Long long ago we informed you all about the Do’s and Don’ts when meeting Rob Pattinson. Today we hand over the reigns to Sparklepants to update the list so that none of YOU end up the butt of a joke as many who have come before us all…
Dear Rob’s Fans,
Yes, I’m talking to you. Not sure if you’re really a “fan”? If you’re here reading this, you my friend, are a fan. But this is really more of a public service announcement than a letter. Actually it’s a plea. (Well, not the fans of LTR cause we’re normal). Well Rob is also normal. A normal, freakishly handsome, adorkably funny, smart, talented guy who could serenade you as you fall asleep. But for argument’s sake, let’s just say normal.
Over the past year I’ve seen a lot of disturbing images floating around the interwebs of the crazy that ensues when people are in the presence of HHH. And I thought it’s time someone offered some much needed advice to the clueless.
So I’ve compiled this handy dandy list of Do’s and Don’ts should you have the pleasure (hehehe…she said pleaseure) of meeting Edwa…er, I mean Rob.
Do not, I repeat, do not attack Rob.
I know it sounds obvious. But it frightens Rob. If you’re not sure what constitutes attacking, please review Exhibits A – C below.
Exhibit A: A bodyguard has to physically pry Rob loose from your kung-fu deathgrip.
Exhibit B: People are pointing and laughing at you.
Don’t ask him to sign your Team Jacob schwag.
Actually, “do“, cause Rob has openly admitted he’s Team Jacob. Go wolves!
Don’t get down on your knees. (Editor’s Note: At least not in public.)
Otherwise you’re gonna be caught by the paps looking like Rob just found you on the corner of Hollywood and Vine. Doesn’t matter if you dropped your lucky penny or Rob’s Samba’s are untied (which they usually are). Keep your knees off the pavement. Capish?
Don’t ask Rob to sign your NC17 FanFic about Rob as a homeless man who is rescued by Bella, a young shoe saleswoman.
Don’t forget to spellcheck your fanart.
Rob’s smart. He reads books with authors names I can’t pronounce. Give the dude some credit and ask your tutor or remedial English teacher to proofread your work. Seriesly.
Don’t harsh Rob’s buzz.
If you’re out getting shit-housed, playing hour of power at your local pub and you see Rob chillaxing in the corner with a Heiny, be civil. No need to hook ‘em horns or whatever hand gesture signifies that you are intoxicated.
Don’t wear this outfit.
Like ever. Even if you are his agent a big fan.
Don’t worship wax Rob.
It’s totally cool if you have friends from out of town and you head on over to Madame T’s for some shits n’ giggles, but please, please don’t bring fan schwag. Maybe if actually resembled Rob and not a cross between Stephen Moyer and Luke Perry. But no.
Bu-bu-buuutttt what CAN I do? Good question.. find out after the jump!
Do meet Rob by a dumpster.
He feels very comfortable here.
Do wear your Adidas Samba’s.
Sure I haven’t seen them on anyone else since Billy Crisafulli asked me to the winter formal, but I can see the appeal. Rob’s not really a fashion monger so he’ll appreciate your fashion sense.
Do let Rob check out your rack. (Jessica Stanley style baby, I know right?).
Let Rob get a little sneakadoodledoo (lord knows KStew ain’t got much to show).
Do wear plaid.
Do leave love notes (or post-its, scribbled on gum wrappers)
Especially on his car door handle proclaiming your love. Just be sure to leave a way for him to get in touch with you cause he’s totes gonna call (especially if you’re Taylor’s number one fan).
I can think of a coupla more of Do’s for Rob, but I’ll save that for the Cinemax version. If I can help save at least one person from being forcefully removed by security, or worse being posted on LTR, then my work here is done.
Yours in Sane Stalking,
HAHA! Saving the fans from public humiliation on LTR- I like that. Speaking of people we’ve made fun of on LTR, I MISS PATTINSON PANTS LADY!!!
Happy Birthday to a very special LTR gal: Southernbelle today!!! May you always be just 1 day older than Rob xoxo