Dear lurking celebrities (and by celebrities I mean you, Sam Bradley),
We hear you are in love with our blog. And by “in love with our blog” I mean you mentioned it once, at a show (where you might have been drunk) to one of our darling LTR gals, Just a Girl. (True story, read her blog about it now) Since you think of our blog first, without even being prompted, we wanted to acknowledge that we know you love us and let you know a little about ourselves:
- We’re not freaks- we’re actually the kind of fans you want (but we’re hard fans to impress because we’re big music snobs)
- We won’t wear Twilight shirts to your concerts (but we may wear our “I❤ boys who sparkle” pins, just cause it’s awesome)
- We probably wouldn’t even talk to you if we came to a show because we don’t really care as much as we pretend to (but we do kinda care deep down) and we care more about saving face
- We just wanna hear some good tunes (and if your “friend” happens to be there, don’t worry he had a good time. We made sure of it.)
You seem so giving: You give us beautiful music. You give us your beautiful smile. According to friends who have met you, you are incredibly sweet. You leave comments on our blog (even though it was a little snarky, which I may have deserved because I was kinda a bitch). You are buds with Rob…. There’s so much- we feel unworthy, and we feel like we need to give back. Please choose one of the following as a token of our friendship:
- A lifetime supply of Stella Artois and Hot Pockets: Yes, we know, Hot Pockets are your friend’s delight, but we don’t know many broke musicians who can resist their charm. We’ll even throw in some ramen noodles and you’ll have a nice feast. Why Stella? Well, we thought we’d kick it up a notch from Rob’s fav, Heineken.. we’re those kinds of gals..
- Membership into The Quad: We are willing to negotiate our square shape for whatever the shape is that you make with 5 people. The rules would be: you cannot debunk everything we discuss. For example, I say, “I bet Kristen & Rob did it again last night.” Sam says, “Actually Rob was at my house, my mum baked us cookies and we played halo.” This is a no-no because #1: That’s no fun. #2- if Rob played halo I’d kill myself (so I don’t wanna know about it).
- A Groomsmen Position in Rob & my wedding. I can guarantee you’ll be up at the front with us, but you’ll have to fight TomStu for Best Man. You can walk down the aisle with themoonisdown. She’s tall. Are you tall? Lemme know because I have to custom order her Christian Louboutin shoes, and I’ll get them in flats if I have to.
- A starring role in our next film: We are actresses, you know. We made this little diddy in Griffith Park with Action Figure Edward and are thinking of adding you to our act. What do you say? Interested in doing a musical parody of the restaurant scene in Twilight? You can sing your version of Never Think while playing Edward, and I’ll stutter around like Bella. Moon will rock the part of the waitress, with much more kick-ass bangs.
But hey! We’re not riding a one-way street here… our friendship works both ways, so we have some requests of our own:
- Come play a show in Philly– This is my request since I live here. I have some venue suggestions (seriously, check your email) and would be willing to treat you to one of our famous cheesesteaks, even though they disgust me and I’m a vegetarian
- Give Moon an interview (or more…) in May when you’re in LA. We promise it will be unlike any interview you’ve ever given. We won’t even mention Rob’s name (We’ll call him “He who cannot be named”)
- Dedicate a song to us and post it on YouTube. Why don’t you make it about all of the LTR girls (and our gay unicorn on LTT). Here, I’ll get your started with some lyrics, “I’ve got a friend who’s name I will not say. He plays on LTR each and every day. He doesn’t mind the girls who are hormornal. He just told me he truly thinks That’s Normal”
- Join our forum. We have 3 other guys and we could use a forth. We could even make you a moderator, if you’d like. Would you like to mod the “Fan Fic about Rob” forum? You could even see if he’d help you- he’d get a kick out of it cause there’s nothing a celeb likes more than to read badly written words on the internet that describe his private places in embarrassing detail.
Good luck in Nashville tonight, and I wasn’t kidding when I twitted you about Calypso– go there seriously. And steer clear of downtown- go to Grimey’s for records & Jackson’s for beer and their cookie dough egg rolls. You’ll thank me, promise.
UnintendedChoice (and themoonisdown, of course)
Sorry this letter wasn’t to you, but you understand. Sam needs love too. What’s that? You think the girls are our 3 males might complain? Oh fine, you’re probably right. Let’s give them this one: Click here for maximum droolage.
*thanks to WastedTheMorning for the title inspiration, and to Kristin & WestFriend for your help too! And EastFriend, who is always around when you need a good adverb. And to Mandy for the awesome pictures of Sam from last weekend’s show @ The Drake!
Yep, It’s True. The Forum launched yesterday. Have you signed up yet? Head on over and start losing your forum v-card! LTR/LTT Forum