I know you were gagging while complimenting Zac & Vanessa on their performance in HSM3 (good job pretending you’ve even heard of it- and props to the quick thinking on behalf of your manager, Nick, for giving you a heads up)
We all know you were really just wanting to wanting to tell Vanessa “Fabulous performance tonight, but you’re still no Leah…”
And instead of joking with Zac about your matching bow ties, we know you just wanted to give him some pointers on having sex with a co-star. “Dude, I just hit it and ran…why you hitting it and sticking around?”
Speaking of co-stars you’ve hit and run from, was it awkward seeing PapaStew (Kristen’s dad) at all? You guys seemed pretty casual.
We keep thinking we’re retiring the Oscars. Then we remember how damn hot you looked and decide to bring it out of retirement.
In other news, happy 26th birthday to one of our first blog readers and UC’s in-real-life friend MushroomMexLover. In honor of your birthday, Mex, I am sharing with the world my favorite quotes you have ever said about Rob or Twilight.
At the end of an e-mail to me about a party we were attending. p.s. please bring rob. i’m planning on wearing my blue blouse that clings to my frame.
um so today i was telling the guy I started dating how i sometimes have a hard time reading him…. it went something like this:
“i’m usually very good at reading people…with just one exception.”
i met my future in-laws today. still didn’t meet alice…i mean trish (his sister). his father is so compassionate and his mother incredibly loving. just like another couple i know….
he also has a brother that can alter the moods of others.
Love you MushroomMexlover. Happy Birthday!
We got a whole slew of Oscar-related letters sent to us after Sunday and decided to post the highlights after the jump.
Love you Dirty
Let me guess, you got sick of standing alone, awkwardly in the corner fidgeting with your hair and trying to look like you belong.
So, you decided to get blasted on champagne to make yourself feel more interesting. I assure you, going up to people you would never hang out with in real life and telling them the story about how you and Sam pissed on your ex girlfriend’s doorstep one night will not give you any street cred at the Oscars.
I know it was hilarious, and yes, of course you had to be there, and it may appear that Zac and Vanessa are completely engrossed in your tale, but they are being polite honey. It’s okay – Efron is just jealous that you stole his fan girls, and Vanessa probably secretly wants to send you naked pictures of herself.
Oh, and what the hell is Kate Beckinsale doing here? Homegirl needs to ease up on the eyeliner, and how big are those earrings anyways? Why haven’t hear earlobes fallen off? ugh. You need to walk away from that situation immediately. I don’t know who that guy is, but I assume he’s with Kate since his facial expression reads “wow, look at this douchebag.” He’s probably repeatedly interrupting your story with witty remarks that make you look stupid. What an ass. Don’t feel bad, he’s obviously just insecure.
You cannot possibly be having a good time, and I have to say, this is what I love about you… you are dirty and awkward and real. So tell all those fake snobby actors to piss off and come home to mama. I’ve got cheap beer and hot pockets ready and waiting.
We have YouTube in Australia
First of all congratulations on the Oscars you were great! I saw you on YouTube, yes YouTube.. Why didn’t I see you on the national telecast you ask?
Well here is the story..
As you are probably well aware Australia is in a different timezone then the United States so our Oscars telecast was live during the middle of a working day and replayed at 9.30pm on Monday night. I knew you were somewhere near the start (was googling all day during work) and I thought I would stay up to watch. Yes Hugh Jackman did well blah, blah who cares because you know what?!?! YOU WERE EDITED OUT! I watched and watched til I couldn’t watch any longer and I did not see any glimpse of Rpattz, Spunk Ransom or Robert Pattinson! Can you imagine how shattered I was? Can you imagine the tweens around Australia who got permission to stay up and watch the Oscars only to see nothing of remote interest (ok they probably like Zefron too but whatev) the point is Australia was robbed of their Rpattz opportunity and there is only one way to make this up to us……
A visit to our fine land of course! I know couple of lovely ladies in the Melbourne area who would be most willing to show an English gent a good time.. You would however be expected to re-enact the Oscars bit. You know, I’ll be Amanda Seyfried (oh look I already share that name), you’ll be you, bow tie a must, shirt optional! It will be great fun!
Oh and p.s. As there is only one of you and you’ll be rather busy dealing
with me, please bring Jackson Rathbone for my friend Megan…
Australian Amanda xx
Mickey gets an Oscar from me
What can I say? You were robbed last night in more ways than one. You pulled out the best performance of your life in a dirty little indy that wrestled its way to the Oscars, only to have that golden statue stolen by Sean Penn. But to add insult to injury, some greedy marketing exec cleverly placed Rob Pattison right behind you so that your one minute of Oscar face time would forever been burned into the audiences memory as 60 glorious seconds of uninterrupted gazing time at Rob, unscripted and unaware. It was as if I was holding the camera and stealing a chance to stare to my heart’s content while Rob’s long fingers stroked his lips and chin. Even that shiny silver tooth of yours couldn’t distract me.
So, this letter is to thank you for being such a good sport and taking one for the team – Team Rob, that is. I suppose the Golden Globe and BAFTA awards that now sit on your mantle will make up for the fact that not one of us heard a single word that Ben Kingsley said about your incredible performance.
I’d also like to thank the Academy for perfect product placement in your show last night!
And just because we are retiring the Oscars, we decided, what the hell, one last look: