Breaking down Harper’s Bazaar! Leg Hair, Wayne Brady and TGIF

Dear Rob,

Guess what! Those Harper’s Bazaar folks must be jealous biotches who can’t share the spot light with your Vanity Fair hottness, because what came out a day after your Cape Cod photo shoot for US? Yup, these Harper’s Bazaar pics and after Twitter almost melted down from mass twi-hysteria today we’re here to break them down like we always do…

Breaking down the Harper’s Bazaar pictures Vanity Fair Style (hmmm sorry VF and HB!)

Who wears short shorts? Nair for short short!

The one where we subscribe

Moon: Ah yes and here we have the new cover of Mortuaries Monthly
UC: the new cover of “Guys you wanna do who wear leather” monthly
Moon: and girls who you covet their footwear monthly. biotch.
UC: effff me. i want her footwear
Moon: ugh sometimes life isnt fair and this is one of those times
UC: i think they are Loubs? Do they have a red bottom?  hard to tell- it looks it
Moon: its too bad she doesnt rock it this hard in real life
c
The one about electrolysis

Moon: i think they borrowed this skirt from the rings of nibelungs set- rob brought it with him
UC: you’re right. is she wearing slightly blue tights?  or it was just cold that day…?

She's got legs, she knows how to use them!

Moon: OMG zoom in dude she has NOT shaved in like 3 weeks AT LEAST. Those are not tights that is LEG HAIR! i knew pacific NW was cold but DAMN thats some lumberjack shit
UC: hahaha omg girl!! you KNEW we’d be coveting your shoes! was tht a lil “eff you” to everyone… “i might dress hot but i’m not gonna shave”
Moon: kstews keeping that shit REAL. Like real real
UC: looks like some major razor burn going on
Moon: the wardrobe dept gays were like GIIIIRRRLLL you best be setting up some laser removal appts even we don’t roll like that!
UC: dude they’re on roses! I didnt notice!
Moon: yes they’re so “bed of roses” Christian Slater right now. That was the set up theme. Ok,  i need to zoom out her sasquatch leg is creeping me out
UC: did you zoom in over the package? i did
Moon: not much going on in the package area
UC: except some crumbs from lunch
Moon: those pants are squeezing him tighter than a sausage casing. That’s like grandma in her support hose or as Truvy said “I bet you money she’s paid $500 for that dress and doesn’t even bother to wear a girdle. It’s like two pigs fighting under a blanket” he’s probably begging for mercy

Follow the cut for more on hermaphrodites, sitcoms and hefty bags

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The one about hermaphrodites

Leader of the pack! Vrrroooomm vrrrooommm!

Moon: rob’s totally about to pop a wheely on that motorcycle. He’s like HAHAHA kristens trying to be sexy and i’m going to throw her off this bike!!
UC: is that a green screen or are they moving? It looks so weird
Moon: no theyre like riding so it looks blurred. Riding like 5 mph since rob isn’t exactly Evil Knievel
UC: right
Moon: you can see her weave pieces. AGAIN
UC: again they did an awful job.  the thing looks great but come on hide the glue
Moon: dude they were leaving a lot for the photoshop folks: hair, weave glue, leg hair, fake packages
UC: if you think Rob was smushed in the LAST picture in his package area, now he’s RiDING in those pants legs up dangggg he didn’t need a condom next time he had the sex.
Moon: thats like the worst kind of reverse wedgie
UC: those swimmers weren’t going anywhere
Moon: his penis inverted. kstew will have to use HERS to ef HIM
UC: right he couldn’t do it for a few weeks and by then the hairy legs were outta control
Moon: strike me dead now robsten lovers/kstew shippers for that last comment
UC: you’re dead clearly

My sorority sisters are gonna LOVE this lighthouse!

The one about a Gay lighthouse

Moon: where do you think they’re going on the bike?
UC: Gay Head. Rob told her about it she thought it sounded nice
Moon: shes loves a gay old time- she texted Nikki Reed and told her to meet her there. Rob’s just the beard (like we knew all along)
UC: right. they wanted to lobby the town to change the name to a more specific type of gay: Lesbian Head
Moon: fake lesbian head was taken. that’s on every sorority row in every college town
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The one with Wayne Brady

I'm RPattz, bitch!

Moon: how about we move on to my personal fave?
UC: wonder WHY it’s your personal fav
Moon: “Is wayne brady gonna have to choke a bitch?!” they’re so reenacting the Chapelle show skit. you KNOW all they watch is crap like south park and chapelle show when theyre high
UC: yes they totes do. Robsteners think they make love in front of a fire but they really eat cheetos and watch chappelle  after a quickie in the shower
Moon: that’s their magicness
UC: rob’s hand has the quickie & kstew is on a beer run. that is magic
Moon: that is TRUE love! they’re waiting just like bella and Edward till breaking dawn
UC: right they just tempt each other with cheeto crums crumbs and beer
Moon: no sex till the 4th movie is confirmed and she becomes a vampire. everyone talks bout them being “method” and its true-
hj’s in the shower instead
UC: Kristen read our post yesterday and is thinking of dumping corona on herself to see if Rob wants to lick it off
Moon: he will but that’s it
UC: doesn’t want to waste a drop of perfectly good Mexican beer
Moon: only 2nd base and a beer shower- It’s almost as good as the real thing then shes good for at least another week
UC: it gets her cleaner- actually kills the germs
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The one where the Intern gets fired

But what about Andre?

Moon: That’s why the wardrobe dept put her in THIS dress from the Hefty Bag couture line. No designer wanted their clothes actually touching her body. Body grease and bong water is hard to get out
UC: right, so an intern improvised and got a raise
Moon: i mean thats some project runway shiz right there. Tim Gunn gave the intern a hefty bag, some duck tape, a couple Xanax and said “MAKE IT WORK PEOPLE!”
UC: and make it work they did! and then leaked the pics to their sorority “fake lesbian head” partners and got fired

UC: do you think she’s standing on Taylor?
Moon: yea taylors definitely on all fours underneath her. they take him around for odd jobs like that and then after the shoot he used her dress and cleaned up the craft services tables and emptied all the ash trays
UC: I just asked a man his thoughts (aka Mr. Choice) I showed him the pic he stared. Then I said “Do you think she looks good?” he shrugged and then I asked if he thought HE looked good and he said “yes, I think he looks good”
Moon: men love the paddleston! ask him wtf rob is doing
UC: he said drinking her blood. but i think he’s blowing on her boo-boo i think taylor bit her
under the dress
Moon: he’s definitely got a choke hold on it. he likes to choke a lot of stuff
Moon: her, her arm, the chicken
UC: her neck her arm the chicken
Moon: JINX
UC: JINX
Moon: Tara Sue Me and the the Dom/sub FF folks will be happy to know this
UC: SOO happy

The one where we figure out where the real palatial pad is

This is how we dress in "OUR HOME"

UC: dude that mansion is amazeballs and his boots could kick some major ass. some major cowboy ass. some major gay cowboy ass
Moon: now THATS the “palatial pad”
UC: YES that IS a palatial pad maybe they stayed there that night got their cheeto crumbs in one of the spacious rooms
Moon: in the all plaid drawing room
UC: and OK! peeked in the windows. Rob and Kristen aren’t allowed back
Moon: not after snubbing out their ciggies on the 100 yr old curtains
UC: in fact, the owners of the house were given access to these pictures… and they were so pissed about the puddle of corona still sitting on their drawing room floor that they leaked the pics
Moon: and got fired. from owning the house
UC: yep and now Rob owns it
Moon: and he’s getting a new patty as a guard dog. RIP
UC: RIP

The one with Stefan Urkel

Must see TV!

Moon: and now we saved the best for last! the cheesetastic headshots
UC: ah yes they set up an Olan Mills inside the drawing room
Moon: i mean this is like their promo shot for their new show on abc’s TGIF
Moon: right after full house of course
UC: what’s it called?  Family Doesn’t Matter- Beer Does
Moon: My Two Stoners
Bong by Bong

UC: mr. choice just said (peeking over my shoulder) “Gosh he looks so special there. look at how retarded he looks”
UC: he said it again “look at how retarded he looks” “Me and my retarded brother”
Moon: HAHAHA awwww i love how happy he looks
Moon: LIFE GOES ON!! rob is the new corky. kristen is obviously patti lupone

Folks were SO inspired by this photo here’s what they came up with…

(click to enlarge these)

via @Calliopeblabs

via @Tiffanized

Oh Rob, another day another photoshoot! I don’t know how we’re gonna manage all this up till d day on November 20th but we’re lovin’ the smile and the Olin Mills engagement photos. Keep ’em coming!

I’m Moon, Bitch!

What’d you think of the Haper’s Bazaar shoot? What were your favorites? Any tips for hiding weave glue?

Plan your TGIFridays at The Forum
November’s a crazy month TV wise, Jena has put together a handy dandy viewing guide over the at forum! Set your DVR’s now!
UC’s gotta lotta news to share on LTT