Posted by: Bekah | May 11, 2009

What if Rob Pattinson wasn’t famous

Dear Rob,

I know you got back to LA this weekend which is awesome because that’s where Moon is and it’s just fate that you’ll end up together, but I’m going to ignore that fact for now. Did you hear that Ted Casablanca from E! Online linked to our forum on Friday? Thanks to our very own SpunkMe who wrote him a ‘letter,’ the Robsten thread in the forum was mentioned and linked to!

We had TONS of new guests visiting us all weekend long (waving hi to new guests!) and I was so impressed with SpunkMe’s abilities that I ventured into the Robsten thread myself, despite the fact that I swore I never would! I found the most delightful picture EVER posted (again) by SpunkMe. The picture was brilliant, and it got me thinking…. what if you weren’t famous? What if you never joined the South Barnes Theatre company and you were just a 22 yr old British dude living at home with Mum & Dad? What would you do? Where would you go? What would you like?

There are so many unknowns. I kept having these visions of what you might have turned out like had you never found the Theatre. These visions kept running and running until they stopped at the Myspace page you would have, obviously, had.

So, I decided to recreate it. Enjoy!


PS: Oh, this masterpiece is the best with the most appropriate white gangsta’ voice you can muster.

Clicky for maximum LOLs

Clicky for maximum LOLs

Thanks to SpunkMe who’s original masterpiece can be found here. If SpunkMe was not the originator, I’m so sorry- please let me know who was!

Also thanks to the myspace profiles of: My cousin, my first kiss, my crush in 10th grade and my other cousin for their inspiration for gangsta’ Rob. You’re all white, upper middle class guys, and I know you can spell better than that!


  1. LMFAO! Made my Monday. EPIC WIN!!!!!

  2. Orientation -baby why don’t you come over and find out. I’m on my way Gangsta Rob -I will be your Gansta Girl!!! and hang wif the homies!

    This is all hilarious!! Great FB profile! UC you are brilliant – will be laughing all day!

  3. Oh my God….I laughed my eyelashes out. I’m still crying. Kudos!
    greetings from Holland

  4. So I am totally “working” right now and I have a classroom full of kids. The computer screen is truned in the complete opposite direction from the class and everytime they get up Ihave to minimize the screen. So I begin to read this and get to “I live with my parents can we screw at your place” So much for being discreet. Completely LMAO – they all turned and looked at me i did a fake *cough*cough* and went right back reading. Thanks made my DAY!!!

  5. @SPUNKME: It’s your day, girl!!! C’mon, log on to twitter everynow and then, I miss you!!!!
    How is it that u sent a letter to Tec C.? and he mentioned it at his website? what was that?

    Although I think I would hate Rob id he was like that, the post is so funny, thanks for the laugh!

    • @Dany

      Hi! I am slow to warm up to Twitter. I keep trying to keep up with all the other stuff! How does everyone do it? And add Twitter too? Ok, give me a minute and I’ll be on Twitter too. Ay yi yi! The things I do for you guys! LOL! I ❀ you!

  6. You’re very naughty girlies with this hilarious post. In reality almost no UK white kids would speak like this. Middle class kids with private education like Rob & Tom would be able to spell & would only talk like this for fun. In UK, a baseball cap worn backwards is known as an IQ reducer.

    • If a baseball hat turned backwards is an IQ reducer then in the UK my husband is a very very stupid man!

  7. Brilliant, brilliant post! I’m not exactly sure why, but this made me laugh the most:

    Heroes: Ron Jeremy, Dane Cook ‘n God

    Gotta give credit where credit is due, I guess.

    • haven’t you ever perused random myspace profiles? Everyone has some random actor, a porn star and then God listed as a hero! So insane!

  8. man i soo know people like that..i died a little inside sooo funny

  9. That was painfully funny!

  10. just say ya got da inches dat bring da bitches!

    oh JFC….that is CLASSIC!!!


  11. Hilarious! Epic win – again.

    So, our lovely British ladies, how long before Robbie is knighted? πŸ™‚ Sir Robert Thomas Pattinson sounds kind of nice…

  12. “Just saw some weird indy movie- hated it- needed more car chases n’ humpin n’ shit, but this hippie chick in it wuz hot. Called into da wild or sumtin?'”

    This has me in stitches! And I actually just watched “Into the Wild” not long ago and didn’t care for it. I was bored.

  13. LMFAO! This post was priceless.

    Favorite part: “HomeTown: the dirty motha f***in skreets of South Barnes”

    Keep it up, UC & Moon!

    • i loved that. the original town from the profile i borrowed it from was “trenchtown” πŸ™‚ so nasty

  14. omg this just made my day thanks for posting LOL

  15. sooooo hilarious!

    “i’ll even admit it- i like pop. shit i like avirl”

  16. OMG, that is the f’n funniest thing I’ve seen in a long time! Pure brilliance girls.

  17. “seriously I like it all, I even like myself a little”

  18. LMAO! And I thought I was extreme! Holy shat!

    • No WAY!
      I am crazy, but not like this! LOL

      • Yeah, this is NOT normal, LOL!

  19. Rob met with Peter Berg this weekend.

  20. LMAO!
    Aw, I wish I could come over here earlier this Monday! This is just hilarious!
    And what about this ‘Gangsta’ English? LOL

  21. Brilliant!

  22. Too freaking funny UC!

  23. This was great! Love that he likes Avril! Don’t love the Dane Cook thing though. Nope Rob, you can’t be friends with him! Just not having it! lol

  24. I loved today’s post. UC and Moon, you gals crack me up!!

    Dear Gangsta Rob,

    I would totally be your “Ride or Die Chick” anyday. Just let me know when you’re ready and I’ll buy a gat, make a shank, and find some really dark lip liner to wear w/out lipstick. We can start slinging bows and drinkin’ 40’s (pronounced Fo-dees) as soon as we hustle up some money. If we make enough we could probably afford that grill you’ve been wanting. πŸ˜‰

    ❀ ya,
    Frenchy πŸ™‚

  25. I would hope he would have gotten more money from the big pimping with those large…feet of his. lol. But he is spot on gangsta there! Though I can’t fathom a world without him in it…what would we talk about???

  26. Well, first of all:

    a) congrats, UC and Moon because it looks like LTR and the forum ARE OFFICIALLY FAMOUS!!!

    b) congrats, SpunkMe is also OFFICIALLY FAMOUS – not I that ever doubted that she’d have the skills and the guts for that!!

    High fives to all!!

    Second: the fake myspace has knocked me off my chair. I’m picking up the shaking, laughing pieces of good ole me right now.
    @UC: Best post ever. If there was a RobScar for Irony, you and Moon would have it AD HONOREM!!!

    Third: I still have to catch up with all the comments and maybe this is out of date, but I check out Robsessed earlier today and got very caught up in this pic:

    I mean: enjoy the view, ladies? Any comments?
    SpunkMe: true, you’re famous, but I’d appreciate your take on this (please don’t take the contents of the pic, I’ve set them BOTH aside for myself. Tks for yr understanding…)

    Good night (or afternoon) ladies!

  27. Even when I think you can’t get any better, UC you surprise me wit shit like dat πŸ™‚
    Effing hilarious post…LOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOL

  28. Uhhhh…. UC, seriously. dieing. and i don’t even know if i’m supposed to spell it dieing or dying… but either way i’m doing it.

  29. *peeks in* Hello?

    • Hi EP! I was just about to leave!

      • Hey Tara!

        • How are you tonight? Did you have a good weekend?

          • I’m good, decent weekend. What about you?

          • ya same here!

    • Hi Girls.

      • Hey EyeC!

        • So T, what did you do this weekend?

          • Well Saturday I went to my boyfriends nephews t-ball game, then went to a baby shower. Then on Sunday stayed in with my Grandmother for Mothers Day. What about you anything fun?

          • That sounds like a good itime, both days.

            I started in on another fanfic–the Red Line and I’m really into it. It has 40 chapters and I’m not quite halfway.

          • My stepmother tried to con me into going to a baby shower, but you know what they often have a baby showers? Babies. And then people want you to hold the baby and babies are scary.

            That being said, you might have had a good time and this rant seems mildly bitchy so I’ll stop.

          • That sounds good! I cant wait to start some new ones! I wish they would hurry up and finish the two that im reading!

          • @T–I got tired of checking for updates constantly. Some are so slow in coming and others have just done so and I’ll be waiting awhile.

            @EP–a lot of times the baby hasn’t come yet! At least you know your age range!

          • That baby hasn’t come yet, but typically people have babies at the same time. So, other people’s babies are there. And yes I pride myself at knowing that I like children as long as they are aged over 5 and under 11.

          • EP, That’s true.

          • lol it was for my bestfriend so I had to lol! but I had a good time. I like babies.

      • Hey EyeC, how are you this evening?

        • Yeah, it’s been a good day. Listened to Bobby this afternoon. I was trying to find some lyrics but I can’t find them on any list yet.

          • Fun times. I’m eating red velvet cake and drinking tea, life is good.

          • that sounds good!

          • You got your Red Velvet Cake!!! Hooray! What tea?

          • Yeah it’s from the store, but its pretty good and Earl Gray tea.

          • lol

  30. OMg. I just laughed so hard I dropped my laptop. Thats priceless!

  31. anyone lurking here? hi! if you are.

    • Hello!

    • Hi Maygirl.

    • Hi maygirl! We’re just starting up for tonight. Welcome!

      • Thanx.

        • What are you up to right now?

    • So whats up ladies?

      • Maygirl, Lizzie is from Sydney, EP from Texas, Tara from California and I’m frm Colorado. Jenny will probably be here soon, she’s from Alberta Cananda and I remember you’re from India. Where?

  32. Good afternoon all.

    I am seriously excited, I had a dream last night and I remembered some of it. woo hoo!

    • Yay Lizzie!!! That’s always helpful to remember. Do tell.

    • Hey Lizzie! Glad to see you in your happy pants.

    • It isn’t exactly going to go down in the top dreams of all times list, but you know this is progress for me. All I can remember of it was Jackson was in a swimming race half the starters were starting in the water and half were diving in, When I realised this I offered to teach jackson how to dive so he would do better in the race. I then proceeded to teach him, starting with little duck dives like you would teach a 4 year old, practicing until he progressed to full racing dives, and then I woke up. I know, I know, exceptionally weird and I have NO idea what my subconscious is trying to tell me from that!

      • Baby steps. lol

      • lol

      • And you know what I can’t quite believe I admitted to that dream out loud. When everyone else has “wet” dreams they are of the more lemony variety, me, my subconscious takes me to a ppol. LMAO

        • LOL

      • Sounds like a good time Lizzie. I, and this actually somewhat appropriate considering Tara was talking about baby showers, dreamed about a baby last night. It was a cute baby (okay, so it was like a 1.5- 2 yr old.), I don’t know who it belonged to, but it was playing in a backyard, again I don’t know who’s back yard.

        • Aww, yours and Robs little progeny, in your new backyard. That’s sweet EP.

          • Well, that does add interest to what I thought was kind of an odd dream.

          • I win on the seriously odd dreams for today, at least yours is explainable.

          • Yeah, you do win. And I don’t know if that’s the correct explanation of my dream, but I like it.

      • At least you girls remember your dreams. Sometimes I have no idea what I dreamt last night. Just like last night, I swear I saw Rpatts but what for and what were we doing is completely blank right now.

        • That’s why i am so excited, it is the first dream I can remember in a really, really, really long time!

        • All that truly matters is he was there, right?

          • lol. yea it matters if Rob is there unless you are into J.

      • Okay, I have a very solid one. This one is very much stuck to me even after I dont remember. READY, ladies.

        Well, it was underwater, both of us were there. First of all I couldn’t see who it was because my long hair was hidding the face and then I saw whole thing. Both of us were kissing and embracing each other and I was floating in that dream for a long time. I remember it was the first I thing that came in my mind after I woke up. Then I realized it was Robert and me.

        • That is a GREAT dream!!! So godd to have that feeling of it being definite.

        • Litte Ashes, clearly you have Little Ashes on your mind with the Rob kissing scene, you have simply replaced the other dude with yourself, you clever girl!

          • LOL Lizzie! You got it.


          • That is dash cunning of her.

        • This dream came to me before I even little ashes traliers. probably dec.

          • Well, Water=emotion. That makes sense.

          • Hows water is equal to emotion?

          • Whenever you dream about water it represents the emotional body. That makes sense with this dream because Rob definitely is hooked into the emotional in each of us.

          • In symbolism water means emotion.

        • Plus both of us appropritely dressed. I remember he was in a full sleeved T-shirt[navy blue] and black pants and I was wearing half sleeved a white or cream coloured dress.

        • Plus both of us appropritely dressed. I remember he was in a full sleeved T-shirt[navy blue] and black pants and I was wearing half sleeved a white or cream coloured dress.

          • That sounds kind of beautiful actually.

  33. It’s always good to at least have a snippet when you wake up. You’d think there would be more remembering with him in our consciousness so often!

    • I agree absolutely, which was why I was always worried when everyone else had had a Rob dream I hadn’t and then when i finally have one it was about Jackson. weird. On the plus side, maybe I am saving the best for last?

      • Yeah, that’s it. You have had Jackson on your mind too, though.

  34. It must be cake week, I had my choc mousse yesterday, EP has the red velvet today, looking forward to seeing what’s on the menu for the rest of theweek.

    • Cake week is an awesome week.

  35. Holla ladies. Sorry I’m late (that’s what she said). Long night.

    I need to shower, too. I just wanted to stop by and say that I’ll be here… when I’m done cleaning myself.

    • Hey BFF, see you after your shower.

    • Hi Jenny. We’ll see you in a few.

    • Yes please, we do have standards here. Catch you soon.

      • Uh, Lizzie, this is a Rob site. Showering obviously isn’t priority 1. Unless you happen to be showering with Rob.

        • true, very true. Ok I take it back, we don’t have hygeine standards here.

        • Oh, EP–you always get right to the heart of the matter!

          • lol. I try.

  36. Hey EyeC, I saw you mention Red Line yesterday and how much you were enjoying it, so have printed it out ready to go for later in the week, and a I am also thrilled to see it is a finished one. Yes!

    • I wasn’t sure because I didn’t want it to be spoiled and the thread on the forum had lots of warnings. Glad it’s finished. I love it more with each chapter.

      • excellent, looking forward to starting.

  37. Alright Im going to call it a night! I will talk to you ladies tomorrow night!

    • Night Tara, sweet dreams.

    • Aww, hang in just a bit longer Miss T! But if you reeeeally have to go, see you soon.

      • LOL I have a killer headache and I have to put some serious effort into finding a job tomorrow!

        • Ok fair enough, you’re excused then.

          • Night to you ALL!

    • OK, Tara. Sleep well with wonderful real dreams of Rob.

  38. I am always amused, nearly always the first person who sees and comments on J-m’s arrival is always EP, I know, I know, it is the merge in real life, but it never fails to bring s smile to my face when it happens.

    • What can I say, she’s a part of soul.

      • or my soul, if I wasn’t so submit-happy.

        • lol—I’m still having trouble too. Don’t proofread.

          • trust me I am the last peson who will ever comment on someone elses typos…

    • Yeah, She’s def in the same wavelength.

  39. Awwe. I left dirty, and I come back clean and with a soulmate! This day is looking up.

    I’m back.

    And yes, I was showering with Rob. Otherwise I’d have no other reason to shower. Obviously.

    • Showering with Rob? This merge is taking too long.

      • Sorry BFF, I’ll try and merge faster!

        • Good to have you back.

    • What kind of soap? Shampoo?

      • EyeC, you expect to remember things while I’m naked with Rob?

        • I have just always wondered. What a ridiculous assumption on my part!

    • oops, just went somewhere else for a minute there, damn those long fingers of his!

  40. Okay, I lied. I hope to help mom again. THIS NIGHT WILL NEVER END.

    • Sending good thoughts your way BFF.

  41. Ok somebody has to turn the water off, we can’t all stay in the shower with Rob.

    • Lizzie, you’re so funny tonight.

      • See i knew I had my funny pants somewhere, just had to find them.

        • Maybe dreaming about Jackson makes you extra funny.

          • Hopefully that is just the warm up, let’s see what happens when I dream about Rob!

    • Maybe that’s where I went…. lol

  42. you guys still here?

    • Yeah, we just hit a quiet moment.

      • Just a moment ago in the forum, we were discussing what if rpatts were twins?
        Any thoughts?

        • Then the paps would be following both of them!

          • Probably, the world doesn’t deserve such wealth.

        • 2 Rob’s…….smiling dopely at the screen, drool starts dripping on keyboard. Best I stop right here.

        • u no, twin one would have the extact opp personality of Rob. a bit womanizer and a bit gentleman. what do you think? the girls agree but all of us would still be HOT for our brodding, sensible, hobo Rob

    • tell us a little about yourslef Maygirl

      • just turned 22 at 9th may, indian, english major student, undercover rpatts fan,
        [persona. – very quite, friendly, creative, sometimes funny, thoughtful girl] have an boring one.

        • Nice to meet you!

          • Nice to meet you too.

        • About all the girlies here are 21-24/25 (except me, of course–don’t ask).

          Hope you’ll join in whenever you can.

          • I’m in your boat too EyeC, just particualrly immature for my age.

          • I wont, to me being mature means how strong you are mentally/emotionally. I like to think you are as young you think you are. I hope that make sense.

          • That’s it Lizzie. I fit here! lol

          • @Maygirl–I think young. Who wants to get stuck?

          • That’s right. Be strong, feel young and feel good.

  43. Okay, now I’m really here. I promise.

    I responded to you guys up there.

    Also, hi. Officially.

    • And again BFF, glad to have you back. The same comment is under the merge comment.

  44. Did you guys see the chick who has had Rob’s signature tattoed on her inside wrist?

    • Yes I did—at least her wrist! No, I don’t think I’ll be doing that anytime soon.

    • No, but that is seriously wrong. My kind (read nascar fans) do it a lot though. I think at least one person at every race has a nascar driver’s autograph tattooed on them, though they usually have the driver sign somewhere and then get it tattooed. That chick may have done the same I don’t know.

    • I loathe tattoos. And getting one of someone’s signature is just dumb.

      • It’s a long life.

        • Like my Mother always says “Forever is a long time.” She’s usually talking about marriage, but she’s said this about tattoos too.

          • LOL

          • and becoming a vampire…

          • I don’t think Mom ever took the idea of vampirism into account, but that’s true.

          • If I found someone like Edward, I wouldn’t have a second thought.

            1) Have someone like Edward to love
            2) Live forever (with Edward)
            3) Still see family (cuz clearly I’d have awesome restraint, Bella-style)
            4) Don’t want babies, so win-win situation (only have sex with Edward AFTER I’m sterile)

          • You guys. LOL

          • True story BFF, true story.

    • Each to their own, her choice, ***whispers quietly*** I do find it exceptionally odd though…

    • what was she thinking? Rpatts will see it and forever vow his love to her just because she tattooed his name.

  45. I’ve actually had a recurring nightmare about a tattoo. That’s how much I dislike them.

    In the dream I go for a tattoo (which I’m panicking about, because I don’t want to get one). So I ask for something like little stars (on the inside of my wrist), and what do I get? A massive, multi-colored HAMBURGER. That looks a little smeared. Then I basically have a heart attack.

    True story.

    • I hope you don’t know any cannibals, putting a hamburger on your wrist would be akin to start here.

      • lol! No Lizzie, no cannibals… that I know of…

    • That’s hilarious.

      I don’t mind tattoos as long as you can cover them, I think about getting one from time to time, but I don’t make decisions well, so I just never do it.

      • I probably won’t get one. If I did, it would be stars. And probably on the back of neck, near my hairline. And they’d be small.

        But I won’t get any. Not only do I dislike them, but clearly I have a small phobia.

        What would you get? Rob’s face tattooed on your butt? Cuz if so, the merge is off.

        • You know me better than that! IF I got one, it would probably be a lion, cause I’m a Leo. But a cute lion, not a scary lion eating a zebra or something.

          And there wouldn’t be a lamb anywhere either. Lets not go all Twilight about this.

          • Why? I’ll be the lamb! I’d make a cute lamb.

            And true. A zodiac sign would be cute. Good point.

          • Well, if we ever feel the need to get Best Friend tattoos, we can do lion and lamb. Then when we merge they can be together.

          • I think that may spoil our chances with Rob. Yes, that would be the only thing keeping us from him. No other hurdles.

          • Hmm, VERY good point. I don’t like needles anyway. Yep, that’s the only hurdle, well except for time.

          • Agree, seems all clear from what I can see.

          • And Lizzie knows, she’s from the future!

          • I’m not afraid of needles. But I still say no to the tattoos, so we can have Rob.

            I love that we’re all so positive.

    • LMAO! And smeared, too!!! HAHmburgAHs are forever.

      • Yes, smeared! And LOL, I thought of that after I sent the message.

    • Not a fan of pain, so wouldn’t even contemplate going there.

  46. Random thoughts time.

    Uhm actually I seem to be out of thoughts completely right now. Now I hahve one, random thougts:

    Why don’t I have any random thoughts?

    • You’re still in the shower with Rob, you know in your mind?

      • yep, back to the water again, I think i have some sort of hot men in water fixation thing going on.

        • I think you might, I’d tell you to seek therapy, but I don’t think you’re hurting anything. And it makes you funny.

    • me too. Im just replying some of your notes.

  47. Is the forum down? Is it broken?? Was I banished?????? OH NOOOO!!!!
    I can’t get in.

    • I just tried, too. It’s not loading. Server is probably down, or something. It’ll be fixed later.

    • When is it Rob’s bday, maybe a special present coming his and our way? Alternatively, it could just be that the server is down for maintenance.

      • The 13th.

        • Ah, that’s it then, getting the palce ready for the big day.

  48. Random Thoughts:

    Yep, I’m still having them.

    The Red Velvet Cake is calling me from the fridge.

    Does anyone else picture Future-Lizzie driving a Deloreon, wearing suspenders, and singing Huey Lewis and The News “Power of Love”? Just me?

    I can’t resist the cake any longer, I have crappy will power.

    • Congratulations on still having thoughts, I am jealous.

      Cake does that to you.

      How did you know that was me, I try to keep it on the down low.

      What’s will-power?

      • Thanks.

        Yes it does.

        I just know these things.

        Will power is something that is completely useless and not worth mentioning anymore.

    • I have no random thoughts right now. You stole mine, I bet.

      I want cake. Damn you.

      I wasn’t picturing that before, but now I am. If I have dreams about that, I’m blaming you.

      Get me a piece please. And some lemon tea. Thanks BFF.

      • Probably.


        You probably will dream about it.

        I only bought one big piece, I didn’t finish it before, but we can share. And I think I have some lemon tea around here somewhere.

        • I will settle for sharing. I probably shouldn’t eat a full piece anyway.

          I wanted to start my new workout schedule tonight, but I was helping mom all night. Bah.

          • I should try to adopt a workout schedule.

  49. **whisper**calling**louder**screaming**
    Off with you to the fridge!

    Lizzie–Now that you mention it….

    • It’s your turn for cake tomorrow EyeC, hope it’s something good to make the rest of us jealous.

      • Hmmm. I scheduled to make a strawberry rhubarb pie—the plants are up.

        • Wow, that sounds good.

          • yep I think that will work in making us jealous, especially since it will be homemade.

          • I do pies fairly well.

            Did you see that movie Waitress with Keri Russell? So sweet.

          • No, but it is one that I actually keep meaning to see. On the pie theme though, I did like Pushing Up Daisies.

          • Oh yeah, I watched that till the end.

  50. forum is up again.

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