Posted by: UC | December 8, 2009

One year anniversary (and my gushiest letter yet)

Dear Moon,

Our engagement photo

I feel like we’re lovers who’ve reached our first big milestone in our relationship- our 1 year anniversary! I guess that’s not so far off, I do refer to you as my internet wife!! One year. Exactly 365 days since we both confessed to wasting* our time in front of our computers watching a video of the Vanity Fair photo shoot- scouring for touches of the hand or gazes of the eyes that might be a second too long, thus proving that the actors portraying our beloved Edward & Bella were really “cock-blocking” each in real life.  (My how time has changed. You couldn’t PAY me to look at a video where Rob & Kristen may or may not accidentally touch now!) *We ALL know now that time was NOT wasted!

Today on our one year anniversary I want to get all gushy on you. I really haven’t shared my Twilight story. We spend so much time posting our reader’s stories, yet you and I never really discuss ours. Sure, we’ve known each other for years and don’t really need to go into all those details, but I think it’s important to remember why we stick it out day after day, letter after letter (especially after days like yesterday!) My story is not your typical story. I didn’t get saved from a bad relationship from reading the books. I didn’t find my Edward by believing he existed after reading the series. My Twilight story is a little different than that…. it’s about you actually (oh, and all those people eavesdropping on us right now!)

Gushy, long love letter to Moon alert after the jump!

Last fall, a year ago, I entered a depression deeper than I knew existed. I spent my days staring blankly at my computer screen, going through the motions I needed to to get through my work day. And every night when I got home, I’d collapse. Sometimes mentally- I’d shut off my brain and just stare straight ahead. Other times physically- I’d go to sleep early in the evening and stay in bed until morning. And all the time emotionally- I’d break down. I’d cry, I’d scream. Sometimes silently, and sometimes I’d shake and scream so violently my husband was sure he was going to have to take me to the hospital. I have never been in a place that dark before and I pray I never am again. What was so difficult about my depression is that it came to fruition 3 years after the situation that caused it in the first place. It was like I had this 3 year build up of emotions and feelings of grief that finally came to a head last fall. And when it hit, it hit hard.

Deepest Loss

by Adrienne Trafford

In April of 2005 I was your typical college senior excited and driven for the path ahead of me. I lived in Nashville, a city I loved so deeply, and was graduating with top honors from a great school with a degree in music business. I had some great internships under my belt and was really excited to start my career in the music industry. I even interviewed with my dream company! Flash forward 4 months, I had a full time job- working for my family’s business. I was not in Nashville. I was not in the music industry. I was back in the suburbs of Philadelphia, where I grew up, because I was told I needed to come home. She was sick again and wasn’t getting better this time. On September 16, 2005 I kissed my mom good-bye and heard her speak for the first time since she went into her morphine-induced coma. She said, “I love you,” and it was at that moment then that I realized she wasn’t going to win her 7 year battle with cancer. They had been telling me for 7 years she wasn’t going to win it, but I didn’t believe it until that moment. When she died the next morning my world crashed. Everything I knew, thought, dreamed… vanished. I lost who I was.

No, that wasn’t when I discovered the Twilight books and felt a connection to Bella when she lost Edward! I didn’t discover anything because I didn’t do much of anything. I tried to figure out what life looked like with 3 younger sisters (the youngest losing her mom at age 11) and a dad who didn’t know what to do with us; I tried to figure out what to do when all I wanted was to talk to my mother, and I tried to figure out who this new person was that I had become. I don’t have many memories of that time in my life. Everything is a little blurry up until last fall- up until the day I was driving to work and I had this epiphany that when I lost my mom, I lost myself. And that realization was confusing. So who was I now? Could I get my old self back? Would I ever care about the things I used to love and strive for again? Would anything matter to me again? Would my passion for life come back? And did I want it to? What did it mean about my grief for losing my mom if I could find happiness again? All of those feelings and questions plus the never-ending grief put me in that dark place I never wish to visit again.

By the time you and I had that conversation on 12/8/08 that will go down in history (seriously, history book writers, hear me now- there will be BOOKS written about that day!) I had already read the books and seen the movie many times. Twilight had already given me many “Cullen Smiles,” but I’d hardly say it was life-changing. But that decision we made that day was. I didn’t even realize what had happened until months later. But one day last spring I woke up and realized it had been weeks- months even since I last screamed so loud I lost my voice. I couldn’t remember the last time I thought life wasn’t worth living. All I knew is that without me even realizing it, I had dreams again. I had desires for my future. I wanted to make plans for my life. And in between all that I wanted to continue to write letters to silly characters or 23 year old boys who would never (hopefully) read them. I wanted to make people laugh. I wanted to make you laugh. And I wanted to make myself laugh. A silly idea you & I came up with in an AIM conversation turned into one of the most important things in my adult life- it literally saved me.

Life isn’t perfect- it’s far from it. I’m still in a job I hate. We still haven’t moved away from where we’re living. I still deal with grief that seems unbearable at times, but on the other hand I feel inspired now. I feel creative, and I feel loved and blessed to laugh every day with an amazing internet wife like you. Someday all this vampire blogging stuff will end, and I will be so sad when it does. Yes- because I’ll miss it. I love writing our daily letters! And yes because I’ll miss the community we have here, but mostly I’ll miss you and having an excuse to talk to you each and every day. Moon you have given me a gift I’ll never know how to repay. (I’m not talking about that personal RobPorn you sent me with Rob singing, “Come just as you are..” either.) I’ve started to find myself again, and for that I’m forever grateful.

Here’s to another great year (and probably like 3 others after that if Breaking Dawn is made into 2 movies- FOLs!),
UnintendedChoice

Oh wait, I’m not done….
___________________________________________________________________

Gushy letter round 2:

Dear LTR & LTT readers (and Rob),

Thank you. Thank you for reading us for a year. Or a few months. Or a few days. Whatever it is. Thank you. You’re the only reason we do this. If it was still just Moon & I, we might just be sending “My Kung Fu is strong” e-mails back & forth instead of blogging. You inspire me. With your letters, your tweets, your emails, your texts, your IM chats & facebook messages, I have laughed harder in the last year than I think I have in my 26 years combined! I have learned so much about people- about fans- about cougars (!). I have made some of the dearest friends from within this community. I have found other people who have experienced a deep loss and hugged them tight (sometimes virtually). And I have smiled. And laughed. And said, “I can’t believe my life” over and over again! I am blessed. I don’t know why. But I am grateful. I’m also crying because of how grateful I am so I’m probably starting to be repetitive. Who cares. I love each and every one of you, even if we’ve never talked. I still don’t understand why you read us day after day, but I’m glad you do because I need you to make ME laugh! And you do, over and over again….Thank you times infinity….!

My kung fu is strong (but my tear ducts are not..….),
xoxoxoxo -UC

Dear Forum Mods,

Yes I just added this this morning! I didn’t realize Moon was doing this today! Whoops. You are INCREDIBLE women who Moon & I couldn’t do this without! We love your emails with hilarious pictures or stories from Rob’s flat. We love your never-ending video updates, Jena! And your RobPorn JodieO & Zephyersky (with all the help from all the girls in the forum!) And Kristin, I can’t wait until we seal the deal on our friendship in person! (Aka sing “We are the Rob” together. Maybe for Rob, even…) There are so many of you we want to hug & thank personally…. I’ll just leave you with this one. The gals at Rob’s flat made this INCREDIBLE anniversary website for us. Go go now. You’ll die. I cried tears of laughter and joy. Thank you xo

XO,
UC (aka Buttons)

We spend our days being funny and are rarely (aka NEVER) this vulnerable & honest. I don’t say this for any sort of pity…. I throw enough pity parties myself :) I think it’s so important for you to know that behind the smiles and laughter we have stories too. Just like so many (all) of you do. And I wanted you to know how important to my healing writing LTT & LTR has been. And if you ever struggle, like I have, with feeling guilty for laughing or feeling joy amidst deep griefs- know that it’s okay. It’s okay to find joy in the trivial things in life (like vampires and hot 23 year old boys) from time to time. You’re not alone.* You have us. Plus thousands of others who are here too. XO

*Said in the same tone as “They’re NOT bears.”
_________________________________________________________________

Giveaway

Remember how we love the Bite Me Edward Notepads? Well, we’re giving one away to celebrate our anniversary! We have one for LTT and one for LTR! All you have to do is comment. We’ll use some random winner generator thinger to pick a random winner! Make sure your email address you use to comment is correct because we’ll email you to get your address!

Still looking for stocking stuffers or gifts for friends? Buy these Bite Me Edward Notepads. They are AMAZING. Seriously, I just lost mine and I’m a major sad panda right now. Actually scratch the give-away idea, I’m gonna keep one for myself (kidding… sorta)

Holiday Shop on Lobotome Now!

Our internet game is ridiculous: The Forum, LTT, Twitter

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Responses

  1. I just wanted to say that I found your site only about a week ago and it is one of the best ones out there. You’re passioante and fun and make us all laugh on a daily basis. I absolutely love visiting this site numerous times a days.

    And finally, your personal story is so close to my heart that I could not help but shed a silent tear. Thanks for all your hard work and Happy 1st Birthday!! x

    • A New friend! In the coveted first comment spot! So glad you’re here with us!

      • Aww thx for welcoming me to the awesomeness that is LTR :)

        • i was about to start crying until the they’re-NOT-bears part!! hahahaha ^^

          ..because they’re WOLVES! like HUGE wolves! ’nuff said. :D

    • im jumping on here to say welcome julie and also because my comment will be buried so deep if i dont. *west coast!!!!*

      UC-
      i dont even know what to say that hasn’t already been said between us. i feel like im a broken record but your story is always so humbling to me and i can only hope that i continue to be that kind of friend to you no matter if we’re writing this together or decided to start letters to adam brody instead or even decide to give it a rest once and for all (that will be a sad bittersweet day). sometimes words are overrated and only hugs and silent moments between friends can fully express what we feel so right now thousands of miles away from each other i feel like we’re doing that. sit on my bed and let’s have a moment.

      xo
      moon

  2. I’m extra loving you now.

    I first listned to Twilight when I was home with the Swiney Flu. As I already have a Chronic Fatigue illlness, am a recovering agrophobic & have a Mother dying of lung cancer I wasn’t having a good time. It’s been a good escape & all your lunacy helps.

    I never gush, it’s all your fault.

    Did I mention I only live 50 miles from London? And that to 99.9% of the world’s population I sound exactly like a female version of Rob? Similar vocab & all…

    I wish you all things sparkly today…XXX

    • I have Chronic Fatigue. I know how much it sucks. It’s also nice to hear from someone who has it.

    • You’re our female Rob. love it!

      • I hasten to add that a similar accent is pretty much ALL me & Rob have in common. I mean, I have the requisite number of arms & legs & eyes & stuff. But you know what mean.

        And BTW that photo of you guys is gorgeous. I was hoping you were all a bit minging like me, but…but…he would, like, totally step over me to get to you ;)

  3. Oh my gosh. UC that made me cry!
    Hang on … let me calm myself.
    Okay.
    You guys are just amazing.
    And as I said on LTT, THANK YOU for being so effing fabulous.
    I can’t say I’ve ever experienced a loss like that but I did get very sick for a while so I can relate to the depression thing.
    Thank you both for being REAL.
    Big hugs!
    Jayde xox

  4. Wow UC, what a moving story….I have followed you two since this past summer and I use LTR to help me feel like Rob maybe reading these blogs and he smiles about it…but in REALITY we all have history, baggage and sad stories.

    Thank you UC for sharing your personal story. To often we forget that even though we connect with eachother from all around, sitting behind this computer makes us feel as if we are unidentifiable…UC we have a common thread:: the lova Rob.

    I thank you and praise you both for your creativity and MANY, thousands of laughs I have had. You have shed this into my life every day and yet we are strangers to eachother. No I am not depressed or suffering but you both have touched MANY lives in this positive way! Congrats on your success!
    Happy Anniversary!
    xoxo

    • Thanks Misty! You look like a girl I went to high school with and I always like to think you’re really her :)

      • I don’t think you grew up in Michigan, did you?????

  5. I’ve cried with laughter while reading the letters but today is the first day I’ve cried from a sad place. Thank you for sharing your story. Thank you for writing letters to our boy. Thank you for bring a smile to my face when I have been down and out and sad. Here’s hoping Rob stops by with a special present for you…one can dream!

    • Don’t be sad for me! I just want you all to know how important this community is to me!
      XO

  6. I actually cried reading todays post, as each day for the last few years I have to watch my mum die by inches. Its heartbreaking. Thankyou UC and Moon (and Rob) for all the wonderful laughs and silly chat here that allow me to just be myself without life’s responsibilities. I’ve made some wonderful friends here, and owe you all more than you’ll ever know.

  7. Way to start my Tuesday morning off with runny mascara, ladies.

    This was a beautiful post, UC. It’s amazing how fandoms and the internet can really make a significant impact in our lives. I’ve been staff on a soap forum for three years now, and every day, I am amazed by the wonderful friends we’ve made, and the charity work that we’ve done. It’s kind of staggering, and I’m so grateful that I can say that.

    Thanks so much for the non-stop laughs. I caught on to the blog sometime last spring, and haven’t stopped laughing since.

    • I used to think only geeks & nerds made friends online. Not anymore! Or maybe…. I’m geek or a nerd? :)

      HUGS!

  8. Okay, now that I’m all choked up. *sniff*

    Big {{{hugs}}} to you, UC. Let’s just say, I get it.

    Happy anniversary girls! I haven’t been around quite the full year, but you guys have made me laugh inappropriately at work more times than I can count. Heck, LTR was the very *first* Rob blog I ever visited back in the spring when I was a Twilight newbie. =)

    And now I’m off to buy some of those notepads. You know, as a Christmas present…yeah…

  9. Awwh, UC! HUGS back to you! I’m glad we can all be here with you and Moon!

  10. Wow.
    I just want to hold a mirror up to what you said, and let you know all the warm, fuzzy feelings you feel for us readers I feel straight back for you everyday!
    Thanks for everything, like you, I think this blog means more to everyone here than we’ll ever know.
    Bon Anniversaire! x

  11. I left a sappy comment over at LTT. I can’t write it again (cuz that’s unoriginal) or I’ll really start crying if I think about it more.

    I just want to say much love and many thanks for what you’ve done. It means a lot.

    <3,
    M

  12. Aaawww…thank you for sharing such a personal part of yourself w/all of us! I’m crying, too…I understand how much depression hurts but it’s wonderful that you have found a way to incorporate positivity and fun back into your life! Thanks for giving all of US something to smile about each and every day! Happy Anniversary!!!

    • AGREED! What a lovely and heartfelt post this today, thumbs up to everyone!

  13. First of all, Happy Anniversary!

    Your story is very touching. I’m so happy for you that this has helped in your healing process. Laughter is such an important part of life, and without LTT and LTR, my mornings would be a lot more miserable. Truthfully, this place has made the beginnings of my workdays enjoyable and gives me the strength to continue through it. Not to mention you’re allowing me to contribute to the insanity makes me feel like I belong, and I thank you for that. Truthfully.

    So HAPPY ANNIVERSARY to you and Moon! You guys deserve nothing but the best and I hope things get more and more awesome, and that next time you see Rob he’s naked and in your bed.

    XO.

  14. I have tears in my eyes writing this. That is not an easy story to tell, UC, but thank you for sharing it! You (and Moon) mean so much to all the wonderful ladies (and the occasional bobbygee) here and I hope you know how grateful we all are. Life and work suck sometimes, but LTT/R is always here to cheer me up, and remind me to find joy and laughter in my life everyday. Thank you, thank you, thank you. HUGS!

    I can tell already that today is going to be a day of gushy-ness here and on LTT and that makes me very happy!

    • P.S. Since I’m feeling exceptionally gushy right now, I love you all. Yes even you, TammyO, and your accomplices from yesterday!

  15. i’ve been reading since february but never, ever comment, but i just had to this time.
    i promise to make it quick, (that’s what she said)
    i just want to thank you guys for brightening my morning every single day. there is not a day i dont start without you guys. so thank you once again. and thanks for sharing your post, UC. i cried (like the over emotional girl i am) it was nice knowing that other side of you…

    okay i’m done (thats what she said too)

    here’s to another year,
    elyx3

  16. Dear UC and Moon,
    after losing my mom and a pet and being sick for two consecutive years this blog was the beginning of better and happier times for me. Was it a coincidence – I don’t know, but I started to feel better approximately around time I started to read LTR/LTT.
    Wait… no… I’m lying… it was Rob.

    HAPPY ANNIVERSARY! I LOVE YOU!

    • oh dang.. i was getting a big head thinking it was b/c of us!!!

      Hugs. xo

  17. Well, Wow thanks for sharing your story and I am sorry for your loss.

    I expressed my grief two years after my grandmother died during the wedding when her widow remarried. (yes, I know it was overwhelming and she looks alot like my grandmother – they could be sisters)

    I can’t remember when I stumbled on to this site or LTT but I think it was around this time. since I had read the books and was combing (trolling?) the net for more. MORE!!

    Im here lurking everyday, laughing and sometimes commenting. I <3 you guys and I am sending you {{{Hugs}}}

    As for yesterday — He's a grown ass man that can take care of himself. So what if its hot pockets and beer?

    What interview was it where he talked about going out on the balcony for a scream?

  18. Awwww UC! I am so used to sitting at my desk at work wiping away tears from laughter, and today I’m sitting at my desk trying not to cry. Thank you for sharing your story with us, and also thank you and Moon for putting so much into LTT and LTR. I’m sure you already realize this, but you have created a virtual community that enables people to laugh and be silly, and sometimes forget about the “real world” for a while.

    So, Happy Anniversary UC and Moon! Even though I don’t know either one of you personally, I still think you are two amazing (and hysterical) ladies, and I wish you both many, MANY more years of happiness and hilarity!!

    xoxox,
    Sharpie :)

  19. Dear UC

    June 2004.My father.cancer too, I know EXACTLY of what you are talking about and I’m crying silently while reading your post, you touched me, my breakdowns came 3/4 years later, as not permitted earlier, b/c I HAD to be strong, they are already there, the silent and unexpected tears, I’m wiping them away and try to go on with life!

    I’m here for a month now commenting and for 1/2 year reading…LTR gives/gave me so much fun and laughter, news prospectives, more sarcasm (thank you ladies..lol) and new friends! I talk to people I would never come to know, on the blog or privately!

    It’s not only the love we share for that british guy, but’s it’s ALL fun and although it’s the internet, I never feel that anonymous I could feel, so it touchs my RL!
    Thank you BOTH (Dear Moon too:-)) for putting sooooo much effort and Love on LTR!
    Vielen Dank !
    Chris

    P.S:
    Speaking of LOVE and reading of PORN….
    Helllooooo Rob :-)

    • Sorry to hear about your loss. Big hugs to you sweetie.

      • Big hugs back, wrote you <3

    • huggggsss

      • Thanks for giving me 4 “g”s, I’m proud of them :-)

    • I’m so sorry, Robgirl.

      You make me laugh everyday, and I so appreciate you for that!

      hugs…

      • Today tears and laughter are very close!
        Thank you so much! <3

        • Love you three girls. Robgirl86, Southernbelle, and kmountainlion…not that all the girls on here aren’t fabulous! I have a special spot for you three. In my SUV. On the way to LA. Very soon… ;)

          • Hey stop by and pick me up in AZ ;) !!!

          • I totes will! Good to hear from you 3hboyshouse. I saw your note about having a goal to be the first to comment on a post and I laughed out loud because I said that same thing to a friend the other day. She is not the same level LTT/LTR follower that I am and proceeed to tell me that I’m crazy. However, the day that I am the first to comment, I will probably be pretty excited ;)

          • I luv u too Singlestrand! Hey I got a van! We can all fit! We either need to go to LA or Vancouver…wherever they’re filming Breaking Dawn.

            Do u want to swap emails w/ me? I don’t want to post my email here but u can email me in the forum and then I’ll give you my email thru there. Lemme know!

            Thanks!

          • Singlestrand, really you are going to la? Wish I could join you. Take care, girlfriend.
            I<3 you!

          • I would always be up for a trip to LA. Geographically, it makes sense for SouthernBelle to pick me up, then you, then 3hboyshouse and Robgirl86 can meet us wherever she chooses to fly in to. Hmm…let’s discuss this at a later date. I may need 2-4 months of time to convince my husband why I should go to LA next summer with Twi-sisters/sorta-strangers!

  20. Thanks for that Letter UC, I am actually bawling right now. I come here every single day but I rarely post. But today I wanted you all guys to know how much you’ve helped me through my time away from my family, my husband of two years whom I’ve only been for 6 months before I had to live him. It would seem too shallow (but not after your letter) but I can say with all honesty that without these Rob blogs, I would have been more of a mess than I am now.

    I hope you know how much you’ve also touched a lot of people, just like myself. Thank you and keep up the god job.

    Abby

    • it’s not shallow. don’t let anyone ever tell you it is. it could have been anything- it could have been a fan site for Tide liquid detergent, but it wasn’t. it was a rob fan site and for me being a vampire blogger….. and what’s important is that it helps!

      also if you’re perusing Tide detergents fan sites, well… that’s a little odd….. :)

      • Tide detergent fans=not normal?!
        …well, I wasn’t a fan anyways ever since Rob’s old stinky stoli shirt…

        I think this is my second… or first comment? on LTR ever since I started reading in the summer, but I just had to say HAPPY BIRTHDAY and congrats on your super successful blog! I also cried a little while reading your story :( BIG HUG! I greatly admire your strength and courage to find life again. I never would have guessed that behind the crazy amazing humor there was a person with this story.
        Have we all fallen in love with UC and Moon even more now? <3

        p.s. "Someday all this vampire blogging stuff will end"
        is that possible!? we wont let it happen because we love/want/need you/Rob/twilight too much! :)

        • hugsss! i hope it doesn’t end for a long time! except right now. i want it to end b/c my letter isn’t done and i want to go to bed:)

  21. Thanks for sharing your story. It’s so great that LTT and LTR exist! We’re happy because you make us laugh with those great letters every day and you have fun writing for us. Perfect bargain in my opinion! :-D
    So let’s celebrate with Hot Pockets, Heineken and special guest Buttcrack Santa!

  22. Happy birthday (or is it your fake lesbian internet wife anniversary) UC and Moon! You guys bring a Cullen Smile to me every morning and inspire me to ‘try’ to bring more funny into my life. I was adrift in Rob images when I finally stumbled upon LTR and you guys saved me from a life of feeling ashamed for loving Rob and Twi (or being a twi-mom).

    Seriously though, thanks for bringing the funny to us every day. Also, UC, if I ever meet you in real life prepare to get a hug from me that may make you uncomfortable because I am crying now thinking about your loss and the only way I’m going to feel better is to put a pin in that hug for our future meet up.

    xoxo, SP

  23. You’re absolutely correct. Everyone has a story behind this entire Twilight obsession. Yours hit closer to home than anyone else’s. Certainly, without Twilight, I would have gone into deep depression myself this year. Actually, without LTT and LTR (and the many other Twi bloggers who make us all laugh everyday), I would have seriously been lost, too. I am such a huge fan of the Twi fandom – more than the the movies…I think…maybe…I don’t know. I get confused now if it’s the fandom or the movies that get me all hooked or what! In any case, thanks for all the laughs! Congratulations on your 1st year anniversary! Looking forward to reading your blogs every single day until after Breaking Dawn is all over!

    • uh oh. the pressure is on! Would you be pissed if we gave up between Breaking Dawn movie #1 and Breaking Dawn movie #2? :)

      • YOU CAN’T GIVE UP!!! Breaking Dawn 2 will be epic for you and Moon! Can you just imagine all the jokes you can put together about Renesmee and Jacob? Those will be your best ones yet! But seriously, I can’t wait to read your comments about Isle Esme…if you know what I mean…LOL! Hope you get the chance to celebrate in style today! Cheers!

  24. Happy anniversary, girls. and hugs to UC. The same thing happened with my cousin. (and 2 uncles. all on my dad’s side of the family. within a span of 5 months.) i had already read the books. but you girls helped me laugh again right away. good luck coming up with letters for the next few years. i hope you always have something to laugh about!

  25. Waaaahhhhhh! And thank you!!!! I love you UC and Moon! I’m *mostly* a lurker…but I read and laugh every single day!

    Thanks for keepin’ it real…and helping me not feel SO creepy for being a 33 year old married mother of 2 who freaking LOVES everything Twilight. LOL. Okay, I guess I’m creepy. That’s okay. I can deal.

  26. Aww… That was so sweet and so sad.

    I’m so glad that something finally brought you back to life. I know how important my mom is and well… I just really want to hug you now.

    Thank you for putting so much time into this blog. I get to read hilariousness, rant, rave and talk to some of the coolest chicks in the world. I haven’t been here for very long but you and Moon can always make me laugh and now, cry.

    MUAH!

    XO
    Angel

  27. Apparently I’m not the only one who shed a few tears over that letter. First time it hasn’t been from laughter. Beautiful letter.

    As much as all of this has been great for you guys, I hope you realize how great it’s also been for the readers. You have something so special here!

    I just went through a tough few months (which is actually nothing compared to what you went through), and LTT/LTR were huge in helping me get through them. Looking forward to reading your posts was the only thing that got me motivated in the mornings. For those few months, your posts were the only things that evoked any sort of emotion from me.

    I’m past it now, but thank you so much. As crazy as it sounds, it was this blog and forum that got me through it all. For that I’m so, so grateful.

    Happy Anniversary!

  28. This is very sad. I had to make the hardest trip of my life when my father died in 1984. It was the longest three thousand miles of my life. From LA to Philly.
    It is still not too late to follow your dream. Ask God to to show the direction. The doors will open up. They have for me.
    My fiend Fther Jack always used to tell Trust God, trust yourself and tell every other SOB to go to hell. This means Trust God and Trust what,TheLord put in your heart. It is there for a reason.
    To tell you the truth when I read about your mom it brought tears to my eyes too. It is very hard to lose a parent.
    I also lost a brother to suicide three years ago.
    Keep up the faith. The Bible
    http://bobbygee.wordpress.com/

    • You made me cry too.

      Hugs to Bobbygee!

    • Aww, Robbygee!! Thumbs up, dude!

    • It’s like he knows us! UC, Moon….

      • i know. Do you think he’s Carmen?

        • If he’s Carmen, he owes me $25 for the concert I thought was going to headline Toby Mac in 1992. It did not.

          • Bwa hahahahaha! Awesome! And I still love Toby Mac. Ahem.

    • Thumb up to THAT man!

    • Aww, I love that guy!

    • Bobbygee! Getting all inspirational on the anniversary post!! Love it, love to you, BG!

      lpb

    • Bobbygee… I don’t know who you are… but I’ve learned a bit about you as you’ve been commenting on our blogs….. (and I know you like ‘futbol”) but I Do know that this was the sweetest thing you’ve written. Thank you :)

  29. Dearest UC & Moon,

    You girls are so frickkin sexy in the engagement piccie. Not only can you make me pee my pants on a daily basis (child birth will do that to you but that is another story) but you are hot too!!!!

    Wiping an ickle tear away after reading this post…

    x
    p.s. never ever jump on a trampoline after having kids :)

    • hahaha i LOL at the trampoline thing.. and I don’t get it. Why!?

      • so lucky that you don’t get it yet UC! So, let me draw you a picture – you know how after you put something giant through something small (like a bowling ball through a rubber band, for example) the small thing never shrinks all the way back to its original size? And so the rubber band doesn’t hold things in the way it used to – it’s a bit looser. And things can get out that are supposed to be in.

        In other words, girls tend to leak pee a little after vaginal childbirth, especially when they jump up and down. That’s Dr. Milfy Goodness for you!

        • This is why I have c-sections!! ;)

  30. Happy Anniversary UC & Moon!!

    I left my sappy comment at LTT, but I have to thank you two again for creating these sites.

    Thank you for sharing your story, UC. I’m glad that your acute fondness has been a catharsis for you. Your words have provided laughter and escape and release for me and so many of your readers. My own words fail to fully express how much I appreciate it.

    xoxo
    tuesday

  31. As silly as this blog is(except today, snotsob, anyone?), and as non-serious(is that a word? Well, it is now!) as it started out, it’s brought some WONDERFUL people into my life.
    I’m not happy for your struggles, loss and sadness, for what brought you here…but I am THANKFUL for where you both ended up. For the people you’ve helped bring together and the community that you’ve helped create. Without it, I wouldn’t have some of the best support(accountability partners) on the planet. There is never a time when I am “alone”…I can always find someone to talk to. You both helped create that. Be proud that a little AIM idea turned into SUCH a big part of so many people’s lives. I think, UC, in healing yourself you have helped heal others. What you’ve both done goes deeper than a snarky blog. As a mom and as a daughter I can say without doubt your mother is SO proud of you. You’ve turned her memory in to something to be proud of.

    I’ve turned into a TOTAL marshmallow!
    Happy Birthiversary, y’all!

  32. just know that you guys have helped me through some really hard times in my life and you have made it possible for me to get to know some very amazing ladies and gentleman (Jordan) and i know these bonds I have created with these people are going to be forever!! I love you guys so much and HAPPY BIRTHDAY LTR!!! :D

  33. Thanks for sharing your heartfelt story and these blogs which bring on the funny in the am for your readers and friends to enjoy. I am sure there are not many dry eyes after reading this post. You are right in that life isn’t perfect or fair, in fact it down right sucks sometimes, but things like Twilight bonds, doodling on your Edward Bite Me note pad and reading your hilarious posts (and your readers comments too) lift some of the weight and makes life bearable.

    I come here almost every day (as I take a break from my 7:30 to 4:30 job) and will continue to until way after the BD movie (I hope).

  34. HAPPY ONE YEAR!!!!!!!

    Did you ever think it would turn into THIS???

    This is old news….however, I found LTR/LTT in (I think) late December last year. I had just come off the heels of the books, then the movie, and I felt alone in my passion. Found you through another blog (forget which one now.) Have read you nearly everyday since, made friends, laughed, looked sideways at dumpsters, and stopped questioning my sanity…because it’s all NORMAL.

    Love you UC and Moon (aka Bunny and Noreen.)
    XO
    Pros

    • Oh, and this….been saving it for your (and nearly my own) one year anniversary of LTT/LTR!

      Brace for uber sappiness…and I feel every word.

      “In everyone’s life, at some time, our inner fire goes out. It is then burst into flame by an encounter with another human being. We should all be thankful for those people who rekindle the inner spirit.” — Albert Schweitzer

      P.S. Not as shallow as everyone thinks….I know right?!
      SEE, we can go deep. (shh…that’s what she said.) x

      • Thanks for mentioning that quote!:-)
        “shallow”? Girl !!! Of what are YOU talking about! <3

      • Best placed “that’s what she said” I’ve ever seen. You are a brilliant woman, m’lady.

      • love you Pros! One of these days I will be rich and come to visit you. (cuz I hear you have to be rich to visit toronto or something..)

        xo

  35. Thank you for sharing your story, UC. *Big huge Kellan BearHugs!!!* And thank you to you and Moon for creating these blogs. I always have a great morning because of LTT and LTR.

  36. Thank you UC! I read your posts every day..I try to get up early before my kids so I don’t miss a day without it! Thanks for all you and Moon do for us readers. Seriously I am amazed how you bring the funny all the time, I am so impressed. Here is to another couple of years of reading LTT!

  37. Happy Anniversary to both of you girls! Your story touched my heart, UC….you’re truly an inspiration. I first started reading your blog back in July, shortly after enduring the most unimaginable loss. I did find escape in Twilight, but found laughter and hope here at LTR. Although I rarely comment, and never formally introduced myself, I have laughed out loud just about every morning since that first day.

    And this is the season for hope and joy. Right? I know you will continue to ‘bring it’ for the next year.

    Thank you for telling us your story. Grief is not always the easiest thing share..

    • haha…never formally introduced myself…
      so…DEF. you are NOT Edward!

    • I’m so glad we could be a place for you to escape!

  38. Wow, that needed at *Warning you are going to cry* warning attached to it.

    I discoverd twilight and your blogs shortly after my dad passed away and being able to come here everyday knowing that it would put a smile on my face was always a bright spot in my day.

    Keep doing what you guys do, we love you for it :)

  39. UC, I lost my mom in ’06 to cancer–so, even if I don’t know exactly what you yourself are going through, I appreciate you sharing your story with us. Big hugs to you for being so strong; depression is a difficult burden to bear.

    On a happier note, I love LTR, so happy anniversary to you and Moon!! You ladies brighten my workday with your blog, so thank you!

  40. I just wanted to say that you make my days so mush brighter too. I’m so glad I found these amazing blogs.

    xo

  41. UC (and Moon and Rob and LTT),

    I just want you to know that the love for LTR/LTT that you feel isn’t single sided. We’re all here, smiling, laughing, imagining on a daily basis – waiting for you. You are my muse, the sparkles that make every day that much more bearable.

    I feel for you, I relate to your story. I won’t gush about my own personal demons (because my mascara is already runny and I have to be here for another 6hours), but I’d like you to know that as much as you feel you’ve been saved… I feel like I have as well. And I thank you every day since around my birthday (back in April) when I found LTT/LTR.

    My first comment was only a few days ago, I came out from the shadows… and I have YOU to thank for that. Over these past months my life has been drastically transformed, and I have to give props when they are deserved.

    I LOVE YOU GUYS. THANK YOU!!!!

    -Athena

    • PS: HAPPY BIRTHDAY/ANNIVERSARY!!

    • Thanks Athena!

  42. I started reading LTR and commenting just a few weeks ago. I like coming here because now I feel Normal. It’s normal, right?

    I’m so sorry for your loss, UC. I can’t imagine.

    I hear some people say that the Twilight books came at a pivotal time in their lives. For me it was just something fun to read. I spend my days wiping babies’ rears and noses. I love my life and I’m very lucky to have a wonderful husband, blah blah blah but Twilight is a fun escape. And all my Rob fantasies are just that. Fantasy.

    It’s normal, right? I keep that as my mantra. It’s normal. It’s normal. It’s normal.*

    *It’s not normal, but I’m going with a friend tonight to see NM for the 3rd time. We’re both Normal and decided we needed to go and talk through the entire movie. If you go tonight and see two Normal 30-something mom-types, steer clear.

  43. I want to hug you now!!!! This blog has meant so much to so many people for so many different reasons. Thank you for sharing your story. I know it probably wasn’t easy because pain like that never is. You are a strong lady and I admire your courage in laying it all out there :)
    Finding this blog has led me to many new places and to many new people. My life is once again my own. You both have helped me find (and show) a side of myself that I kept hidden for way to long. It’s fun to laugh again (at myself but mostly at other people too)and to have people to laugh with. You both mean so much to me. I feel lucky to be one of the “firsts” to comment on LTR/LTT and even luckier to have actually met you. Yes….they are even more awesome in person just in case you are wondering!!! I hope that one day, not soon, even when this vampire/brit boy blog is done that we will still continue to laugh and occasionally cry together. You are my life now!!

  44. We need some kleenex over here because I’m joining the ranks of the cryers. That is a really touching story, and I’m glad you found the strength to climb out of that dark valley. What’s more, you also succeeded in creating this wonderful community that has brought me tears in my eyes from laughter (and a great set of abs at that) and people that feel like friends, even though I don’t know their real names (a certain line of Shakespeare just popped into my mind, but I don’t want to digress).

    Thank you, UC and Moon. What you ladies do is extraordinary.

    PS: This is better than Thanksgiving.

    • Ah- see.. you only said that b/c you’re from Belgium. nothing is better than turkey (or tofurkey in my case) mashed potatoes and green bean casserole!
      :)
      hugs (and really? didn’t i tell Alice my real name once?… It’s Bertha. Bertha Bunny Choice..)

  45. Happy Anniversary to LTR/LTT! Congrats UC and Moon!

    UC, your story made me cry, I’m sorry for your loss. I can’t even imagine how that would be. The closest thing I could relate was losing my grandmother who raised me for a huge part of my childhood. But now my mom and I are best of friends and I would be so lost without her. You’re strong and I’m glad you were able to deal with your sorrows in a very positive way.

    I’m so grateful to you and Moon for giving us this outlet. Just know that you have helped me through some of the hardest days of my life this year. Coming here always cheers me up. I was lurking in your site for months before I even commented, I was afraid. But I was accepted here and for that I’m also very grateful.

    So glad that one hot 23-yr-old boy has bonded us all together in this friendship. I’ve met so many nice people here, people that I actually communicate with outside of LTR. Thank you. I wish you both the best and long live LTR and LTT. Don’t ever go away…because I don’t know what I’m gonna do, where would I channel my robsession? :-)

    You girls rock!
    XO

    • SO true!

    • hmmm the pressure is on:)

    • So UC and Moon, what she said. I read this and LTT at 7:00 this morning and every time I tried to type my thoughts, I just couldn’t do it. I don’t know if it was the twin 5-year-olds begging me to play Indiana Jones all day or the fact that I got teary-eyed every time I tried to comment. Either way, I love what you do, I love that we are all here every day, and I love that LTT/LTR have become one of the only constants in my crazy life other than my husband. Love you girls. I may or may not be off to finally write my “How I fell for Rob” letter to you. Feel free to wait with bated breath. JK!

      • Yay, you’re gonna write a letter to Rob? Cool! I’ve been meaning to but it just never happens. :-)

        Were you babysitting today?

        XO

        • Totally babysitting yesterday. I am an au pair for a family. I will be really sad to leave them when we move. The kids are great and the mom has become a good friend of mine. I got her hooked on Twilight this summer and we went to see New Moon together!
          I am planning to write a “How I fell for Rob” letter at some point. I don’t care of Moon and UC publish it or not. Just wanted to put it out there. I will send it to you when I finally get around to writing it ;)
          Did you get my email tonight?

  46. Happy anniversary! I already commented on LTT so I’ll try to keep it brief over here and just say thank you to both you and Moon for all you do for the fans of your two sites and for keeping it real. Y’all have made my days much happier and I’m grateful. Y’all make the Twi universe a much better place!

  47. thank you, thank you, thank you. *gives uc a big hug*
    now i’m all sniffy. so grateful for you guys, keep it up!

  48. I always knew that there was more to the story of how you and Moon brought this blog to life.

    Now that I have had a moment to wipe the tears, I just want to say, I remember the day vividly when I found LTT. I read your letter to Xiaver (sp?) about what he was getting himself into, when he got the role as Riley. I was at work, thank god I was alone, because it made me laugh so hard, and made me feel like I wasn’t alone, in my insane fondness of all things Twilight.

    Congrads on keeping this going for a year. You ladies bring so much joy to people’s lives, and hears to you getting some love back. Thanks for showing a picture of you two without the ribbon.

    Hugs and Kisses to you both.

    • haha.. you’re welcome- for the picture part.. did you notice though? RAY-BANS!

  49. No fair on the crying at 8am…I love your blogs and you two are amazing women. I am sorry for your loss UC, I cannnot even begin to imagine.

  50. UC, your letter….I had no idea about your mom….I am so sorry and deeply touched by your words.

    Ladies, happy anniversary! Because of you I have met some of the greatest people ever and I laugh each and every day and it’s great to have a place to come to share the fondness of Rob! I have never encountered such great wit before in my life!

    I remember I came across LTR when I was in San Jose, CA at my sister’s for Christmas last year. I was youtubing Rob and came across the blog and sat and laughed and laughed to the point where my family asked me what the hell was so funny.

    Here’s to another great year!

    Cheers!
    XO


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