Why Rob should never be a dad

Since it’s Father’s Day week, we thought we’d do some “Dad-themed” letters

Rob should keep his day job (spokesperson for Jansport) and never become a dad

Dear Rob,

I am well aware of our audience. That 68% of them are women (seriously? 32% male? Welcome Unicorns!), 53% of them have kids, 35% of them have kids ages 3-11 and 19% of them are Hispanic, which is above average (hola mis amigos!) So I know that many of them are not going to agree with this letter to you, but since when has that stopped Moon or I from writing something? We posted an embarrassing video one of our readers sent us last week without a second thought (Actually our thought process was this: (watch video) 20 minutes later Me: Moon? Are you still there? Moon: Yes. I think Me: What the eff was that? Moon: We can’t post that Me: I know, we can’t. Moon: But we can’t not post it Me: I know, it’s already drafted & scheduled for 8am.) So the following needs to be said, despite knowing I will be in the minority more than the people who still think TomStu should have played Edward.

I cannot picture you as a dad. In fact, on you it’s a total turn-off.

I’ve heard (yes, from the gals I love on LTR) people say “Rob will sure make a great dad!” WHAT? No you won’t! Here are some practical reasons why:

• You can’t button your own shirt correctly- how would you care for a child?
• You’re a chain smoker
• You drink too much
• You live in filthy hotel rooms and apartments
• You’re an actor, so you’d never be home
• You said you don’t like children
• You’re 23
• You wouldn’t know what to do if someone put a baby in your arms
• Your “bonding time” would probably include a game of ‘who can microwave all the produce the fastest”

I have also taken the liberty of collecting some photographic evidence as to why you should refrain from fatherhood:

You bite babies

If you had a child we'd have to see you with a baby mama. That would break our hearts

Babies are so time consuming that you'd have even less time to wash your hair (and I don't think that's legal in some states)

Don’t miss all the evidence after the jump!

"I think I'll name you Thomas "Hot-pocket" Sturridge Jr."= FAIL

They don't allow you to airbrush on abs for shirtless dad photoshoots

Even the baby thinks you look like an alien

You'd probably have to sell your hoody in order to buy duck hats for your baby girl. We can't have that

There wouldn't be room for us on the bed 😦

Your baby would never be able to nap on a walk- the crazy fangirl stalkers would wake her up with their screams of adoration

Your child would be so cute, no one would look at you anymore

You'd look too sexy & outshine your daughter for your "family beach day" picture in the Hamptons

Loving you as a hot, sexy SINGLE child-less man,
UnintendedChoice

Not convinced? Watch the vid where these pics came from

• What’s Moon got for us over on LTT? (Seriously? What does she have.. I went to bed before it was done, so it’s a surprise for me too)
• The Forum is a fun place to talk about why you think Rob would make a great dad (Oh, the comments are fine too!)
• Check out the funniest Rob Stalker commentary ever.