Seriously? I answered that question 2 minutes ago. The answer was lame then. It will be lame now

Dear Rob,

Are you as tired of answering questions about the hardest scene to shoot (The Break-up scene) or your favorite scene to shoot (The night before the break-up in front of Bella’s house) and how Twilight differs from New Moon (duh) and how difficult it was to play dream sequence Edward (it was hard- because it isn’t Edward- you asked Kristen how she would play it) as I am of hearing the answers? I can’t even imagine what you’re going through answering this crap over and over again. Then again, I’m not getting paid to listen to it- you’re getting paid to answer the questions. Hmm. Okay, I have the worse end of the deal.

Anyway, like Moon yesterday, I’m not even halfway into all the crap that has come out since Friday and Saturday. I’m overwhelmed. I need you to slow down a little bit, ok? Or at least stop doing 8 minute interviews breaking down how you got into the Edward Cullen mindset. Or do something to spice it up. I gave you a few suggestions a few weeks ago. How about next time someone asks about the chemistry of Edward & Bella in New Moon you go on about your palatial pad & the fun you have with microwaves. And when the interviewer stares at you blankly gasp and say, “Oh, did you say Edward and Bella!? I thought you meant Kristen & I. Sorry I confuse us just like the majority of our fans.”

Anyway, onto business. A few things stuck out to me as I was falling asleep watching really enjoying all the news and videos of the past few days:

MTV & Fandango polled their readers asking the question:

“Which of these young actors will be the first “Twilight Saga” veteran to win an Oscar in their career?”
Actors and final answers
a) Robert Pattinson (43%)
b) Kristen Stewart (23%)
c) Anna Kendrick (1%)
d) Dakota Fanning (29%)

False. The question was not, “Which of these young actors are the most attractive.” It was who will be the first to win an Oscar. The correct answer would be Dakota Fanning. (Imdb says she has won 17 awards and has been nominated for 16. Which makes no sense.) Or quite possibly Anna Kendrick. The girl is legit. Or maybe Michael Welch is going to surprise us all and become the next Philip Seymour Hoffman. Moon saw Phil eating alone out in L.A. the other night so I pretty sure he’s not getting laid. And we know no one is banging Michael Welch. It could happen. But Rob Pattinson winning an Oscar? Hmm.. I’m pretty sure the Brad-Pitt effect is in full force here and Rob, you’re too pretty for the critics to take seriously. Sorry to break it to you…*

What “Do” would not look tight (:50)

Did you smoke a little weed before you went into that interview because you weren’t sure how you were gonna survive Slater without it?  Did you forget to take off the plastic wrap off that hot pocket you ate the night before and it melted and mixed in with the pepperoni and you ate it causing the chemicals to go to your brain? Does Kristen’s grandpop look remarkably similar to Jack Nicholson and she swore she’d send Taylor Lautner & his karate moves after you if you ever criticized a member of her family? Did you really say that you like THIS Haircut of Jack Nicholson’s? This isn’t a haircut. This is Jack, praying every day that he can one day in the future get a hair cut again. That “Jack Nicholson thing where it kinda ‘goes up’” is called a receding hair line. So far you aren’t taking after your hero in that respect (Although you are right about Bradley Cooper. His hair kinda “goes up” too)

You got a new hat

And with every new article of clothing (and in this picture I believe you’re modeling at least 12 pieces) I feel you’re sending us a message. Sure, the “LB” on this hat could be some sports team I’m unaware of because the last time I was physically active was when I was in 7th grade and played softball for 2 weeks until I got shin splints and quit because of the pain (aka I didn’t like that I was sweating) and I married a musician. We don’t know so much about the sports in this house. (But we do own a pink hammer).  Then again, I don’t know that you’re the biggest sports fanatic either, so I’m going to go back to my initial thought that you’re sending us a message:

• LB stands for pound (lb) and is a homage to the British pound and you’re rubbing it in your American fans faces that the pound is so much stronger than the dollar. Therefore you’re richer than Michael Welch since you’re British. Also you’re richer because you’re Robert Pattinson and he’s Michael Welch. Nice. Way to rub it in his face.
• You know that next week there is a beach BBQ being held in California for LTT/LTR gals in town for the New Moon premiere, but you’d rather we hold it at Long Beach. We’ll change our plans Rob, for you. But just so you know, you’re gonna need to lose the layers….. ifyouknowwhati’msayin’
• You have a sudden love for the band Limp Bizkit and they sent you a tour hat because they’re so thrilled to still have at least one fan.
• You hooked up with a girl from Long Beach state and stole her hat, sending us the message that you’re not, in fact, tied down to Kristen and you are very willing to partake in random hook-ups as long as there is something to steal that compliments your wardrobe. I have a pair of Christmas socks that I believe would keep your little piglets perfectly warm during long flights to and from Europe. You’re welcome to come by, randomly, and see if you think you might like to steal them…

So I hope your flight to Europe went well (although I’m sure your toes were cold) and we’ll see you in Long Beach next week- I’ll bring the Heineken. In the meantime, the next time an interviewer asks you the best thing about being Edward, instead of some bullshit answer about not being a werewolf, open up your wallet and pull out a handful of British pounds and wave them in the interviewer’s face saying “I get a lot of these….”

Good to see you smiling again!
UnintendedChoice

Poor Michael Welch! What did he do to me? Why did I pick on him today!? Also, I forget what I learned in economics. If Rob gets paid in US dollars, that’s not a good thing for him, right? Cuz it’s less in British pounds. I’m confused. Been out of college too long. Also don’t really care. Rob has plenty of money to buy $.50 shirts and steal hats from Cameron Stewart’s room (Kristen’s brother) that are just from his 5 week stint at a local community college in the Valley. PapaStew hoped he would amount to something in life, but he just wants to smoke the tree, ‘mon.

*Bring on the discussion. It’s way to early in Rob’s career to actually discuss this with anything to back us up- but can you see Rob having the curse of Brad Pitt and being deemed too pretty to be taken seriously in his acting career?

Talk about the tree, or whatever, on The Forum
And see what Brilliant stuff Moon has for you on LTT

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