Dear Rob,
Just so you know, other guys pretend to be you. It’s quite brilliant, actually, since there isn’t enough of the actual you to go around. Any guy pretending to be you could potentially get a lot of chicks. In fact, I’ve made it quite clear to Mr. D that if he pretends to be you this Saturday night for Valentine’s Day, he’s in for a treat!
C & K had a great experience with a Rob-imposter that C shared with us via e-mail. Watch out for this guy- he’s stealing your moves!
XO,
UnintendedChoice & theMoonisDown
“I thought I would share with you both a delightful escapade that my friend K and I had this past Saturday night. She and I decided to go out for a few drinks to celebrate the weekend. We met up. We went dancing. We got hit on by random guys, none of which hold a candle to Rob. Until we met Random British Hipster Dude on the street at 2 am. Our conversation was such:
Random British Hipster Dude: Are you ladies headed home?
Me and K: Are you British? (As you can see, the accent had not escaped us, however, the drinks previously imbibed had apparently hindered our judgment.)
RBHD: Yes.
Me: I would totally bang you right now.
K: Me too.
RBHD (apparently on a cell phone with another British Dude): Did you hear that, Tim?
Me: Oops.
RBHD: So am I coming home with you ladies tonight?
Me: Only if you promise to call yourself Robert Pattinson all night.
RBHD: I am Robert Pattinson.
Let me point out of course, RBHD was NOT Rob. If he was, I would not be writing this email, I would be tied to Rob’s bedpost or something like that. I do not believe that RBHD had any idea of who Rob was, and was therefore willing to take his name in vain.
And of course at this moment, K and I collapsed into giggles. We did not go home with Random British Hipster Dude, as both K and I are married to wonderful men. But I thought it warranted a share with you both.
xoxo
C”
HILARIOUS! Do you know what else is hilarious? All the amazing entries we’ve received for our Twi-alentine’s Day Contest. If you have something amazing to add- send it our way!
Letters to Rob 
Oh I wish we had a picture, just to laugh more how how much this guy was not Rob. But I understand you ladies were a bit inebriated… 🙂
By: Amber on February 10, 2009
at 10:48 am
I just had to say that I absolutely loooooove this blog – it’s turned into one of my favorites! It keeps me from feeling like the overly obsessed Roblover that I am… because obviously I’m in very good company!
And I could totally see myself saying that exact thing – I would totally bang you right now. 🙂 hilarious…
By: sarahfox on February 10, 2009
at 11:00 am
@sarafox AW THANKS! we’re happy and feel SPECIAL to take one of your “favorite” spots! Yep- you’re in good company!
xo
By: unintendedchoice on February 10, 2009
at 12:04 pm
First off, this was beautiful:
“I’ve made it quite clear to Mr. D that if he pretends to be you this Saturday night for Valentine’s Day, he’s in for a treat!”
I may or may not have said the exact same thing to Tedward.
Anyway, C&K killed me. “I would totally bang you right now.” LOL! haha…
By: Lauren on February 10, 2009
at 11:09 am
How embarrassing…I just said, “LOL, haha”…a little repetitive, don’t you think?
By: Lauren on February 10, 2009
at 11:09 am
I tried to get my hubby to grow his hair to see if it would do the awesome things Rob’s hair does, but the damn guy wouldn’t listen and kept washing it! Grrrr!
Plus, a pic of Rob was in my Cosmo in their Sexy v. Skanky column (he was sexy, obviously). My hubby was looking at it and I said Rob has amazing hair. He looked at me and said, “Really? I think his hair is looks pretty bad?”
And then slept on the couch last night…
By: Amber on February 10, 2009
at 11:15 am
“I would totally bang you right now.”- this is making me laugh so hard. Great letter!
By: Valerie on February 10, 2009
at 11:37 am
ROTFLMAO! His last response is classic! You so should have taken a photo, LOL!
By: Jena on February 10, 2009
at 11:46 am
There are Random British Guys all across America who will be
getting luckyfalling in love this year thanx to Rob!! In fact, if you are a Random British guy, I would highly suggest this upcoming week as an EXCELLENT time to come to the states….there will be millions ofhornysweet girls with unfulfilled Rob Fantasies just roaming the streets looking forAnyone likeRob to fill them. Good Luck, Random British Guys! and Happy Hunting!!By: Mrs. P. on February 10, 2009
at 12:33 pm
@Mrs. P Perfect!!
By: Valerie on February 10, 2009
at 1:28 pm
Just found this on the web. Now I can’t believe this girl was so S.T.U.P.I.D as to not take full advantage of this opportunity.I would watch paint dry for Rob. Beats my day to day life 🙂 Article says:
Stalker Experiences Painfully Dull Reality Of Rob’s Company
The “Twilight” star treated an obsessed fan to a delicious serving of disillusionment.
This is why I prefer to just make out with posters of James Franco focus on what an actor does onscreen. It Vampire Robert Pattinson took his stalker out for dinner, and the experience was so far below her expectations, she was immediately turned back into a functional member of society.
While filming Little Ashes, where he plays SALVADOR DALI during his BICURIOUS PHASE (pause while I collect pieces of my shattered skull from around the room), the isolation of living in Spain drove him to such levels of desperation that he invited his friendly, neighbourhood lurker out for dinner. “She stood outside of my apartment every day for weeks–all day every day,” he tells New Zealand’s Crème magazine. Note: this is usually not considered an attractive quality.
For whatever reason, it wasn’t the romantic, eating-the-same-piece-of-spaghetti-until-they-accidentally-kiss experience the girl may have been hoping for. When most of your day revolves around standing in front of someone’s house and gawking, it follows that you might not have much of interest to add to a conversation. So Robsies took the opportunity to play a solo on the world’s smallest violin. “I just complained about everything in my life and she never came back,” he said. “People get bored of me in, like, two minutes.” Can someone please relay this message to that mom who asked him to bite her baby’s head? And then turn her over to child services?
http://celebedge.ca/Dramarama/ContentPostingDramarama3column?newsitemid=acb1c1b0-d3d9-4e39-a646-aeb87970454a&feedname=RYAN_PORTER_GOSSIP&show=False&number=0&showbyline=False&subtitle=&detect=&abc=abc&date=False
By: Natasha on February 10, 2009
at 1:32 pm
Apparently I need to move to a more diverse part of the country. We don’t get any RBHD’s here in Florida. I’m jealous… lol
By: JBell on February 10, 2009
at 1:50 pm
Oh, man. I would kill for some RHBD’s in the ‘burg! It would at least make things a notch above unbelievably dull.
@Natasha
“…he plays SALVADOR DALI during his BICURIOUS PHASE (pause while I collect pieces of my shattered skull from around the room)”
Is that because it grosses you out or it’s so awesome that it blows your mind? If it’s the former, I echo those sentiments exactly. (If it’s the latter, ah, well, to each her own.) I don’t think I’ll be able to see this movie. Even mentally picturing His Holy Hotness with a man makes me feel a wee bit nauseous.
BTW, words are failing me as I try to explain just how wonderful I find this blog. If I need a laugh, this is the first place I look. It also assuages my guilt over finding Rob so alluring, as I am also married and often find myself thinking that my hubby’s natural eye color is very similar to that of a certain Edward Cullen’s. Bonus. 🙂
By: Steph on February 10, 2009
at 2:49 pm
@Steph – The bicurious part doesn’t bother me as much as the gay little mustache that appears to be painted on his face. YUCK!
By: Amber on February 10, 2009
at 3:10 pm
omg,i am laughing so hard over here!!!! ” i would totally BANG you right now!!!! i am so loving that word hahahahaha!!!!
@ natasha..yeah well about ms. stupid-stalker-who-let-go-of-a-once-in-a-lifetime-dinner date- with-rob,well she is probably kicking herself in the arse right now,if such a feat is possible.
By: sherin on February 10, 2009
at 3:37 pm
Speaking of Little Ashes, I guess I have to go see it for obvious reasons, but I’m not sure if I’m ready for GAR (gay-ass Rob). And I’m not sure bcmc will humor me, like he did with the Twilight movie, so I’ll probably go alone 😦
By: lovesbcmc on February 10, 2009
at 4:11 pm
Don’t worry, I would have said the same thing
By: Lets go to London on February 10, 2009
at 4:16 pm
Today is a wonderful wonderful day! My bestest friend in the world Zefi decided to get me a feel better gift (I have phunomia) and God bless her heart she got me MY OWN LITTLE EDWARD!!!!! Now I can take photos of him and send them to my 2 fav gals on the web (yup thats you UC and Moon) I am already planning as the camera charges up……. will wait till tommorrow when that other man who lives here is gone to work. Im also working on a letter addressing the stupidity of the girl I mentioned above, will have it to ya soon!!
By: Natasha on February 10, 2009
at 5:23 pm
@Natasha – How lucky are you to have such a great friend like that!? That’s so nice of her. I can’t wait for the MISadventures of Pocket Edward and Natasha. Feel better soon!
“when that other man who lives here is gone to work” – LOL
By: JBell on February 10, 2009
at 5:39 pm
Thank heavens for Rob and the British substitutes.
“I would totally bang you right now”
That was AWEsome!
And how wonderful it was that you used the word bang BTW
By: FutureMrsPattinson on February 10, 2009
at 5:41 pm
Hilarious! I can only imagine this guy will try to use that line many many times from now on!
By: jonettecullen on February 10, 2009
at 6:11 pm
Ah, but was RBHD wearing a slightly wrinkled, slightly soiled button down shirt? Or black Nike trainers? Or a cute little woollen beanie?
Maybe if he was, he might have upped his chances a tad.
By: Sass on February 10, 2009
at 7:24 pm
@Amber
That mustache is out of control! Dali may have been a talented artist, but his facial hair habits left a TON to be desired. You gotta admire Rob for being brave enough to go there at all. As an actor, it was probably a good artistic move.
By: Steph on February 10, 2009
at 7:48 pm
@Natasha- WOW. You are so lucky you have a friend like that! Haha, none of my friends would ever get me a mini RPattz/Edward. Anyone up for being a good friend?? Haha just kidding. But seriously.
By: Lets go to London on February 10, 2009
at 7:48 pm
@ Steph – do not have guilt, girl! You’re not alone!!
I run a business and some of my clients think I’m N-U-T-S, because of my Rob obsession. It’s their faults though, they’re the ones who made me read Twilight. 🙂 I have my Rob mousepad and desk top calendar that I made, and I say “let’s consult Rob and see what he says”, when I have to check a date for an appointment. Then I kiss his face before proceeding. A group of my customers who are Twi-fanatics pitched in and bought me the Eward carboard standee as a gift, so he lives at my shop. I run a skin care and waxing studio, and whenever one of those ladies comes in for her bikini wax, we pull out Edward, put on his waxing apron and he gets to stand at the foot of the bed and gaze at their exposed poon. They love it, we all get a good laugh, and Edward/Rob is learning a lot about giving Brazilian bikini waxes! I’ll have to take some pics for the blog here (no showing customer crotches tho). LOL!
I have so much fun with Rob. He brings me a lot of joy, and he doesn’t even know it.
And this is my FAVORITE Rob site, and all you ladies here are a hoot! I love ya!
By: Vogue on February 10, 2009
at 8:36 pm
@Vogue – I am LOVING that mental image of the Edward cardboard cut-out at the foot of my bed while getting a bikini wax… especially in the little apron! LOL! I’ll have to mention that to my dear friends where I get my ‘needs’ taken care of… I’m sure it’d be great for business. I can see the sign in the window now – “Brazilian/Bikini Waxes by Edward Cullen of Twilight Fame”
By: JBell on February 10, 2009
at 9:05 pm
@vogue – welcome! we love you too!! and PLEASE please tell me your shop is in LA i need to experience the edward wax. the waxward i suppose 😀
By: themoonisdown on February 10, 2009
at 10:05 pm
omg,im never gonna get out the mental image of edward looking down at ur privates while getting a bikini wax,wearing an apron no less!!!thats just too hilarious! please please take pictures and share!!!!!
By: sherin on February 11, 2009
at 2:29 am
Bang! Kudos for keeping your wits about you in your enebriated state so you could use that word for our entertainment.
By: Christa on February 11, 2009
at 5:14 am
@ Steph – I almost had a freaking heart attack when I first read your comment
“He plays SALVADOR DALI during his BICURIOUS PHASE (pause while I collect pieces of my shattered skull from around the room)”
For a couple of seconds I did a Scooby Doo “Ruuuh??” thinking that it meant ROB was having a Bi-curious phase! NOOOOOOOOO!!!!!
Then I realized it was Salvador who was curious. That would be the ultimate heartbreak for me if Rob went to the other side 😦
But I’d still love him and moon over him and need occasional battery runs for my……er…….electronics. ROFL!
By: Vogue on February 11, 2009
at 8:18 am
@moon – sorry girlfriend, I’m on the opposite side of the country. I will see if I can get some good pics for the blog. 🙂
Gotta find the charger for my camera. It died.
(btw) I’m the one who sent U.C. that letter to Rob this week that had the “kit”. Hee-hee!
Bad Vogue! Bad! Bad! Spank-spank-spank.
I’m using the name Vogue since there’s another Valerie here and I don’t want to get us confused.
By: Vogue on February 11, 2009
at 8:21 am
@Vogue
YIPPPEEEE!!! We’re on the same side of the country! Not that I’ll be needing a bikini wax anytime soon, but just knowing a “waxward” (Thanks, moon, for your awesome, as usual, blending of words to make a simple word into something so very special.) is available somewhere in the East is a comfort.
By: Steph on February 11, 2009
at 9:44 am
@Vogue
I’m in need of Edward’s (um, your services). Where on the East coast are you. If I’m within a 500 mile radius, I will def. stop by for the waxward.
By: robzilla on February 11, 2009
at 9:50 am
ome! lmao! “waxward” i just love it!
By: debs on February 11, 2009
at 10:13 am
He is so gorgeous! He’s the only guy in the planet who can go with that kind of hair!!!
By: I heart Robert Pattinson on February 13, 2009
at 2:54 am
LMAO yes british accents are the sex
By: Dimplez on February 26, 2009
at 11:03 pm
@Vogue – you are the shizzy!! I would sooo pay xxx-tra for the “waxward”, martinis to you for taking it there!! I too have to consult with Edward before I make any plans. At first my friends got a little tired of it, but now they actually ask me to check with Edward to see if I am free!!! If I am feeling a little spicy, I leave messages for my friends from Edward and I…a gal can dream, and dream, and dream…….
By: Maria on March 21, 2009
at 9:01 pm