Yesterday I spent time with a girl that you’ll want to marry RIGHT NOW. She was a real-live human being who knows nothing about Twilight except that “it’s about vampires.” I KNOW- apparently females like that DO exist.
Picture the following scenario: yesterday I leave Moon in LA (and sob) and drive to Orange County to spend some time with my first roommate in college, who I affectionately call Roomalufugus. She asks me what I’ve been up to since I saw her last year. I tell her nothing much- I spend all my free time in the outdoors, enjoying the fresh air and purging myself from the dangers of technology and all this “social networking” hype that I have no interest in getting caught up in. Actually, I really broke down and went all fangirl crazy on her and blurted out my love for all things Twi & Rob-related and gushed about LTR & LTT and our readers like I was a proud Twi-mom, to which she responded, “are you seriously obsessed with a book about VAMPIRES?” A BOOK ABOUT VAMPIRES? Roomalufugus needed to be set straight:
Me: Rooms, it’s SO much more than a VAMPIRE story. It’s a LOVE story- and the guy just happens to be a vamp. It’s about the dynamics in the relationship between a human & a vamp- a vamp that abstains from drinking human blood!
Roomalufugus: But.. it’s vampires, right? Like, they do vampire stuff.
Me: (Feeling slightly awkward b/c it’s like I’ve been away at youth group camp aka “how to share your faith camp” all summer and suddenly I’m home & faced with a “non-believer” and I forget everything I learned all summer long) Well, kinda. It’s not weird. I wouldn’t read it if it was weird. I PROMISE. It’s so great and SEXUAL but without sex. There’s this tension because they can’t get super physical because he would kill her.
Roomalufugus: (blank stare) So… how do you become a vampire?
We’ll skip this part but I basically gave her a quick rundown of Carlisle, the Cullen family, etc. etc. and this is the only important part:
Me: Well, back in 1918, Carlisle was working in a hospital in Chicago and Rob was dying from the spanish influenza. Carlisle was really lonely and wanted a companion so he… OH MY GOSH (almost fall off bed because of my intense laughter)
Roomalufugus: Why are you being a crazy person?
Me: I just called him ROB! I called Edward ROB!
True story. I did this. I was ashamed. I am ashamed. This letter is my confession.
I loved Edward before I loved you. When I read Twilight and found out it was going to be made into a movie, I didn’t care that you were going to play Edward because I didn’t care about you. Plus I figured the movie was going to suck compared to the book. It did, but since I expected that I was happy. And I was even happier because you made me love Edward more because you were so effing hot.
After I realized your greatness I jumped on the Google to find out more about you. I started watching videos, reading interviews, looking at pictures, perusing blogs etc. etc. etc., and I haven’t stopped yet. I’ve been telling myself that I crush on you because: 1) you’re incredibly attractive 2) you’re a great actor 3) you’re a great musician 4) you’re extremely humble 5) you just don’t give a damn 6) what else is there to do in the ‘burbs 7) you have a HOT British accent 8 ) you’re hilarious & sarcastic 9) you have an “I don’t give a sh*t about Hollywood” attitude and 10) you’re so freakin’ hot it’s unbelievable. But it turns out the only reason I actually like you is because you played Edward. You’re my Robward- my subconscious doesn’t lie.
PS: I would like to remind you all that behind every little teeny tiny thing we write on this blog is sarcasm. So don’t start hatin’ on me for not being a ‘legit’ Rob fan. Believe me, I love Rob for legit reasons. I mean, have you seen his sex hair?