Because there’s like absolutely NOTHING going on in the Twi/Rob world and because that Girl with the shoe on her shirt and any news about your time on the Isle of WIGHT PWNS me, I read this little tid bit about your New Years Eve celebration over at our pals Spunk-Ransom.com.
The lovely bar owner fills us in on your New Years Eve spent on the lovely island has his fine drinking establishment. And of course it got me to thinking about what your night was really like and why on earth did you end up at that place?
While figuring out where to go on New Years Eve is a huge item of contention among my friends because going anywhere in LA basically means ponying up some serious coin to even get into any sort of facility with a bar and disco ball, you guys opted for a more rural approach. As it turns out you, KStew and the mysterious “friends” chose to ring in the new decade at some place called the Winter Gardens. Which sounds like the lamest place ever created but after 1 minute much research I figured out that Winter Gardens is some sort of beer garden that is also the site of both town council meetings (FREE event yall!) AND wrestling matches (tru fax, you can google it). Klassy with a K! And instead of throwing down serious coinage, you paid a 5 dollar cover fee and drank your way into oblivion the New Year with 1.50 shots. YES you read that right A DOLLAR FIFTY!!!!!!! You couldn’t even look at a bouncer for a buck fiddy at places around here much less drink yourself silly on spare change you found in Clare’s couch. Now I’m not sure who’s the jackass, probably me, but you were at a beer garden with your secret lady friend getting wasted off “Screaming Orgasms” and “Slippery Nipples” or whatever other lame-o shots you and your friends ordered while trying not to giggle like a junior high boy in his first sex ed. class.
Follow the cut to read the rest, for a surprise and for more naughty shot names
Then in my crazy imagination after about 3 dollars worth of “Slow Comfortable Screws” you worked up the courage to report to the dance floor. Sure you’re “Flippy” and we’ve seen that dance sequence in the Goblet of Fire but NO ONE’S immune to Montell Jordan’s “This is how we do it,” NO ONE. So you tipped up your cup and threw your hands up cause south central (Barnes) does it like no body does. Since the beer garden DJ OBVIOUSLY knew what he was doing, and the post clearly states that the DJ was PAID (as opposed to ol Arthur behind the bar rockin’ his collection of tapes from the Saturday Flea Market) this classic was inevitably followed up by Miley Cyrus’ Party in the USA (Party on the Isle of Wight!!) where you nodded your head like yea and moved your hips like yea cause even if you’re a hater you can’t help yourself when this song plays.
The post then goes on to say that even though Winter Gardens had the license to stay open all night they opted for a 130AM last call because what do you expect when the patrons have been drinking 1.50 “Red Headed Sluts” all night dancing to the classics from the Now That’s What I Call Music- Hits Volume 2 cd? So if you were wondering why no one got a picture of you and KStew dancing to “Hot in Herrrre” or slow dancing to “Iris” by the Goo Goo Dolls this is why. We have the Winter Gardens and their cheap ass drink specials to thank. Everyone was too plastered on “Naughty Girl Scouts” at 11PM to even know what a camera was let along how to operate one. They even missed the countdown to Midnight. Good thing they had plenty of “Purple Hooters” to celebrate with.
Honeys in the street say, Moon yo we made it!
So what do you think happened at the Winter Gardens? Has anyone been there? Is it a bigger shit hole than we already think it is? How many dirty shot references did I work into this post? What’s your favorite naughty shot name.
Treat from me to you!
All hands are in the airrrr and wave em from here to therrrre!