For awhile now we’ve been talking about the finer points of Twilight over on LTT in a series we’ve called Twilosophy- you know, the philosophy of Twilight. It’s during these moments that we shelf the funny & have real, serious, heart-to-hearts about the deeper side of the Twilight series. It’s high time we do the same in our letters to you, don’t you think? So introducing our first session of Roblosophy- the philosophy of Robert Pattinson.
I have some friends from Nashville who are in a band. And their band is becoming quite popular across the US, and they finally signed a pretty legit record deal. I am quite excited for them and was THRILLED to finally see them perform for the first time since I last saw them with their last band for their farewell show in 2005. It had been over 4 years.
When the guitar player came on stage, I was pleasantly surprised to see he was still quite attractive (and not bald like most late 20’s guyfriends of mine seem to be), but surprisingly SHOCKED at how attractive he actually was to me. If you’re wondering if his attraction faded when he played his electric guitar and sang, you would be wrong. He.only.got.hotter. So much hotter that it caused me to text The Quad and say “I think I may have found a guy hotter than Rob.” (Forgive me)
But then something happened. After the guys played we went out for drinks with them and got to catch up. Turns out “hotter than Rob” is not only hot, but he’s the sweetest, most endearing guy ever. I knew that, but I just forgot. You just want to cuddle him. And hear him laugh. He asks the best questions and is like a little boy in the body of a very attractive, sexy musician. But that’s weird- cuz you can’t be little boyish and attractive & sexy & goofy all at the same time. You might think you can, but take it from “hotter than Rob,” it doesn’t work. I came away from our night out with the band excited for the next time I’ll see them again, but putting “hotter than Rob” back to the “less hot than Rob” status. His personality was just too adorable & geeky for him to be that hot.
So that got me thinking. All cast mates of yours talk about how goofy you are. Anytime Ashley Greene is asked about you, she sighs and says “Oh Rob.. he’s just… such a dork.” And that’s obvious- we know you are a dork. That’s why we love you. You’re constantly being described as “awkward” in social situations, and I think it’s quite obvious you’re a loner who doesn’t really mind being holed up in a hotel room all day, away from the public eye.
I think in my mind you’re this sexy, brooding, mysterious British guy who is sexy, brooding, mysterious & British all the time. However, my fantasy of seeing you in the corner of a dark bar and noticing in my peripheral vision you occasionally looking my way, biding your time before coming up to me, asking for a light, buying me a drink and then starting a deep conversation about music and literature (wait, is Twilight considered literature?) is probably pretty incorrect. In reality, if I did ever bump into you in a dark bar (and controlled my animalistic urges long enough to allow you to approach me) and had the privilege of speaking to you, instead of discussing literature and why suddenly I’m listening to Dylan’s “Blonde on Blonde” like it’s 1966, I fear the conversation might go something like this:
You: (tapping my shoulder, accidentally grazing my breast, awkwardly) Excuse me?
Me: Yes? (acting like I have no idea who you are)
You: Are you an astronaut? Cause you are outta this world.
leaving me so confused as to whether I should be offended or charmed by your complete, utter awkwardness. So, I have to wonder, if it works the same way it did with “less hot than Rob,” is it possible that after conversation & a few beers with you, I’ll just want to give you a hug (and not the “special” kind) and call you “pal?” Will you become less hot than yourself?*
LTR101: for your homework, discuss today’s Roblosophy in the comments. What do you think? Would his socially awkwardness & dorkiness make him ‘less hot than Rob’ if you ever got the chance to meet him? Do we idealize Rob & expect someone that he’s clearly not? Discuss.
I know you want to see a picture of “hotter than Rob,” but I’ll die because someone is sure to recognize him. And there is no way he can ever know I call him “hotter than Rob” (well, “less hot than Rob,” now) but if you’re wondering if EastFriend from The Quad still swears he is, indeed, hotter than Rob the answer is yes. Yep, he’s that hot.
*I feel like I just made Carrie Bradshaw proud with this post. I’m feeling a very “Sex and the City” vibe