The time has come for yet another letter dump. There’s been some talk in the comments of how you look so sad in all the paparazzi pics lately, and we’re all hoping that it’s nothing more than you missing me (yes, we are all hoping that). But in case it is something more and you’ve been a little down in the dumps lately, these wonderful letters are sure to cheer you up. (Stop that- the real reason for the letters is not because it’s after midnight and I have no content for tomorrow’s post.)
You kiss a boy…and I think I’m gonna like it
Before you landed in my marvelous state, we were kinda running on a dry-spell with you- no new news. I even resorted to watching the video of you leaving Il Sol with Katy (yucky) Perry. I know she kissed a girl, and yes we all know she liked it, but it also reminded me that you also have a new movie coming out soon. I have to admit I really want to see the part where you, as Salvador Dali, and Frederico Garcia Lorca are buck naked in the ocean. I hear you guys make out, Is it weird that I am gonna like it? Alot?
Love me, vickyb
I know what your thinking… your going to make my legs shake…
You look so confident, bring it on baby..
Rob, you’re dirty
I love you like a fat girl loves cake, and I love me some cake. Dirty hair, facial hair and chest hair are all good in my book, but those dirty blue jeans- I just have to say no. I know you’re on the go, and obviously a washing machine is hard to come by, but you could store a washboard and soap in that black bag of yours that you tote. I understand that a bath tub might be an odd thing for you, but it does have it’s use, I’d be happy to show you, how to wash of course…a bathtub, a washboard, and some soap will do your body…errr…clothes some good. Now that you are back in the States, I anxiously await, to see photos of you..after using a bathtub, washboard, and soap.
Read more tales to delight you after the jump…
I’ll be whatever you need me to be
I was googling you for the nth time surfing the net the other day when I chanced upon this picture.
I’m one of those lucky people who were able to land a job they love…but boy, I’d totally trade jobs with her in a heart beat.
Sooo…just in case she, oh, I don’t know, mysteriously unexpectedly contracts some inexplicable illness and you need someone to replace her, give me a ring.
I’ll be your umbrella girl, assistant, masseuse, soundboard and whatever else you want all rolled into one cute package. I’ll make sure nothing and no one ever touches that gorgeous hair of yours except me. Plus I’ll bring you coffee all the time (do you like coffee?), or maybe some alcoholic drink since you seem to really love to get your drink on. Unless of course the producers say you can’t drink during the shoot. In which case we’ll do it afterwards in some nearby bar where I can ply you with beer until you’re so tanked and I have to bring you home and ravish you. Cigs? Why not! Food? Surely! All you have to do is ask and I will giveth. Because sweetie, that’s how I roll.
So yeah, just give a holler. I’ll be waiting by the phone for your call.
Love lots, Samantha
Are you hiring?
As of recently, I am between jobs. I am pursuing a new, more pleasing line of work: Kept Woman. You are at the very top of my list for Sugar Daddy candidates, though I realize that since I am quite a bit older than you, Daddy might not be an appropriate term. I am eager to please, however, so I’ll call you anything you like.
I assure you I am quite creative and accomplished in, shall we say, the appropriate skill set. I am a self-starter who is comfortable taking the initiative, but I am also a team player, if you take my meaning. In addition, I am independent, needing my fair share of alone time. While I do enjoy affection and romance, I am not needy, nor am I clingy. I do not require anything fancy. I prefer Converse to couture, take-out to tofu. And marriage is not on the table. This is strictly a temporary position. In short, if the following qualities appeal to you, give me a call. We’ll start by going out for a few drinks, get a quick bite, and see where it leads.
You can break my headboard
I have never wanted to be someone’s thumb more than anything in my whole life before now.
And every time I look at this picture
everything around you just melts away. All I see is you, with your hands on a mattress, looking up at me, sitting up against my headboard. Sigh… *Poof, Poof, Poof!*
Maybe I’ve just been single for too long, lol.
Me (Sidhe Vicious)