The Tuck

Dear Rob,

I don’t really have much to say. I mean. I have lots to say, but currently the words are escaping me. I’m just gonna let The Quad break it down for you… Vanity Fair style, of course.

Love,
UnintendedChoice

PS: This letter and convo is about the very, um, revealing picture of Rob that surfaced yesterday from Little Ashes. If you are easily offended do not continue. And if you’re not easily offended, are over 18 and haven’t seen THE picture, look at it now. I warned you. I’m warning you. Very Revealing Robert Pattinson Picture

When the picture first came out, The Quad was not immediately available for a group convo. UC had the following two conversations one-on-one:

Friend #1: sorry for the sudden disappearance. After seeing the link Friend #2 sent me…

UC: did you get fired?

Friend #1: I had to run away. I had to cry in a bathroom stall

UC: hahaha. b/c he tucked it. b/c tucking makes us cry

Friend #2: SHIT SHIT SHIT!!! it’s TRUE!!! (sends me link to pic) RUN.RUN.

UC: OH MY GOSH

Friend #2: TUCKED.

UC: oh i cannot believe this is POSTED

Friend #2: i am dying. i am dying. i am dying. his PARENTS and sissies had to see this saturday night

UC: it’s one thing to do nudity

Friend #2: the tuck is the worst. but I will say…he has GREAT pelvic bones. always suspected–that little glimpse of them in the EW cover outtakes.

UC: he looks GREAT

Friend #2: dear God, he TUCKED his peen.

a

Moon: starting to get links from boys of the tucked pic

UC: from which boys!?

Moon: friends god i wanna look so bad. so i can have a discussion with a boy about it

UC: just DO it. and then save the convo

Moon: thats it???

UC: look at the TUCK and the V and the MUSCLES

Moon: this is gonna be the weirdest movie ever

UC: i know apparently that’s all you see. I asked Gozde from Robsessed. We see ass. and this. no actual peen. DAMN! need the answer to the age old question

*don’t pretend like you don’t know what the age old question is!

a

And The Quad reunites after 10+ days apart. Read it all after the jump

UC: OMG are we all here!? are we!?
Friend #1: yes!
UC: can it be true!?
Friend #2: ME here.
UC: YAY! we’re a quad! and not a trio! or just Moon & I like last week!
Friend #1: So exciting
Moon: quad train back again
Friend #2: YAY. i will now play Quad City DJs in honor of this momentous occasion.

Friend #1: Rob would pick you over all of us, Friend #2. not like I care
Friend #2: well, yeah he would..why are you mad? The Tuck.?
Friend #1: yah…sicked out for life
UC: doesn’t your hubby do that every morning? is it weird that my husband does? HAHA JK
Friend #2: it shall henceforth be referred to as The Tuck. in caps.
Friend #1: is it weird that my husband does that?
Friend #2: Mine has never done that. For the record
Moon: uh.. I know no one who has done that
Friend #1: Moon is right. No one has done that. not even mine or your hubby, UC
UC: not EVEN them. Or your hubby, Friend #2.  Or Moon’s Edward pillow
Friend #1: but…rob has
Friend #2: only Buffalo Bill. In Silence of the Lambs.
UC: and ROB, The Tuck
Moon: i think a requirement for THE TUCK is that you are LE GHEY

Friend #1: want to know what I did after seeing it?
UC: what did you do share please
Friend #1: I thought it was a gift from the gods for sure…I was so excited to see what Robsessed had in store and then I clicked on it And I literally screamed and I ran to the bathroom- vomited. cryed
UC: NO! not vomit!
Friend #2: NONO NO!
Moon: hahaaa
Friend #2: srsly?
UC: tell me you’re serious!?
Friend #1: lost my skills of spelling…since I put “cryed” no…I didn’t vomit but I wish I had And I wish I cried
Moon: wow we all had vastly different reactions
Friend #1: I mostly just did a lap around the building to cool off, yelling “hail mary” the whole time..and I am not catholic. mostly I was yelling hail mary for him since he is catholic
Friend #2: girl, i started singing that old Baptist standard, “Heaven came down and glory filled my soul…: (Filled my soul..)
Friend #1: I think I need to stare at GQ Rob for about….5 minutes. make it…7 to cleanse my mind. 7 minutes in heaven!

UC: if you can look past that hair (yuck- i refuse to say the “p” word) and The Tuck you can see a VERY nice body. a VERY nice “V” in the muscles
Friend #1: I can’t look that long
UC: V LOVE
Friend #1: desktop image for sure
Moon: hahahahaha
Friend #1: maybe it will do a closeup like moon’s compy!
UC: we need an HQ of this just for one quick look
Friend #1: can’t look
Friend #2: quick look? hell to the no… i’ve been staring for an hour now/ The Tuck.
Friend #1: I didn’t look long enough…

Moon: lets continue around the circle and get other reactions?
Friend #1: did he have that sicknast stache glued on?
Friend #2: no stache. but his hair looks like ALICE! dude.
Friend #1: I forgive him tenfold.
Moon: looks like a damn wig
UC: you really only saw a teeny tiny view, Friend #1?
Friend #2: i’m sure it is a piece.
Friend #1: I wish the wig was long enough to cover the offensive Tuck

Moon: i was vastly underwhelmed
Moon: so i was saving myself for the quad break down and didnt look at it till 2 guys sent ME the link
Friend #2: because it’s no big deal, or underwhelmed by him?
Moon: i looked and literally said out loud THATS IT???!!! and i was like wtf is everyone wildin out over?

Friend #2: it is a hot mess. he looks good, love his pelvic bones, love his non-gross pubes, but hate The Tuck.
UC: i think my husband just started having gmail chat sex with me
Friend #2: gross. you cannot do that while discuss The Tuck.

UC: my thoughts: tucked. it’s tucked. omg. i was hoping someone made up a very bad joke… But the V looks hot and for that i’ll stare

Friend #2: The Tuck. Has ruined. My Day. I’ve accomplished NOTHING since my daughter went down for her nap.
Moon: ive done nothing since i got to work!
Friend #1: I can’t go back to robsessed with fear that I will lose my job. srsly
Friend #2: the V is hot as all get out.
Moon: yea i want to run my fingers down the V
Friend #2: he totally has Alice hair. bad Alice hair, that is. i’m getting my magnifying glass. don’t judge.
Moon: hahahahaha ctrl +
Friend #2: ok…i made it bigger…the picture, that is… and got the magnifying glass. he’s not as manscaped as we thought.
Moon: he looks like a tranny
Friend #2: he DOES! that’s the point. Dali was a freak.
Moon: a baaad tranny
UC: i’m so weirded out to see the movie i wish i could with you guys
Moon: im 100% going but also bringing something to hide behind
Friend #2: indeed. it’s embarrassing. like….the kissing scene, the beating off scene,…that wouldn’t bother ME as much. THIS does. The Tuck.

Moon: palatte cleanser
UC: those pics are AMAZING!
Friend #2: that’s not even my fav..
Friend #1: Friend #1’s brain is healed.
UC: and she’s BACK!
Friend #1: that picture healed ME
Moon: heal the wounds. we’ll fight to see another rob-day

Friend #2:This one is my favorite
Friend #1: it’s like aloe to a burn
Friend #2: I know what he looks like naked. I love it. and that picture is PERFECTION.
Friend #1: as opposed to The Tuck being lemon to a sore…
Friend #2: amen
Friend #1: oh so poetic.
UC: and that’s some good programming.. 🙂

There you have it. The Tuck broken down in our favorite way. (See more Vanity Fair Style Break-downs here)
Which reaction did you have?

a

• I wish the wig was long enough to cover the offensive Tuck
• i looked and literally said out loud THATS IT???!!!
• it is a hot mess. he looks good, love his pelvic bones, love his non-gross pubes, but hate The Tuck.
• tucked. it’s tucked. omg. i was hoping someone made up a very bad joke… But the V looks hot and for that i’ll stare
  

Rob promised to write us a real letter if you vote for us at the Dazzle Awards. That’s an April Fools joke but the dazzle awards part isn’t. Also vote for Lauren’s Bite while you’re there!