?
~ Do you suffer from shyness?
~ Do you sometimes wish you were more assertive?
~ Do you wish you spend all your time online?
~ Do you desire to long for someone you want so bad but will never have?
~ Do you have an affinity for British accents and dandruff?
If you answered yes to any of these questions, ask your doctor or pharmacist about Robert Pattinson.
Robert Pattinson is the safe, natural way to feel better and more confident about yourself and your actions. Robert Pattinson can help ease you out of your shyness pants and let you tell the world that you’re ready and willing to do just about anything (with him). Robert Pattinson will teach you the best ways to produce handfuls of your very own dandruff. You will notice the benefits of Robert Pattinson almost immediately and with a regimen of regular doses (ahem) you can overcome any obstacles that prevent you from living the life you want to live that Kristen Stewart is potentially currently living (minus the mullet and the attitude.) Shyness and awkwardness will be a thing of the past and you will discover many talents you never knew you had: binge drinking, drunk tweeting/chatting/texting, karaoke singing, video making, etc.
Stop hiding and start living, with Robert Pattinson.
Robert Pattinson may not be right for everyone. Women who do not wish to become pregnant should not have Robert Pattinson. However, women who wouldn’t mind nursing or becoming pregnant are encouraged to try Robert Pattinson. Robert Pattinson may not be suitable for you if you do not approve of borrowing clothes, plaid, Dutch beers, hot pockets or lack of personal hygiene.
Side effects may include:
– Erotic lustfulness
– Loss of motor control
– Desire to remove clothing
– Loss of virginity
– Loss of fan fic virginity
– Smoking habit
– Addiction to Twitter
– Sudden urges to find a dumpster
– Table dancing
– Obsessive scouring of the internet for news related to Robert Pattinson
– Hatred of women with mullets
– Drinking an obscene amount of liquids.
– Sex hair addiction
– Willingness to drive, fly or travel anywhere in the world to meet with fellow sufferers
~ Robert Pattinson can make you think smoking is sexy.
~ Robert Pattinson may result in the loss of your marriage
~ Robert Pattinson will cause you to lose your real life friends & family
~ Becoming involved with Robert Pattinson could potentially give your sex life a major boost, until the moment when Robert Pattinson causes you yell out “Thank you Robert Pattinson” during a moment of passion with someone other than Robert Pattinson.
Please share this with other women who may need Robert Pattinson.
Thanks to Kristin who first sent me this women’s health message (although it was about Margaritas) & for helping with the changes. As well as Moon. Cuz you rule. And for my new package of Singulair, for the inspiration with the Rob Rx picture.