Posted by: themoonisdown | January 5, 2010

Freya wants you to Disrespect Rob! Nice and slooooww

*On the heels of another (not intentionally) wild day we let Freya take the reigns and try to beat some sense into us all about both Paparazzi and Fan pictures… laugh with her, cry with her, send her a muffin basket and a 5th of Makers. Take it away Freya…*

Listen up: RESPECT ME!

Dear Rob,

Oscar Wilde once said “The only thing worse than being talked about is not being talked about.”  Believe me, we know you’re being talked about (witness an entire site writing letters to you), but recently there has been an outcry across the fandom about paparazzi and fan pictures of you.  The demand being squealed from hardcore fans?  “RESPECT ROB!”  This has been accompanied by many sadface pictures of you, along with the assertion that “Rob doesn’t want this, and neither do we!”  Grown women have taken pictures of themselves with one arm over their faces to show solidarity and called a little girl a “sell out” and “not a true fan.”  I wonder, however, if that is precisely the truth.  Are you, indeed, going back to your luxury hotel at night after drinking beer with various members of the Britpack, weeping into your 300-threadcount sheets?  Do you boo-hoo and blubber that “The paparazzi are so MEAN to me!  Why do they take my picture all the time?  I just want to be NORMAL!”, soaking the fine down pillow with your salty tears?

God, I hope not.  Because then, Robert Pattinson, you would be a gigantic pussy and I have this thing about not wanting to ravage gigantic pussies.  (I’m a heterosexual female like that.)  Or if you’re not a puss, then you’re incredibly naïve.  If you didn’t know what might happen to you going into the film business after working on a Harry Potter film, you did just fall off the turnip truck.

Respect me while I smoke this...

See, I want you to stay famous.  I want sexy red carpet pictures and moody Vanity Fair pictures (can I take that lobster bib off for you?  With my teeth?), but I also want goofy air guitar pictures and drunk Rob (*ahem* Janetrigs—your fave).  I want pictures of you taking off your shoes at security where your boxers are peeking saucily out of the top of your jeans, lingering tantalizingly under a strip of naked lower back. And I want picture of you with cute little girls who probably called you “Edward” when they met you on vacation. This is the media age.  Paparazzi follow the famous; it keeps celebrities in the public eye, which makes those stars more marketable, which means that these stars are more likely to get roles in films that they want, make lots of money, and allow us to be the giggling fangirls that we are.

Not convinced about the necessity of those mean paps yet?  Let me tell you about my great fear, Rob.  I’m afraid that you will realize too late what a service those pictures are doing you.  That you will find yourself unable to get the roles you want, as all that respect dropped you off the radar.  And I am afraid that you will begin to perform horrible publicity stunts.  Let me tell you what I envision in my lowest moments.

Opening a Taco Bell in Des Moines: Robsten 2012!

Nightmare scenario #1:  In the manner of “Speidi”—Heidi Montag and Spencer Pratt.  (This scenario rated NSFN—Not safe for Nonstens.)  This scenario involves the Stew, as presumably the #RespectRob campaign will eventually become #RespectStew as well, for those on the Robsten train.  You and Kristen will no longer hide your “relationship”, but instead will flaunt it.  You’ll call the media and walk hand in hand down Robertson Blvd, jokingly telling the press that you’re going to name it “Robsten Blvd” in honor of your lurve.  KStew will go to those celebrity plastic surgeons on those E! reality shows for a boob job, and then will appear in a bikini on the cover of Life & Style.  You will take suggestive trips to the grocery store together, where you will push Kristen in the cart and she will stroke a banana meaningfully while giving the old wink ‘n’ nod to your crotch as the TMZ cameras roll.  Rob, you’re from England.  You will understand what I mean when I say DON’T BE A PRAT(T).

Follow the cut for more or less respect, the introduction to Roboyle and more

She dreamed a dream!

Nightmare scenario #2: In the style of Christopher Knight.  (Rated NSFR—Not Safe For Robsten—I’m equal opportunity.)  Christopher Knight, best known for being on The Brady Bunch, found himself a washed-up has-been who spent all this time working out his old man abs at the gym and not much else.  He found his way back into the public spotlight when he married another semi-famous, Adrienne Curry, former America’s Next Top Model winner.  Taking a page from his book, Rob, this nightmare scenario has you marrying a reality star in like manner.  Since you’re British, it would only be fitting for you to marry a British reality star, but one that’s also familiar to Americans.  I originally thought that you might marry one of the gals from that show with the amputee models I’ve been seeing on BBC America lately, but then it hit me: you would marry the most famous British reality star ever: Susan Boyle!
c

He's hitting her high note like it's his job!

You would tell the story of your love (“She’s a musician, and so am I, and when she had that makeover…wow!”) during the many “one-on-one interviews” that interspersed the scenes of your life with Susan during your first year of marriage in your very own reality TV show My Fair Sparklepeen. (Subtitle: Susan “dreamed a dream”—and it came true!) Mostly as we watch we’ll see you two fighting, then scampering off into the bedroom to “make up” as you saucily grab Susan’s tush, asking her cheesy questions laden with sexual innuendo such as “You want my bangers and mash, love?”  Cut to a shot of your bedroom door and Susan hitting that high note—over and over again.

Celebrity Fit Club 2012!

Nightmare scenario #3: In the style of Kevin Federline.  (Rated NSFHP—Not safe for Hot Pockets.)  The lights have dimmed, Robert Pattinson.  The paps now nod respectfully, or maybe just push past you as they rush to take a picture of the latest hot star.  Maybe somebody calls out “Hey, isn’t that what’s-his-name?  Patterson?”  You’ll grin, and pose, but the pap will decide to “respect” you instead and walk by.  You’ll find solace in the fact that while the paparazzi no longer call your name, the Hot Pockets still do.  And then you’ll discover that they’re even better covered in a thick layer of butter.  And then you’ll invent the “Pizza/Pocket” where you wrap a hot pocket in each slice of a large pizza and eat them together, enjoying the taste sensation in your mouth.  Wash it down with a six-pack of Heineken, throw back some of those New Moon Heart’s Desire chocolates, and you’ll feel the love coming from inside you.  And just like KFed, that love will continue to grow…and grow…and grow, until they re-cast Breaking Dawn because “Umm…vampires don’t change, you see, and you’re looking like you’ve grown up—and out—a bit.”  And then you’ll go on Celebrity Fit Club.  And I will die a little inside as I watch you huff and puff your way through some windsprints, with a cutesy clip from Edi Gathegi or Kiowa Gordon in there about how you never were very athletic.

We can’t let his happen.  We have to be responsible fans, and encourage the paps to chase you.  You are manly enough to take it.  If we want to continue fantasizing about you and watching you in movies, we need to get the paparazzi to run after you.  Get some pics of you staggering out of bars.  Show us a little ass as you get into a cab.  Do a little half-handhold with KStew that can be over-analyzed, photoshopped and Control +++-ed.

Oh yea disrespect me nice and slow... yup nice and slooowww

To that end, I’ve started my own movement.  I’m calling it Disrespect Rob Nice and Slow. You know what I mean.  That’s the way I’m sure you’d want it, Rob.  Please join us.  Hashtag it on Twitter: #DisrespectRobNiceAndSlow.  Also, #RobWantsThisAndSoDoWe.  And instead of hands over faces to show solidarity, we will instead do jazz hands!  Although probably still over our faces, because this whole thing is kind of embarrassing.

Here’s to you being famous,
Freya

Are you dying laughing like we are? Show your love for Freya, fat Rob and Roboyle in the comments! Follow Freya on Twitter for more good times and scenarios involving grandma age british singers and hot british guys. We love your Freya!!

So what do you think? Want to jump on the disrespect Rob nice and slow train? Who’s already created a new avatar with jazz hands? Does it matter if little girls or mature girls for that matter take pictures with their fave celebs? Can we all just be fans?

Our internet game is still ridiculous: The Forum, LTT, Twitter

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Responses

  1. PREACH!

    p.s.- I studied meteorology for years and let me tell you, there is a shitstorm of angry fangirls at the ready for a letter like this. I commend your bravery, Freya!

    • First?! My first “first”… I am honored and embarrassed.

      To the Disrespect Rob Nice and Slow movement!

    • I brought my umbrella! #DisrespectRobNiceAndSlow

    • Perhaps we’ll need a little
      “Respect Freya” campaign today
      We’ll wait and SEE!

  2. Roboyle?!! “You want my bangers and mash, love?”

    I just threw up in my mouth a little bit.

    • Roboyle!
      My fair sparklepeen! She dreamed a dream and it came true.

      Wish mine would!

      • haaaaa

      • Love the name, tupelo. :)

        • Thanks tuesday!

    • Roboyle… I agree w/ you. Not gonna say it :-).

  3. DIED!!! of laughter…thank you Freya for all the little nightmare-scenarios….to me you’re a GOOD fangirl!

    I will respect him……..nice and slow
    I will disrespect him……nice and slow

    SURE he can handle both….he is frickinf*cking
    Robert Pattinson!!!

    • I’ve never wanted to disrespect someone so much before. ;)

      • That could be a good title of another campaign!!! Genial!

        You can be the president!
        I would like to be the executor or student apprentice…..better the second…sounds YOUNGER!
        lol

        • I love it!!! *thuds gavel* What should be first on our agenda? How about: While ripping of Rob’s shirt to make sweet, sweet love to him, should his shirt be ripped of, or should we bite the buttons off with our teeth??

          And can my title be changed to, “Super Young President”? I can deal with being the SYP…because I don’t want to sound old AND dirty. ;)

          • haha..so
            me…young and hot…does the sweet love!
            you…young and hot..bite the buttons!

            and somebody else??? has to hold the “Disrespect” flag!

          • Teeth! TEETH! *Ahem*. Sorry. Got a little overexcited. *jazz hands*

          • I am all about biting the buttons. *RAWR* And can our flag have jazz hands as our symbol??

            Repeat after me: “I pledge of Rob-llegiance , to the Rob, of the United States of Robdom. I promise to bang him, for as long as he stands. One nation, under Rob. With pleasure, and button biting for all. Amen”

          • Amen!

          • AMEN!!!
            to the YOUNG and HOT president! <3

          • We can’t decide HERE if it should be teeth or ripping of the buttons….we have to let Rob decide. You know, cuz we want to respect him (nice and slow….and fast…and medium paced. Rinse and repeat)

          • “We can’t decide HERE if it should be teeth or ripping of the buttons….we have to let Rob decide. You know, cuz we want to respect him (nice and slow….and fast…and medium paced. Rinse and repeat)”

            Dammit. You’re right. Why does this have to be so hard?!? (That’s what she said) But what if I sewed the buttons back on after I was finished? Wouldn’t that balance things out? (And PS-Now I have Bobby Brown’s ‘My Prerogative’ in my head. Double dammit.)

          • Only if you sew them back on one spot up so that he can re-button it crooked every time he wears that shirt.
            Damn, forget the shirt, just keep him a naked captive for the rest of all time and forever. Just be sure to stop off on the way home for Hot Pockets and Heine – you have to keep him nourished so he can “nourish” you in return…….Ooops, guess I’ve already forgotten that this post was supposed to be about respecting Rob. My bad.

          • No, no. You see, there is r-e-s-p-e-c-t because there are plans in place of supplying him Hot Pockets and beer. Hell, I think he could be won over by the promise of crooked buttons.
            Awww, eff it. I want to disrespect him over, and over, and over again.

        • And an AMEN to the YOUNG and HOT executive apprentice!! ;)

    • Bring in the shackles and some blindfold! And wine and chocolates!

      • Oh! The shackles and blindfolds for the ones that want to “disrespect”, and the wine and chocolates for the “respectful” ones. What does that make me if I want the blindfold AND the chocolates???

        • a MAN-eater!!!!

          • Yummers!! ;)

      • Shackle him to the bedposts and blindfold him and then feed him dark chocolates….umm.

        How about body chocolate? Anyone up for that? ;-)

        • Oooooh! A chocolate dipped Rob!! And here I didn’t think it could possibly get any better! :D

          • He’s gonna be completely lickable!

        • You’re killing me with the “Chocolate dipped Rob”. I just joined the Rob diet club on the forum. The calories won’t count when licked off, right? Who am I kidding that man is 100 kinds of delicious and as we all know something that good is full of calories. F*ck it! Screw the calories. Bring on the chocolate Rob.

          • Sooooo, do you think Rob is not on the Weight Watchers diet? Although, I just did find us a loophole. Sexin’ up the Rob has to burn calories. It’s a win-win situation!

  4. Disrespect Rob Nice and Slow!

    Nice and Slow… Freya, now why did you have to go and say that…

    Now I gotta go change my melted panties!

  5. Our Battle Cry: “We Are the Rob” + “God Save the Rob”

    I got my gloves laced up….let me at ‘em!!!! B/C I NEED to see random pictures of Rob drinking Tim Horton’s coffee, licking beer bottles and almost getting hit by a stupid taxi cabs:: I like it OK!

    P.S. WTF happened here yesterday, someone needs to inform the newbies about sarcasm?!?

    • Agreed Misty!!!

  6. Freya,

    Nice Letter, Option three gives me the jeebees

    Theres one more nightmare scenario.

    He could be living in his mother’s basement and he will live, with, romance and date over 15 girls in his search to find that “one true love” and all under the watchful eye of his mom and dad! (and sisters)

    The women would compete in contests, trivia, drinking games, stripper pole dancing and mud/jello wrestle each other until one is VICTOROUS and wins his heart.

    Then she will have the option for her own TV show so he can Film “Rob of Love -2 Plaid and Pockets” when it “doesn’t work out” ( How come nobody finds “love ” on the first show?)

    Whos gonna sign up for that? Moon, don’t you have mad skillz on the pole?

    • Rob of Love?????! Oh god. Hahaha!

    • Rob of Love?!? GENIUS! Love it!

  7. I love a good jazz hand over the face.

    Freya, your nightmare scenarios truly are nightmares! I never want to see the word ‘Robyle’ again!! EVER.

    Props for bring my main main Oscar Wilde into this, even 100 years ago that dude spoke truths that still hold up today!

    PS: Anyone else think ‘That’s what she said!’ with the “You are manly enough to take it.” Just me?

    • Wow, a lot of that didn’t make sense. I blame how stupidly busy I am at work right now. “Props for bringING my main MAN…”

      FACEPALM.

      • haha..perhaps… the jazz hand over the face is the NEW facepalm?
        Does NOT make sense either!
        Anyway….. I love your comment!

    • No…me too me too
      I…..let’s say…….. LOVE the sound of that sentence!!!
      HOT!

  8. Ha ha

    Crikey I hope Rob never gets fat

  9. Gah! Hilarious! Those pictures! The Celebrity Fit Club one actually looks more like a middle aged version of the current MTV mess “Jersey Shore”.

    For those unlucky enough to not know what this show is, its showcasing the most overused and overblown (and sometime true) stereotypes of young Italian-Americans who are not altogether upstairs, if you know what I mean.

    I wouldn’t want to see Rob in any of those scenarios!! Please, Rob, stay on the good side of the Force!

    • DIO CHRISTO!
      I think “not altogether upstairs” is my new fav.word in english!

    • I hate that show passionately. I think they are the most despicable bunch of losers yet to be on a crappy reality show. If you haven”t seen it-DON’T.

      • It is really terrible.

      • Could not agree more, D2D! Thanks for naming it.

    • I meant unlucky enough to know what the show is! Though I guess if you know about it at all, you’re unlucky. Me included.

  10. I am so waiting for the moment the paps will respect him so I can direspect him behind the dumpster.

    • hey… get in line missy!!!…lol

    • Carpe diem or moment, Minuit!

      • depends how you look at it. I WANT it NOW!!!!!!!!!

        and I meant disrespect with and s…as usually….

        • We’ll take whatever we can get!

          • and we will RESPECT each other!

          • Yes, but only after I’m through with him, then you can have him. :-)

    • Ya let me know when you do find him….text me :-).

      BTW sorry I realized I have an email fr you and I haven’t responded! Sorry!

  11. “I want pictures of you taking off your shoes at security where your boxers are peeking saucily out of the top of your jeans, lingering tantalizingly under a strip of naked lower back.”
    That is quite descriptive vision there. Love it!!

    Your letter is perfect, and exactly what I needed today. I am a huge fan, and I think that he should “milk this” for all it is worth. He has said in early interviews, and I think on the MTV movie awards during an acceptance speech, that he understands the importance of being marketable, because he wasn’t getting any work, until Catherine took a chance, and gave him the role of Edward.

    Here’s hoping that his star will shine brightly for a really long time…

    **waving jazz hands**

    • A huge fan-but are you a True Fan??

  12. Ohhhh laws. That was ahmayzing and hilarious!!!!!!!! Love. It.

    • *Lawd

  13. I didn’t visit yesterday – still trying to get back to routine after 2+ weeks of vacation – and I come back to photo proof of Robsten? Now I’m really depressed.

    I wish I could be Team Robsten or Idon’tgiveacrapsten, but I’m firmly heshouldbebangingmeornoonesten. Now I need a second prozac to start my day.

    One question – perhaps answered here yesterday, but I don’t want to wade through 322 comments – why would they go to a cold island? They have money & lots of frequent flier miles – haven’t they heard of the caribbean? Then again, it is probably uncomfortable to wear hoddies in sunny 80 degree weather.

    • hi milfy…of yesterday …you missed…a huge NOTHING!
      The caribbean?
      Rob would BURN…his fine skin (Rob on fire…lol)
      plus they couldn’t find her nice pot bikini!

      • Of course my brain turned ‘Rob on fire’ to “sex on fire”.

        • ..that’s absolutely the same!

          • Go through the comments, Some are funny as hell. When you have the time.

            There were some newbies on the site and thought we were hating on a sweet little girl and KStew.

          • You’re right, it is exactly the same!!!!

      • robgirl – did you change your avatar after Rob admitted his poster of Kate? LOL. Love it!

        • Did he? wow
          Nooooo, that’s just ME!

    • I’m with you-heshouldbebangingmeornoonesten. While this may be a bit unrealistic, I’d settle for at least dumping the mullet.

    • LOL on uncomfortable to wear hoodies in 80 degree weather!

      You know they probably still would even if they died of sweating.

  14. LMAO! I need to bleach my brain out seeing HHH with Subo! What do I think about Rob, paps and fans?

    It’s all about balance love!

  15. Brilliant letter Freya! LTR at its best!

    I have no idea who Heidi Montag and Spencer Pratt are. But I guess this one time it is my luck.

    I’m willing to join whatever team has Rob and Nice and Slow in its name. I can strongly stand behind this. And I’m sure Rob does too. pun intended.

    • Rob could strongly stand behind me anytime.

      • Oh Katie, truer words have never been spoken…

        And, Newbies, chillax.
        Without a little sarcasm, you won’t make it ’round these parts.

        xoxo,
        loveme

      • Le Sigh.
        Truer words have never been spoken.

        • FAIL!!
          My view of LTR is weird today, and has resulted in an almost double post. And it doesn’t know me today. Keep having to enter my name. Now c’mon, ya’ll know me… Why do I have to keep entering my name?

    • Alice

      You’re not missing anything. Heidi Montag and Spencer Pratt are people from the MTV TV show “The Hills” that have made a “career” by fame hooring trying to milk more out of the 15 minutes they had a few years ago.

      Sad thing is that some people like them and they still get attention. The E channel here wont even mention them by name. They are referred to as “Herpes Simplex 1 and 2″ cause they never go away.

      • I love it when Joel McHale refers to Spencer’s “creepy flesh-colored beard.” They are two repulsive peas in a pod.

        • Joel McHale is my “back up” plan if things don’t work out with Rob.

          • Ditto!

          • Christa64~
            I’m impressed, you have a “backup” plan if things don’t work out with Rob? Good thinking…

            I guess my backup plan is the guy from Wales who got him to talk about sex toys.

          • Mountainlion~

            Good back-up plan, that guy was HAWT! I’d take him right now to pass the time until…. :-)

      • Thanks for the explanation! Also, the guy is not even cute! Who needs these people?

    • i gave you a thumbs up for not knowing who speidi were

  16. Laughing my ass of but will have nightmares for a while. Scenario 2 just scared me a bit to much…

    I will definitley disrespect you nice and slow now :-)

  17. “Because then, Robert Pattinson, you would be a gigantic pussy and I have this thing about not wanting to ravage gigantic pussies.”

    Best statement ever!

    “My Fair Sparklepeen”

    I’d totally watch that.

    “Show us a little ass as you get into a cab.”

    Yes. Please.

  18. You had me at *JAZZ HANDS* ;)

    Personally, I don’t think he gives a flying eff. Does he get annoyed about it, sure. Who wouldn’t?? But on the other hand, he doesn’t strike me as the type of sexybitch that would take life too seriously, all of the time. I mean, he’s dating someone with a mullet. And that speaks volumes. (And no need for any thumbs down…I love me some KStew too. I just want to push her in a puddle if I ever see her and screech, “Get of my Robward!!!!” and then ask her how big “it” is.)

    • def.thumb up for ….”Get of my Robward!!!”
      What a disrespecting scenario that as well!
      lmao

      • Heehee :) I’m a puddle pusher. But I would help her up and out of the mud puddle. I DO want her to answer my question.

    • “(And no need for any thumbs down…I love me some KStew too. I just want to push her in a puddle if I ever see her and screech, “Get of my Robward!!!!” and then ask her how big “it” is.)”

      Bwahahahaha. DITTO.

  19. The Susan Boyle one is so cool. It is a perfect fit. I love the taco bell Des Moines. Robertson BLvd come on I know better taco bells than that. The celebrity fit club is cool. John Belushi’s body. It has to be.. http://bobbygee.wordpress.com/

  20. Funny and amen.

  21. That was amazing…

    I have nothing to add and probably shouldn’t comment but I just had to say it.

    Amazing.

  22. If the thought of having anything in common with Spencer Pratt (perfect name) doesn’t put the fear of God into Rob, nothing will. Man up, Rob, and smile for the paps!!

    Please don’t allow any of these nightmare scenarios to happen. If your star starts to wane, keep your dignity and just disappear. Play piano in a little dive somewhere; go quietly and let us remember you young and gorgeous. Don’t let me turn on VH1 and find you trying to select the least skankiest skank to be your wife, weighing 300 pounds and wearing a bandanna to cover your receding hairline.Please.

    • Hear Hear
      Till then we still want to disrespect Rob nice and slow

  23. Soooooooooo funny :)

  24. LMFAO I love you, Frey Frey! You know this already, sure, but after this letter my love as gone to “You are my life now” level.

    “God, I hope not. Because then, Robert Pattinson, you would be a gigantic pussy and I have this thing about not wanting to ravage gigantic pussies.”
    I snarfed my Dr Pepper so hard it burns now.
    And AGAIN, with the BBC America comment.

    It’s the new year! Everyone always loves a good resolution! Disrespecting Rob nice and slow is good for his body and mind! And I’m nothing if not all for doing his body GOOD….(FINE and his mind.)

  25. Rob-bo Ohhh my eyes, the thought of Rob stroking her darn pussy!

    • I love that you say “pussy” without batting an eyelash, but your swear word of choice is “darn”.

  26. Hats off! This is frigging perfect!

    And btw I hate the “Respect Rob” bull****. We get one pic in what 3 /4 weeks?And it was taken by some tiny fan girl . And that´s what you call the paps chasing Rob? Where the fuck are those damn paps, I say? Have they eaten too much at Xmas to do any chasing? Pffft! Ridiculous.

    • What is up with that, anyway? Did the paps take that Respect Rob campaign seriously to heart? You gotta be kidding me! Maybe they’re doing it to spite the fandom–“No pictures for you, you ungrateful little twats!” Or is Rob/Robsten/Nonsten finally too boring for 99% of the world to want to bother with? Or have Rob/Kristen developed anti-pap superpowers and can move at will undetected around the world? Truly, what’s up?

      • Great questions, Old One!

        • Enquiring minds want to know.

  27. Great letter, Freya!

    Sign me up, jazz hands are poised and ready:)

  28. OMFG!!! This letter! This letter! Oh, this letter is just too fucking much. HA!
    Fat Rob almost gave me brain bleed!

  29. I love you, Frey Frey! That letter was epic and awesome, i.e. epic awesomeness. :-)

  30. Love the new movement #DisrespectRobNiceandSlow

  31. Dear God i have been good please don’t allow any of the nightmare scenarios to happen. Ewww Spencer Pratt just ewww.

  32. disrespect Rob nice and slow is now my mantra

    and “instead of hands over faces to show solidarity, we will instead do jazz hands! Although probably still over our faces, because this whole thing is kind of embarrassing” – made me burst out laughing. great letter!

  33. These options just scared me.. terribly!

    They are now among my worst nightmares…

    Having seen the error of my ways I will now endevor to disrespect Rob at every turn. Slowly of course, …

    Thank you… thank you for helping me see what could have been…Freya, I am forever in your debt!

  34. YES Freya! x

    *jazz hands*

  35. First of all, Des Moines isn’t that bad. I take afront at the mention of “Spiedi” and my beloved state in the same sentence. (It’s -12 this morning here in Vacationland Iowa. Can you say “sarcasm”.) Anyway, I agree that Rob is definitely man enough to deal with the paps. That’s not to say that I agree with the way they hound his ass. But he understands the need for the exposure and has mentioned it in interviews. I don’t remember which one but he stated that he had some heat after GOF and let it go to waste. And that he wasn’t going to let that happen again. He knows he needs them. I love it when he engages them in witty banter and they stutter and stammer like a beauty queen at a Highschool debate.

    Put me down for disrespecting Rob. I’ll disrespect the h*ll out of that man! I know he can take it.

    • Ryan S. radio-interview nov08
      facepalm
      NOT normal ME
      lol

      • Love the way you know which interview right off…

    • Hey, I’m in Des Moines right now! Rob and his Big Beefy Burrito can come *ahem* here anytime! (No taquito for Rob ifyouknowwhatimsayingandithinkyoudo)

      • I’m waving from Ames!!!!

        • Hey girl!!!! Stay warm thinking about Rob! Remember that when it’s almost done being freezing ass cold here Remember Me will be out & New Moon will be on DVD! Please, DILF, let there be Rob commentary!!! So much goodness coming in March…….

          • That’s the only thing keeping me going right now!

  36. Freya!!! So right.

    Can I suggest that after I #DisrespectRobNiceandSlow I get the opportunity to #DisrespectRobQuickandDirty? Cause I would REALLY, really like that scenario.

    • Imma commend you on this proposal. And raise you maybe a little
      #DisrespectRobHardandWrong? IYKWIM

      • Proselyte3, somehow I hear Kanye’s voice when I read your comment! haha

      • Rob: Feel like it’s dirty, feel like it’s wrong.

        Yessir.

        #DisrespectRobDirtyandWrong

  37. It’s official: I love you. I’m so glad we’re already married twice over… now to fend off all the other people who will surely be clamoring for your hand in internet marriage.

    I’m all for your cause. Time to disrespect Rob nice and slow… and good and hard… and various other ways that are NSFW.

    • I love you too! #RobWantsThisAndSoDoWe

  38. Wow the 3rd picture is really disturbing! LOL. Oh Rob please don’t ever get that way!!!!! Please stay looking the way you are! I know that you will age eventually, but please do it like Sean Connery or Robert Redford.

    Love how you said “Nice and slow.” It made me feel dirty!

    • And yes sign me up for the DisrespectRob!

    • hon…I’m with you to R.Redford…but S.Connery (hairwise spoken)???
      what’s about (rip) Paul Newman?

      • Yes I loved Paul Newman too. I used to like Mel Gibson too, have you seen pics of him when he was young! Hot. I’ve always liked older men, Rob is truly my one exception :-). All my rules are shot when it comes to Rob.

        Oh and of course, I love James Dean(but he was young too, but one of the actors fr a different era). Too bad he died so young, long before I was even born.

        Re: Sean Connery, what about the hair?

        • he hasn’t …anymore…lol

      • What about George Clooney?

        • He’s ok. Sorry I’ve never really been into him. You know what they say, beauty is in the eye of the beholder.

          Oh what about Colin Firth? He’s not that old but he’s getting up there but aging really well.

          • omg Clooney is hot! I saw Up in the Air and seeing his face in closeup-he is hot, hot, hot. Beautiful eyes. He is much better looking than when he was young and on the Facts of Life. Eeesh.

            That’s how I imagine Rob will age, as long as he doesn’t end up on Celebrity Fit Club.

          • Yeah, George is much better looking in his ER/Ocean’s Eleven days than he was when he was on Facts of Life or Roseanne. The shorter hair definitely works better for him… unlike Rob. Well, Rob is still schmexy as hell with short hair but I’ll always want the sex hair on him.

    • How about Gregory Peck? No,I’m not that old, but that man was handsome until the end. Classically handsome.

      • Dazzled -yes him too!, To Kill a Mockingbird is awesome!! Wow my list is growing!

        • Always thought James Garner was handsome in the day…

          • James Garner…I’ll google him :-).

          • Please tell me I am not that old. If you have to Google him, that means I am OLD

          • lovemesomecullens – You’re not old!

            Love,
            Me, SB

  39. LMSAO!!!! “I have this thing about not wanting to ravage gigantic pussies.”

    Awesome letter, although I needed an anti-depressant by the time I finished about his marriage to Susan Boyle.

    You are not too far off, you know. I remember watching a YouTube video of Rob after the shooting of Twilight, but before all the craziness had really hit. He was leaving a bar and was spotted by a pap and he proceeded to do that dance that celebrities do when they are flattered to have the attention, but know that is not cool to embrace it. The result is him meandering through some alley while having an awkard, but not unpleasant talk with the pap. By the end of the video, a crowd is gathered, but because they don’t know who he is the pap has to tell them that he’s the Twilight guy. Rob’s smile never falters. Not even when some chick grabs his face and tries to kiss him. He actually seems almost flattered by the almost face rape. I hope to never see THAT Rob again.

    What were we talking about again?

    • ahh..so it was like “Rob disrespected his own face”?
      celebs are like that…it was All new and exciting and don’t forget “the show must go on” motto ( a bit like in…you know where..lol)
      BUT
      or AND
      He is what HE is…
      my fav.motto these days here around! <3

      • Very much like that. And you are right. The show must go on.

  40. My Fair Sparklepeen should be the title of a fanfic. In fact, anyone who can incorporate Sparklepeen into a letter gets one thousand bonus flannel points from me!
    Fine job, Freya!
    PS – Superimposing Rob’s face onto the pic I took of my Italian husband on the beach last year was GENIUS. I do that in my head all the time.

    • There are flannel points? Something new to aspire to! And I start out with a thousand in the bank. SCORE.

      Also–your husband is HAWT. Jumping on the GuidoRob bandwagon!

      • Of course there are flannel points! It’s a very scientific system. Basically, anything that I deem awesome gets a un-pretdetermined amount of points. Simple, really.
        Example: Sparklepeen = 1000 flannel points
        RobPorn before 9am = 50 flannel points
        Cutting your hair into a mullet = -15,000 flannel points
        You get the idea…now enjoy playing along!

  41. Freya, my dear–

    Not that I expected anything less than pure genius, but this was fan-effing-tastic.

    You started strong*, brought me to the peak* and then ended with jazz hands*.

    One might say I jazzed in my pants.

    • ## *Snortlaugh at “jazzed in my pants*

  42. Pure genious. Freya, you are my hero.

    • Ha. Just noticed Zees84 also says “pure genius” (spelled correctly) above. There is consensus….

  43. :::Jazz Hands:::

    You are all kinds of WIN!! Rob will thank you for this in 10 years when he still has a career …that gives you plenty of time to drool over the pap pics & decide just how you’d like to receive your “thanks” ;O

    #DisrespectRobNiceAndSlow

  44. Amazing letter!!
    I agree 100% Disrespect Rob NICE and SLOW because I never want to see a VH1 Rob of Love

  45. I love this! Makes me almost want to ravage you Freya, but I am a heterosexual female, so I will channel my ravage feelings to Rob. ;)

    *jazz hands*

  46. Nicely done, Freya!!

    I can think of a *lot* of ways to disrespect Rob nice and slow, and he definitely wants it!!

    Also, where the eff are those paps? Not doing their job very well of disrespecting Rob, sheesh!

    aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaand…*jazz hands*

  47. YOu had me at “respect me while I smoke this.” Done!

    Now, excuse me while I disrespect Rob…

    • doing what exactly????? <3

      • Things that Kstew doesn’t know how to do or hasn’t learned yet.

        • Now I’ll have to google James Garner.

          • Shoot, that’s weird, this was a reply to another post. Sorry mountainlion!

            I did mean to say that:

            Oh baby, the possibilities….are endless, from years of experience.

  48. I love it when my hot teach Freya Meya Schools me. It reminds me that I should #DisrespectRObNiceandSLOW

    Incidentally, you are very #COO

  49. Hey Freya, great letter! Nevermind any shitstorm that might come your way. You and I both know that everyone here has already thought about every possibility you mentioned and more. De-nile is more than just a river in Egypt (OMG that was so dumb, I can’t believe I typed it…and left it in).

    Anway, Nightmare 3 (Celeb Fit Club) was on the forefront of my thoughts yesterday when I was browsing celebuzz. How do you go from this:http://koolmornings.files.wordpress.com/2009/08/did-i-get-a-rip-these-are-brand-new-jeans.jpg
    to this: http://www.celebuzz.com/gerard-butler-put-few-holiday-s165931/ ?

    PS – is it weird that a google search for the first image showed up several memebers of The Jorts Pack?

    Good Lord, with all that is great and holy, please spare Rob from this fat-e.

    • Oh no! no! no! Need that mind bleach for my beloved Gerard too. Before I read/saw Twilight I used to read romance novels and Gerard was always who I envisioned the hero to be.
      Now that I’ve read/seen Twilight I don’t read other books anymore! only FanFic and the authors are so nice to put Edward’s name in the stories for me.

      • Keisha,

        FanFic is my life line. After the recent “outing” I’ll be hitting the Rob fanfic EXTRA hard.
        P.S. I love Gerard too.

        • That’s what she said!
          I’m only on my second fanfic but La Perla is involved so you know it’s awesome. ;) (Thank you beautiful soul that hooked me up!!!)
          I may need some more recommendations when *sniff* I’m done with this one. *sniff*
          I’ve never really been in to foreign guys but Scotland and England sure did a good job on Gerard and Rob!!

  50. I would love to #DisrespectRobNiceAndSlow and take pictures of it all, then sell them to Star Magazine and maybe a few other tabloids; depends on the money.

    Brilliant letter, Freya.

    • I would so buy those pics!


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