Rob lures us to the island with promises of a threesome and melted butter

Dear Rob,

Threesomes, fish tacos, Ryan Gosling and little cups of butter ? We must be breaking down your Vanity Fair photo shoot, Vanity Fair Style Obviously:

The one that was meant for us

UC: Do you get the feeling this photoshoot was meant for us? (and therefore Rob is meant for us?)
Moon: YES this photoshoot was like his GIFT to us. They asked him if he wanted to do a rocker set up or a goth one, and he was like NO we need to do Cape Cod/Martha’s Vineyard shoot for my girls
UC: right he knows that 7 years ago this fall we MET in Martha’s Vineyard.
Moon: I mean look he’s already waiting for the ferry. And he wanted to celebrate our meeting by doing a vanity fair spread for us cause he loves us THAT much
UC: right. even though we weren’t friends then and have no memories of you except for meeting that one time early in the morning in the bathroom, he did it for us
Moon: cause it’s our beginning
UC: It’s like he’s calling us back
Moon: yup and we’re coming rob…
UC: I never thought I’d go back- I loved my experience but it was a little uppity for me, but he’s showing us, “Look what our life can be” Big fluffy sweaters, lobster on our front porch…
Moon: dinner on the docks
UC: with the ocean in the background, a picnic in Gay Head…
Moon: Gay Head in the background (it’s a real place, trust); eating free wings at Seasons cause there’s nothing else to do; dragging a piano out by the ocean cause theres nothing else to do

I love Gay Head

UC: doing a photo shoot in the house in front of a painting of the lighthouse in your front yard (woah.. that’s the Gay Head lighthouse!) cause there’s nothing else to do; waiting in bed for us to join him cause there’s nothing else to do; thinking about the fun we’d have…

The one where we’re honest

UC: Be honest: if you could get Rob but it had to be a threesome with me, would you do it?
Moon: DUH I would do it!! who else would I do it with?!
UC: good I would too
Moon: think about the blog fodder!

Come here you two....

UC: OMG! We’d have so much blog content! “Breaking down our threesome”
Moon: Dear Rob and UC, remember that one time when we….
UC: we’d have the most popular you tube channel, that’s for sure
Moon: “When you made that one sound I TOTES laughed”
UC: “You sounded like a choo choo train when…” Seriously we need to do this. Threesome with Rob. For the blog, of course
Moon: Of course

The one with all the hate

Moon: I hate that jacket. it looks like a horse blanket
UC: It probably is. Do you think he bought that at that thrift store run by those Russians in Vineyard Haven?
Moon: he got it at that saturday “buy by the pound thrift store/junk yard” in edgartown
UC: Wow. We so weren’t friends. I didn’t know about that place. Sad

The one where we lost Calliope

This one is for you Calliope

UC: how much do you wanna bet he drank the little cup of butter? And then the photographer was like “Rob- Stop. This isn’t how they do it on the Cape”
Moon: DIP IT rob. OMG this is like Calliope porn with the lobster
UC: actually.. I haven’t heard from Calliope since this photo shoot came out.. hmm… I wonder if shes’ been ‘busy’ all day with a print out
Moon: shes currently making a shrine involving a plastic lobster bib. OMG is that a lobster roll I spy!?
UC: you know he ate all that food. He kept making silly faces so they had to spend a lot of time on this scene. So he kept asking for more lobster and a little bowl of butter to drink
Moon: look the beers half gone. They kept giving him new ones for continuity in the pictures
UC: Brookelockart pointed out it’s Rolling Rock, and, that might come in a green bottle, but that’s not the same…..
Moon: and later he has a Corona! I almost died. Mexican beer! He knows my heart!
UC: I know! Next thing you know he’ll be eating fish tacos and YOU’LL be missing for a day…. making a Taco/Rob shrine.
Moon: YUP- Fish taco shrine to rob- don’t mind the smell
UC: if I ever see him with a cupcake. It’s over. Done. I give up and die happy

This Heineken tastes different

The one where we fantasize about Nicolas Sparks

Moon: dude it’s SOOO The Notebook behind him
UC: oh you’re RIGHT
Moon: I keep waiting for Allie and Noah to row by
UC: we need to photoshop the geese in
Moon: I would die if he was in The Notebook
UC: They’re like “hey Rob… How’s Kristen? Sucks- you should’ve just kissed at the MTV movies awards. Then you’d be like us Rowing in a boat. Out in public”
Moon: “and then we beak up eventually. and then get back together. and then break up”
UC: what if The Notebook was a threesome? Noah, Allie, Rob??
Moon: That’d be almost as hot as me, you and Rob
UC: Back to McGossling: I’m so glad their relationship produced Ryan Gossling’s cute friend Zac.
Moon: Right because he and Ryan started a band- Dead Man’s Bones (seriously listen to this now)
UC: and played a show in Philly & LA where we fell for said cute friend. Well, mostly you fell I was distracted by the Goss.
Moon: I wanted them both in a Dead Man’s Bones/Moon sammy
UC: This breaking down is CLEARLY about threesomes
Moon: love how this turned into a Nicholas Sparks fantasy

Come and get this sweater. Yeah, you can give it to your dad for Xmas

The sweater…explained

UC: Do we love his pinky ring? It feels a little guido.
Moon: Its so his Edward Masen ring- the one they sell at Hot Topic
UC: Or maybe it’s a nice ring. He won a big waste management contract and got rich. Then bought a house on Cape Cod. Or Martha’s Vineyard.
Moon: Sad! Rob is very “new money “
UC: Right- he doesn’t know you’re not supposed to drink the butter out of the cup
Moon: but it trying to be OLD money with the vineyard house and the horses
UC: he’s confused. That’s why he wore that horse blanket- PLUS I think his lack of experience… and new money… made him walk into that women’s store and pick out this sweater
Moon: seriously I can’t figure out if I like the sweater
UC: I think I do. I mean, for my dad. I think I’m gonna get him this for Christmas
Moon: This is SOOO Stephanie Meyer’s EDWARD
UC: TOTALY. Rob was being really nice. A shoot in the vineyard for us and then a little sweater porn for Steph.
Moon: like I expect in the next photo shoot for him to be wearing the sleeveless button up. and the vineyard house to have a black leather sofa and gold brocade bedding. ACCEPTING IT NOW- there will NOT be a black leather sofa NOR gold brocade bedding in New Moon. THANK GOD
UC: SERIOUSLY! Thank the DILF

Moon: Regardless of the sweater he’s getting the corn out of his teeth
UC: I love a man who isn’t ashamed to floss
Moon: he cares about his gums
UC: you think he has one of those little disposable toothbrushes I saw at wal-mart the other day? He doesn’t want the gingivitis
Moon: a dentists dream patient
UC: Kristen has it and it makes her breath stink

The one with Moon’s personal romance novel

Moon: OH EM GEE- This is like the cover to my own personal romance novel
UC: OMG! I know what I’m getting you for xmas- one of those fan fic turned books where you can insert the names: “Moon & Rob do it here here and here.” And this will be the cover
Moon: NO I want this blown up in size 11×24 for my fire place- where rob will lay on the bearskin rug in his flannel in front of

UC: DO you think the piano bench broke? Too much lobster?
Moon: dude can you imagine hauling that thing outside? In the romance novel, Rob is a piano mover. He’s called to “move it and tune it.”
UC: His dream is to one day move his piano to Gay Head
Moon: he wants to play sonatatas on Gay Head while we listen on top of the light house
UC: naked
Moon: drinking cups of butter
UC: and eating fish tacos. And cupcakes
Moon: his wildest dreams
UC: ours too
Moon: We’ll pour mexican beer all over ourselves
UC: while reading Nick Sparks books and listening to the Dead Man’s Bones
Moon: He wrote a sonata for it called “Butter-cupcake-beer-orgy in EFF ME major”

Have you stopped swooning over this photoshoot yet? Good. We haven’t either. Continue on The Forum and then hear the rest of Moon’s adventures at the Billboard music conference on LTT

Also, you’re welcome for this:

Thanks always and forever to Robsessed. For everything. Ever.

And to Vanity Fair. For taking Rob wherever you took him (gay Head?) and making him look like this