Posted by: themoonisdown | February 17, 2009

The British are coming!

well myello there

well myello there

Dear Rob-

So by now the cat’s outta the bag and everyone knows you’re going to be presenting at the Oscars. You’d think a major world event had happened with the text messages, emails, tweets and calls I was getting when the news leaked Monday night. I have to say I’m kinda more excited about this than should be allowed by any rational adult. But can you blame me? This is the first real thing you’ve done in months! It’s been too long, Robbie, and I can’t wait to see you! So upon hearing the news, I immediately text UC, who was out with her Hubster on a date night.* I know, I know! But this was NEWS!! News we had been debating all day and it was finally true! So, hun since this is a big night I have a list of demands you MUST follow (trust me, you will be rewarded):

01. Please shower and shave before you show up. Scratch that, I’ll come over myself and personally take care of this item. Don’t be alarmed if I show up with squeegees and grease cutter; it’s for your own good

02. Avoid Ryan Seacrest on the red carpet… stick it to him for saying you were boring, like that guy knows ANYTHING about personality, he tried to high-five a blind guy

this is our secret sign... lick you lip and it's on!

this is our secret sign... lick your lips and it's on!

03. If Kstew is presenting with you, make sure she lays off the green for the day, gets her hair professionally done and SMILES. I can’t take any sour puss fighting for screen time next to you

04. Once you show up in LA, proceed directly to my house, do not answer any texts from Nikki Reed asking you to help her with groceries or getting more packing boxes or whatever idea she comes up with. It’s a ploy!!

05. If Mickey Rourke starts looking angry, run the other way… that melty face could body slam you. Love you Mickey!

Good luck Rob! Oh, and if I’m unavailable, your date better be Clare or TomStu
Me (themoonisdown)

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  1. @mama2bella: Holy crap! Did I jinx him on the red carpet with my post? Say it isn’t so!

  2. @britishkid… Debbie Downer much!? lol I kid. (Look up Debbie Downer on YouTube if you don’t know what I’m referring to, it’s hilarious stuff) and now, taking note from Mrs. Kat Cullen “This is ridiculous and I will stop it RIGHT NOW!!!”

    Note to self: lunch break is OVER Jessica, O V E R!

  3. Dear Higher Power,

    Pleas thank the genius who created rewind buttons, the one who created finger splints and the one who scheduled hubby’s guy night concert for Oscar night!

    Ecstasy, I say! Ecstasy!

  4. I just found this article about the presenters being asked not to walk the red carpet:,0,5164841.story

    They basically want the exposure for the noms and want to draw people to watch the awards instead of just the pre-show. It also says that some will still walk the red carpet but those who aren’t press gluttons will do a side entrance with no cameras. So it sounds like Rob will likely use the side entrance, you know he’s a shy guy and probably won’t want all the attention.

    I’m crying on my keyboard here. BOO!!!!

  5. @britishkid…nope, it wasn’t you, I’ve been reading that since b4 rumors of Rob being there even got started. It sucks, but maybe the industry will take note when they find out that it is the most watched 55 seconds in Tivo history!! Because it will be

  6. @msjbell: Yeah, I was kicking myself for being a downer, but now it sounds like a real possibility. So of course, I’m really kicking my own butt right now.

    I was so hyped up that we’d get to see him on the red carpet and now I’ve hit an all new low.

    @mama2bella: well I guess we just have to camp out at this secret side entrance to get more Rob time. Who’s with me, think we can storm the castle?

  7. Well, I’ll be definitely be watching alone…hmmm…unless I can get my hub to let me in to the limo line while he’s doing traffic control. He’ll have to check passes from passengers instead of chauffers, lest Rob be hidden by tinted windows. Crap, I forgot he found my paper Rob doll in my purse last week and is realizing how deep my obsession runs. I’ll have to convince him I want to see Sean Penn. He’s a huge Fast Times at Ridgemont High fan.

  8. Tis sad that we won’t be able to drool over Rob passing his hands through his hair as he’s trying his best to answer questions on the red carpet:(

    However, just saw some good news. How To Be will be released in the US!

    So there’s another fix of Rob before New Moon:)

  9. I haven’t watched the Oscars in years, just not worth my time. But this year it will be!!
    @moon if you need any help cleaning him up, just let me know.

  10. I am off to check the TV schedule on my Sky box and set the Sky+ to record … but if it’s in the middle of the night I’ll have to get up to have a quick squiffy anyway. My OH gets up in the middle of the night before Monday mornings anyway to get to the airport … I’ll pretend I’m getting up to make him a cup of coffee – aw he’ll think I’m being such a lovely wifey. Sneeky huh? The things we’ll do to get our fix.

  11. there’s a chance we wont be seeing rob at the red carpet!!!NOOOOO!!!! *cries*

  12. Everyone is welcome to TN to watch it. I will have hot pockets and booze.

  13. Well I’m still optimistic he’ll walk the red carpet. You just never know. I hope, I hope, I hope!

  14. Dear Lord: Please don’t let Kristen Stonerpants be his co-presenter…..

    and please, please, please make Rob shower and wash his hair. With soap and shampoo.

  15. I almost wonder though, with Rob having “Little Ashes” coming out soon, you’d think his publicist would want him talking about it on the red carpet.
    “Some publicists are in a pickle. Do they comply with the academy’s wishes and deny their clients the global exposure that comes with an Oscar red carpet appearance? Not to mention the opportunity to plug a movie?”

    I’m just trying to remain hopeful. If not ,at least we’ll get to see him for sure at some point that night.

  16. “I don’t have the strength to stay away from you anymore.”
    lol Sorry.

    If the Oscar producers/directors/whoever know what’s good for them and if they want to avoid rioting, Rob will be walking the red carpet… PLUS he’ll be needing to promote the hell out of Little Ashes. I refuse to give up hope on seeing him on the red carpet.

    OMG How To Be is being released in the states! My day just keeps getting BETTER!

  17. @ moon and Happy Hour Sue – NOOOO!! I like my Robby DIRTY!!

    @Jena – I was kind thinkin’ the same thing. That’s like PR 101!

  18. @Jena – We are definitely sharing a brain today.

  19. @JBell – High five! LOL! I’m so in denial about this possible carpet avoidance. I’m not afraid to start a riot if need be! LOL!

  20. @ jena….im joining the riot too,if robbie pie doesnt show up on the red carpet.but we have another option!we can look for that secret back door entrance and camp out there! * goes to google earth the kodak theater to look for secret entrances*

  21. @Jena – I’ll be right there with you! That will surely get SOMEBODY to notice us… even if it is the LAPD. lol We can just let them know it was a crime of passion and give them Rob’s name, and then we can get into the papers as the girls who started a riot at the Oscars because of Rob Pattinson being denied the right to walk the red carpet, and then he will SURELY contact us because why you may ask?? Because he “likes nuts girls.”

    Yep. Sounds like a plan to me. *shrug* I’m just sayin. LOL!

  22. PattinsonRedCarpetUnited! We will prevail! LOL!

  23. PattinsonRedCarpetUnited! We will prevail! LOL!

    LOL @ JBell, you just cheered me up!

  24. Whoops, sorry for the double post!

  25. @ jena…. great name.LOL

    @jbell….i want rob himself to come bail us outta jail !LOL.

  26. @sherin – Heck yes! Whatever works, right?? …I may have to steal a set of handcuffs on the way out though – just as a souvenir of course… mwahahaha

    Such dedication, love and admiration we have for that boy… it warms my heart. lol

  27. @Sherin – If Google Earth fails you, we can try the Marauder’s Map again…although it didn’t work when I looked for Rob’s Den of Sin.

  28. @ jbell…..hmmm maybe we can use those handcuffs for our “after oscar party” party with rob…i can just imagine him handcuff to the bedpost……LOL,but first we need to make a plan to kidnap him…once he steps out of the kodak theater..
    @ amber…that marauders map could come in handy to locate rob after the oscars….im ditching google earth for now,didnt help with finding that backdoor secret entrance,dammit.

  29. So um, since I’m kind of dominating the comments today, what’s a few more eh?
    I was looking back over that one article and the guy said that there will be “more than one Twilight presence”… what could that mean??

    Red Carpet/Presenter?
    Presenter/Performing ‘Never Think’ or ‘Let Me Sign’ when they do the music part??

    Or MAYBE…
    Red Carpet/Presenter/AND Performer!?

    I think I would die a happy person soon there after.

  30. Dear marauder’s map:

    I swear i am up to no good so please show me the following:

    * rob’s den of sin
    * the room where the clothes he is going to
    wear for oscar night so i can exchange hobo
    themed clothes for a tux
    *secret entrance to kodak theater because i got
    vertigo from looking at the dang place from so
    many heights and angles
    *nikki reed’s house so i can steal her phone and
    wont be able to contact rob and be his date to
    oscars ( just thinking about it makes me want
    hurl bricks..ewww)
    * kstew’s house so i can give her more pot and
    thereby making her so high that she wont be
    fit to be seen at the oscars and leaving me to
    rob’s date.

    me loves you.
    p.s. girls contribute to what you want the map to do.

  31. …but producer Larry Mark told E!Online there will be a presence “and on more than one occasion.”
    A (singular – AKA Rob) presence “and on more than one occasion.” (plural – see previous comment)
    Oh, the possibilities.

  32. @sherin – You didn’t say “Mischief managed” at the end so that nobody else will be able to see the map and take our plan out from under us. It’s okay though, I’ve said it for you. haha I love it, especially the Kristen part.

  33. @JBell – Oh a girl can dream! My hubby would have to clean me up off the floor if Rob performs!!

    @Sherin – Thanks for adding the Den of Sin…that’s what I am most interested in, and I guarantee that lots of no good things will be happening there (and by no good, I mean good, VERY GOOD!)

  34. LMAO @ Amber “although it didn’t work when I looked for Rob’s Den of Sin.”

    LMAO @ Sherin! “secret entrance to kodak theater because I got vertigo from looking at the dang place from so many heights and angles.”
    LOL, I quote Twilight Jessica “I know, right!”

  35. @ happy hour sue-“kristen stonerpants” lmao

    @ Jena-put me down for the PattinsonRedCarpetUnited mission. BTW you have been bringin it today with the comments! LOL!

  36. the things i do for robert,im telling yah.i was lookng at the kodak theater on google earth and analyzing which road he was most likely to use.and its like 2 am here!!! oohh robbie,you better show up on the red carpet!

  37. Crap! I just remembered I have to work Sunday night. This really blows! (goes into deep depression)

  38. @ amber..and by very good,you mean it involves lack of clothes and robert right *grins evilly* im soooo in

  39. YES! I agree…Snub Seacrest as brutally, harshly, and openly as Brangelina did!

  40. 5 days and counting….

  41. @ sherin — anyone who can combine their love for HP and Twilight wins big points with me! Perfect use for the marauder’s map! LMAO

  42. @sherin – Of course, of course!!

  43. the dvr is ready!

  44. I can’t concentrate…..Sunday, hurry up!

  45. omg you guys totally made my day with all these comments! i guess we weren’t the only ones way more excited than necessary about robbie at the oscars.

    high fives, cartwheels and handstands for everyone!!! it’s a celebration!

  46. Hey everyone apparently he’s back!!

  47. I just hope to god that they don’t give him some inanely stupid line to read…you know, the kind that is supposed to be funny, but is just painful and embarrassing?

    Please, Oscar writers, just let him read something normal and don’t try and be witty.

    And zoom in really, really close.

    And try to get a nice tight shot of his double freckle neck porn.

  48. @Valerie…ooh, thanks for the link!

    *quivers at thought of Rob back on the same land mass as myself*

  49. How on earth did he sneak pass the airport being unnoticed?

    Supposedly first pic back in LA to see manager.

  50. Lmao. Right above his head the cutoff sign says ‘OME’… how fitting!
    And wait a minute!!! Does it look as though his hair is actually STYLED?! There is no way it does the flippy-uppy thing in the front naturally!
    February 17, 2009 shall go down in history.

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