Posted by: UC | February 19, 2010

Rob Pattinson’s February M.O.M

Dear Rob,

I’ve been inspired- inspired by a certain Twilight blog that likes to spotlight one of their members once a month- to do the same on LTR. We’re calling it: Rob’s M.O.M. (Match of the Month). Let’s not waste any time. This month, our match for you is….. TIFFANIZED

Tiffanized was the perfect first match choice for you because she’s gorgeous, witty and looks SMOKIN’ a pair of jorts:

Tiffanized- all dressed up for a hot date night

Tiffanized won our “Perfect New Moon premiere outfit” contest back in the fall and got to pick out her very own Twilight-themed cafe press shirt as a prize. The woman running the contest asked me to have our winner submit a picture in the Tshirt. The picture above is what Tiffany submitted. Notice the attention to details: The jorts, the fanny pack, the Bella Wig, the T-shirt tucked in with a belt. Brilliant.

After the jump, get to know Tiffanized, our February Rob’s M.O.M!

Tell us about yourself:
Status: Divorced
Age: 33
Sex: Yes, please
Height: 5’6”
Eye Color: Brown
Hair Color: Nice N Easy #115
Smoke: Only when I’m on fire
Drink: Can you make an Edward Wallbanger?
Occupation: Mostly it seems I get paid to make snarky comments on Twilight blogs
Hobbies: Traveling the world with my Pocket Edward. Beating my friends at Twilight: Scene It. Reading Twilight en Francais (they call it “Fascination” over there). Making cakes that look remarkably like a certain sparkly male appendage.

What makes you the perfect match for Rob?

  • I have hands on experience dressing my kids in the morning. Never again will Rob show up at a press event with a misbuttoned shirt or untied shoes.
  • With a closet full of bridesmaid dresses from weddings past, I’m red carpet ready.
  • I shop at thrift stores and have a Kohl’s credit card.
  • I have short dark hair, so from behind, I’ll totally look like TomStu.

Just a little fun on a Saturday night

Have you ever dated anyone that reminded you of Rob?

Just that one guy I met behind a dumpster. I thought he was a scruffy hipster, but it turns out he was just homeless. I bought him a Jitterbug, gave him some Marks & Spencer wool socks, microwaved him a Hot Pocket and sent him on his way.

Have you dated anyone that reminded you of Edward/Tyler/Daniel Gale/Cedric Diggory/Whoever else he’s played?

My ex-boyfriend was just like Edward: he stalked me, laughed at any attempt I made to assert myself, thought I needed constant supervision and turned his nose up at everything I cooked. I kid, I kid.

If you had to pick a character of Rob’s to date, you’d pick:

Daniel Gale, because:

  • he would appreciate my rack
  • he would bring me jars of jam and pregnancy tests
  • he makes out in bathrooms
  • he’d listen to George Foreman with my grandma
    he wouldn’t mind that I already had kids since he was totally cool raising that girl’s baby from another dude

Craziest thing you’ve ever done or thought of in the name of Rob:

Drove to New York City to sit on the Alice in Wonderland statue in Central Park to get some of Rob’s butt germs from when he was filming Remember Me. I even pulled out my Pocket Edward, and from the giggles that ensued, I wasn’t the only one there who spent June 30, 2009 looking at pictures of Rob sitting on a big mushroom.

Leg Hitch!

Quick fling or life long relationship with Rob?

Quick fling. He’s aging at an alarming rate. He’s like a science experiment to see how cigarettes, cheap liquor and Kristen Stewart wreak havoc on the physique of a young British man.

Which Rob is your favorite?

I’m going to have to go with Vanity Fair Rob – The one from 2008, not the corn-eating one from 2009 wearing a horse blanket.

Reason you’re a Different “TwiMom”

I’m not your average TwiMom since–apart from my complete lack of t-shirts with “TwiMom” bedazzled on–my kids hate Twilight. They hide it well, but the second hand embarrassment my kids have endured in dealing with my Twilight/Rob obsessions will keep the mental health profession afloat for quite a few years. Also, I’m still pretty cute. I’m like a TwiOlderSister or a TwiYoungAunt, really.

Do you have a Rob Shrine and can we see a picture of it?

I do not have a shrine per se, but I do have a lenticular New Moon water cup that I carry around the office with me like it’s a normal thing to do. When I’m in long meetings, I pivot the cup to and fro so it looks like Robward is winking at me. Totally normal. Oh, and I have a Robward pillow. And a life size Cardboard Edward.

Tell us about your life BR (before Rob)

I like to think that there was never really life before Rob. Oh, I ate and breathed and slept and birthed a couple of children, but before Rob there was never a Holy Grail to which I could aspire. My heart didn’t stop every time I saw a tall dude in a stocking cap and denim jacket with a plaid collar. I never considered the seriousness of tweed. The words “dadcase” and “Pattinson pants” were not part of my vocabulary. It was a barren existence, let me tell you.

Just a little light reading

Have you ever called out the name “Rob” in the throes of passion (and his name wasn’t Rob)?

Yes, so now I mostly date Robs to cut down on the awkward factor. Or sometimes, I suggest a little “role play” where the only role being played is that the guy lets me call him Rob and the lights are off.

Do you read more Fan Fiction than real books?

I force myself to read real books (like Independent People) and reward myself with fan fiction when I’m done reading that boring crap. Fan fic is my literary deep fried Twinkie.

Tell us the truth: have you ever written a one shot starring you and Rob?

No, but I have written an epic poem entitled, “Rob Me All Night Long”. It’s very classy.

Thanks Tiffanized! And congrats on being our first ever Rob’s M.O.M.

Love,
Unintenedchoice

Do you want to be considered for March’s Rob’s M.O.M.? Send us a short paragraph with the reasons why and we’ll consider you! FYI- you don’t actually have to be a mom…. :)

Our internet game is ridiculous: LTT, The Forum, Twitter

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Responses

  1. Oh tiffanized I love you. Seriously.
    Will you be my new fake-lesbian?

    You are awesome girl! If I ever want Rob to be with somebody (apart from me of course) it would certainly be you!!!

    p.s. Yesterday we crashed wordpress! Any interest in doing that again?

    • Glad to know what happened with word press. Thought my sever was giving me grief.

    • Oh B i so panicked when i couldn’t get in y’day to LTT/LTR. I couldn’t believe it.. my reaction…NORMAL right? oh dear all is well now.

      Nice to ‘met ‘ you tiff..you’re ll kinds of awesome. <3

  2. Tiff, I agree with your pick on which Rob character to date:

    I LOVE DANIEL GALE!!!

    • In my DREAMS I’d like to help Daniel come out of his shell… sigh.
      Lurv him so much!!!

      • In MY dreams I like to help Daniel (Rob) cum.

        • AB, My thoughts exactly!

  3. omg for my next birthday I’m having my friends make me a sparkling-peen cake!!!

    That was brillz!!!!!!!!

    • Misty,

      I have that pan and had to make the cake for Work (Yea my old office was cool like that!!!) Anyways, while making said cake my DD came in the kitchen while I was frosting (she was 5 at the time) and asked what I was making? I told her it was the “space shuttle” true story

      • bhahahabahah did the spcaeship sprakle too?

      • Oh, there was no pan. That is hand carved peen right there. But I did have to hide it from my children by putting it on top of the fridge.

        • Ok never mind my cake comment below, I see it’s been answered here.

          Wow, handcarved? Well you’re on your way to Cake Boss!

          • well that’s what peens should be like – handcarved :D especially the sparkly ones.
            I was laughin my head off, love you tiffanized

        • You could have told them it was a lighthouse! A sparkley flesh-toned one.

          • My kids are 15 and 8; they would have never believed it. Also, they are familiar enough with me that they would have known I was lying. After the most recognizable parts had been cut off, I shared it with them, telling them it had been a baby rattle cake for a friend.

          • Baby rattle cake…LOL!

        • Tiff, girl, you have some skillz!

          • agreed, that is one AWESOME cake, girl!!!!

            PS – I love how Pocket Eddie is just looking at it as if to say, “sigh, oh boy” and shake his head.

        • What I like best about that photo is the Pocket Edward staring in awe at the cake.

          • His gaze looks intense.

          • Mesmerizing!

          • He’s “dazzled”.

          • He feels inadequate.

          • as would any man, except for Rob who’s big in Japan.

          • He’s also big down under – I mean Australia, of course.

          • haha, I said that before I read that you had already written in Old 1. I swear we’re two of one mind sometimes!

          • Yes, pervy minds think alike.

  4. Nice rack! Rob would appreciate that since he’s not used to it (oh, I’m gonna get the thumbs down for that one!)

    The great thing about Rob aging “at an alarming rate” is that he’s perfect for us 30-something women. We don’t look like we’re robbing the cradle.

    • You consistently take the words right out of my mouth!

      And yeah, pretty sure TammyO is gonna thumbs down you for that one for sure.

    • Yes, as an “oldie but goodie” I agree totally. Although I do love him with the baby face look as well.

    • your comment was so perfect! Both on the rack (or lack) and the aging point!

  5. Dear Tiffanized

    I said it several times and today I’ll repeat it…you’re a HOT looking COOL girl, I LOVEr your comments everytime and I love you for you Alice-statue-journey to NY….I totally would do the same for some Rob-butt-germs!!

    So congrats to you <3 !!!!!!

    P.S. Just one not-agree here..I'd prefer the long relationship !!!
    P.P.S. you look sooo much better than the St's…BOTH!!! lol

  6. Amazing cake!

  7. That cake would be perfect for a Twilight inspired bachelorette party. You could eat sparkly man cake while watching sparkly vampire strippers. Just imagine – Rob, Kellan, Jackson & Peter all sparkled up and showing you their centuries old vampire moves.

    Do vampires go to strip clubs? Or is that too much temptation even for Carlisle?

    • LOVE that idea.. i think you might have to write a letter….. :)

      • I’m curious how many of you googled today to see if their is gentlemen stripers in your area offering Twilight themed “entertainment” (I know I want to….)

        • “there” not “their”. sorry. note to self- don’t comment when you’re in a rush!

    • “centuries old vampire moves” — I’m envisioning the group of them slinking around exposing ankle and wrist skin, maybe loosening their cravat. Nothing more. Hilarious.

      • We can name our vampire strip club The Hot Cravat.

    • “That cake would be perfect for a Twilight inspired bachelorette party.”

      They could have their peen and eat it too! ‘scuse me – gotta go flush the toilet that is my mind.

      Love the letter – you have some awesome skillz with interviews & writing!!

  8. “I do have a lenticular New Moon water cup that I carry around the office with me like it’s a normal thing to do. When I’m in long meetings, I pivot the cup to and fro so it looks like Robward is winking at me.”

    Normal.

    • I too hads my new moon cup at work. i was very attached to it and it was aiding my water consumption no end…8 glasses a day and all that… then the fricking cleaners throw it out over the weeknd. *sadface* i am still really pevved.

  9. Tiffanised you’re hilarious. And you should def. open a catering thing for twi-conventions worldwide, that sparklepeen cake will be hugely appreciated.

    • and since you seem to pay attention to details, I trust u for serving said cakes with Rob in Japan napkins.

      • +1
        nice shot

      • ahrrrrrrr…..Rob big in japan….

        work day ruined again. Will have lock self away for a while so I can spend some time contemplating said picture.

        Bloody hell, I knew Kstew would pop up sooner rather than later. Dam no chance of getting him alone now!

        Minuit……I’m out of London this weekend, so no chance of crashing the BAFTA aftershow party [not that there was the slightest possiblity of doing so anyway!]….:( Why am I always out of London when a chance arises……..it’s fate i’m never going to meeting him in a pub, on the way to the toilet or behind a dumpster [Skip]…….bloody hell!

      • and MP gets in the mandatory ‘Rob big in Japan’ ref in at +29 min after the blog is posted! This si now a competitive sport!

        • LMAO!!! Can you beat it tomorrow? :-)

          • I’ll try.

          • and i’ll be watchin’ that closely. :)

          • Challenge accepted, MP.

          • Oooooh! A Drsaka/Min B.I.J showdown? I’m so signing in at 8:00am sharp tomorrow.

          • tomorrow it’s Saturday and the LTR show begins at 2PM local time. I am not sure to be awake at that hour on a week-end. but the idea was to (just) watch draska do the opening.

          • hmmm, sleeping on the job, MP. Okay, I’ll do the opening tomorrow, but watch out, you’re still in on the challenge on another day.

          • Whoa, wait a minute. I’m still stuck on RB saying, can you beat it tomorrow?? That’s what she said.

          • Imma set my alarm, ’cause I’ll most likely be hungover.
            Dedicated. Me.

          • snapped…you read my mind..lol <3

        • Classic! And LOL at the Big in Japan napkins!
          I’m just cracking up at the idea of sparkle peen cake!

      • Hahah, yes pls remind us everyday of that photo!

        • a link to said photo pls?

          • drsaka, that’s your que to supply “big in Japan”…for ninka.

            I guess someone should post it everyday just for the hell of it.

            lion

          • As Jules said: Zoom, baby, zoom!

            http://twitpic.com/su1tr

            some say its a manip, but some choose to believe.

          • thanks, long time no see :P

          • Drsaka, I too choose to believe. I have faith in B.I.J.

          • I choose to believe.

          • “I choose to believe. I have faith in B.I.J.” the ultimate religious vow

        • Haha, thanks for posting that again Drsaka!

          Darn I feel like a perv….but I know I’m in good company.

      • HAHAHA!
        Min found a way to work in the B.I.J.
        niiiiice.
        Robgirl – Are you over the trauma now? Has the over exposure desensitize you yet?

        • I’m indulging in wishful thinking! :-)

          • Oh hunny, you don’t have to wish. You just need to meet him and he won’t be able to resist letting you have the meat.
            Everyone loves a Robgirl. Everyone.

          • Jules,
            I’m working on the first part…of the rest = wishful fantasy
            I<3 u!

          • RG – Head on off to London with Min.
            Ofcourse you have to watch out for those Respect-The-Rob(ers). They’re making a pilgrimage to London to protect him. They might wear Robmasks to throw you off his trail. You must be sharp! LTRers DO NOT FAIL!

          • hahahahahaha. We need you enlightened help. Rob wants you to come (yes) too.

          • HA!!
            I want to come (twss).

          • Jules…hopefully he’ll not show us his FEAR! lol I guess BIJ Rob is working on/for/to (sounds all strange…lol) ME :-)

          • He won’t show us FEAR, just his allergic reaction.

      • Thinking about making a similar cake for my crazy circle of workmates however…
        with attention to dee-tales, I think I’ll carve it so it leans a bit to my left…read: to some fine one’s right (as is his custom it seems)

  10. Also, Tiff, just wanted to say that it’s probably a good idea that you date mostly Robs. lol. Trust me, I know. I’ve had to bite my lip really hard to keep from shouting Rob’s name several times.

    • Tupelo:

      Your avi is my most fav pic of Rob ever. Totally melts me.

      • Kat: Me too, girl, me too!

    • Wow, glad to hear I’m not the only one.

      And yes I love your avatar!

      • Love your avi too SB.

        And I think I have a scar on my bottom lip from biting it so much. lol.

        • Aw thanks for loving my avi. Me and my messy hair!

          LOL scar on the bottom lip!!!! Haha! Does hubby know? Tehehe. Have you done any plaid shopping lately for the hubby?

          I have this bad habit of biting my lower lip since I was a kid…so now I guess it’s just a habit so when I do it, he doesn’t even think twice.

          • My dh probably thinks I’m biting my lip ’cause I’m trying to be quiet and not wake the kids! And no, I haven’t been plaid shopping lately. DH is all stocked up on plaid everything…

            I honestly did make my lip bleed once so I probably do have a scar…

  11. As always Tiffanized your comments are top drawer excellence! Congrats on being the M.O.M. I hope you this doesn’t freak you out but when your avi pops up with your name on it my brain always starts to play the opening of notorious BIG’s hypnotized…i’d like to think of you as a LTR heavyweight and that’s your walk on song. That’s not normal.

    • No, that’s NORMAL. Also, I’m an attention whore, so I love it.

    • for sure that’s normal. I agree; tiffanized=LTR heavyweight=TRUTH!

  12. “I force myself to read real books (like Independent People) and reward myself with fan fiction when I’m done reading that boring crap. Fan fic is my literary deep fried Twinkie.”

    Word.

  13. wooow tiffanized nice jorts
    u’r a really hot mom and Rob is a really lucky man.
    grap one of your bridesmaid dresses and go to Baftas u will be perfect next to him
    and we’ll be proud of u
    p.s. to me long realtionship pls

    • Ohh em gee, anybody else concerned about Rob at the Baftas??? The word vomit potential is there no doubt and this awards do is all kinds a tweed.

  14. @ Tiffanized….I LMAO reading the article. You rock!
    Can I have the recipe (step by step) of the sparklepeen cake? Is that the real name of the cake LMAO
    When I make it I will post the pic on twitter and let it be TT!

    • There was no recipe. I just made a cake then cut the peen shape out with a template. Then I made some icing. The details were from memory, since I’m one of your more “experienced” girls ifyouknowwhati’msayin.

      • LMAO! thank you

  15. Do I see correctly that the peen cake sparkles?

    • It does sparkle. I bought edible glitter flakes.

      • Cool! Great attention to detail.

        Loving the cake…

      • You have earned by eternal and undying respect.

      • You have earned my eternal and undying respect.

      • Did you eat the cake, or did you just lick the cake?

        • I ate the cake. As a divorced woman, I can’t tell you how satisfying it was to cut that cake. I could have used a butter knife, but I chose to cut it with a butcher knife. Once it was unrecognizable I shared it with my kids, telling them it had been a baby rattle cake for a friend.

          • Girl you sound like Lorena Bobbit! LOL. I think that’s her name.

          • Better live out your frustrations on the cake. And OMG, baby rattle cake…hilarious!

          • Picture of me cutting the cake: http://twitpic.com/144j13

          • You’re the queen of cake!

          • Love that you used the big ol knife.

      • Wait, wait, back up here. EDIBLE GLITTER FLAKES? My mind went immediately to the possibilities: you could take this product out of the kitchen and into the bedroom to sprinkle on all kinds of things and then lick off. Oh, no, I didn’t used to be like this.

        • Am right there with you, T.O.O.

        • One night with Rob and the glitter flakes and one would look like a Cullen.

  16. The jorts and the fanny pack are cool. I like the cake. How about Robs new movie coming out. Will you see it? http://defutebol.net

    • it’s on days like this, when i post pics of sparkle peen cake that bobbygee, you freak me out

    • Uh, Bobbygee, yeah, I think one or two people here may be seeing the new movie, maybe.

      • Rob has a new movie?

  17. I love you, Tiffanized. The next time my friends drag me to a snobby hipster bar, I’m going to ask the barkeep to make me an Edward Wallbanger, and then I’m going to turn my nose up in pretentious disgust when he can’t.

    Hmm…. what would be in an Edward Wallbanger? Goldschlager, maybe? You know, because it sparkles…

    • I love this. And now I have a little drinking experiment planned for tonight…

    • Ha ha ha, sounds good. It’d be a real COCKtail with Goldschlonger.
      It’s Friday and it’s 5 o’clock somewhere. Let’s raise our Edward Wallbangers in Tifanized’s honor!

      • CockTail=+ GoldschLonger=Big Rob in Japan as Edward Cullen

        • If this only were possible!! The first round would be on Rob and I would buy.

    • It’s just like a Harvey Wallbanger, but instead of floating Galliano on top, you float Heineken.

      • Hmm… oj + vodka + Heineken… *vomits*

  18. Congratulations Tiffanized!
    You are the perfect 1st Rob’s MOM

    Just some questions:

    *I am looking for some super seksi Mom jorts like yours, but they all have normal length zippers. Where can I find a pair with a 10 inch fly?

    *Your legs look so even colored and smooth in your pictures? What’s your secret? : )

    *You get paid for this??

    • I am looking for some super seksi Mom jorts like yours, but they all have normal length zippers. Where can I find a pair with a 10 inch fly?
      I would try 1988.

      Your legs look so even colored and smooth in your pictures? What’s your secret?
      My secret for even colored, smooth jortslegs is that I wear control top pantyhose under them. Just like the model in the new Details shoot, only she wasn’t cool enough to strap on a fanny pack.

      You get paid for this??
      Ostensibly I get paid to assist with marketing, but that’s only until Moon and UC bring me on as a full time contributor and I can share in the trillions of dollars they make from running this blog.

      • we’ll never share our trillions

        • That thumbs down is from me.

        • Yeah, thumbs down. That’s stingy.

  19. LOVE the sparklepeen cake. Want one for my birthday next month. Those jorts are SPECTACULAR!!!! Congrats Tiffanized!!!!

  20. Congrats Tiffanized! I salute you, oh, Snarkiest of the Snark! You are a true Twilight Heroin… In that your comments… they’re like a drug to me.

    Oh, and this: “He’s like a science experiment to see how cigarettes, cheap liquor and Kristen Stewart wreak havoc on the physique of a young British man” is frighteningly true!

  21. Wow, Tiffanized this is so awesome! You’re hilarious! I love everything about this post!

    I agree about the Daniel Gale thing too. It would have been great if I had a guy like that in high school.

    Thanks for demonstrating the leg hitch!

    The cake looks awesome! How did you make it to shape that way? ;)

    • First, I baked a 13 X 9 sheet cake. Then, I took a piece of 8.5 X 11 paper and sketched out the peen, tracing my kids’ old sippy cups to form the, um, cajones and a ruler for the, um, giggle stick. It took a few tries to get the proportions just right. Then I cut out the paper template, put it on top of the cake, and cut around it. The rest of the details were hand carved or applied with icing. It took forever because I kept falling out of my chair laughing.

      Template with cut out cake: http://twitpic.com/h5d5z

      • Haha, you’re so funny! OK thanks for giving me ideas on what to do with sippy cups(for the cajones), I got tons of sippies!

        This is a good idea, I think I may make this cake for my sister’s birthday(or for my mom)!

        I totally pictured you too giggling and falling of your chair!

      • I remember the night you baked that cake well… And how it inspired me to make my own Peen-can Pie.

        • I too remember and was also inspired. I made a lopsided peen cookie (http://twitpic.com/t7668), but it was the hit of the ugly christmas sweater party. I owe all that glory to you, Tiffanized.

          • She’s changing the world and our lives one phallic-shaped baked good at a time. God bless her.

          • Oh also, Peencan Pie: http://twitpic.com/qb21d

          • We can open up a peen bakery next to The Hot Cravat.

          • Where??? I wanna move before houseprices skyrocket.

      • Shared this with a friend of mine that is getting divorced. She wants to have one made for her *divorce final* party. She wants to invite lots of people so have to figure out a way to make it larger. Will use Rob in Japan photo to work from scale (actual size) measurements. So does this now become a Rob peen celebration or her whacking at the past? I want to have the cake baked, sit it on a table in front of a stand up, cardboard Rob. Just have to get the height right. But, it is her party.

      • Genius!!!

  22. Tiffanized, you are the Twi-MILF that I aspire to be. Were I a single unicorn, I’d be all over your sexy wig wearin, peen cake baking, 80s hair band lovin self.

    Truly, you are the brill in brillant!

  23. Tiff, Tiff, Tiff….

    What can I say? You are seriously one of the most hilarious people that I don’t really know.

    A well deserved award.

    P.S. “I’ve got two chickens to paralyze” still absolutely kills me. Especially given your history with cocks.

    • Oh, and I want to # you on the Alice in Wonder Statue. Rob can watch, while petting a unibrowed unicorn in a unitard.

      • On a unicycle.

        • I have no idea what the two of you are talking about, but nonetheless it’s making me laugh my as$ off!!

  24. This may double post* (and then I started adding stuff) but:

    I almost forgot. I want to # you on the Alice in Wonder Statue. Rob can watch while petting a unibrowed unicorn wearing a unitard.

    HeyyyBrother can be there too. She definitely wants to Find and Scissor you as well.

    (a Tiff-Zees-HB sandwich is my only lesbian fantasy. True Story.)

    • and there it is.

      I am interwebz stoopid.

    • What are the odds I’d end up right below you? Guess I’m on the bottom of this sandwich.

    • Fuck.

      Alice in Wonderland.

      I am so #momfail. At the rate I’m going, my daughter is going to be reading fanfic before nursery rhymes.

  25. When are you going to do Tiffanized’s match of the month? Because I call dibs on being first.

    I love you, I do.

    • Sorry, she’s closer to me. VA gals, Holla!

      • Jane Trigs does have dibs, actually. Plus, she’s already seen my cupcakes.

        • Ohhhh, muffin topped cupcakes with little sparkly peens on top!!!

        • This is horseshit!

          Fine. Can I at least call dibs on M.O.M. #2? It’s not my fault I live too far away to join in the drunken cupcake fuckery. I would if I could.

      • Holla back!

  26. I totally applaud you for that photo. Brave woman.
    Got to ove the jorts!

    • ove, I don’t know what that means, well…;-)

      • It’s love so extreme it doesn’t even need an “l”.

  27. Haha, that it is Tiffanized! I also ove your sparklepeen cake!

  28. This post is brilliant. Well done, Tiffanized, UC & Moon!

    “He’s like a science experiment to see how cigarettes, cheap liquor and Kristen Stewart wreak havoc on the physique of a young British man.”

    I laughed out loud. So true! They better get on Breaking Dawn – STAT – if they want him to look remotely like Twilight Rob.

    I am a BIG loser and just checked out Money: A Suicide Note at the library because Rob said it’s one of his favorite books and wants to play the lead if it’s ever made into a movie. So glad to see I’m not the only one in Rob’s book club.

    I nominate Tiffanized as Rob’s new girlfriend. Then we’ll all get the real scoop!

    • I’m with you TLG, just bought “Eat the Rich,” and watched JCVD last night.

      Rob has great taste.

      • That’s what she said.

      • It’s Rob’s type of book!, “Eat the Rich’ is kinda heavy going, but parts of it are funny. If you like PJ O’Rourke’s style (let’s not begin any discussion about politics though), try ‘Parliament of Whores’, ‘Age and Guile Beat Youth, Innocence, and a Bad Haircut’, or an oldie, but a goodie- ‘Holidays in Hell’.

        It took me quite a while to figure out what JCVD was.
        I saw JCV which is a viral infection- see I looked in infectious diseases again!

        Rob, I’m still waiting for your call!

        • ugh- that should be ‘worked in’

          • Rob you lurker! Give the girl a call. Infectious diseases all the way baby! ;-)

          • I just realized you changed your avatar! Rob looks very seriuos there, not Tweed serious, but tux serious. Is it in honor of the BAFTAs???

          • Cath…I didn’t recognize you…hahah….nice, nice!

          • *is excited* Ah, you girls can see it already? It’s still the same to me. It’s a bloody mystery…

            And very tweed serious, it’s kinda in honor of period costume/ Bel Ami Rob.
            But the BAFTA’S will do! It’s a pic of Rob while he was in the play of Tess D’urbervilles. Ubercute.

            And RG, I know, I had some serious plastic surgery and a make over. Like the result? ;-)

          • Cath I still can’t see your avi. Btw you’ve got mail.

          • Cath..let’s say I don’t blame the doctor! NICE WORK!

        • Are these the kind of reads that were perhaps the catalyst for his political speech writing minute?

          • yes! if he’s planning on writing for an American politician!!!

  29. Dear tiffanized- that is one rockin’ look that you’ve got going. How will Rob ever resist you??

    • and a lot of self derision and guts I might add. love it.

  30. I’m way behind on the book club. Would someone please give me a list of Robread books so I can have something to do other than LTR? Maybe we can work out a deal with Amazon books?? And if I am ever lucky enough to meet Rob (I live in a huge fantasy world) I will have something to talk about.

    • I thought you wanted to *quote* “grab him by his manhood (…) and kiss him like you’ve always wanted to do”.
      P.S. I love your fantasy world.

      • I’ve been watchin some of the trailers for RM. I swear on all that is good and right, I want to grab this man and shake his bones. It should be a sin for someone to be so HOT!!! I have been so stressed the past couple of days. I have the raw energy to ravage him from hair to hips!!

        • I second that!!! <3
          hair to hips…..fabulous trip!!!

        • Snapped – you said raw, ravage and hips in the same sentence. Sweet Jebus.

          • Yes I did! I believe that I could *suck* the life out of him and, I did say that. You would be able to bury him in a match box. lol!!

        • Gawd, Snapped, I had to close my office door. Shit, you made me guffaw/snort/giggle with this one. LMAO!
          A matchbox? I should refer to you as Mrs. Hoover.

  31. Tiffanized,

    Thanks for mentioning you BR life:

    “Oh, I ate and breathed and slept and birthed a couple of children, but before Rob there was never a Holy Grail to which I could aspire.”

    I <3 you.

    • about life before Rob
      This time last year I was a girl with dreams and ideas, a life and a job that I loved. Now I do… nothing important, my (only) main ideas turn around HHH, and even had to stop my fav. professional activity : going to work related events -best place for (stealing) going home with the finest Dom Perignon-. The Rob is calling and he doesn’t like me to Iphone stalk while speaking to people. Now I have to leave you, I’m busy looking for 50 cats and a house in the middle of nowhere, gaining 100 kg, booking a proficient knitting course and buying the Harlequin encyclopaedia to match my new (no) life style.

      • Haha….take care to keep an eccellent internet access right out in the sticks!
        and surely I’ll reach you soon!

        • are u kidding? the internet access is the only connection of the crazies to the world, well sort of. they also all have Iphones to listen to fanfic or smth while at the grocery store and they are the main target of the Ipad (for same reasons) not the business people. Just one thing : you have to bring your own cats and harlequin (mine will be a bit sticky).
          p.s. i have never and never will read harlequin in my life.

          • No honi, I’m allergic to cats and will bring tons of ol’plaids for the ol’couch along!PLUS many elastic pants……….gahhhh, what a nightmare!

          • what a nightmare! +1!!!

      • I don’t see that future for you at all, MP. You’re too ubercool.

        • haha you were just waiting for the moment to place it. and i don’t see that future for me either, i’m too ubercool :) happy?

      • MP~

        You had me at “Work event, best place for stealing Dom?”

        Can I rent a room from you in the house with 100 cats…?
        <3

        • I am waiting for you!!!
          And the work events, true story. UNbelievable all the things you can find there, legal or not.

      • I can set you up with some cats. LMAO. You’re too much MP!
        At least go and live in London while being the knitting catlady.
        Then you can leave your house once a week and go pubcrawling.
        There’s at least the chance you’ll run in to Rob and he’ll be able to save you. You’ll be oh so happy together and after all that practising you can knit blue sweaters for him (and TomStu!!!) and live happily ever after, cats and all.

        À coeur vaillant rien d’impossible, haha.

        I kinda like the idea, maybe I’ll go and do it. But only if you won’t.

        And Dom Perignon? Ah. You French. You know how to live. ;-)

        • hahaha
          OMG you just had the bestest idea. If we give them a knitted blue sweater (one for both of course, you know they love it), they will love us forever. But only if you’re coming with me to London to give it. Of course that would involve extensive pub crawling but that’s not exactly unpleasant. And last time I went to Amsterdam, that’s what I thought of the Dutch: you know how to live. Everybody’s out with boats and the white wine. Never seen such a relaxed city.
          P.S. Now I’m curious where did you find that expression? haha

      • Minuit you want to be a cat lady? :-)

        • NOOOOOO, just making fun of the ridiculous and pathetic robsession. still have a life, a job and other interests and dreams, still going out (as soon as the men downhill finishes) and still being irrevocabily addicted to the city life…and the rest.

    • (JCVD.)..my life has bombed away, yeah, thx Rob …just thx!

      • is this the movie Jean Claude Van Damme leads?
        and did Rob mention that ?

        • Hi Che,

          The movie is simply called, “JCVD” and Jean Claude is the star. Rob mentions that he loves it in the Ryan Seacrest interviews.
          :)

          Enjoy!

          lion

          • My turn to say vomit. Okay not the same, but JCVD???

          • snapped…it’s totally different than all his other films…lol, in other word, the film is totally about your comment

          • lol i used watch his movies when i was a kid,there was almost every night a fight movie on tv on early 90’s and he was my favourite action star ,my sister’s was Bruce lee :D

  32. Update!

    I heard from my friend the zoo keeper and while she said that she hasn’t worked specifically with elephants, she said ‘I have heard that they make deep rumbling, ultrasonic noises, but I’m not sure about a purring noise’.

    So Rob may have been a bit correct. Wikipedia says its only Indian elephants and only when they eat (Karla was trying to eat Rob). But of course, I believe everything on Wikipedia and everything ever written (sarcasm).

    I offer to try to purr for Rob and then let him judge. But of course, I’ll need his help in working up to the purring part.

    (Che- I worked in elephants- again, ha, so there).

    • Hahaha, you try purring drsaka. I’ll get one my cats to do it for him.
      There’s a real dirty joke somewhere in that sentence. I won’t go there.

      P.S. Can’t blame Karla for wanting to devour Rob. Clever girl.

      • yeah, the whole topic of purring is a bit dirty, but my offer to him still stands (twss)! See- anything is now dirty.

        • LOL!

    • pussy cats purr, another Rob association, as we know his brain hops a lot :-)

    • I bet Rob has made an elepahnt (and by elephant, I mean kitty) or two purr in his time.

      • I certainly hope so, or he’ll have to be schooled.

        • *raises hand* I can do that for him. I am a very considerate girl.

      • i’m afraid you’re right, it’s only one or two.

        • Schooling The Rob? Girls, we aim to please.

    • yes u with elaphants and MP with big in japan
      u are just incorrigible:)
      <3

    • drsaka, remember the snowboard thing???

      Well, ehm, according to the following bio snowboarding is one of Rob’s hobbies.

      http://www.veritaserum.com/movies/actors/robertpattinson.shtml

      Not buying it, esp. because he said during his Harry Potter interviews that he made up that he was kind of athletic to get the role. I want photographic evidence of Rob on a snowboard. Must be somehere out there.

      Dear Clare,

      I know you’re reading this. Please post pic of Pattypat on a board.
      You’re a dear!

      Forever obliged,

      Cath

      • I agree, I really can’t picture him riding a snowboard!

        I had other riding ideas but they’re dirty…and too ashamed to share here! I’ll shut up now!

      • I remember him saying something about skiing as well, but I can’t picture it.

        • OMG, Drsaka – Have you seen the “Free for All Friday comments”? That’s gonna get nasty. LOL

          • what are you referring to? Where?

          • At Robsessed.

          • Jules, I found it on Robsessed and OMG! I only got 20 comments in before I had to stop. We’re so tame at LTR compared to that.

            Dear Rob, stay here with us.
            Love, drsaka

          • Drsaka, I literally did a double-take and got the he’ll outta there. Oy

        • Yeah skiing in Switzerland with his family…something like that.

      • He was drunk one time and stepped on a trash can lid, sliding two feet down into a ditch. This, he calls snowboarding.

        • Mwahahahaha

  33. HEYA GIRLS!!

    I have smth for you!!!

    Look you won’t be disappointed.
    These are from the new russian Remember me trailer!

    Go and see more at http://www.thecoldshower.wordpress.com

    • I think this movie will kill me long before it is released… Dayum Rob!!!!!!!

    • Haha, Bleriana, why did you cancel MY NAME on his chest?

      • After looking at it for very long I came o the conclusion that I have totally no clue what it says but I really don’t mind, because it is a halfnacked Rob we’re talking about… And whenever I see Rob my brain shuts down anyway…

        P.s. In fact it was ‘I <3 hot pockets'… Messages like that are somewhere more private… Probably is hipbone? I am seriously swooning and drooling all over the place just thinking about it…

        Dear Rob,
        admit that you have 'Bleriana' written on your hipbone and we're good (not that we're not anyway).

        Love, me

        • His tattoo says “southernbelle.” LOL.

    • I do his tattoo and his face in that photo.

      Thanks, B.

      • I meant to say, I do love his tattoo.

        • hahaha……..<3

        • totally allergic

    • Rob and tattoo= too much.

      • cath why u did taht to me?this pic is just just just… i thought he’d looked all zygote rob when he was a teen(of course not:)but this pic says something different.i wish i was at the theatre and watch him on the stage

    • Oh god. Tattward. Oh god.

      • At first glance I thought you said *twattward*

    • B, thanks! I love it!!!! He looks so hot, gazing at the ceiling! Did he really have a tattoo for the movie?

      Squee….this is way too much for me to handle. I need a drink, something really strong and then a shot of espresso.

  34. Ya’ll, Tiffanized is the shizz-net. Only she would go to a synagogue with me while totally plastered to stalk Rob’s friends. I <3 you Tiffanized.

    PS and she and I are the only one's, who've been re-tweeted by a certain British/Canadian friend of Pattz. We are very big deals on Twitter. VERY

    #IAMDUMB

    • We are a big deal. Not only were we retweeted, but he read our tweets later and let me put my “girls” on him when I hugged him. He clearly liked us best because we are awesomesauce.

  35. LOVE this! Tiffanized was a perfect first choice! and that cake..looks..um.. delicious. ahem.

  36. You’re without doubt my favorite commenter, so as expected I’m totally loving this letter.

    You’re also a hot older sister and so I don’t understand how you can be single??? Unless you wait for Rob to have earned enough to feed Africa and pay for his future lung transplantation before letting him in your pants, it’s a really depressing thought.

    • I’m single because I’m picky. Also, I scare men (see: photo of me enthusiastically slicing into a cake penis).

  37. Wow, just WOW! You are an awesome M.O.M.! I love that you will drive to far off places in search of Rob’s butt germs. That is dedication!

    I am guessing that you look much better from behind than TomStu! Anyone who can wear jorts and actually look decent has got some junk in the trunk ifyouknowwhatIamsayingandIthinkyoudo!

    I heart you and wish you lived in AZ so I could at least have one cool twifriend! Steph just doesn’t return my calls! :)

    • Hey how’ve you been? I haven’t seen you here in a while!

      XO

      • Been good! Having the house painted, so I haven’t been on the computer too much! How are you?

        • I’m okay…so-so. I’ve been trying to curb my robsession(a little) but I’m not very successful at it!

          XO

  38. First post here! U guys rock and crack me up everyday!! Thanks for feeding my Rob obsession and making me feel normal about it!!
    Tiffanized-you make an awesome first time M.O.M. !!

    • Hi Pammy.

      Welcome to crazy.

      lion

    • welcome

  39. I love you! That is all.

  40. Congrats Tiffanized on your M.O.M. achievement! Everyone has already made all the funny comments – you get way behind when you post from Hawaii – it doesn’t seem that late to me (about noon), but it is 5pm EST.

    I love your jorts & your cardboard edward. I dress mine up all the time, too. ;-)

  41. For you, Milfy: Pocket Edward lands in Hawaii.

    • Pocket Edward is quite the jetsetter!

  42. oh my, you made my day once more!! I absolutelly love this idea and tiffanized is just the perfect first time M.O.M!!!!

    “He’s like a science experiment to see how cigarettes, cheap liquor and Kristen Stewart wreak havoc on the physique of a young British man.” ROFLMAO, effin priceless!! I luv ya!!!!!

  43. Sorry for being late, but I just had one thing to say anyway:

    TIFFANIZED ROCKS MY SOCKS and I’m glad that finally everyone knows it.

    Love you, woman!

  44. Tiff is HOT!…
    I’d be in a fake lesbian relationship with her anytime!….(love the jorts, they look cute on her).

    ****
    Too bad Robbie said he hates Vagina’s… :((
    I’m having a good laugh at that….

  45. re: Tiff’s sparkle peen cake…= priceless WIN!

    I love how Pocket Eddie is just looking at it as if to say, “sigh, oh boy” and shake his head.
    Ditto!

    haha.. that is pretty damn funny.
    You should have done a YOU TUBE thingy with Pocket Eddie talking to his sparkle peen cake…
    (maybe next time).
    OH the things he would be saying!…

  46. This post brought me many LOLz. Thank you Tiffanized, you rock (as you know)! You are definitely at the top of my list of LTT/LTR-istas with whom I would most like to share a penis cake.

    P.S. Independent People? Most dismally boring two pages I have ever taken an hour to read from a library book in the history of ever.

  47. […] I was featured as your February Match of the Month, I thoroughly expected your call by now.  We’re obviously perfect for each other, except for the […]


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