Running this lil blog here sometimes confuses “special” people and they think we’re really you, which is odd cause why would you write letters to yourself?! But that is neither here nor there. So as it turns out we receieve tons of emails and one thing I’ve learned from readers these emails is that any time someone says “I’m not one of those crazy fans” or “I’m not crazy” THEY ARE. 100% certifiable, bat shit crazy! Generally people “get it” but then there are the “special” people who think we ARE you, Robert Pattinson and well, what do we do? Yup, we post them on here and answer them! Fun, no?
Oh and I’m not one of those “crazy” fans,
I have just 1 question. Why do you want your name changed to spunk ransom?
Love, Questioning in Quincy
Great, uh, question! As a matter of fact I think Rob was either drunk, sleep deprived or on a 5 hour energy bender and just blurted out the first two words he could come up with. And yes he chose a word that is synonymous with seminal fluid. Yup, wrong on so many levels.
See: bad idea that will never die
(this next one has been edited for length, trust me this is all you’ll want)
Follow the cut to read more of Rob’s letters!
Dear Mr. Pattinson
I been wanting to do this and that is to write to you after 5 months that you and your twilight family did the twilight movie anyhow I wanted to say you all did a really great job. And to let you know that I am not like those crazy fan’s or some magazine company or some net work want to talk to you every time you do a movie.
anyhow I just want to say I know how twilight would win I just did not care witch away it wild start off in. and you all won a lot of awards and I love the almost kissing scene you and Kristen stewart did on mtv awards and that day that make me do a Cullen smile.
Anyhow I just can not wait to see it in the movies. but I know you all are starting to film the eclipse movie and I just wish I was there in person to watch all of you doing a scene. Anyhow what ever happens in the movie you all will do a good job. And what you will do after new moon and eclipse and breaking dawn are done I will always still be watching and being a fan.
I started watching the older male actor’s who plays your father and dr. did his part as a vampire. Doing his smooth walking in a room in a hospital make me smile. and then before I went to a book store and I buy audio tapes on twilight and new moon and eclipse and breaking dawn I list to it and that’s when I want to got to a book store and got it and I started to read It and I just love the book’s and that’s I can image of each movie and how the story gose on I truly understand the story of Mrs. Meyer books came to alive and I will love new moon and eclipse and breaking dawn it was because of you all playing these people it like wow. And if I every got the chance to say to you all from cast to every crew member’s to say thank you for all you have put into it and thank you all the cast for making Mrs. Meyer books come to alive I love the fight the laughing and sadness and a lot of war war 1 in the movie that I am sure it will have it can of odd for me I feel like I can relate to avery part of the movie even relate to the Cullen and the blacks even relate to Bella and her to left feet and cooking and some always I can image why the reason why she was born and way she move to forks.
Any how take care and do not for get to smile and the cast will when more awards even Taylor launder will win a awards at some point and when that dose happen I be watching on TV preying and shouting out aloud that you all won again yesssssssssssss.
From: Not a crazy fan or Magazine Company, female age 36 from Tampa Bay Florida USA.
Dear Not a crazy,
5 months?! What took you so long? Was it that crazy magazine company you work for or the network who wants something from Rob? I’m pretty sure Rob isn’t interested in whatever magazine subscriptions you’re trying to sell but you might try that “old actor who plays his father.” I hear he likes to read the AARP quarterly magazine and the Readers Digest.
While we’re on it crazy can you let me know where the World War I stuff happens in Twilight, because I’m pretty sure Twilight takes places in Forks, WASHINGTON which is in the US and World War I was in Europe… but maybe I’m the crazy one here.
Oh and I’ll be sure to pass this along to Taylor Launder, I’m sure he’d love to know that at some point he too could win some awards!
And yes, that makes me do a “Cullen Smile”
i just read u want to go back to london i dont blame you the girls here are crazy and your not use to that it just feels like you hate your fans even me. but i would never do that, i mean if i met you i would not scream or try to pull your cloths off i would say hello i love all of your movies and your a hardworker. lol if i was you i would take a break from all the fame and everything to go back to your hometown and just stay there for awhile and get to know your fans and see your friends and family there that’s what i would do just keep up your good hard work and take a break once in awhile and try to ignore the papparazzi i hate them so much lol
Love, London Lover
p:s: loved you in Vanity Fair
Dear London Lover,
Is that you Tom Stu? Seriously, sending us a letter for Rob? Is it that bad? Kristen stole your man and now you’re all alone with no one to share a plaid shirt with? I’m sorry pal, why don’t you turn on some Clay Aiken and remember the good times.
Even though I’m not completely sure you will be reading this anytime soon (honestly, I’m not 100% you’ll read it, I hope I’m wrong), I have a few things to say to you related to the scariest thing a movie star can ever have: crazy and obssessed fangirls. Yes, you did not misread that.
Being a huge fan I am of the Twilight movies/books and everything related to them, I just can say that I sort of feel a little bit sorry for you. The reason? We Twifans are crazy and would do anything to meet the hottie that plays Edward Cullen in our beloved movies.
Seriously, I was there when you came to present “Twilight” to Mexico City. I was behind the security line at the movies (Cinemex) when some girl yelled:”He’s leaving!” (she, of course, meaning you) and everyone started running towards the emergency exit to try to see a glimpse of you. I saw all possible videos of how you were trying to escape (remember the crazy chick on top of your van? don’t worry, that was not me) and even made a group on Facebook entitled “For those who were angry because Rob couldn’t come out to say hello at Cinemex”. Your life is not easy at all.
But now, after everything I have seen, I have finally understood something: you are really down to Earth when fame is involved. Yeah, even when Earth is infested with girls trying to touch you, tackle you, kiss you etc etc. I am amazed on how you have controlled all this. If I were you, I would be totally freaking out (in a paranoid way).
That being said, I only have a few more things to add.
A couple of days ago, I dreamed about you. Yes, I’m kind of ashamed of that being written in this letter, but I can’t control my subconcious. In that dream, I was asking you “How can you handle this level of fame?, I mean, those stalking girls are crazy!” I woke up before you actually told me.
Anyways, what I’m trying to say is that, even though you are always surrounded by people that are crazy about you, you still look easy-going. Wow about that!
Good luck in these upcoming weeks with your new movie and crazy fans.
Lots of love from Mexico!
PS: I also hope that you’re OK about that cab incident, and I want to clarify that not all fans are like that. (Btw, I’m not a crazy fan either)
Dear Love from Mexico,
Stop lying you WERE the crazy girl on top of the van! And you not the girl who created the “For those who were angry because Rob couldn’t come out to say hello at Cinemex” Facebook group, you created the “So happy I climbed on top of the van at Cinemex and saw ROB while the rest of you losers didn’t!” Facebook group. Be truthful now.
Moon on top of the van
Oh and everyone turn the other way… this next one is a special one just for the man himself.
Hey Rob, someone sent this in and we think it got in our mailbag by accident…