Sometimes The Quad breaks stuff down and Moon & I aren’t there. So basically it’s a convo between EastFriend & WestFriend and then we show up and laugh cuz they’re brilliant. This has happened quite a bit lately, and we thought you’d like to eavesdrop on their conversations with a little “Blurbs from the Quad.” Enjoy!
WestFriend: I just read this:
Interviewer: “Is it true that you did castings for vampire characters before?”
Rob: “Yes, I did an audition for True Blood, but that didn’t work out.”
Can you imagine if Rob was in True Blood..? HELLO! What part do you think he auditioned for?
EastFriend: There’s not a single character on True Blood that I can see Rob portraying. Not one. Especially not Bill. Definitely not my hot Eric. Yes, Rob is hot. But Eric could totally kick his arse.
Dude–I’d die if it was for Jason. Cause that chap was naked EVERY SINGLE EPISODE of season 1. Seriously, by the 3rd or 4th episode I teased my friends, “Drinking game…let’s invent one and GO!…we drink every time Jason is naked and/or scroggin’ doggy style.” We never played it. None of us wanted to get that drunk.
WestFriend: Rob said, “but that didn’t work out”….maybe they saw Little Ashes and and said, “nope…not fit for doggy-style-Jason…! Go audition as a 108-year-old virgin!”
EastFriend: Or…he said, “Hells bells to the no, I will NOT be getting my doggy-style on. Unless, of course, it’s with another man. I have an artistic rep to protect!”
Also, I don’t think Rob has it in him to do a convincing southern accent. As do NONE of those other characters on True Blood.
I am now off to church–where I will not use the term “doggy-style.” Not one time. I hope.
WestFriend: Oh my gosh. Rob with a Fakecent would be ridic. He can pretend to be from Arizonan…all he would need to do is throw in some random “gringo…taco….salsa…..vato” and he would be good.
A few moments later (or maybe it was a few weeks earlier, we don’t keep track) Eastfriend goes on a rant:
“Just last month I watched 30 Days of Night. You know, that whackadoo vamp movie that the director of Eclipse directed?
Yeah, it’s gross. Nothing sexy about it…vague plotlines, gross death scenes, and a total waste of my time.
And then Rob was interviewed in that Canadian newspaper and said he recently watched it (probably the same night as me, of course) and “really liked it.”
No dude. You didn’t. Quit trying to be all mysterious and hip and credible.
No one liked that movie. SERIOUSLY. I have to pray about my continued involvement in Rob’s world. He better say something else to make me change my mind. Like, “I want to have sex with a 33 year old southern mother of three who lives in the mountains of Kentucky.” ”
Eastfriend: He’s my people because I drink Dunkin Donuts Original Blend, Medium Roast. Every. Single. Day.
Westfriend: His hair looks fantastic. Do you think he uses “Got 2 B stiff”? A new product for your peen AND hair? Brill right thuuuur.
Seriously? EastFriend & WestFriend really just need to run LTR. It’d be way more hilarious (and a little more ghetto thanks to WestFriend’s skillz) Rob, I know you’ve been missing The Quad breaking down stuff vanity-fair style lately. We know, we know, it’s been awhile. But come on, seriously…. We can only say “Rob looks really hot today on the Remember Me set” 50-60 times before it gets repetitive. Give us something new! Knock someone up (oh wait, we’ll discuss that rumor soon, don’t you worry) Go gay on us! Get caught partying with the Olsen twins… give us SOMETHING to break down. I cannot handle any more hot pictures of you with cute little girls! Bring back the creepy uncle look or something.
Anxiously awaiting another day of hot pictures, even though I said I am tired of them,
I’m going on vacation today! Talk about how you’re going to miss me in The Forum
Find out what Moon has learned about life from reading Twilight on LTT