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Dear Rob,

Please put on your Christmas sweater and then come on over here so we can cuddle while I read you this Christmas story we received the other day.

Love,
UC

Twas the night before Christmas by Poochimama

Twas the night before Christmas,
And all through the house,
I was reading old LTR’s,
And I was totally soused.

The Pocket-Edward was placed,
By the chimney with care,
In hopes that the real thing,
Might somehow show up there.

The children were nestled all snug in their beds,
Which means I’m too old to have this kind of thing running through my head.
With Robporn on the screen of the computer in my lap,
I knew I’d sprain my eyes again before taking a nap.

Read the rest… after the J-U-M-P!

When out on the lawn there such a clatter,
I dropped wine on myself – but what does that matter?
Away to the fridge I flew in a jiffy,
Grabbed a cold Heineiken, isn’t that spiffy?

With bottle in hand, I looked outside at the snow,
While thinking of Rob and feeling warm down below.
When what to my half-glazed eyes should appear,
But a real-live Rob, holding a twelve-pack of beer!

More rapid than KStew,
I blinked and I stuttered,
Then the names I’d once called him,
I started to mutter.

Oh RPatz! Oh Robward!
Oh Edward! Oh Sexy and Lean!
Oh Arthur! Oh Cedric!
Oh sexy sparklepeen!

On the bed, On the couch,
In the snow, Against the wall!
Let’s go for it, right here!
I started to call.

And then, in a twinkling,
I heard a knock at the door,
I adjusted my bra,
To make the girls look like more.

As I tried not to fangirl,
He stepped in my house,
And I smiled as I watched him,
Quiet as a mouse.

He was dressed like a bum,
From his head to his feet,
His hair was all mussy,
And he had grandpa shoes on his feet.

His eyes – how they burned through me!
His smile, so endearing,
His jaw so damn lickable,
that my eyes started tearing!

The stubble on his chin was dark and unkempt,
I needed to stop staring -
I was getting verklempt.

The stump of the cig,
Hanging from his lips,
Was slender a narrow,
Like the V at his hips.

With a wink of his eye,
And a nod of his head,
I knew that I’d gone crazy,
Or else I was dead.

He spoke not a word,
but went straight to his work,
And that’s where I’ll fade to black,
Like Steph, I’m a jerk.

Then laying a finger,
on the tip of my nose,
he looked in my eyes,
and wordlessly he rose.

Then he walked out the door,
turned and gave me a wave,
and I struggled to deal with how I’d just behaved.

But I heard him exclaim,
before I had time to think,
“It was all just a dream!
You’ve had too much to drink!”

Poochimama you are BRILLIANT! XOXO

Thanks to our special friend Pattinson Anonymous for clearing up that the picture above IS a manip!

Our internet game is ridiculous: The Forum, LTT, Twitter

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