Posted by: themoonisdown | January 27, 2010

Robert Pattinson discovers Craigslist

Dear Rob,

Since you’re MIA (have we said this enough yet?) bored people on the internet (us) have started making stuff up about you. Besides the usual gossip: where you’ve been, what you’re doing, WHO you’re doing, folks have decided you need to be part of the most popular garage sale/personals site on the interwebs aka Craigslist.

Here are the ones I found…


(clicky to enlarge)
and

(clicky to enlarge)

Quite hilar, really. I mean YOU on Craigslist… who would have thunk it, but we’re smart enough to know those amateur attempts aren’t really YOU! Funny thing is, while I was searching I found these and I’m beginning to think you might have discovered Craigslist in your time off…

Check em out after the jump


I found this one in part time gigs…


You can click to enlarge or read it ON craigslist right here!

c
And since you’ve been kind of mopey lately, I found this one under “missed connections”

Click to enlarge or read it on craiglist!

I’m beginning to think you’ve had too much free time on your hands between films and with KStew being gone. Just stay away from the Singles Chat lines… that could get embarrassing.

Moon seeks Rob,
Themoonisdown

Gonna respond to poor ol Rob? What should he post about next on Craigslist?

Our internet game is ridiculous: The Forum, LTT, Twitter

Stuff:
Are you a “TwiMom” who likes to bedazzle canvas bags and iron faces of Twilight actors on them?
Then this place is probably not for you. But, if you’re a TWIMILF who would never in a million years do something that lame, then the TWIMILF thread on the Forum is JUST for you! The gals over at The TwiMilf thread are awesome, funny & ready to welcome any of you new TWIMILFS with open arms! Get your puffy paint pens ready so that you can make Moon & I some valentine’s cards together!!! Check out the TwiMilf Forum!

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Responses

  1. Dear Moon and UC
    thanks for the post!

    ref.LTT yestd.
    Today I’m feeling (slightly) offended….well not really..more words…NO..too much effeff

    • Hang out over here, robgirl!

    • Agree with you, Robgirl.

      Those comments at LTT about LTR were not fun to read and fun is the reason I come here.

      • Thumbs UP!

        • Jules, I made the “bj behind a dumpster” comment in sarcasm.

          • Heh. ML, I got your comment yesterday, I speak sarcasm and I’ve read a lot of your comments on here. All good.
            the dumpster just stuck out in my mind.
            There were neg comments after yours I think :s

      • Where can I find what the dogs had to say?

        • The “dogs” were misunderstood.

          I was commenting on a couple of commentors. Not the site as a whole.

          The bitch fight was yesterday.

          • Bitch fight made me giggle, a bit.
            I could be wrong, but I got the impression that we all wanted to fellate Rob behind a dumpster or something. I can’t remember whose comment it was and I’m too lazy to go over there and read through.

          • It was probably mine (bad mood + internet scary people + work = me being hateful).

            And I don’t relate wanna fellate anyone anywhere.

            I’m too prissy for that.

          • Well I’m mental anyway so I missed the whole bitch fight thing. Fang I’ve noticed that you bust balls occasionally but the thing about this place is we don’t have to agree. Makes for entertaining material.

          • Right on, snapped.

            While I may not participate in the art of dumpster fellatio, I am a master of ball busting.

            If we all agreed, all the time, it would be very Stepford Wives up in here. And I don’t have blond hair. Or wanna be a housewife. Or like brain implants.

            So… I say carry on! Don’t get upset by me, darlings. Go on with yo bad selves and I will be waiting. In the back of the room. With one foot on the soap box. ;)

          • Hey wait! I’m a housewife with blonde hair. I don’t have a brain implant, but I might have breast implants ;)

          • I don’t think anyone should be commenting about other commentors, unless the other commentors are being hateful.I think commenting about how someone feels about Rob or things that are said here about him is out of line.

            I was unpleasantly surprised to see how ugly things got over there. I thought LTR and LTT were sister communities, not two sides in a war zone.

          • @dazzledtodeath – I was also surprised at the direction the “fight” went yesterday. As someone who enjoys commenting on both LTR and LTT, I was disappointed. But on the bright side, there were a lot of people who jumped in and defended LTR commentors. So they don’t all think were crazy! :)

            I just decided to go ahead and comment the way I usually do and not worry about who thinks I’m a little nuts. It’s all in good fun and I get a lot of enjoyment out of both communities (most of the time). I’m not going to let anything get in the way of my daily laughs!

            (BTW – I actually don’t have fake boobs – they’re real and they’re spectacular!)

          • youre EXACTLY CORRECT dazzeled. these are sister places because theyre run by us and everyone/commenters should be treated exactly the same. this is and WILL NEVER be a ltt vs ltr situation.

          • I just want to know where I can find LLT??? Help???

          • LTT. sorry

        • Snapped~
          If you weren’t being sarcastic, LTT (Letters to Twilight) is at the top of this page in the banner).

          Good luck and don’t strain your eyes reading….
          lion

          • Does that help, Snapped?
            xoxo
            lion

          • Yes thank you that was most helpful. Never really gave it any attention. While I enjoy the Edward character, I’m not really into all things Twilight. More into the Roblove.

      • I agree! That’s why I’m here mostly as well. Here to have fun as well.

      • Yeah, I’ve read them too, funny, because I never normally visit LTR. Yesterday I stumbled upon the Kristen post, right on time to vent…LOL.I had a serious anti KStewday, over it today…well…sort of…haha.

        I read those comments too, never realised people were offended by this. Because this site is soooo ‘tongue in cheek’ as the Brits call it! It’s called humor, people. We’re not taking ourselves too serious. Let alone Rob. ;-)

    • @ robgirl
      Thanks for making me curious and thus waisting some more time on reading plus commenting like 24 h later.

      @ mountainlion
      Did I tell you I think you’re FUNNY? FUNNY!!! And yes we’re here for the fun!

  2. You can’t fool me, Moon and UC.
    You guys put these ads on Craigslist, didn’t you?

    • I agree..who else would be creating those awesome posts?

  3. Wow, the second one is really disturbing! I shudder to think about the singles chat sites- ‘Just stay away from the Singles Chat lines… that could get embarrassing’. That COULD be embarrassing??

    Maybe Rob would prefer the aid of a matchmaker. We have this awful show called Millionaire Matchmaker here and I can only remotely imagine the awkward, stilted ‘dates’ that would be set up for him with. (Unless, of course the dating pool was only LTR ladies!).

    Aw, the heck with it Rob, just meet TomStu in the bar in Barnes!

    • ugh, delete the ‘with’, not awake yet.

    • I actually kind of like the super creepy strategy of that second post. I especially like the promise of penis only penetration.

      The truly disturbing question is – did he get responses?????

      • You’re right, its super creepy! Well, if you were brave enough to respond to this, then you’d know what you’d be getting.

        The ‘promise’ is extra, super-duper, crazy, unrelentingly scary creepy!

        • Scary?creepy? Clearly the promise was made to put potential respondents at ease. I feel a lot better about it.

          • I think it hints at potential scenarios that are scary!

            (I’m just making fun) : )

          • drsaka-I wasn’t trying to be sharp with you-I was just being sarcastic. That promise did nothing to put me at ease. ewwww.

    • we have millionaire matchmaker too. biggest toolbags EVER on that show.

      and i hope “rob” sticks it out on craigslist cause i have a feel tomstu will find it!

  4. “seeking a man or woman who can comb with confidentiality”

    this.. disturbed me a little. rob or not, ew.

  5. Dear Seeking Beard Comber,

    I’m a semi-private person. Your beard hair curling over the lip is a NO NO in my book. If you were to hire me I would be oh so deligent to trim and comb to keep EVERYTHING in place….and I would be delighted to lend a listening ear (as long as you whisper sweet nothings in it).

    Looking Forward to Hearing From You,
    Magic Comb

    p.s. yes I have my own combs (I actully have two , my left and right hand)

    • magic comb, that sounds naughty!

    • Dear Magic Comb,

      HIRED!

  6. Nah, can’t be Rob. What do you mean he had too much free time? Didn’t you hear the fandom: “Poor Rob is working all the time”. He was extremely busy making up for the lost time in his relationship with TomStu, explaining how KStew invited herself in the UK, couldn’t say no blabla, while romantically playing songs on the roof for his first true love (Tom, who else) during all night heavy drinking sessions.

    Now seriously, Rob, if you could just comment undercover here with us, no one will say anything to the producers of Bel-Ami.

    • “explaining how KStew invited herself in the UK”

      this cracked me up. i wonder how that went!

      • Now that I think about it, this is how it went. Remember the good bye scene? He precisely told her she didn’t want her to come.

  7. must provide own comb.

    I’ll be thinking about that line and laughing to myself all day.

    • That line killed me!!!!! LOL!

  8. Mahahahahaha!

    ‘What happened to our love?’

    Poor TomStu!

    • Am I the only one who was channeling a little ABBA into that?

      • Dude! Who thumbs down ABBA??

        • Seriously! ABBA is like the king mother of Robstu’s secret love!

      • no one can resist the abba!! thumbs up!! tom and rob dance to danacing queen in his living room.

        • Bwahaha!! I would pay a lot of money to see that. They would have to do it with ostrich feather thingies and sing to each other.

        • Rob’s a teaser, he turns ‘em on
          Leave ‘em burning and then he’s gooooone
          Looking out for another, anyone TomStu’ll do
          Rob’s in the mood for a dance

          • Blast! Should be ‘any Tomstu’ll do’. Attempt at lyrics humor fail.

  9. Not sure if these are funny or disturbing!

    Watched Little Ashes last night. Sigh. Rob, you give me hope for your career post-Twilight. I was impressed. There were only a few cringe-inducing moments (mostly those involving the mustache). Rob in white linen pants on a bicycle? Win! Kissing scenes with Javier Baltran? Superwin!

    • I watched The Haunted Airman the other night, that was a bit different…shall I say. I thought Rob did a good job and it had an interesting twist at the end.

      So is Little Ashes worth renting, because I didn’t feel THA was at all…

      • Little Ashes is my fav. Rob movie. Mostly because I like the story and used to read all sorts of books on Dali back in my teen intellectual days. But I’m not sure this is motivating enough for you. So here’s another reason to watch it: there’s some Rob sex including him touching himself. Do you think it can get more personal than that?

        • When I was in Spain we went to the Dali museum, that was tre interesting…what an imagination!!!
          Thanks for the movie review!

      • Misty, Little Ashes is far and away better than The Haunted Airman. Little Ashes is actually my favorite Rob movie so far. If you have a Netflix account, you can actually stream LA as part of your membership. Either way, I recommend it. =)

        • Pange, who’s the guy on your avi, Marcus Foster?

          • It is Marcus! =)

        • thanks I will checking it out this wekend!!
          xoxo

        • LA is my favourite Rob movie too. It is shot so beautifully. See it. Buy it.

      • Yeah, the Haunted Airman sucked. Except all the smoking and finger/jaw porn. And British Accent Rob made it worth sitting through. But Little Ashes was genuinely a decent film. And I was proud of our little Rob for going the distance. Did I mention the kissing scenes were hot?

        What does it say that I was more turned on by his kissing scenes with Javier than Kristen?

        • Yes the finger/jaw porn was defs. hot so was the kissing sceen…listening to his british accent was also hot (it made me dream about him, win-win) BUT that dream happened about 25 minutes into the movie and I woke up to see the last 10-15…lmao

      • Little Ashes is totally worth it. He plays a totally weirdo (which I am SURE he loved), but he does a really amazing job. He seems so comfortable and confident in the role. But I do recommend shielding your eyes at “the tuck”.

        • I really loved Little Ashes. Rob did a great job. The slash thing was pretty hawt!!

          All I can say is Rob in Boxers *THUD*

        • Shield myself from the tuck? Are you out of your mind, woman? I rewound that shit about 10 times and slow-mo’d it. My Twilight friend, who watched it with me, giggled at me but I kept rewinding and slowmoing like a mofo. The happy trail was a win!

    • little ashes shows me that rob is NOT a one trick pony. that movie makes me cry. so beautiful.

      i so HATE the mustache though. totes looks like its going to fall off at any moment.

      • It makes me cry too!! I kept if quiet ‘cos I thought I was alone! Thanks for sharing that Moon xx

    • I esp. love that he dared to go out there, Dali was a BIG character, that’s a good thing. Really liked the movie. But his wigs were quite terrible, made me giggle a couple of times.(like the moustache)

      But it was an indie movie, there probably wasn’t a big ‘wig budget’, Rob probably borrowed one of his gran’s…And later made the ‘stache out of some wig hairs…LOL.

      Rob as dancing Dali:
      http://api.ning.com/files/YsfmfFHNY699DXKKh*va46UVUhJwv-g6WaqsmDxzt*NdRmw7jZrzSzdGivkuIEpmkA63AACvn2PL0zNHu9yGC6C1ZgxxrYJA/000tab8r.gif

      • Uhm, something about that link seems wrong. Sorry, just copy and paste I guess…;-)

  10. This would be a perfect fit for scamslist. The pervs on scmaslist would love this. http://bobbygee.wordpress.com/

    • Dude.

      Did you really just talk about a site that is used to check up on Russian girls?

      That is the most disturbing thing I’ve ever heard from you.

      • Fang, your avatar only adds to your comment. LOVE it!

        • We should be able to choose our avatar everytime, to amplify our comments.

          • That is a brilliant idea, Alice!

            & yes, coldwoman, I am, in fact, a Russian whore.

            Or not… but it makes for great dinnertime conversation.

  11. “…..I’ll keep the penetration simple and use my penis”

    OMG, why do I find this so funny? I mean, all men have them but when thinking of Rob’s penis, I laugh out loud. Or maybe it’s the thought of the line, “I just want to try one thing….don’t move…..here comes my penis”

    Sorry off to UP my meds today, I’m making no sense at all.

    x

    • “I just want to try one thing….don’t move…..here comes my penis”
      is totally, 100% brilliant.

      • I heart you for that milfy goodness xxx

  12. Dear Rob,
    I can provide my own comb. Penile penetration is ok by me. We can even invite TomStu.

    Call me.

    • penile made me giggle.

    • i think you just got yourself a job jodie0!

  13. The people behind these both terrify and amuse me greatly. God bless the twisted freaks of humanity (aka, my kinfolk).

  14. A propos of nothing, and me working quite hard on something totally different, and showing how there’s always room for more Rob in my head. It’s just hit me! Maybe Rob thought the programme was Hope for Hairi Now and thought it was a typo?!?! Would that explain the beard? Or do I just need help?

  15. I just watched this What the Buck clip-he’s hilarious and annoying all at once. He mentions Rob around 2:30-

    • “sad bearded clam face” HAHAHAHA vagina from 1972!!!!!!!!!! hahahaa

      • I’m not sure this guy has ever seen a vagina. Maybe his Momma’s, when he was being born…

  16. “small bird-like features” lol

    I love birds.

  17. “I’ll keep the penetration simple, and use my penis.” LOL!

  18. Reply to: Barnes Beard-man.

    Re: beard-groomer position. I believe my personal skills and your needs will mesh beautifully, and would like to start as soon as possible: I own several combs–wide tooth, rat-tail, etc. and I know how to use them. We can start with the facial hair, continue to neck and chest area, and take the happy trail wherever it leads. Will also assist in shampoo, condition and blow-dry, all areas.

    Both late-night pseudo-intellectual discussions and early morning wake-up calls, including hands-on hangover relief, are special interests of mine.

    I feel we would be very compatible, so please call and let’s get started with the de-tangling right away!

    • your special skills will put you ahead of the pack! i can feel it (TWSS)

  19. OH, I am sooo tempted to make an ad like this, just to see what kind of people would respond.

  20. Rob, you so CRAZY!

    Moon, hate/<3 you today cause I haven't in awhile.

    • ‘you so CRAZY’ only makes me say ‘I think I wanna have your baby’. And now I have Whatta Man stuck in my head for days. Thanks dude. Appreciate it. ;)

      • Really? It’s a song people!

        • somebody has to be really young or really old not to know it. but i’ll go for the first option. and now I have it stuck in my head. thanks.

  21. Sometimes, when I feel sad and think FML, I just scourge through Craigslist. Makes me feel a lot better. I find gems like this (which btw have nothing to do with Rob).

    “Let’s cut the crap and get on with our lives – 22 (London)
    ________________________________________
    Date: 2009-11-17, 5:53PM GMT
    Reply To This Post
    ________________________________________

    Through my dealings with the fairer sex over the previous 22 years, I have become completely disillusioned with females (all people really, but I’m not trying to date guys) and have now resorted to the internet in an effort to find one that I can at least tolerate for extended periods of time.

    You want to know about me? I’ll tell you what I’m not.

    1) I am not your father. I will not tolerate childish bullshit when you don’t get your way and I will not throw money at you to shut you up.
    2) I am not your hobby. That’s why you have friends. This road goes both ways though, and you’re not expected to join me on any trips you don’t want to. I’ve got friends for that too.
    3) I am not someone who puts the toilet seat down after I urinate. You’re a big girl now and if you can’t be bothered to so much as look at where you’re about to park your ass, you deserve the cold embrace of toilet water (and god help anyone around you on the road).

    Here’s where we get to you. As a staunch rationalist, I realize you’re probably every bit as bitter with men as I am with your cunty compatriots, possibly having almost given up on us. My (admittedly weak) theory is you have not yet lost all hope but have simply turned to a less social lifestyle and are casually perusing the Craigslist personals just waiting for my ad to pop up so we can end our days in perpetual bliss or whatever storybook bullshit those cookie cutter girls get off on.

    I am not an extremely picky guy. Being my dream girl is more a matter of the things you aren’t than the things you are.

    My ideal woman
    -when asked about her hobbies, has more to say than, “Like, you know, stuff,” or the always popular “shopping, hanging out, music, friends.”
    -can think outside her own head and understand that while her wants and needs are her priority (and there’s nothing wrong with that), those around her have their own desires.
    -takes care of herself to some degree. We can’t help certain aspects of our appearance, but if you don’t bathe regularly and have eaten yourself fat it demonstrates a fatal lack of respect for yourself that one would expect to bleed into other aspects of your behavior.

    If you’ve read this much crap and are actually interested, we might just stand a chance. Send me an email that makes me think, laugh, or hope.

    For the love of a God in which I don’t even believe, just someone show me you’re not all the same. “

    • Wow. How did you end up here? This isn’t an internet dating service.

      • Read the post. It’s an actual post on Craigslist that I quoted. It made me laugh on a depressing day. No one’s trying to get a date here. Every sane person that’s not Robert Pattinson, knows they won’t stand a chance trying to score a date on this blog.

        • Yup, I skimmed it. I though we had some whacko looking for some action here. But you’re right, only Rob gets action around here.

        • “Every sane person that’s not Robert Pattinson, knows they won’t stand a chance trying to score a date on this blog.”

          That sentence made my day!

          But really if the real Rob (and then the universe collapes at the same time) showed up here, let alone asked for some action. He’d to move heaven and earth for people to actually believe him. Poor dear…

        • That’s for sure!

    • how much of a twisted, psycho person do you think it would make me if I liked this guy?

      • He actually brings up some valid points.

      • I liked him, too.

    • “best of craigslist” is my favorite thing to read!

  22. “Little Ashes” the painting is a little weird. But the movie rocks. Actually, Javier is hotter to watch than Rob. Particularly after the mustache enters stage right.

    I thought “The Bad Mother’s Handbook” wasn’t too hateful either. Much more entertaining than the uber boring “How to Be.”

    So there was a rumble over on LTT yesterday? Who won?

    • ME!

  23. Oh my goodness, I wonder if someone actually replied to these ads! LOL.

    Hilarious! The bearded one, “must provide a comb.”

    • Where’s a beard comb when you need one??? Can’t seem to find mine. It’s white and it sparkles… Should be perfect for the job…

  24. I saw this just a few days ago and was all like wtf? but it cracked me up looking at it the second time around…

    • Yeah, you came up with that one…I found it disturbing, but it already make me laugh back then, something’s wrong with me…

  25. I downthumbed all my comments.

    They were stupid and pointless.

    I try to apologize and make nice and still get hate.

    Stick a fork in me, I’m done.

    • Thanks for trying, Fang.

    • Come back, Fang! Your comments are always incisive, refreshing, pointed, acerbic, not to mention hawt! I need you!

      • Also, ballsy and snarky.

    • Fang, you are the one that brings the comments. Are we ladies so easily offended that we can’t let someone expresses her own opinion with out getting our panties in a wade? Grip??? You Rock Fang!!

      • *express* and wad .

    • you tried..thx
      and it’s ok for me..ME got over it!

  26. Confession time:

    I responded to the first one.

    *hides face in shame*

    xoxo,
    loveme

  27. Got nothin to say other than “thanks for the laughs”

    • I like your avi, whiteflower723.

      • ml, bring on the comments. miss it.

    • Me too, I am in love w/ your avatar! Squee!

  28. I want to post a picture but I don’t know how. It’s of TomStu in Rob’s blue sweater. They really are such an adorable couple. here’s a link:

    http://community.livejournal.com/hothobolove/942529.html?thread=14779073#t14779073

    • Milfy, I love that this picture is titled hothobolove!

    • can’t see it, need to subscribe blabla.

      but I have a theory: nothing is lost in the family, everything is recycled and turns around under everyone’s bed. so who will be the next one to be spotted with the sweater? bets are opened.

  29. Ugh really? I avoid LTR today at work after a long time of avoiding LTT and knowing what yesterday would bring and now it has infiltrated over here as well? Can we please leave the bitching elsewhere? LTR is my happy place and I know a few people who claim LTT is theirs. I respected that and stopped commenting over there for fear of the potential flogging. Please respect mine and make your comments pleasant and not a) bitchy, b) condescending, or c) damning of other commentators’ lifestyles. If those are the things you feel the need to say in MY happy place, things will get very ugly. That is all.
    Signed,
    A highly-educated very happy housewife who loves and takes care of her DH in all ways without blond hair or implants

  30. Did I totally miss something? I don’t think anyone has made any offhand, upsetting, negative, what-ev. comments. Maybe I’m just too easy going…..

  31. Can we say “We Are The Rob” here … ;)

    Seriously, those ads crack me up! I like seeking beard comber, must provide own comb, compensations: old books, share a hot pocket and cab fair. LMAO

  32. [...] This post was mentioned on Twitter by LetterstoTwilight, LetterstoTwilight and Tiffany Phillips, Kristen Stewart News. Kristen Stewart News said: LOL! RT @letter2twilight Uh, Did Rob Pattinson discover CraigsList? http://wp.me/pogY8-1NN [...]

  33. [...] Robert Pattinson discovers Craigslist Dear Rob, Since you’re MIA (have we said this enough yet?) bored people on the internet (us) have started making [...] [...]


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