It’s been eons since we’ve gone through Rob’s mail bag. We have so many amazing letters to post we don’t know where to start. So we’re just gonna start… somewhere:
I’m concerned about you, and I feel that it is imperative that you stay in top physical condition…Here is my concern: You seem to be thirsty…a lot. In 5 minutes time over on Robsessed, I saw no less than eleventy-thousand pics of you drinking something. We all know that you partake of the swill that is Heineken on a regular basis, and we all know that you love your Cokes, but I have also witnessed you with Snapple, Coffee, a freakin’ Pepsi at one point, Evian (which we all know is just plain old overpriced water), Mystery Drinks in unmarked paper cups (that I hope are spiked with a little sumthin’ sumthin’ because I would like to think that you are my people) and today it was Nestea.
I took it upon myself to do a little research and came up with a few possible causes for your extreme thirst. These are listed in no particular order:
- Dehydration–this one in my opinion seems likeliest. You are so Smokin’ HOTT that any liquid you consume evaporates on contact.
- Diabetes–this one is tricky. I don’t know too much about the disease itself but my stupid ex-husband’s mother has it and she always seemed to be a waxy yellow color…obviously you, other than when they had you in the clown white for those little Vampire films you did, seem to be typically, Britishly pale. So the verdict is still out on this one.
- Hangover–I don’t think I even need to comment on the possibility of this one.
- Marijuana use— maybe? It’s not out of the realm of possibility. And you have been know to associate with people who have been rumored to allegedly partake of the doobage **coughKStewcough***… but I digress.
- Sassoon hospital syndrome: An epidemic disease caused by a type of fungus (Rhizopus nigricans) found on millet grains. Now, I have no idea what Millet grains are but I find myself wondering if one uses them to make some type of hoity toity bread that they make cucumber sandwiches with over at the salon. Which begs the question…who does your hair?? We may need to take this up with Vidal and see if he’s involved.
needs of her own children in lieu of spending all of her free time obsessing over someone much closer to her children’s age than her own (but That’s Normal, right?) and I have started to notice unhealthy trends in others. But I feel like I may be onto something here. I just want to make sure you stay tip top.
I am a little concerned. The old adage of “two nations divided by a common language” has been replaced with “two nations divided by trouser length.” Waking up to my daily dose of LTR and LTT, something caught my eye. Something of great concern and angst- the battle of the trouser lengths. I have often wondered why, in the States, men, and I mean College-educated men, continue to wear their trousers like flags flying at half mast? Our poor R-Patz was forced to wear such a pair during his recent filming of Remember Me.
“Such a travesty of justice,” I shouted for all to hear. I felt his pain. “No wonder he looks so miserable on set these days,” I thought. It has nothing to do with the crazy, die-hard twihards throwing themselves at him, the absence of the smells of London he so fondly misses or even, dare I say it, the distance between a certain gal on the West coast. It’s the utter embarrassment of having to wear trousers that lack the Savile Row touch – and I’m not calling them pants in case he thinks I am referring to his knickers!
So dearest Rob, please cheer up, all is not lost by wearing a pair of trousers that your mother bought for you in Primary/Elementary School. Remember, we love you just the same…….
Your Knickers x
UC note: I notice tons of British people write ‘x’ after their letters/tweets/emails. What is that? Is it like XO? but Just a “X?” A kiss?
Read more Fan letters to Rob. And you can always submit your own by emailing us at letterstotwilight (at) gmail (dot) com !
Is Kristen Stewart pregnant or just had one much chips and salsa at lunch? Join us and some of our pals to figure it out at LTT
Rob’s flat in the forum is like one big on-going fan letter!