This might shock you, but do you know how Moon & I have a new post every day at 8am ET (6 am today.. just to switch it up)? Well, we actually schedule our letters in advance…sometimes days in advance & often times the night before. I know. And all this time you thought we were up so early (5-6 am for UC & 2-3 am for Moon) writing you our precious little letters. Well as of 8:58pm on Wednesday evening, there has been NO new Rob news. NOTHING! And do you know what that means for the daily blogger? It means she needs to dig into her brain & pull out something really creative. And I need to save those creative juices for the “OMG DID YOU SEE HOW FREAKIN’ HOT ROB LOOKED AT COMIC-CON” letter I will be penning for Friday morning. Therefore I’m letting some of our very wonderful readers be creative for me today. Enjoy!
Getting in shape to meet Rob
After seeing the pictures of you without a shirt at the New Moon shoot in Italy, (airbrushed or not) I realised that it was high time I, too, did something drastic if I was going to fulfill the prophecy. Prophecy? Oh, yes, when I was newborn a wise woman came to my mother’s bedside and prophesied that I was the ‘Chosen One,’ the Girl of Great Promise, who would one day be the Hugger of Robert Pattinson.
Of course, this made absolutely no sense to my mother, and the woman was gently led away by nurses from the maternity ward and never seen again, but it made a good story in the family nevertheless. And I just realised that the Time may be Drawing Near, and if I am going to be a Hugger of Robert Pattinson at some point (with or without the shirt) I would like my own abs to be, well, let’s say theoretically visible.
Said and done, I have now spent 4 hours a week at the gym and gone on the Rob diet, and lost 7 pounds in 3 weeks, and there just may be something there when I look down at my belly. (No, I am not pregnant. Yet.) Before this method crashes and burns like any other method, I am banking on my present success and sharing the secret with you!
The Rob diet: Three times a day, eat moderate amounts of moderately healthy food, and when you start feeling hungry, go to the computer and browse Twilight-and-Rob-related web pages, and lo and behold, the hunger pains go away like magic! Easy.
Even though this seems to be working fine for me, it is not working equally well for the rest of our household. I am getting a lot of reproachful stares, maybe due to the fact that I am the best cook, and I have tended to forget about mealtimes the last three weeks. What the heck, I will send them out for pizzas and cheeseburgers, that won’t hurt them! If it’s good enough for Rob himself, they shouldn’t complain!
Now all I want to know is where to buy an airbrush kit, so I can work on my jawline and cheekbones… Whaddya say Rob, we could paint each other?
Read a letter from a ComicCon attendee who wants to get in Rob’s Pants- Watch out Moon!
ComicCon attendee willing to dress as Ninja for Rob
Allow me to apologize upfront for screwing up your name. I have this habit that’s become so ingrained, I can’t really stop at this point. You see, I feel the need to um…keep my admiration of you slightly “off the grid,” if you will. When people ask me if I’m aware of you and your star status, I go on an absurd sort of panic-ridden auto-pilot ramble that resembles something like this: “Uh, hmmm. That’s that guy from the movie with the thing…what was it? Dawnlight? Sunlight? Yeah, whatshisname? Er…Mattinson? Matterhorn? Ah yes, Edbert Patterhorn, that’s it…” I usually say this little bullshit spiel of mine as I sit at my laptop, closing all 50 of the jpegs of you I have open, as well as the 20 different fan blogs I track, the 15 various Twilight fanfiction stories I read and the random email I get all day with news, pictures and gossip about you. I sense I’m not fooling anybody, so I thought it best to come clean up front.
Anyway, on to the point of this letter. I read an informal interview with you from when you were at Cannes in which you said you had no time for a girlfriend due to your busy schedule. You said something along the lines of “no girlfriend would put up with it.” Allow me, if you will, to beg to differ. I would put up with a lot. Just saying. There’d be no need for you to fuss or fawn over me. In fact, I’d be less trouble than a houseplant, really. A goldfish would demand more of your attention.
I would give you your space…hang back, kind of in the shadows. All stealthy. Like a ninja. I could be your ninja girlfriend. I’d even dress up like a ninja, if you were into that sort of thing. OK, it’s a little freaky, but I don’t judge is my point. And, well, you are Rob Pattinson. I’d dress up like a goat if you asked me to. Kidding. I think. Baaaah.
So, I really wouldn’t be clingy at all. In fact, you probably wouldn’t even know where I was most of the time. You’d be thinking “hey, where’d she go? Oh, there she is. She’s in my pants. Again.” You wear baggy jeans–I could just live in your pant leg. What could be simpler? It’s a win/win scenario really. You get a very low-maintenance arrangement, and I get to live in your pants. I’m fine with that. And, to make things really easy for you, you don’t even have to remember my name. You can just call me Pants Girl. Totally cool with me. People would ask “what’s wrong with your leg?” You can just tell them “oh, that’s Pants Girl. She lives in my pants.” Just toss me a Power Bar every once in a while and I’m good. I would not complain. I live in your pants, after all.
Paparazzi hassling you? Crazed fangirls got you down? We could switch it up. You could live in my pants. I would not mind that one bit. And believe me, no one would think to look for you there. My own mother wouldn’t believe you were there. She’d just lecture me about how I’d obviously watched that vampire movie one too many times and who needs 37 versions of the same DVD anyway? But really, I think you should consider this. It would be like a trouser time share. It could work out beautifully.
I know it’s not readily apparent from reading this, but I am actually highly intelligent. I have really, really big…brains. Big, bouncy, perky brains. I would love to share my big brains with you. While we’re in each others’ pants. I don’t know about you, but I could really use a cigarette right about now, so I better wrap this up.
I’ll be at Comic Con today if the ideas I’m proposing sound good to you. Just ask around for me–I’ll be the one dressed as a goat wearing ninja gear.
*UC Note: Not to be mistaken with Pattinson Pants Girl. I think she’s different 🙂
Actually she’s a FanFic writer. Check her out here.
Moon has been talking about her ComicCon ‘checklist’ all week, and I thought she meant stuff she needed to do at work before she went away for a few days & things she needed to remember to pack (her Edward panties), but she really meant a ComicCon checklist, and it’s brilliant- Hit it on LTT
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