Dear LTRers,

HAPPY MEMORIAL DAY WEEKEND! Since this weekend officially kicks off summer in the US (despite summer still being like 20+ days off) I’m suddenly in the mood for bad music. This morning Snoop’s “Drop it like it’s hot” was on and I was dry humping the air, dancing so hard (in my car). Then Moon sent me “Summertime” By Fresh Prince & DJ Jazzy Jeff. I knew every word. What IS IT about the warm weather, the excitement of summer in the air that makes it not only acceptable but totally AWESOME to blast bad music that would normally be 2nd-hand embarrassing if it were playing ANY TIME other than summer, while you’re driving around with the sun roof open!?

I don’t know. But I do know that this weekend inspired me to find Rob vids to some awful summer jams

This vid is like you’re at a summer rave. IT’s 4 am and a guy walks in- You think he’s hot, but you’re so hopped up on on E you’re not really sure. (Obviously I’ve never done “E” as I said “hopped up” and that’s not something anyone who’s participated in drugs has ever said)

This is like when your dad convinces you to go out dancing with him at the local VFW

We cannot talk summer music without discussing the queen herself: Lady Gaga

(you know you want to sing along to another one)

And of COURSE there’s a video using a song from the NEW Queen of bad music you just can’t stop singing: Ke$sha

Okay now I’m TOTALLY embarrassed b/c all this music has been blaring from my office & I’m still at work on Friday evening and the new guy working in the office next door thinks I have the worst taste in music!

Those of you who aren’t celebrating Memorial Day- when does your summer kick off!? And what songs make YOU open that sunroof and sing off-key!?

ENJOY THE SUN,
UnintendedChoice

Our internet game is ridiculous: LTT, The Forum, Twitter

Dear Rob,

Since it’s Friday and since there were new Remember Me stills released yesterday (yep- it’s the movie that just won’t stop giving!) and since it’s 1 am and I just started thinking about writing to you, I decided, along with the help of RobPorn extraordinaire Zephyersky, to caption the new pictures. Sometimes your face is just so easy to read. It’s obvious what was going on:

Sigh, Tyler is a good look for you,
UnintendedChoice

HAPPY FRIDAY. I just came across a RobPorn we did last year- and probably my favorite- so go laugh at it again (or for the first time) Hot Pics of Rob, doing nasty things! Are you over the Remember Me Stills? I think I had a long enough break- these came out at a nice time.

Thanks to Zephyersky for helping me out tonight. Big kisses for you! Everyone should get to know her! Jump on over to Rob’s Flat in the forum to meet some of the gals & if you’re around tonight they chat for Friday night Crunk time. PM someone on Rob’s Flat & they’ll send you the address!

We love ROBSESSED! Which is where we got the pics

Our internet game is ridiculous: LTT, The Forum, Twitter

Dear Rob,

Since you’re filming Water for Elephants about an hour away from me (I’m tied to my chair right now by my roommates who said I couldn’t drive there) and there hasn’t been any new info since you debuted Farmward/Jacobward/Circusward last week. Well, I’ve recovered and like a good junkie I’m out trolling for my next fix and here what I found…

You’ve up for the Popsugar 100 (whatever that is) for the second year in a row. They say you debuted on it last year at number one and you’re currently in the final two with SANDRA BULLOCK. I’m not going to even give out the link to vote because it’s SANDRA BULLOCK. You’re up against the women who found out her husband cheated on her the week after she won her Oscar. You’re up against the woman who adopted a child from Katrina ravaged New Orleans. You’re up against the women who’s husband cheater on her with a girl who’s a crazy tattooed, nazi lover. You’re up against SANDRA BULLOCK. You’re not going to win. All you’ve done this year is make Ray Bans a best seller, wore some dirty clothes and got drunk a couple times. Now send Sandy a muffin basket to congratulate her.

You won something called a National Movie Award yesterday, which I have ZERO clue what that is (Educational Moment! Someone tell us) and all I can think about is how the clip montage used EMF’s Unbelievable! Welcome back to 1990. Good job National Movie Award people for staying on top of the musical charts there, truly amazing. PS does Jacob Janksowski has some sort of weird stutter, stop speech? “It… means so… much to… me that… you…” or was the chick just not moving the cue cards fast enough?

If we received this once, we received this a eleventygabillion times today. So it’s not that fact that you drew a peen in a balloon as part of a children’s charity auction that’s alarming, it’s the fact you created this with YOUR MOM!!! You drew a penis with your MOM! And not just any ol JR High boy drawing, this peen has pizazz! Look at it go. Man, you are sooo effed up.

By now we all know your not-so-secret love for the Stamos. We can’t blame you for crashing Bob Saget’s party with your agent in an attempt to steal some of his leftover Uncle Jesse clothes for the upcoming MTV Movie Awards. And because Twifans are crazy and if nothing else, persistent: John responded to the question about you. But what I think is most important about this tweet is not that he was gracious and lied about how cool you were, what we really care about is that hot sweaty, squinty Uncle Jesse picture he’s using as his Twitter profile background. Please go to more John Stamos/Bob Saget/Full House cast members parties. Thanks.

So that’s it for news that needed to be talked about but didn’t render an entire letter. Oh and Rob, I also promise to learn how to spell Jacob Jankowski before you stop filming Water for Elephants.

Srsly, it’s Sandra Bullock!
Themoonisdown

What did you learn new about Rob this week? How bad is Rob going to lose to Sandra Bullock. Will you print out a copy of Rob’s “art work” for your “private collection?”

Our internet game is ridiculous: LTT, The Forum, Twitter

Rob’s mailbag has been OVERFLOWING with goodness lately and these letters just must be shared.

The one where Rob follows her everywhere

He'll sing you to sleep...

Dear Rob,

Don’t tell my husband, but you and I go to sleep together every night, wake up together every morning and we spend my entire workday together. I take comfort in knowing that if I am having an especially crap-filled day at work, that all I have to do is right click and ‘Show the Desktop’ and there you will be, looking at me with your smoldering eyes, your body partially reclining with those gorgeous hairy arms crossed so demurely over your RobKnob and THAT JAW. (My desktop used to be a photo of my 5 year old daughter. Now it’s you. Always you.)

I have all of your music that I was able to *ahem* TOTALLY LEGALLY DOWNLOAD.

Five songs. Five amazing songs. Some have crappy sound since they were recorded in pubs, but I don’t care. Anyway…. this is how we wake up together every morning. I set my iPhone up every night to wake me to one of your songs, a different one for each weekday. Your voice fills the early morning darkness and I open my eyes with wicked thoughts. I look over at my husband, sleeping sweetly and feel the slightest hint of guilt. It passes in .025 seconds.

I go to work, I spend about 25% of my day doing the job I get paid to do and 75% on LTR and Robsessed and checking my Google Alerts for the latest on your daily carousing.

I go to the gym, I watch Twilight while on the elliptical and try not to drool on the equipment (TWSS).

I go home, be a loving, devoted and attentive mother and spouse for a few hours then dive into literary porn – I mean “fanfic”. HOOO BOY. It may say “Edward” and “Bella” but those are just words. This is how we go to sleep together. I set my iPhone alarm and start the cycle again the next day.

This is my life now.

I used to be interesting! I had hobbies! I did STUFF. Now I am like a crazy person, hiding my insanity from my husband. I buy your past magazine covers on eBay (at ridiculous prices) and have them sent to work. Your music is on my phone under “Rob Thomas”. Your other films that I have purchased on DVD are buried deep within my daughter’s DVD shelves. LTR and Robsessed are under the “Finances” folder of my Google Bookmarks – since I know my husband would never bother to look at ANYTHING under “Finances”.

I don’t know what it is about you. I’ve had serious actor crushes before but never this obsessive. My sister asked the other day, “Is this as bad as Brad Pitt in 1994?” Me: “So much worse, that was a 10 minute phase compared to this.” Bear in mind, Rob, the Brad Pitt crush lasted FOURTEEN YEARS and then you came along and that was it. I was done for.

You had me at (wait for it…….) “Hello, my name is Edward Cullen.”
pumagirlsf

The one where she’s disappointed

Reminder that this post is where (and why) the term “mullephant” was coined

Just ADMIT it already! We're on to you

Dear Rob,

We need to talk. I know nobody likes to hear those words, but this is serious. We NEED to talk. Lately, my feelings for you have been a little off. I hate to admit this, but I’m starting to think you’re , well, kind of a dick. Games are for children, Rob. And this PR game you’re playing with your questionable relationship with The Mullephant Who Shall Not Be Named is old, frankly. You claim to want privacy, the mullephant wants to “keep things to to herself.” Right. Okay, so that’s why you go out of your way to avoid speculation about this “relationship”, right? WRONG. You both do everything the opposite of what someone who wanted to keep it on the down low would do. Airport sightings! Shirtgate! Kindlegate! Wrist holding! And the list goes on, provoking both Robstens and Nonstens into a flurry of confirmations/ denials. It’s great PR-who said “the only bad publicity is no publicity?” I don’t know, but you’ve certainly taken it to heart. By “keeping it to yourselves (not)” you’ve got every gossip site known to man wondering “are they/aren’t they?” and the paps are dying to get that money shot of real, undeniable PDA.

Which brings me back to my feelings for you. I’m sorry Rob, but I do think you’re a bit of a dick for playing along. You couldn’t lose any more privacy than you have already, so why not come clean and put all the speculation to rest? Coyness does not suit you. It might even take a little of the heat off you, who knows? Don’t worry about the repercussions of confessing, it will go one of two ways: Robstens will rejoice, Don’tgiveacrapstens won’t give a crap and Nonstens will be waiting for the breakup. Or vice versa. Either way, Eclipse and Breaking Dawn are still going to make bajillions and life will go on.

So why not come clean, Rob? As much as it would pain me to hear you confirm it (ouch) all the gossip and insanity over it is driving me insane and making me lose a tiny bit of respect for you. I know maybe it shouldn’t, but it’s an unfortunate part of being crazy about you.It’s unavoidable.I’m telling you this because I love you, Rob. I’d rather hear the truth from you, even if I don’t like it, but please-no PDA.

Still in love with you, but a little ticked off,

D2D

Even more from Rob’s mailbag after the jump!

Where's Jesse Katsopolis?!

Dear Rob,

I know you want to reunite Jesse and the Rippers for a special one night only concert where you just happen to join in on a few special songs, but really this is not the way to do it. Showing up at Bob Saget’s birthday party, at John Stamos’ house with your agent in tow, all the while tossing back mai tai’s cause you’re nervous about meeting THE Uncle Jesse is a bit much, dontcha think? I mean, that’d be like me showing up to your house with UC and a flask full of Zima. Or maybe that just sounds like a killer Thursday night… but you get what I’m saying.

So why DID you show up at Bob Saget’s birthday party? Did you LOVE American Funniest Home Videos as much as we did and wanted to show Bob your video of hitting TomStu in the downstairs bonanza with a stick while you guys where in the basement last week when you were um, “younger?”

Or did you want tips on living with men (for example, the BritPack) and saying you’re all in it together “for the children” when in reality it looks more like domestic living partners than 3 straight dudes raising kids in San Francisco?

Who's ready for the latest edition of the Gibbler Gazette?!

But whatever it is I really hope you met Kimmy Gibbler nee, Andrea Barber, the sexiest woman to ever grace our televisions during “TGIF.” In fact I insist you send Stephanie Ritz to track down Andrea Barber so you can confess your love for the Gibbler. She is a real woman Rob, she’s a good neighbor, she makes the best “funny faces,” she had a shoe phone, and she stuck by DJ even when she was going out with Steve. And that’s TRUE friendship. You need this woman in your life. STAT. I would wholeheartedly co-sign your relationship. I’d ship it and buy the shirt! Robbler? Kimert?

Lastly, I’ve gotta go with JodieO’s suggestion as to why you were at John Stamos’s house: @JodieO He was just there 2 borrow clothes from the UncleJesseCollection. MTVAwards are coming up!

Yea, this looks about right for the MTV Movie Awards...

So THAT explains it, you knew the MTV Movie Awards were coming up so you begged Stephanie Ritz to help you crash a party at John Stamos’ house so you could steal this outfit (to the left), no wonder you wore such baggy clothing. Made it easier to hide the tux, tails, western belt, red turtleneck and red hat.

…but really if you want to reunite Jesse and the Rippers we wouldn’t be opposed. In fact, we’d probably be front row center, especially if you sang on “Michelle is Smiling.” *swoon*

Have Mercy!
Themoonisdown

PS whatever girl took this deserves a ninja pic award, but then a punch to the baby maker because she didn’t take more, or get video. Amateur.

Follow the cut for a special gift from me to you…

This weekend Rob & Twilight seemed to be everywhere. It started out with my 16 year old sister’s choir concert ending in a EPIC rendition of “We are the World” sung by all 4 choirs. Of course I videotaped and of course I sang along and of course I changed the word “world” to “Rob” every time. And sang the line about how we’ll “keep tweeting” because it’s the only one I have memorized. Did you forget the brilliant lyrics Moon wrote to unite the fandom oh so long ago? Read a refresher here. Then on Sunday my husband, Mr. Choice, approached ME about watching New Moon. Yes, pigs flew & Kristen stopped bitch facing. I thought the world had ended. I have pages upon pages of notes from our viewing that I’ll share soon on LTT, but what shocked me even more is that I received an email from Mr. Choice with some thoughts.. So… from the desk of Mr. Choice:

Dear people who like the story about the unenthusiastic teenage girl who has a crush on the 138 year old shiny vampire and his 16yo werewolf enemy and read this blog because of it,

“We are the Rob” makes no damn sense. I feel this was an important truth to communicate in case any of you thought otherwise. I have nothing more to say on the subject as my logic is infutable.

However, in the previous paragraph I intentionally mixed my tenses and added a word that while sounding semi-lofty doesn’t actually exist…Take a break from work and make a game out of it. Gather your friends and correct my paragraph and then follow it up with comments of how cool my game is and how generally tremendous I am. The winner gets a signed pair of jorts from me.

Good luck…and a final reminder…”We are the Rob” makes no damn sense. ..Oh yeah, and “They’re not bears” makes no damn sense out of context and isn’t funny in context even when being recited ad nauseum.

Moving on…

I'm pretty sure I'll get Mr. Choice this for his next birthday (click)

Dear Pattleston,

I just wanted you to know that I’m soooooo Team Jacob. I will explain why in shocking detail the next time my chick cons me in to writing you a letter. Until then, congratulations on surviving Remember Me, your first of what I can only assume will be numerous flop movies that will line your career. The silver lining though is that currently Rotten Tomatoes has rated it higher than Tooth Fairy starring former professional wrestler The Rock. Well done chap.

- From the desk of Mr. Choice

Like a good wife, after I received his email I complained that there wasn’t enough stuff to ‘discuss’ in the comments. So he suggested you all suggest his tremendousness, yell at him for saying Remember Me was a flop, talk about how you anticipate his New Moon review or discuss your love for jorts.

THEN he IM’d me (we’re are sitting in 2 different rooms (that are ajoined) and are really really lazy) and said:

I’m told I have to give you something to discuss…ok…Who do you think would win a wrestling match between The Rock and Mike “The Marshmellow” Newton…Discuss

I thought about explaining how that would be a perfect discussion for LTT and not LTR, but then I realized that’s just pushing it. Anyway, hope you enjoyed the first “From the Desk of Mr. Choice.” I know I did. And I can honestly say I have no idea what he’ll be saying next….

It’s Business Time:

Two fun things to tell you about today. First, the gals over at the forum, headed up by JodieO & Lindelle, have started a HARRY POTTER BOOK CLUB. If you haven’t read the books, get over there now. I’m serious. You’ll love them. They’re better than Twilight. And if you have read them, get over there now to re-read and make some new friends. Harry Potter LTT Book Club

Bite Me Edward Notepads

You know how we love those Bite Me Edward Notepads you always see on our sidebar? Well, Jenny, the designer, emailed to tell us they are on SALE! WHOO HOO! You can stock up for gifts & for yourself & for Moon & I because I seriously use mine every day (I lost mine & Jenny sent me a new one because she’s the best!) The sale is: 15% off your entire purchase or as many Bite ME pads as one could ever want….. code:  eclipse good from today – July 15th, 2010. Stock up today!

Alright, now get chatting about your love for JORTS! XOXO

Our internet game is ridiculous: LTT, The Forum, Twitter

Dear Rob,

I was just combing through some screencaps from the very smexy clip of you and Jacob coming to blows in Eclipse and I wanted to commend you on the all out facial expressions. You are really going for it… you were so into it almost seems like you were talking about something else altogether…

R: DUDE tell me the truth, do these contacts make me look like a praying mantis?! You HAVE to tell me the truth. Little children keep pointing and crying and I swear I saw YOU laughing it up with Lutz and Slade
T: *laughter* you missed the lighting guys laughing at your jacket too. Sorry, man

R: MY JACKET!!!!!!!! WHAT THE BLEEEEEEPPPP do you mean by that?! I finally got rid of the tweed and found some more age-appropriate clothing for my character and now you’re making fun of me?

R: I should kick you off that box you’re standing on right now that’s supposed to make you look near my height but is still about 5 inches too short. What would you do then?! Call for Daddy and Mommy.

R: You tell Slade and Lutz I’ll meet them behind the catering tent and we can see who dazzles all over their aaass-
T: Bro, I was talking about the “kick me” sign they put on the back of your jacket during the dinner break. Get a grip.

E: What? You know Taylor, that really hurts my feelings. You might think about the emotional impact and potential long term effects your actions have on others. Oh and tell Slade I’ll still dazzle his ass if he wants.

I sure hope the whole movie is half this entertaining and full of crazy facial expressions.

Happy Saturday!
Moon

Can we all give a collective round of applause for the wardrobe folks putting Edward back in younger clothing? And how tall do you think the box Taylor is standing on is?

Our internet game is ridiculous: LTT, The Forum, Twitter

Thanks Robsessed

Dear Rob,

I think Calli said it best yesterday so I’ll let her open this letter…

@CalliopeBlabs its thursday May 20, 2010 at 8:48pm EST. i’ve just solidified my belief that God is a Woman & RPattz is her gift to us

Preach sister. PREACH.

I’m not sure what else I can say that explains why you in in some old timey depression era pants, your new short do, some dirt, a train and with a little nugget side kick makes you looks so hot, but I’m not asking questions anymore. There really can be no other explanation than God loves us. And of course we wanted to share that love so UC and I broke it down!

Paging Dr. Ross... Dr. Ross come in!

Moon: alrighty… oh hey rob
UC: whatttt!? no! that’s goerge effing clooney
Moon: HHAHAA what?!
UC: HE LOOKS LIKE GEORGE CLOONEY
Moon: funny calli called the little guy mini george clooney… or maybe she meant rob
UC: haha really? no.. i’m serious.. I would have NEVER thought that was Rob.. except for the crooked nose Look how crooked it looks. I cant’ beleive this picture I’m so confused
Moon: it defs shows in that pic. i wonder if the pic is flipped. his schnozzle looks jacked.
UC: why does he look like he’s in his 50s?
Moon: cause its so vintage looking like a hired hand… a hired hand i want to do bad things to
UC: He looks like Dick Is that the midget?
Moon: rob?
UC: hhaa no the guy below him or is Rob on a stool
Moon: no thats a camera guy on something robs on a train

c

Tell me more about making the chocolate and the Roloff family farm...

Moon:this KILLED ME!!!!

UC: CuTE

Moon: i mean the smile, the little guy and his little stripey sockies

UC: He looks adorable.. and omg… like my bff’s younger brother holy crap. HE LOOKS LIKE my bff’s younger brother! that’s weird I feel weird and dirty

Moon: hahaha oh i feel dirty but not for that reason

UC: and suddenly attracted to a boy who used to flick boogers at me I spy a pair of gray pants we’ll be seeing later in the summer- after Rob steals them

Moon: and puts 5 holes in. and patches up badly

UC: yep I like the midget

Moon: god i wish we could hear this convo

UC: he’s cute and TEENY Is he teaching him how to sing opera? showing him what it’s like to feel up a woman?

Little Matt, Big Rob

Moon: do you like rob asked him if he watched little people big world, or my personal fave little chocoletiers? he’s like man do you know those roloffs? id like to get a pumpkin at their farm about the size of you, man.
UC: Yes, Rob has watched a LOT of TLC holed up in his house/hotel
Moon: you KNOW he has
UC: I feel like the little guy is enamored with Rob. Probably bc he knows he’s gonan get asssss from his lady at home after he tells all the stories of Rob on set
Moon: maybe he’s confusing the little guy with matt roloff and he’s like do you ever get together with the casts of the other tlc shows? do you know the duggars?
UC: Rob DEF asked to borrow his socks I know that 100%  Rob loves himself a colorful sock
Moon: oh for sure he loves a whacky colorful sock as witnessed by his new outfits
UC: i’m also positive those socks are from that time period

Follow the cut as we round up the rest of the new WFE photos as Rob practices yoga, meets the Duggars and models for my Harlequin romance novel cover

Dear Rob,

Tonight I got together with some of my oldest & dearest friends. There were 5 of us and I’ve known 2 of them since birth, one since 1st grade and the other since 8th. We don’t see each other very often, but we’ve been through a lot together. One thing we haven’t been through together is Twilight. Or you. Tonight during the first course (aka fish tacos), I participated in a conversation that went something like this:

Ash: I feel like you’re gonna meet Ryan
Me: (immediately thinking she’s talking about her 9th grade boyfriend) Who?
Ash: Oh! Is his name Edward?
Me: (realizing) No. It’s Rob.

Now mind you, this was after a rousing conversation of trying to explain Robsten vs. Nonsten to the virgins. Beeks, the one old friend who has actually read LTT & LTR, asked, “Is that site still mad at you?”  I asked “Which one!? We piss people off all the time.” Of course after that I had to explain the insanity surrounding the crazy on both ends of the spectrum, complete with hand motions showing “THIS” side vs. “THAT” side. I compared it to Republicans vs. Democrats, Montague vs Capulet, Vampire vs Werewolf & Bieber vs. Efron fans.

So getting back to the initial conversation I shared, after hearing me explain ROBsten, Nonsten & I don’t give a Crapsten, Ash still referred to you as Ryan. And then as Edward. (Which resulted in a hilarious discussion about “RYANsten”)

It got me thinking as I took a bite of cheesecake (the 2nd course)….. are there others out there like Ash?

Turns out there are because not more than 5 minutes later, Lara asked:

Now I know you blog about him, but do you really like Rob? I mean, do you want to DO him?

Green is good. Do me

Is green good? Is purple cool? Did mama say you’re gonna have to make the kitty meow? Of course I wanna DO him. (My real response was something more like: At times, yes.. yes I do. Other times I want to shave off his side burns & take him shopping)

But Rob, hear me out, cause I have a point to all this…… Some people STILL don’t get you. Some people STILL don’t know your name. Some people STILL ask, after I explain how “meh” I felt about the recent pictures on set of your latest movie where you looked like Mr. Darcy, if that’s the movie where you’re a gay painter. Some people STILL haven’t fallen under your spell. And these people SAW Twilight. They saw you strut into the cafeteria just as I did. They watched your cocky smile as you sauntered into the school in your Ray-bans. And NONE of them mentioned a particular affinity for Nikki Reed or knew what the term “Krisbian” meant, so I think we’re safe in saying they’re not gay. These girls LIKE guys. So WHY was the question asked “Do you want to DO him” and WHY weren’t we all holding hands while sharing dessert talking about what to wear when we all DO you together, fighting over who gets to lick cheesecake off what?

I googled the crap out of you the first night I realized you were something. I learned trivia, saw your interviews & decided very early on that no girl in Hollywood would ever be good enough for you. Where were THEY when all this was going on? Beeks even said “I like Jacob more!” I responded, “You mean Taylor.” She said “No- I call him Jacob.” Me, “It’s quite possible he’s gonna end up gay” Beeks “I don’t even care. He’s still pretty to look at” WHAT? These are MY FRIENDS. Pining over someone other than you! Was I drugged when I was first introduced to you and this is all a mistake- a big joke? Or did they take a bathroom break during your pivotal scenes in Twilight and never really felt the connection?

I DON’T UNDERSTAND

How does one go from me- obsessed enough to the point that I RUN a site about you- to them- a Jacob fan to one girl who would rather know web addresses so she can read about drama in the Robsten & Nonsten world to one who thinks Little Ashes was the movie you just shot to someone who calls you RYAN or worse- EDWARD!?

Have I failed as a blogger in bringing my social circle into my world? They’re even the perfect demographic. I can’t even get my 23 year old sister to read the Twilight books. Should I just give up and go home? Should I be glad that there are still a few out there who haven’t felt the magicness we share? Or should I worry that maybe I’m NOT the normal one- and that they are?

Dun, dun, DUNNNNNNNN,
UnintendedChoice

Let’s get Roblosophical today- do you have friends who don’t “Get” it? Do they ask you about Rob? What funny mistakes do they make about him? Why DO some people feel him and others don’t!? DISCUSS!

Don’t forget you have until NOON EST in the US today to submit your “In 20 years” contest entry!!! You can win a Tshirt from our new LTT_LTR Store!

Our internet game is ridiculous: LTT, The Forum, Twitter

Have you read Letters to Rob? Dude, me too. It's in my RSS. EVERY.DAY.

Dear Rob,

I was lucky enough to be in the audience of today’s taping of Ellen with YOU. I’m sure you knew cause I could tell you were sending out the vibes to me and well, the eye contact we had and when you mouthed “I love Moon” just can’t lie… at least that’s how it went down in my head…

After we were ushered into the studio I knew we were in for a surprise when I was sat down in the front row in the middle seat directly in front of where you and Ellen would be sitting momentarily and chatting about puppies and rainbows and long walks on the beach. Then the music started playing and it was “My Life Would Suck Without You” by Kelly Clarkson. Cause we belong together now, forever united here somehow. You’ve got a piece of me, and honestly, my life would suck without you. Obviously, I know the feelings mutual now.

The soundtrack to our love

Then you were announced and as you walked out you looked right at me, pointed and then blew a kiss my way which, of course I jumped up in the air, grabbed and smacked to my cheek. That’s MY kiss, bitches. The line starts back there.

Ellen got down to business and asked you all sorts of questions. You got especially misty when she asked you about the end of Twilight. What would you do after Breaking Dawn was filmed and over? You told her you loved Edward and Bella and the world of Forks SO much and didn’t want it to end you started writing your own sequels that will be made into movies that you will star in. “The Twilight Saga: This Never Ends” coming to theaters in July 2065!

After that you were tired of talking so you sang an entire albums worth of never-heard-before songs just to us in the audience. While singing the new song “Moons over my hammy is for lovers” a spotlight shown on only me and you. It’s like we weren’t even at the Ellen show anymore and that annoying old lady with the horse teeth, clip in ponytail and electric blue sweater with maribou trim wasn’t distracting me with her elegance a row away. You know that saying about it being as if the world stood still and it was just you and me? Yea, it was definitely like that.

We all got a Rob!

Following the concert and after you ran out of new material to sing for us you went back to talk to Ellen some more. You interrupted her question about your favorite thrift store to tell us you could no longer hide your true feelings and felt convicted about not being honest. You went on to tell us in fact you were NOT with Kristen but that you wanted to be with each one of US instead. But since you’re only one man they brought out a cloning machine and we all got our very own Robert Pattinson to take home with us. You donated your body to science! Talk about SWAG! I want to see THAT on Oprah’s “Favorite Things” episode.

Ok, ok… so I don’t have a Rob clone sitting next to me right now nor did Rob sing anything and Kelly Clarkson didn’t even play but here’s what really happened…

Can you see me?!

We did in fact sit in the 2nd row dead center. Though this meant through part of the interview I saw HALF your head because when you sit dead center you’re sitting right behind the camera that is shooting you and Ellen! HA! So I became really well acquainted and in fact quite enamored with the buzzed back half of your head. So much so I want to touch it.

When you came out I was quite loving the hair, and the VERY Rob-ish outfit you had on. And then first thing out of your mouth in answering Ellen’s question about your hair was to respond that you had “nits.” And since I refuse to think of you and any sort of parasite/hair lice/grossness scenario I zoned out and thought about touching the buzzed part again.

Follow the cut to hear about the rest of what really happened! Including Steel Magnolias, The Fresh Prince and free jet skis!