Posted by: themoonisdown | August 25, 2009

Rob’s Mailbag, When people think we’re Robert Pattinson

Dear Rob,

Running this lil blog here sometimes confuses “special” people and they think we’re really you, which is odd cause why would you write letters to yourself?! But that is neither here nor there.  So as it turns out we receieve tons of emails and one thing I’ve learned from readers these emails is that any time someone says “I’m not one of those crazy fans” or “I’m not crazy” THEY ARE. 100% certifiable, bat shit crazy! Generally people “get it” but then there are the “special” people who think we ARE you, Robert Pattinson and well, what do we do? Yup, we post them on here and answer them! Fun, no?

Oh and I’m not one of those “crazy” fans,

Just call me Ransom, SPUNK Ransom that is

Just call me Ransom, SPUNK Ransom that is

Dear Rob,

I have just 1 question. Why do you want your name changed to spunk ransom?

Love, Questioning in Quincy

Dear Questioning,

Great, uh, question! As a matter of fact I think Rob was either drunk, sleep deprived or on a 5 hour energy bender and just blurted out the first two words he could come up with. And yes he chose a word that is synonymous with seminal fluid. Yup, wrong on so many levels.

See: bad idea that will never die

Spunk Moon

(this next one has been edited for length, trust me this is all you’ll want)

Follow the cut to read more of Rob’s letters!

Doing that "Cullen Smile"

Doing that "Cullen Smile"

Dear Mr. Pattinson

I been wanting to do this and that is to write to you after 5 months that you and your twilight family did the twilight movie anyhow I wanted to say you all did a  really great job. And to let you know that I am not like those crazy fan’s or some magazine company or some net work want to talk to you every time you do a movie.

anyhow I just want to say I know how twilight would win I just did not care witch away it wild start off in. and you all won  a lot of awards and I love the almost kissing scene you and Kristen stewart did on mtv awards and that day that make me do a Cullen smile.

Anyhow I just can not wait to see it in the movies. but I know you all are starting to film the eclipse movie and I just wish I was there in person to watch all of you doing a scene. Anyhow what ever happens in the movie you all will do a good job. And what you will do after new moon and eclipse and breaking dawn are done I will always still be watching and being a fan.

That "older actor" guy

That "older actor" guy

I started watching the older male actor’s who plays your father and dr. did his part as a vampire. Doing his smooth walking in a room in a hospital make me smile. and then before I went to a book store and I buy audio tapes on twilight and new moon and eclipse and breaking dawn I list to it and that’s when I want to got to a book store and got it and I started to read It and  I just love the book’s  and that’s I can image of each movie and how the story gose on I truly understand the story of Mrs. Meyer books came to alive and I will love new moon and eclipse and breaking dawn it was because of you all playing these people it like wow.   And if I every got the chance to say to you all from cast to every crew member’s to say thank you for all you have put into it and thank you all the cast for making Mrs. Meyer books come to alive I love the fight the laughing and sadness and a lot of war war 1 in the movie that I am sure it will have it can of odd for me I feel like I can relate to avery part of the movie even relate to the Cullen and the blacks even  relate to Bella and her to left feet and cooking and some always I can image why the reason why she was born and way she move to forks.

Any how take care and do not for get to smile and the cast will when more awards even Taylor launder will win a awards at some point and when that dose happen I be watching on TV preying and shouting out aloud that you all won again yesssssssssssss.

From: Not a crazy fan or Magazine Company, female age 36 from Tampa Bay Florida USA.

Dear Not a crazy,

5 months?! What took you so long? Was it that crazy magazine company you work for or the network who wants something from Rob? I’m pretty sure Rob isn’t interested in whatever magazine subscriptions you’re trying to sell but you might try that “old actor who plays his father.” I hear he likes to read the AARP quarterly magazine and the Readers Digest.

While we’re on it crazy can you let me know where the World War I stuff happens in Twilight, because I’m pretty sure Twilight takes places in Forks, WASHINGTON which is in the US and World War I was in Europe… but maybe I’m the crazy one here.

Oh and I’ll be sure to pass this along to Taylor Launder, I’m sure he’d love to know that at some point he too could win some awards!

And yes, that makes me do a “Cullen Smile”
Ms. Moon

Rob and Tom. BFFs? Or Lovers...?

Rob and Tom. BFFs? Or Lovers...?

Hi Rob,

i just read u want to go back to london i dont blame you the girls here are crazy and your not use to that it just feels like you hate your fans even me. but i would never do that, i mean if i met you i would not scream or try to pull your cloths off i would say hello i love all of your movies and your a hardworker. lol if i was you i would take a break from all the fame and everything to go back to your hometown and just stay there for awhile and get to know your fans  and see your friends and family there that’s what i would do just keep up your good hard work and take a break once in awhile and try to ignore the papparazzi i hate them so much lol

Love, London Lover

p:s: loved you in Vanity Fair

Dear London Lover,

Is that you Tom Stu? Seriously, sending us a letter for Rob? Is it that bad? Kristen stole your man and now you’re all alone with no one to share a plaid shirt with? I’m sorry pal, why don’t you turn on some Clay Aiken and remember the good times.



Dear Rob,

Even though I’m not completely sure you will be reading this anytime soon (honestly, I’m not 100% you’ll read it, I hope I’m wrong), I have a few things to say to you related to the scariest thing a movie star can ever have: crazy and obssessed fangirls. Yes, you did not misread that.

Being a huge fan I am of the Twilight movies/books and everything related to them, I just can say that I sort of feel a little bit sorry for you. The reason? We Twifans are crazy and would do anything to meet the hottie that plays Edward Cullen in our beloved movies.

Seriously, I was there when you came to present “Twilight” to Mexico City. I was behind the security line at the movies (Cinemex) when some girl yelled:”He’s leaving!” (she, of course, meaning you) and everyone started running towards the emergency exit to try to see a glimpse of you. I saw all possible videos of how you were trying to escape (remember the crazy chick on top of your van? don’t worry, that was not me) and even made a group on Facebook entitled “For those who were angry because Rob couldn’t come out to say hello at Cinemex”. Your life is not easy at all.

But now, after everything I have seen, I have finally understood something: you are really down to Earth when fame is involved. Yeah, even when Earth is infested with girls trying to touch you, tackle you, kiss you etc etc. I am amazed on how you have controlled all this. If I were you, I would be totally freaking out (in a paranoid way).

That being said, I only have a few more things to add.

A couple of days ago, I dreamed about you. Yes, I’m kind of ashamed of that being written in this letter, but I can’t control my subconcious. In that dream, I was asking you “How can you handle this level of fame?, I mean, those stalking girls are crazy!” I woke up before you actually told me.

Anyways, what I’m trying to say is that, even though you are always surrounded by people that are crazy about you, you still look easy-going. Wow about that!

Good luck in these upcoming weeks with your new movie and crazy fans.

Lots of love from Mexico!

PS: I also hope that you’re OK about that cab incident, and I want to clarify that not all fans are like that. (Btw, I’m not a crazy fan either)

Dear Love from Mexico,

Stop lying you WERE the crazy girl on top of the van! And you not the girl who created the “For those who were angry because Rob couldn’t come out to say hello at Cinemex” Facebook group, you created the “So happy I climbed on top of the van at Cinemex and saw ROB while the rest of you losers didn’t!” Facebook group. Be truthful now.

Moon on top of the van

Oh and everyone turn the other way… this next one is a special one just for the man himself.

Hey Rob, someone sent this in and we think it got in our mailbag by accident…

For you


(for serious!)


  1. People really send these things to you? I’m sorry you have to fight through the bad grammar to read them. Please tell me you made up the age on the second letter!! There’s no excuse for that amount of stupidity. Ever.

    Oh, if I am say I AM one of those crazy fans, does that mean I’m not really?


    • I was thinking the same thing pink (oink) dolphin……if we both say that we’re crazed fans, too negatives equal a positive so NO we aren’t “crazy” just ROBSESSED…(I can’t believe I just said that, what a nerd I am)

    • I feel like someone took a cheese grater to my brain after reading (or attempting to) that second one! Then I assumed in was some kid that didn’t speak English, but 36 in FL???!!! Yikes.

      • assumed *it* was Great, now I have caught it.

    • nope. that age was NOT made up

      • is it possible they have dyslexia? (as well as being a nutter, obviously)

        Dear Rob

        Since everyone is writing you a letter these days, I thought I’d jump on the band wagon and write you one myself.

        Things have been pretty quiet here on the Walton’s Mountain, since you and she of the mullet decided to play it cool and ignore your many fervent fans.
        We’ve mostly been amusing ourselves by making a scrap book for when you come back, when we can show you how much we really care, and to have something to pass on to the young’uns when they come along eventually, God willing.

        LUCy has been missing you the most, I think, even though she likes to pretend she is above it all, you know how she can get. But I saw her sneaking the 20 pack cardboard Edward kit up to her bedroom one night together with some glitter glue and pastel. I wander what kind of surprise she is working on, but she won’t tell us and Mawoon said to leave her well alone, so we did.

        So that’s it for now, I hope you are doing really well and I’m glad you are making use of that invisibility cloak what you stole from the Harry Potter. Don’t worry, I won’t tell a soul.

        Take care and come back soon.


    • Can I just say Tyra-style that I love how you used that misspelled name incident and turned it into something positive. Oink is fierce!

      • LOVE OINK DOLPHIN!! (where did she go?). ❤

        ps. That WAS TomStu writing.. that 3rd Ltr from London. I can tell his writing style…and he DOES miss Robbie. .. the order of the plaid is not the same with out him. Oh my poor TomStu! must be awful for him.

        See we are not the only one going through Robwithdrawls!
        keep on popping those vicodine and drinkin that cheap dutch swill heinken folks until Robbie makes his appearence, …
        (Kinda like Punxsutawney on ground hog day).

        (i'll leave it to Moon/UC to explain about our American facination with a roadent that appears once a year… that was before we ever got Al Roker to do the weather).


    • DIDNT AT ALL!!! these are directly from our mailbag. i only edited a few things to make them easier to read

      • That is seriously scary, Moon… 36? really!?

        And I love how Bikinigirl (and other mySpace hookers, er, ladies) forgot about the trash can behind her… classy, man, classy… unless she was using it to symbolize a dumpster… B*tch, do it Moon and UC style and go actually FIND the dumpster!

  2. “I can relate to avery part of the movie even relate to the Cullen and the blacks”

    The Twilight Saga: Promoting racial harmony since 2006.

    • WIN

    • I just keep coming back and clicking the little thumbs up, because that comment was fucking brilliant.

      I’m still lmao.

      • You better still be clicking! I’m counting on you!

      • Awwh, thank you everyone. =)

    • I almost spit my coffee out. Brill.

      • I am still crying…I love you bitches…

        *grabbing Myria’s hand, Janet’s hand, raising them* We are the world…Come one everyone!

        • Damn, I misspelled on.

        • omg…i just lol at ur comment. love it

    • So glad I wasn’t the only one who read that part and was like uh…. ” the blacks”? How is it possible that a 36 year old woman from Tampa actually spells that badly? So sad. Here’s a thought, if you can’t spell the word every, maybe refrain from writing a heart felt letter to an internationally known hot ass dude. Just sayin. Also, CHEESELESS CRUST! I’m so second hand embarassed for the half naked twi-hard at the end.

      Ladies use spell check and for the love of god put some clothes on!!

    • the first time i read it i was like WHAT?! had to reread that blacks line like 4 times.

  3. O M G!
    I couldn’t read the whole post bc I was so 2nd and 3th hand embareced about things CRAZY fans are writing.
    Oh Lord have mercy….

    To the crazy ass fan in the last pic: Does your parents know about this pic? Why don’t you stalk and send your pic to Perez instead?

    • did you notice she took the pictures of herself in the bathroom!!!!!!!!!!!!! lmfao

      • The trash can in the back is a nice touch. Says a lot.

      • She’s taking sneaky pics in the bathroom so her parents doesn’t know.
        BTW excuse my bad english as english is not my native language (so you don’t think that I wrote that 2nd letter hahahahaLOL)

        • C’mon that was you…own up to it!

        • Is that Moon or UC we are seeing taking a pic of herself?
          come on fess up girl!

          • you caught me! how do you like my new bikini and super tan?

  4. Be scared Rob. Be very scared. If not for yourself, then for our educational system, which is turning out people who write letters with atrocious grammar and spelling (see above).

    I loved the second letter-pure undiluted crazy. I really had no idea what the person who wrote it was trying to say, but I did wonder if I’d fallen asleep and missed the WW1 scene.

    As the letter writer form Mexico said, if you’re not completely paranoid and scared sh*tless of loonies like this,Wow about that! Rob.

    • “pure undiluted crazy” whhhhhaaaaaaaa hahahahahahaha

    • haha i did the same thing, i quickly went through the movie and the book in my head trying to think of a WWI scene that i just missed

    • That WW1 scene must have been left on the cutting room floor, and she found the ONE copy of the dvd version with that extra on it, she, of course, found it at Crazy’s R Us…DAMN why don’t I live in Tampa Bay??? We don’t have that store here in ‘Bama…

      Who am I kidding, I was there yesterday!

    • Well she probably thought the flashback scene of the first meeting with the blacks was WWI. Don’t blame her she hadn’t read the book first. And with us Europeans still wearing 1910’s tweed and the Indians being there, people were bound to be confused. I blame summit for that obscurity.

  5. Firstly, speechless and now heading to a darkened room with padded walls to recover from this posting. The bikini girl just pushed me over the edge….I feel violated ; )

    Secondly, Moon I am wondering if “Mexico” was talking about you here?:

    “PS: I also hope that you’re OK about that cab incident, and I want to clarify that not all fans are like that. (Btw, I’m not a crazy fan either)”

    Off to padded, darkened room now.


    • her little message to me. and yes, im ok. now. i’ve finally recovered from the molesting of rob on the streets of nyc

  6. Oh God, words fail me. How do you manage to wade through that s… and not go crazy. And the pics on top of it. GAH!
    You deserve a prize ! Why don´t you write to Rob and demand your reward. *lol*
    Seriously I bow to the fortitude you must undoubtedly possess when you open your mails every day.

  7. I’m 2nd-hand embarrassed now.

  8. *Note to underage half dressed fan*

    When taking naughty pics of yourself, remove waste basket from camera view… But stay in the bathroom so you can lock the door and your Mom won’t know what you’re doing….

    • and please obscure your eyes so i dont need to waste 3 seconds in photoshop doing it myself cause im nice.

  9. Umm, yeah I couldn’t even read that second letter, it was giving me a headache just thinking about it.

    And WHAT THE HELL is that picture?!?! please tell me you just found that on the internet somewhere!!!

    • nope. it arrived without a message to “rob” last week.

      and immediately was emailed around to 5-6 friends and then, obviously, posted here 🙂

    • Is it bad that when I saw that pic, I thought it was Mrs. P, for like a SPLIT second before I really looked? Don’t hate me Mrs. P! I KNOW you’d never do that. For. Serious. 😉

      • OHOHOHOHOHOH HELLLLLLL NO YOU DITTINT!!!!!!!!! OMG I love your ass.

        Mrs. P…will you model that outfit at the next web chat? I can’t f’in wait!

        Own it girl.

      • I thought it was that inspirational pic…

        • OH SHIT…Myspace FAIL.

          • “Oh shit” would b correct.Somebody let me out, my head hurts now!
            I can’t stop laughing.I gotta go back and read about those WWI, what else did I miss? Good God!

        • omg was that the same girl in the last pic???? there is shit in the toilet!!!! wahhhhhh hahahahahahah lololololololololl omg I can’t take this “shit” anymore

        • Yuck! What was she thinking? LOL! 🙂

        • Holy SHIT! pun definitely intended.

      • HAHAHAHA no mrs p is a lady and would never pull such shenagigans. besides she’s already sent us the “Glamour shots” she had done

    • It gave me a headache, too! I couldn’t get past the fact that she didn’t know how to use punctuation. The whole thing was one run-on sentance… Sheesh! Public education (or heck! no education!) at it’s best!

  10. I was too 2nd hand embarrassed to continue reading..I just couldn’t.

    Dear Moon,

    Is there a special “cocktail” you have before reading your mail? Cause I am thinking I would need at least a few..before I could finish reading.


    • rubbing alcohol with a spritz of hairspray.

      works like a charm

  11. Wow, I had to only skim the last part of that as well. That’s very scary. No wonder he’s paranoid!

    I realize Rob must have a “fan mail” address via his agency. Now I’m wondering who has the shit job of wading through it. That poor soul. Moon, you are a trooper.

    • Did anyone ever stop to think that perhaps Moon does work for Rob’s agency (Endevor/William Morris) and it IS her job to wade through all the LTR they get for Rob? hmmm?? and THAT’s where she picks up all the looney stuff for this blog because ITS TRUE…

      wow (what a conspiracy theorists I am). i should work for the cia.

  12. Oh wow, people can’t write or spell or use punctuation marks in the right places! I had a hard time following! However it’s the thought that counts right? 🙂 Actually the 3rd letter was better than the 1st two.

    In reference to the 3rd letter, yeah Rob is very grounded as it seems. He’s under tremendous pressure and yet he seems fine. I do worry about him sometimes though.

  13. I…

    I don’t…

    I can’t….

    I…I…..I…… don’t.. can’t…

    What the HELL is up with the second letter? WHAT THE HELL????????

    That woman needs to go back to school asap. Hardly any punctuation, bad grammar, horrible spelling. That shit is horrendous. But that’s the least of her problems. Not only that, but she doesn’t even seem to be living in the same reality as everyone else. What movie did she watch? Because the one I saw did not have “a lot of war war 1”. War war? Interesting.

    I could go on and on and on, but I have a meeting to go to.

    I cannot believe the state of humanity.

    • I know, right? War War? WTF?

      • So thank God that Tampa Bay lady is not a crazy fan, because if she was, she would probably be stocking Rob and planning a suicidal mission to meet him…OMG…I live in Tampa, which means I am in eminent danger from that CRAZY woman!!! SOS??!!

  14. As an English major and recovering grammar Nazi, I believe that my personal hell will sound very much like that second letter. It was like a Magic Eye painting; you had to stand back and cross your eyes a little to glean any information from it at all. The third letter sounded almost normal in comparison–until I got to the part where she dreamt of Rob and only asked him a question. What a waste of DreamRob.

    • I bet she was witholding information from us! No way she just asked a question!


      • I know, right?! If she only asked a question I hope it was the golden question…turtleneck or non.

        • LOL! What do you think? 🙂 Let’s ask Kstew.

    • And I guess it was the fourth letter with the dream in it. I guess I thought the third letter was a leftover run-on sentence from WW1 lady.

    • Truth. It was so painful. So very, very painful for me, another recovering grammar Nazi and former proofreader. Le sigh. I had to force myself to read it so I could keep laughing, but then, laugh I did and it was worth it. =)

      But your comment made me giggle almost more than the crazy fan letters. ❤

    • my favorite part about the dream is that rob never answers the question! sucks to be you lady!

  15. wow. i think they’ve never actually read anything on this site, just saw the title and jumped to conclusions. those are really hilarious.

  16. Oh. My. God. Someone seriously sent their pic to you?? Wow …is it wrong that I am having the pleasure of laughing my ass off at someones gross misunderstanding of this site? …and by misunderstanding I totally mean serious delusional issues.

    …still laughing

    • I haven’t laughed this hard in a LONG time…..whaaaaaa ahahahahahahahah
      omg, please my stomach hurts now!!!!!

  17. Taylor “Launder”. Nice.

    • That’s one of my favourite parts.

    • I need to remember to send my dirty clothes to him…or maybe just my dirty money.

  18. That post made me do a Cullen smile.

    • hahaha

      Like, what the fuck does that even mean? Jesus.

      • I imagine it’s like the satisfied smile you can’t keep off your face when you’ve had some really good sex. At least, from now on it will be.

        • I’m adding that one to the Twi-dictionary!


          • get your cullen smiles on ladies!

  19. I’m not even sure Ms. 36 year old Mensa member has a problem with grammar. She, most evidently has a problem with normal brain function. That was the most random, disjointed babbling I’ve ever encountered. And it was EDITED?! Holy Jeebus, where did you find a break in that stream of unconsciousness to censor? Batshit.

    • LMAO – Mensa member! HAHA!!!

      • I wonder what her IQ score would have been to get into MENSA, just above par? or right on the line?????

    • Holy Crap! I’m posting a comment a year later. I haven’t been hear very long. Sue me! But I just HAD to say that MENSA means stupid in Spanish which is totes ironic to what it is in English. Bhahaha!

  20. OMG!!!!..As a person who will not even post a response here without doing a spell check in Word….My eyes are BURNING and I’ve lost a considerable amount of brain cells reading through this. I now feel “dumb down”!!

    I’m actually embarrassed for these people and for Rob because you know he gets this kind of sh*t for real. I just hope someone (I wouldn’t want the job) goes through that mess before he gets it.

    • I would totally want that job! Can you imagine the entertainment possibilities?

  21. “And if I every got the chance to say to you all from cast to every crew member’s to say thank you for all you have put into it and thank you all the cast for making Mrs. Meyer books come to alive I love the fight the laughing and sadness and a lot of war war 1 in the movie that I am sure it will have it can of odd for me I feel like I can relate to avery part of the movie even relate to the Cullen and the blacks even relate to Bella and her to left feet and cooking and some always I can image why the reason why she was born and way she move to forks.”

    Is this edited down or really one long run-on sentence?

    Wow…and thanks for calling her out on the WWI reference cause I was curious about that too. About to run and get my book.

    Sad that the woman from Mexico has better English and grammer than the woman from Tampa (that’s in the USA where English is our FIRST language).

    You deserve to get paid A LOT to have to go through all that.

    • edited for length and tried to keep her sentence structure as intact as possible but most of it is really hard to read

  22. the blacks? WTF. speechless. She is 36? in Florida? who do we know there? Someone quick hunt this lady down and give her an ed-u-ma-cation.

    Twilight Saga Starring: Taylor Launder, Jason Rathburns, Robert Patterson and Peter Fashionetta.

    There are actually people out there like this? FML.

    • JBell is in Florida…she needs to go all sniper stealth and take that woman out.

    • The name is BERT PATTERSON, lady. You can find him on twitter. @BertPatterson lmao!!!


      • Remember when Nancy O’Dell called Rob “Ryan Patterson”
        on Access Hollywood when they were doing
        the Oscar coverage show? FAIL!

        • Who could blame her: Robert Pattinson, Ryan Philippe, Ryan Reynolds, all of them gorgeous, all on the red carpet at the same time… I too would loose my mind and train of thought. 😉

  23. Wow! I’ll have a pint of what they’re drinking!

    • I heart you!

      • LMAO!

      • Oh bitch you know you don’t drink anything besides boxes of Target wine.

  24. Wow. At first I thought it was written by a 12 yo, but 36!!! And dammit – she’s gonna make all us Floridian’s look like illiterate retards! (Nothing against illiterate retards – I know some – and I give them lollipops.) But just WOW. LMAO

    • “Nothing against illiterate retards – I know some”

      HAHAHAHA i fell out of my bed reading that

  25. The second letter nearly made my brain explode with all the gramatical errors and non sense babbling. Good for you guys for actually getting through it!
    Those letter senders are a whole new brand of crazy.

  26. I on the other hand would love to be the chosen one to read Rob’s junk. you know how they say laughter is like the best medecine….I’m sure I’d probably overdose on it.

    I mean there must be some really crazy funny shit sent to him….but then again, the hate mail could be left to someone else. Can you just imagine how miserable your life would be if you read tons of letters about how Rob is an idiot, drunken fool, who’s only attention is from underage girls and unhappy moms/wives.

    Why the hate…spread the love…and the not so ok pictures. 😉


    • “I on the other hand would love to be the chosen one to read Rob’s junk.”

      Where do I apply for THAT job??? What does his junk say? LMAO, sorry, I had to.

    • “I on the other hand would love to …read Rob’s junk” <– That's what she said!

  27. Dear Grown Ass Woman from Florida,
    Please — I BEG OF YOU — please run spell check and grammar check before you send out any future correspondence. And for the love of all that is holy, use proper punctuation and capital letters where needed; I sat here for 10 minutes trying to figure out what “blacks” were in Twilight before realizing you meant Jacob and his family. Christ, woman!
    Yours Truly,

    That being said… I’m kinda speechless! And Moon, you’ve seen my emails, so that’s a pretty big deal. No one rambles like me.

    • omg….. i had NO Idea she meant jake & his fam! I thought she was just being racist………….which she probably still is…. but- good catch!

      • HAHA! Me too. Now I feel kinda dumb..

      • I still am gonna think she means to be racist. It fits too much.

        • Oh I missed that, I gotta read it again…*groan*

    • It restored my faith in humanity to find out that WW1 lady was a poor capitalizer and not a racist.

    • LOL, I thought she was talking about Laurent.

    • what’s spellcheck?!


    • Here’s my two cents:
      I think the 36 yr. old Mensa from Tampa is telling us that she is black, and that she can still relate to a white protagonist.
      Based on this, I also think she is the person who sent the garbage can bikini photo.

  28. If Rob gets letters, like the ones above, and compares them to our posts here everyday, I know we have a great advantage:

    A dual: winner gets ROB

    LTR/LTT vs. “pure undiluted crazy” fans

    P.S. I love the office (Dwight)

  29. I can’t stand how bad people are at writing a sentence. That rambling writer is 36 years old? My 4 year old speaks in a more concise manner.

    I think the 5-month-long-letter fan was referring to Edward being converted to vampirism during the Spanish Influenza outbreak that occurred just after WWI. That’s the only mention of WWI that I can recall, at least.

    Anyway, I shouldn’t flame. We’re all united in our love of Twilight. I’m just glad it’s people like UC & Moon who pen the blogs, rather than these insane fangirls.

  30. You posted the bikini pic. Win.

  31. So, okay, I’m wearing my Cullen smile now! WTF was that girl in the “home” portrait thinking? …[when he sees my bathroom he’s going to fall madly in love!] If he sees that pic he probably won’t drink for a week…..

  32. this pic of mullstew should make us feel better:

  33. Dude, you posted my letter! Sweet!


  34. Doing that “Cullen Smile”

    LMFAO…okay that just needed saying… I’m gonna continue reading now….

  35. MoonStu, I heart you. But you knew that, except for when I tell Brookie that I hate you cause it makes her laugh everytime. Anyhow, NICE letter choices. I dearly love people! That’s all.

    PS I must let the KSWI dude know there is a bikini chick over here. He’ll be stoked

    • he clearly wants this bikini. wants it HARD

  36. I couldn’t make it through the second one. It hurt.
    And seriously, dreaming about asking Rob a question? Sadspice, as Lauren might say. If I dream about Rob, he’s usually doing the talking (naked). I mean, otherwise, why bother?

  37. Okay…at first I thought you guys MUST have been making fun of a foreign person who couldn’t speak English all that well (and I was going to shake my finger at you and call you mean). I was shocked, SHOCKED to find that not only was this an American, and NOT a 6 year old, but a 36 year old adult! Wow.

    And now I am speechless.

    I have no speech.

    • I had the same initial reaction. Tried to give her the benefit of the doubt and thought maybe she wasn’t a native English speaker. But then, my common sense kicked in and reminded me that EVERY LANGUAGE uses punctuation. So there is literally no excuse for the abomination that is that letter.

      • “But then, my common sense kicked in and reminded me that EVERY LANGUAGE uses punctuation”

        Why didn’t I think of that?

  38. “…I can image why the reason why she was born…” (she referring to Bella…I think…)

    Too bad she didn’t elaborate on that. I read the Saga twice, but that still leaves me flabbergasted.

  39. WOW.
    Any how take care and do not for get to smile and the cast will when more awards even Taylor launder will win a awards at some point and when that dose happen I be watching on TV preying and shouting out aloud that you all won again yesssssssssssss.

    Anyone notice that she says I be watching on TV PREYING. Not praying.

    Poor Rob. These people make us look sane (which of course we are)

  40. I reread this letter and I found this quote, I think Bella was born for: “her to left feet and cooking” DUGH! lol, is she serious?!?

  41. I think I lost valuable brain cells reading that today. Thanks, Moon, for sharing the letters of the extremely tarded. Now I’m more tarded because of it. Love your face anyway! 😉


  42. I think I may know the lady that wrote the second letter! Not sure, but we have a “Bunco” group every month and she is a hoot!

    *Really I am not a grannie either, because I play bunco and said “hoot”!

    *Not one of those “crazy” fans either.

    *Do you think if I wrote to Rob, he would join our Bunco group too?

    • he LOVES bunco

      ps i say “hoot” and “dickens” A LOT. ask uc. and i am not old. maybe.

  43. The Florida lady – Moon I was on my back, laughing on the floor until I realised you didn’t make her letter up! “I image why the reason why Bella was born & way she move (to Forks). Me too. I often wondered what was the point of Bella and why she is such a klutz when she moves. Florida lady is right – the movie helps to explain these dilemmas. Just what has Bella got (& no other girl in 90 years has had) that would hold the attention of piano-playing, music composing Mr Two Medical Degrees? Wow indeed. As for lady in loo, well, on this very site can be found a pic of Rob himself with loo-roll in the background, so perhaps her pic is a response to that. Then there are the blacks – clearly Florida lady does not mean Jacob & his father; they are the Blacks. As far as I know there is no mention of any particular racial types in Twilight apart from the Quileutes but, aside from the heart-stoppingly beautiful vampire brought to screen by Edi Gathegi, there was a stunningly gorgeous black girl who was an extra in the movie of Twilight, playing the part of a classmate of Bella’s. I was hoping the producers would give her a higher profile role in the upcoming films. So, perhaps Florida lady noticed the lovely classmate too & is referring to her in the letter. Anyway, this is becoming as rambling as some of the letters you mention, so I’m of now to make some Pattinson pants and TomStu teeshirts so I can auction them on Ebay!

    • did NOT make that up… i can riff with the best of them (fake pattinson pants lady interview) but i cant pull THAT much crazy out for a letter like that

  44. OMG.. I don’t know whether to laugh uncontrollably or cringe in repulsion… these letters… these people? WOW… you know, it’s funny, last year when all this Twilight hype really came front and center, all you heard in interviews was how smart the female fans were…. WHAT HAPPENED? I mean, have they all gone bat sh!t crazy, lost the ability to think clearly… has all the Robf*ckhawtness gotten into their brains and started to eat away at the common sense and basic grammar portions of the brain?

    I’m worried, perhaps it’s good that it’s been 10 days since we’ve seen him, I don’t think that all that is ROB is safe for the general populace.

    He should come (he he) with a warning (I’m coming!) 🙂

    and that warning should read:


    1) If you experience dizziness, blurry vision, hot flashes, sudden drooling, or a sudden increase in libido, you should cut dosing in half.

    2) If you begin to have uncontrollable squealing, the urge to grab hold of, jump on, or otherwise invade his personal space or if you can no longer complete sentences, spell, construct cohesive sentences, or can only write in text speak, if you believe he IS Edward Cullen, if you begin to believe that you are the only person who can make him happy , or if you set plans in motion to make him “yours” please immediately cease and desist in imbibing in the robsession and seek immediate psychiatric attention.

    • HEE HEE …hey girl… yes I warning label…

  45. I’m sorry.. Did I miss something? There was a chick on his van??

  46. no wonder why he’s hiding out in Vancity…

    I dont even have a clever comeback for any of what I just read… I am numb…

    * shakes head and walks away from computer*

  47. Just spit diet coke out of my nose reading about the “old actor” and his AARP and Reader’s Digest. Lovely dry humor…my kinda girls!

    • hi sarah! i have a feeling you might be new, if so WELCOME!!! if not, well welcome back!!

      peter facinelli loves a good early bird special!

  48. Wows….

    “Any how take care and do not for get to smile and the cast will when more awards even Taylor launder will win a awards at some point and when that dose happen I be watching on TV preying and shouting out aloud that you all won again yesssssssssssss.”

    Never heard of a period or commas or anything and I now have a headache from my eyes going back and forth like a game of tennis. 40-LOVE!

    I laughed at the Clay Aiken comment!

  49. I’m still waiting for you both to get a letter from the crazed one who grabbed Rob and got a security guard pinch in the arm on the RM set!

  50. Oh, goodness!! Why did that lady have to hail from Tampa Bay?!!? Seriously, she just made the whole city look dumb. Now that’s an accomplishment!! Moon, did she happen to send you her address too? I feel like kicking her ass…..

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