Posted by: UC | December 14, 2009

Dramatic Poetry reading to Rob Pattinson

Dear Rob,

It’s no secret that we receive fan mail that was intended for you all the time. We laugh. We cry. We really pity you because if WE receive these crazy-times letters, we can’t imagine what kind of fan mail you get on a daily basis. Our favorite type of intercepted mail intended for you is poetry, songs and, of course, pictures of women with their cats. Today we decided it’s time for another round of “Moon & UC share videos they made when they were together in Los Angeles a few weeks ago when they thought it would be funny to wear disguises and do dramatic readings but really they just look crazy, tired and quite possibly drunk (but they’re not)” aka: Here are two of our favorite poems we’ve received, addressed to you, dramatically read in the fashion we feel most appropriate reflects the tone of the piece.

I have a continuous heartquake,
UnintendedChoice

Our internet game is ridiculous: The Forum, LTT, Twitter

For really good times (or if you can’t watch video at work), read the transcript of the poetry after the jump!

To Fall in Love

To fall in love. So careless to forget what happennes around. So fondly. So light-heartedly. To fall in love with every cell of a body, with every feature, with every sight and every movement.

To fall in love with the smile, mood, style, character. Just like I have fallen in love with the music. To fall in love just to never leave this condition, to have a continuous heartquake. To fall in love to replace the hours of watching TV and a glass of cold water.

To fall in love like addict with the drugs, like I with the cigarettes, to catch the smoke from the lips and to enjoy it. Pleasure which will never leave you. To fall in love and to forget everything that I knew, and was learnt, to tousle the hair and to tear the blouse on the white body.

To fall in love and to wake up from the cold and trembling in your blood in the night, to take the guitar and to play something with closed eyes. To fall in love devilishly as we are mad teens or lost old people. To drink “him” like a glass of warm red wine, to smoke like the last cigarette in shivering hands. Just to fall in love. Why is it so difficult?

My Love For You

When I first saw you I couldn’t breathe,
It was like god made you just for me.
When you speak it’s like poetry,
When sing it’s heavenly.
I wanted to confess my love to you but can’t,
For you have gave someone that chance.
Why does love blind me so,
For my love for you will surely grow.
I would do anything to be with you,
Even choking your love until she is blue.
All I dream of is kissing you,
But I know that will never be true.
Our worlds are too different.
You live in the world of gold,
And I live in the world that’s cold.
Oh, why my love can’t you be the boy next door,
Instead of being everyone’s shining star.
I have been looking for someone like you all my life,
Now that I found you I want to be your wife.
Oh sweet lord please make this true,
Because Robert Pattinson, I Love You

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Responses

  1. did we really do this??

    • Oh YES you did. To our great viewing pleasure!!! One day you’re going to end up as famous as Rob if you continue with the videos.
      You are funny!!! Next time I come to the States I want to meet Rob AND you two!!! Do you wanna be my friends?

      • So true, my first thought was…
        oh My… with this.. I would call it… “atmosphere”…lol
        I felt in love with UC & Moon!

      • Minuit Passe’

        Please excuse my off-the-subject question.

        Are you the person who suggested reading Bel Ami in a post, several weeks ago?

        mountainlion

        • I don’t think I ever talked about the book here. It’s about an unscrupulous social-climber journalist who becomes one of the most successful man in Paris by manipulating his mistresses and taking advantage of their social position. About the style, it’s late 19th century lit., realism.
          x

          • Manipulating= having sex!!! lol

          • :) important detail for the film and Robporn.

          • I just started reading it and really like it. Wonder who suggested it…? Rob is going to be a great George Duroy, and hopefully without the cheesy mustache.

          • kmountainlion…I suggested it…I guess…it’s like a mirror of the society…with all sex-scenes (minuit…I think I love you..lol)…and HOPEFULLY without any mustache!!!

          • Did I hear sex? :-)

          • SB honey…that’s the code word!
            Romantic??? or sexually driven?
            lol

          • robgirl, thanks for suggesting it? Also, are you sorry you know the end of RM?

          • Robgirl, hey I just got back fr the doc. Saw all y’alls email.

            Sexually-driven, romantic…LOL. I don’t care, there’s sex right? :-) I think I’m gonna buy this book, but only after Minuit and/or Kmountainlion gives me their reviews(and others too please)….it would be nice to hear other people’s opionions too here that have read it.

          • Kmountainlion (what’s about a less difficult name, I’m always jizztyping…lol)
            RM has killed me!!!
            So glad, that Rob is fine…lol

          • SB don’t be stingy ( in german: plz don’t have a hedgehog in your pocket..lol) buy this book, it’s good, keep yourself informed !
            Sex scenes!

        • Hey Robgirl,
          Edwards favorite food is mountainlions and I’m not changing it, but thanks for the idea. You are so sassy today. Rob would marry that.

          Thanks for the RM info.

          • OK…I get it …what’s about “ml”?
            Rob would marry that?
            You could change it into “cheeseburger”…lol..
            and I like them too! <3

          • How about candy…or gardenburger? I’ve missed you girls! I’m at a friend’s house for the night so I’ll post a few on here and then not really be back until Wednesday. I’ll have so much to catch up on! Yeesh, no internet kills me. Anywho, I have emails galore to catch up on so you all should hear from me Wednesday night. Good night!

      • yes. we can be friends. do you mind if i wear a disguise?

    • That was amazing! I especially love the Boyz to Men in the background. Wow. That just made me day all kinds of better!

    • OMGOMGOMGOMG!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I have tears streaming down my face right now!!! That was BRILLIANT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I think I popped a rib from laughing so hard!!

  2. Haven’t seen it yet..should I be second hand embarassed for YOU? Noooooooooooooo

    • this should be the definition of second-hand embarassed, omg to funny.

      Would you feel flattered or scared if you were Rob?!?

      • Ok, now I’ve watched it. I only made it past the first nano-second because it was you guys reading….

        What has been heard cannot be unheard.

  3. “I would do anything to be with you,
    Even choking your love until she is blue.”

    bahahahahahah

    We have officially entered “Crazy Town” population 2 (Authors of To Fall in LOve and My LOve for You)

    Don’t worry moon, I love reading how normal I am by comparing them to crazies. bhahah omg.

    • Seriously!

      TomStu better be watching his back!

      • Are you kidding? TomStu obviously wrote these.

        • Um, helOOoo, Moon & UC obviously wrote them. It says so right in the credits!!!

          (yes, I’m being sarcastic)

    • The “choking your love” part is a big frightening. Security!

  4. *giggles*

    You chicks are funny!

  5. Omg hahahahaaa! I teared up and totally have red cheeks. But as misty said, it’s awesome to know how “normal” we are now after witnessing some crazies.

    Thank you! -Athena

  6. “You live in the world of gold,
    And I live in the world that’s cold.”

    That’s some dramatic shizz right there.
    Watch out Shakespeare!

    [That was a totally unintentional rhyme, but I'm still proud of my poetry skillz.]

    • Shleeeigh,
      I didn’t see your post and pretty much said the same thing, but not as eloquently as you…and who doesn’t love using “shizz” and “Shakespeare” in the same sentence? I’m such a copy cat, right?
      mountainlion

      • I’m confused about your split personality…mountainlion or Kmountainlion…what the shit is this?

        • LOL, it’s the same person robgirl.

        • Please don’t yell at me, Robgirl. I’m having an identity crisis. From now on I’m mountainlion, but I used to be kmountainlion. Are you ok with that? Somebody didn’t get their fair share of Rob porn today.
          Hugs,
          me (mountainlion)

        • “What the shit is this?” Hilar!

          I’m pretty sure Billy S would use shizz in his sonnets if he were around now.

        • Robgirl are you PMSing today?

          You know I love you! Don’t hate! :-)

          • Nooo, no PMS at all!
            I LOVE you..ALL! <3
            jizzgermanenglishtranslationconfusion!

  7. Sweet mother of God…I am sooo second-hand embarrassed for the authors of these “poems”.

    Glad to know I’m “normal”!

  8. “Like addict with the drugs”
    This sounds like my grandmother! “Movies these days with all of those people having the sex!”

    I’m dying with the 2nd-hand embarassment.

  9. That’s for the transcription, it’s even better in text!

  10. Wow.
    I’m not sure whether to laugh, or be terrified that these are real poems written by people who are out there somewhere.
    Loved the dramatic readings though!

  11. OMG whahahaha. And again O.M.G.

    “to tousle the hair and to tear the blouse on the white body. To fall in love and to wake up from the cold and trembling in your blood in the night”
    This sounds more like confessions of a serial killer, than fan-made poem.

    I also appreciate the romantic music that was playing in the background to make the entire scene even more heartbreaking.

  12. I’m so 2nd-hand embarrassed for the authors of these poems, especially the second one.

    “I would do anything to be with you,
    Even choking your love until she is blue.”
    All I can say is run Rob, run. lol

  13. Wow, that was amazing. Once again, crying/laughing at this type of thing. Awesome dramatic recitation of the ‘poems’, UC and Moon! You both have futures in open mic nights!

    As you said, we can only imagine the kind of stuff Rob gets!

  14. What a crap!
    Sorry, no words(!) for that! :-)

  15. The background music was my personal favorite touch.

    Hey Rob! A little advice…RESTRAINING ORDER.

    P.S. Responding to old comments :-)….

    Moon, sadly not heading to the homeland for Christmas. Stuck in the frozen tundra. :-( When I’m there next, wanna go hunt down the SM compound???

    UC, it IS expensive to live here! But you and your hub can come for a visit anytime! Just dont come now, too cold. The fall! Beautiful!

    • The Boyz II Men really complemented the crazy well, didn’t it?

      • All levels of crazy deserve a proper soundtrack…you’re so right.

  16. “to tear the blouse on the white body”

    That is even creepier than watching Taytay in the morning…

    Love the accents, girls!

    Hate the fact that these exist.

  17. I don’t even know what to say.
    And the Oscars goes to…..
    MOON & UC!!!!!!!

    That was the damn funniest I’ve ever seen, and very well the creepiest thing I’ve ever heard.

    Steve/Dean or whatever the hell his name is definitely has job security.

  18. You. Didn’t. Like. My. Poem? How crushed. It took me a long time and a lot of heartache to write that. : [

    Ha! Just kidding. What a bunch of crap!

  19. I just have to comment on the song in the background. It fits the mood perfectly.

    Ummm… those poems are NOT Normal.

    But you ladies did a genius interpretation =)

  20. Even choking my love until she is blue. Kinda crazy. Great imagery. http://bobbygee.wordpress.com/

    • That line is def. DISGUSTING!

    • There were definitely some images with these poems… I feel like I need to wash out my brain with soap now.
      Lots of blood, blue faces, and tearing of the shirt off the white body…
      I was laughing until I realized that real psychos – I mean, people – out there wrote this stuff! Makes you wonder, will these be used in court some day?

  21. Oh Moon Pie! That accent was so southern that I feel the need to add an RC Cola. Was I your muse?
    J/K

    • haha… i believe she did say “i will be like therealrobzilla after pacifico in the sun & 2 fish tacos”

  22. The first author scares me a lot…REALLY!

    The second has written leastwise ONE good line….
    …OUR WORLDS ARE TOO DIFFERENT…

    Oh yes, baby and I’m soooooo glad about it!

    • I can totally relate to the 2nd one. Crazy love…

      Excerpt from a song:

      “it happens all the time, this crazy love of mine, wrapped around my heart….”

      • Noooo, honey, what are you saying? That’s a Rob-monster…and you are sooooo lovely!lol

        • Hon read my comment below :-). Don’t worry, I didn’t become a monster! I’m still a southernbelle!

  23. Are you trying to do an English accent? :D

    • haha no… i have NO idea what i was doing.. i just felt it was appropriate to the tone of the poetry

  24. Boyz II Men was an appropriate choice, I think. ABCBBD.

    “To fall in love devilishly as we are mad teens or lost old people.” Those damn devilish old folks. WTH. Seriously. Ladies are loca. Jacob understands.

    • The east coast family.

      • Motown Philly back again.

        I think we are showing our age girls.

  25. Again, I must curse my work for blocking youtube and thus cockblocking my morning fun. Bastards.

    • I’m with you. I can’t see this. And I am a completely sad panda.

  26. I can’t see the video for some reason, so I’m reading these aloud to myself. I made it to “tear the blouse on the white body”, then the laughing took over. You guys are the drugs to my addict.

  27. I truly feel dirty after reading the poems. Second hand embarrassed doesn’t even begin to cover it. I’m afraid to watch the youtube vids because I already feel so so so wrong.

    Geez, I cant even pick lines to put in here. I genuinely feel like I got looking at porn at work or something equally horrifying.

    If I were a lost old person, I’m pretty sure that last thing on my mind would be falling in love.

    I need a glass of cold water.

    • The lost old people and glass of cold water really confused me. Of course, it’s not like I exactly “got” the rest of the poems. (Thankfully.)

  28. Wow UC, your accent is almost as good as DChoice’s accent when he interviewed Rob for his radio show! A match made in heaven I think!!

    I love a redneck Moon in the morning! Good job girls. I am officially in love with you both!

  29. Oh my lord.
    Those poems are creeptastic.
    Poor Rob.
    Um how the eff did you chicas keep a straight face?? I would been gigglesnorting my ass off.

    • Gigglesnorting…haha :) Love it!

    • oh there are outtakes!

  30. Too funny, How did you keep a straight face. LOL

  31. No worries, you are not the only crazy ones out there. Look at this little gem I found over the weekend…

    I couldn’t even watch it all. The 2nd hand embarrassment was too great!

    • The sad part is, she looked really proud. I hope they find a cure soon!

    • WOW. That was…um…wow.

    • Hahaha…I was not able to watch til the end..
      anyway it reminds me of the LauraMTVRobword…

      “You’re reading off the paper! You’re such an amateur!”
      lol

  32. Ummm,

    OMG.

    and

    LOL.

    but:

    ‘To fall in love to replace the hours of watching TV and a glass of cold water.’

    WTF?

    • oh yes…I was wondering too…
      perhaps it means ..

      “watching PORN-TV…and a SHOWER of cold water”?????

      WTF still remains…

      • Do you want to join the Old One and create a critics group for us? You definetly can read the cryptical messages.

        • Why not…I mean..with YOU as the leader…lol

  33. “To fall in love and to wake up from the cold and trembling in your blood in the night”

    WHAT?

    “To drink “him” like a glass of warm red wine”

    WHAT?…and EWWW!

    It hurts. Please make it stop. This embarrassment is too great to bear.

    • …and this is surely only 1% of the “poems” he gets…really disturbing!!!

    • LOL! It’s a little disturbing. But I’m sure it was born out of a loving heart!

      • SB so plz come out of the closet…was that YOU??? the second one?
        I cannot believe….

        • shudupinyerface!

          LOL I was quoting from How to Be! Noooooooo, that was not me who wrote that poem. If I did, I wouldn’t be posting it for the world to see! I would send it straight to Rob.

          • I KNOW you would do better, so much BETTER! <3
            "How to be" awesome!
            I love Art!
            ….the "running"…
            … the "pushups"…lol
            mhmm

          • Haha, Rob was so full of angst in HTB, it’s so hilarious. I love that scene where he walks in the kitchen and the guru was there, he baked a cake. I love how he says:

            “I hate them all!”

            LOL, his accent’s awesome!

          • I LOVE his hair..!!!

      • Robgirl, Thanks for reminding me about Art doing pushups. You’re good!

  34. Just when I think someone couldn’t possibly out do the crazy, I get to read these little gems. (Unfortunately my work blocks videos, so I have to wait until I get home to watch them. Because hopefully the funny that I know UC and Moon brought will hopefully *hopefully* make these “poems” a whole lot less scary.)

    “To fall in love and to wake up from the cold and trembling in your blood in the night, to take the guitar and to play something with closed eyes. To fall in love devilishly as we are mad teens or lost old people. To drink “him” like a glass of warm red wine, to smoke like the last cigarette in shivering hands.”…. My God. Even I want to get a restraining order for MY EYES after reading that. Whackadoos.

    • Thank you sooo much Sharpie…
      “Whackadoos”..wasn’t in my dicct.
      I will add it to my english..
      and…plz try to watch the video..it’s awesome!

      • Whackadoos is just another word that I like to use that simply means “crazy” :)

        • Yeah, It really sounds ….appropriate…!

  35. You guys def earned some beatnik spoken word street cred by keeping straight faces during those.

    UC, you sound just like Anne of Green Gables when she’s performing “The Highwayman”! Albeit in a slightly more morbid “want to rip the flesh off your glorious bones” type of way
    Moon, your whiskey tango accent and the styling was DA BOMB!

  36. Holy crap.

  37. A blessing for the crazies? Of course. God bless and keep the crazies … far away from us!

  38. Your accents and melodrama was hilarious! Thanks for the morning laugh!

  39. The first one sounds like it was written in a different language and fed into the Google translator, and it came out in slightly off-kilter English. “So careless to forget what happennes around.” Really?

    • I love it how you didn’t stop at the hilarious content but you courageously went further, thus analyzing the style.

      • Whatever languages that was originally…it still remains…just SHIT!

        • minuit…you’re sooo french…pahhh intellectual…I’m italian about that…
          Rob=Sex walking
          You can talk..-
          I would have…
          lol

          • :) True.
            But you are aware that wasn’t about Rob porn but about some nostalgic romantic illiterate freak, right?

      • Minuit…come out the closet and put in some decent avatar! lol
        That’s so NOT you!

        • Robgirl, Minuit loves her avatar because it has a sparklepeen! Haha!

          Seriously though Minuit, show us some vogue here!

          • Yeah…but the sparklepeen is…..so… OUT!
            More minuit please….! NOW!

          • I prefer to have more intellectual conversations (cf below) versus your trivial sex driven comments :) Read I love the sparklepeen and have no time.

          • minuit…I was confused about the reply…as..usual..

          • I’m talking linguistics with The Old One.

      • I could say something like, in this case, the signifier and signified are inseparable, but I won’t.

        • The Old One…I think you are a WISE woman! love it!

        • I’m calling Saussure, Chomsky & cie right away so we can have their illuminated opinions on this debate.

          • Old One and minuit passé – So I gather you two must be writing your dissertations, just like Bella in Clipped Wings and Inked Armour? Anything on Kristeva? ;-)

          • Sorry to disappoint but I don’t have the level required for the conversation since I have no idea about the fanfic world. Bad bad Rob fan.

    • You made an excellent point!

  40. “You live in the world of gold,
    And I live in the world that’s cold.”

    That is so deep!

    I feel for ya, Rob.

    • That’s what she said and I have no shame whatsoever about replying to myself, that’s normal, right?

      • Nooooo you’re funny…as…always!<3

    • …and I missed the line

      ….and I’m sooooo old.
      lol
      that would be still more deeper….

      • “I’m so old” WOULD have been a nice addition, robgirl, but don’t try to match the crazy, ok?

        • OK…..not older….sadder
          just doesn’t make a ryhme….:-(

    • it’s sad :-(.

  41. muhahaha. you girls are so cool. even when covered in blankets.

  42. [...] This post was mentioned on Twitter by LetterstoTwilight, Becky Bolden. Becky Bolden said: RT @letter2twilight: we do dramatic readers of Rob's mail we receive… yes DRAMATIC READINGS http://bit.ly/7J218A [...]

  43. They took the words right from my head.

  44. Wow I just came here and there’s a ton of comments already! I can’t watch the video, will try again later. The first poem is kind of embarrassing!

    I like the 2nd poem, that’s how I feel. Rob’s a million miles away, unreachable, only in my dreams…sigh. He’s a shining star and I’m well, I’m just me. He’s like Marius and I’m Eponine(Les Miserables).

    • ..even choking your love until she is blue…
      HONEY…did you read that?
      It’s shit …you’re american, plz read correctly
      you’re blind…in your love…lol
      soooo SB!
      Hmmmmhmmm

      • Oh heck I don’t like that “choking your love til she’s blue part”, you know I love Kristen!

        The 2nd poem is weird, I agree, but there’s some parts in it that I love and I can relate. Does that make me crazy? Yes! You knew that already. I’m a skinny-emo-southern chick on top of that. And a hopeless romantic so I guess that explains it all :-).

        • “YOu know I love Kristen?” Perfect SB.

          • OK(after reading everyone’s comments) now I really feel like an oddball here.

            *Runs and hides under the kitchen table.*

          • It’s okay. Everyone needs to be loved. Only shows that you are a good person for loving EVERYONE, including Kristen. :-)

          • Sb…you are sooo not an oddball, you are simply in Love!
            That’s good…all for HHH! <3

        • “You know I love Kristen”
          SB, sit down plz, bad mark! :-)

  45. omg – I like your version of reading, just like Anne from Anne of Green Gables….

  46. when you guys interview rob, please perform these exact dramatizations for him.

  47. Are you wearing a snuggie?

    Should have been a Twilight snuggie…
    You can borrow mine that I’ll creepily get for xmas..

    I love your face. For realsies.

  48. O.M.G. And with the mood music? When I grow up, I want to be like Moon and UC because that there was epic awesomeness.

    (and so many levels of scary… I’m officially fearified of the crazy).

    Good news though! We’re totally fucking normal.

    It’s a good day!

    • Honeys…I’m actually scared of the part…when we’ll grow up…those two are YOUNG!!! what’s your age? Noooo plz don’t answer!lol

      • Haha! I’m 25. Just a figure of speech ;)

        • Saved! Puhhhh…sooo glad :-)
          And sorry about speaking to you as….plural!

      • robgirl86 – you KNOW we will never grow up! Vampires never change, and neither do we… ;-)

        • wow…you make me feel like 18! thank you SO much!
          That’s what I needed today, somebody is believing in my soulage!

          Hello Rob…:-)

        • I wish that were true sometimes. Then after Rob catches up w. my age(which is really not too far fr his), then I can continue to age again. :-P

    • i’m glad you enjoyed the music b/c i spent $.89 on that song…

  49. Oh God, Moon’s accent, it just kills me, SO on point! And UC’s dramatizations, I felt your pain, your longing, I did.

    Where do these people come from!?

    We.need.more.of.these!

  50. I almost cried I was laughing so hard. Several times. Especially with some BoyzIImen crooning in the background.

    UC – I could feel your heartache.
    Moon – Your accent made me want to run into my kitchen and make homemade biscuits.


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