Posted by: Bekah | February 5, 2009

Pass this message along to your mum…

You're gonna make the best grandma

I think I'll have the kids call you "Grammy-Pattz"

Dear Mrs. Pattinson (can I call you mom?),

The word on the street is that you love to read blogs and news about your son.  Well, our blog has been growing, and I know that in MY daily google alerts for “Robert Pattinson” our blog often appears (I think it’s because I’ve been giving Larry Page lap dances on a daily basis).  If you’re like me (and I’m pretty sure you are) you have a google alert set-up for your son.  That means, you’ve most likely come across this site.

I’m just writing to welcome you. This site is a warm place that should make you feel proud to be the mother of such a wonderful guy. Your son has TONS of amazing girls writing hilarious/sarcastic/honest letters to him each and every day. I hope you find yourself laughing along with us, sighing over the pictures of the beautiful boy you popped out and perhaps even penning a letter of your own!

Anyway, I just wanna thank you and Mr. P for getting it on and creating the beautiful man that you did. I gotta be up front with you though- I want to bang your son. Yep, I really just said that.  I don’t want there to be any awkwardness or surprise if you accidentally walk in his room and I’m half out of my 90’s-grunge clothes pulling the shirt over his head while he’s playing me “Bella’s Lullaby” on the piano (ya know, for my Bella/Edward fantasy). It’s better that I just tell you my intentions from the beginning.  I plan on banging* your son. At this point, you’re probably ready for him to move out of your house, huh? Well, I promise, after one night with me, he’ll be begging to move in with me. So, just tolerate the headboard banging and destroyed feather pillows (I promise I’ll replace them) just this once. Afterward, wanna get a mani/pedi?

Here’s the vid where Rob says talks about you stalking him online:

Looking forward to meeting you in the kitchen of your house when I’m looking for an ‘after-sex’ snack (I like goldfish crackers, btw),

*I also plan on bringing back the word bang and using it like it’s 1995


Moms rule!

Moms rule!

Dear Clare…

I’m gonna call you Clare because that’s what my online stalking (one of your favorite pastimes too, I’m sure) told me your name is and I think you’d feel “Mrs. Pattinson” is a bit too stodgy and mother-in-lawish (someday!)

After seeing you and Richard (Mr. Pattinson) in that Ellen clip above I KNEW we’d be fast friends! Anyone who can dance in the audience of a day time talk show is my kind of people! You seem a lot like my mom: not afraid to embarrass her kids cause she’s having a good time, believes in you and encourages you to pursue all your dreams no matter how far away that means you’ll be from them and will also text me with pictures of shoes from the mall that you want to know if you should get. And I will provide you with fashion expertise, Clare, trust me! A sample:

“Seriously get them Clare! You only live once! In fact get every color, they look THAT good! You can totally wear them with your LBD”

That’s just a taste of what it will be like after we’re BFF!

Anyway, all this nonsense to say, UC and I felt it was time to finally introduce ourselves and tell you what a fantastic, wonderful, beautiful (and I don’t call boys beautiful every often) charming and seemingly GOOD person your son is. Someday I’ll put together a book full of letters people have written your son, via us. And if you’re ever feeling blue or you’re questioning your worth as a parent, you can read them and know that there are oodles of quality girls (and even some dudes) who think you did a heckuva job. And not just cause he’s Edward Cullen, but because he carries himself with pride AND humility and that makes him seem like a totally genuine person and you are to thank for that!

But enough with the gushing, you know this already, you’re his MOM!

Hugs and thank you’s,
Your future daughter-in-law (aka themoonisdown)

P.S. FYI I swear I won’t make you wear some hideous mother-of-the-groom get up. This is my solemn vow to you.

Mrs Pattinson: Do you know what would be AWESOME? If YOU entered a poem or graphic design into our Valentines Contest! We would totally rig the contest so you could win.  We just KNOW you need some fun Twilight/Edward/Rob gifts to put on your bedside table! *hugs*


  1. Dear Rob’s Mom,

    Ditto on what UC said. Just to get that out in the open.


    Dear Rob,
    Yep, banging you and all that. Just to get that out in the open. What I really want to talk about right now are Hot Pockets. Can you find the Beef and Cheddar ones? I can’t find them any more, and I love them. It makes me very sad. What can I say. I love beef.


  2. Now now ladies.

    Do you know how many G&T’s (gin & tonic’s – that’s a popular english alcholic drink) I’ve had to pour Mrs P since she read your comments.


    Gotta go … Rob wants breakfast … and we’ve run out of weetabix. I’ll just have to improvise then …..

    • @Enlglish Girl i had TWO G&T’s last night! … more reason i should end up with Rob!

  3. […] SMOKIN pics (and annoying effects) in this one… if UC is bringing back ‘bang,’ I’m gonna bring back ‘bone’ because seriously I totally wanna bone a few […]

  4. @Christa – OMG! I’m so glad I’m not the only one who can’t find the beef & cheddar Cheeseburger Hot Pockets anymore! hahahah I seriously thought it was just me and the place I live! Sorry I’m freaking out, but those are my favorite… geeze.

    Rob should do Hot Pocket commercials… they’d totally sell more and maybe they’d bring back the cheeseburger ones. hmmm

  5. @ jbell…..commercials not just for hot pockets, nike shoes too since he wears his black nikes like,absolutely EVERYWHERE

  6. It wasn’t the cheeseburger ones. It was just beef and cheddar. I’m sorry you’re missing your fave too though. Where have all the good Hot Pockets gone?

  7. […] luck Rob! Oh, and if I’m unavailable, your date better be Clare or TomStu XO Me […]

  8. I have been wondering if Hot Pocket sales are up and the company has absolutely no idea why? And some marketing director is taking credit?

  9. I can’t believe I read that and laugh.

  10. […] chatting with Clare Pattinson and discussing how you need to eat […]

  11. Soooo…”His Holy Hotness” (I don’t remember who came up with that—but, I LIKE it), needs someone to take care of him….I shall throw myself in front of the bus and volunteer. I mean, what else can I do? Clearly he needs someone! I would completely do whatever I could to make sure that his “windscreens” are clear on any given day!!! I could certainly offer to take care of whatever unmentionables arise along the way, as well….just offering, ya know.

  12. I CANNOT believe that I have not received a personal call from Rpattz himself following that last comment from myself. I mean – “unmentionables, arising!!!” dear goodness…….clearly, I am a saint, offering myself up like that………….. what is a girl to do.

  13. Saw Clare/Mrs P yesterday at Little Ashes screening, and I can see where Rob gets his good looks!!

    Both parents groomed and smart and good looking. Both daughters looking lovely too 🙂

    And a great movie…….

    (sorry — I am a bit late to the party)

    • that’s AWESOME! you’re so lucky! *I assume that was in London

  14. […] story! Hope you told my future mother-in-law “hi” for […]

  15. […] You see, I have what we call an acute fondness for Robert Pattinson (not to mention a sorta unhealthy obsession of looking at this picture of Taylor Lautner)…” Read letter here! […]

  16. […] Pass this message along to your mum (2/5/09) […]

  17. Wow!

    you readed my thougths
    This letter is perfect!!

  18. […] therefore the best fans ever), we’ve befriended your boy Sam Bradley, we’ve written to your mom and we’ve given you style advice. What else is […]

  19. […] but if we’re going to get Dick (yes, this is what I call you Dad!) sightings we need some Clare, cause what’s a party without my future mother-in-law?? Not a party at all I would say… […]

  20. […] own? St. Christopher medal from your grandma? Your old girlfriends class ring? A heart locket with Clare’s picture in it? One side of a broken heart Best Friends necklace (obviously TomStu has the other […]

  21. […] while ago we wrote your lovely wife Clare, a little letter that turned out to be one of our most popular (and it wasn’t even a […]

  22. Amg, “bang” him. LMAO

  23. […] meet Rob Pattinson and have him fall madly in love with us. Well…. we did write a note to your mom and we think your dad really liked our Dad’s day greeting…so that should get us good in […]

  24. that’s hysterical, i LOVE these archives. What a way to spend a Friday… :0)

  25. […] pockets his mama. So here I am, begging for your forgiveness. I know we really hit it off after my first letter to you back in February. I know it was hard to hear, but I can tell you appreciated my honesty. I mean, […]

  26. […] we first “talked” (or when I talked to her and she pretended she didn’t see the letter I wrote come up in her google […]

  27. […] to Letters To Rob for the first names of Rob’s […]

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