Posted by: UC | November 3, 2009

Rob lures us to the island with promises of a threesome and melted butter

Dear Rob,

Threesomes, fish tacos, Ryan Gosling and little cups of butter ? We must be breaking down your Vanity Fair photo shoot, Vanity Fair Style Obviously:

ferryThe one that was meant for us

UC: Do you get the feeling this photoshoot was meant for us? (and therefore Rob is meant for us?)
Moon
: YES this photoshoot was like his GIFT to us. They asked him if he wanted to do a rocker set up or a goth one, and he was like NO we need to do Cape Cod/Martha’s Vineyard shoot for my girls
UC
: right he knows that 7 years ago this fall we MET in Martha’s Vineyard.
Moon
: I mean look he’s already waiting for the ferry. And he wanted to celebrate our meeting by doing a vanity fair spread for us cause he loves us THAT much
UC
: right. even though we weren’t friends then and have no memories of you except for meeting that one time early in the morning in the bathroom, he did it for us
Moon
: cause it’s our beginning
UC
: It’s like he’s calling us back
Moon
: yup and we’re coming rob…
UC
: I never thought I’d go back- I loved my experience but it was a little uppity for me, but he’s showing us, “Look what our life can be” Big fluffy sweaters, lobster on our front porch…
Moon
: dinner on the docks
UC
: with the ocean in the background, a picnic in Gay Head…
Moon
: Gay Head in the background (it’s a real place, trust); eating free wings at Seasons cause there’s nothing else to do; dragging a piano out by the ocean cause theres nothing else to do

gayhead

I love Gay Head

UC: doing a photo shoot in the house in front of a painting of the lighthouse in your front yard (woah.. that’s the Gay Head lighthouse!) cause there’s nothing else to do; waiting in bed for us to join him cause there’s nothing else to do; thinking about the fun we’d have…

The one where we’re honest

UC: Be honest: if you could get Rob but it had to be a threesome with me, would you do it?
Moon
: DUH I would do it!! who else would I do it with?!
UC
: good I would too
Moon
: think about the blog fodder!

bed

Come here you two....

UC: OMG! We’d have so much blog content! “Breaking down our threesome”
Moon
: Dear Rob and UC, remember that one time when we….
UC
: we’d have the most popular you tube channel, that’s for sure
Moon
: “When you made that one sound I TOTES laughed”
UC
: “You sounded like a choo choo train when…” Seriously we need to do this. Threesome with Rob. For the blog, of course
Moon
: Of course

The one with all the hate

horserobMoon: I hate that jacket. it looks like a horse blanket
UC
: It probably is. Do you think he bought that at that thrift store run by those Russians in Vineyard Haven?
Moon
: he got it at that saturday “buy by the pound thrift store/junk yard” in edgartown
UC
: Wow. We so weren’t friends. I didn’t know about that place. Sad

The one where we lost Calliope

robinbib

This one is for you Calliope

UC: how much do you wanna bet he drank the little cup of butter? And then the photographer was like “Rob- Stop. This isn’t how they do it on the Cape”
Moon
: DIP IT rob. OMG this is like Calliope porn with the lobster
UC
: actually.. I haven’t heard from Calliope since this photo shoot came out.. hmm… I wonder if shes’ been ‘busy’ all day with a print out
Moon
: shes currently making a shrine involving a plastic lobster bib. OMG is that a lobster roll I spy!?
UC
: you know he ate all that food. He kept making silly faces so they had to spend a lot of time on this scene. So he kept asking for more lobster and a little bowl of butter to drink
Moon
: look the beers half gone. They kept giving him new ones for continuity in the pictures
UC
: Brookelockart pointed out it’s Rolling Rock, and, that might come in a green bottle, but that’s not the same…..
Moon
: and later he has a Corona! I almost died. Mexican beer! He knows my heart!
UC
: I know! Next thing you know he’ll be eating fish tacos and YOU’LL be missing for a day…. making a Taco/Rob shrine.
Moon
: YUP- Fish taco shrine to rob- don’t mind the smell
UC
: if I ever see him with a cupcake. It’s over. Done. I give up and die happy

greenbeerRob

This Heineken tastes different

The one where we fantasize about Nicolas Sparks

Moon: dude it’s SOOO The Notebook behind him
UC
: oh you’re RIGHT
Moon
: I keep waiting for Allie and Noah to row by
UC
: we need to photoshop the geese in
Moon
: I would die if he was in The Notebook
UC
: They’re like “hey Rob… How’s Kristen? Sucks- you should’ve just kissed at the MTV movies awards. Then you’d be like us Rowing in a boat. Out in public”
Moon
: “and then we beak up eventually. and then get back together. and then break up”
UC
: what if The Notebook was a threesome? Noah, Allie, Rob??
Moon
: That’d be almost as hot as me, you and Rob
UC
: Back to McGossling: I’m so glad their relationship produced Ryan Gossling’s cute friend Zac.
Moon
: Right because he and Ryan started a band- Dead Man’s Bones (seriously listen to this now)
UC
: and played a show in Philly & LA where we fell for said cute friend. Well, mostly you fell I was distracted by the Goss.
Moon
: I wanted them both in a Dead Man’s Bones/Moon sammy
UC
: This breaking down is CLEARLY about threesomes
Moon
: love how this turned into a Nicholas Sparks fantasy

robxmassweater

Come and get this sweater. Yeah, you can give it to your dad for Xmas

The sweater…explained

UC: Do we love his pinky ring? It feels a little guido.
Moon
: Its so his Edward Masen ring- the one they sell at Hot Topic
UC
: Or maybe it’s a nice ring. He won a big waste management contract and got rich. Then bought a house on Cape Cod. Or Martha’s Vineyard.
Moon
: Sad! Rob is very “new money “
UC
: Right- he doesn’t know you’re not supposed to drink the butter out of the cup
Moon
: but it trying to be OLD money with the vineyard house and the horses
UC
: he’s confused. That’s why he wore that horse blanket- PLUS I think his lack of experience… and new money… made him walk into that women’s store and pick out this sweater
Moon
: seriously I can’t figure out if I like the sweater
UC
: I think I do. I mean, for my dad. I think I’m gonna get him this for Christmas
Moon
: This is SOOO Stephanie Meyer’s EDWARD
UC
: TOTALY. Rob was being really nice. A shoot in the vineyard for us and then a little sweater porn for Steph.
Moon
: like I expect in the next photo shoot for him to be wearing the sleeveless button up. and the vineyard house to have a black leather sofa and gold brocade bedding. ACCEPTING IT NOW- there will NOT be a black leather sofa NOR gold brocade bedding in New Moon. THANK GOD
UC
: SERIOUSLY! Thank the DILF

Moon: Regardless of the sweater he’s getting the corn out of his teeth
UC
: I love a man who isn’t ashamed to floss
Moon
: he cares about his gums
UC
: you think he has one of those little disposable toothbrushes I saw at wal-mart the other day? He doesn’t want the gingivitis
Moon
: a dentists dream patient
UC
: Kristen has it and it makes her breath stink

robpianoThe one with Moon’s personal romance novel

Moon: OH EM GEE- This is like the cover to my own personal romance novel
UC
: OMG! I know what I’m getting you for xmas- one of those fan fic turned books where you can insert the names: “Moon & Rob do it here here and here.” And this will be the cover
Moon
: NO I want this blown up in size 11×24 for my fire place- where rob will lay on the bearskin rug in his flannel in front of

robfellpianoUC: DO you think the piano bench broke? Too much lobster?
Moon
: dude can you imagine hauling that thing outside? In the romance novel, Rob is a piano mover. He’s called to “move it and tune it.”
UC
: His dream is to one day move his piano to Gay Head
Moon
: he wants to play sonatatas on Gay Head while we listen on top of the light house
UC
: naked
Moon
: drinking cups of butter
UC
: and eating fish tacos. And cupcakes
Moon
: his wildest dreams
UC
: ours too
Moon
: We’ll pour mexican beer all over ourselves
UC
: while reading Nick Sparks books and listening to the Dead Man’s Bones
Moon
: He wrote a sonata for it called “Butter-cupcake-beer-orgy in EFF ME major”

Have you stopped swooning over this photoshoot yet? Good. We haven’t either. Continue on The Forum and then hear the rest of Moon’s adventures at the Billboard music conference on LTT

Also, you’re welcome for this:

Thanks always and forever to Robsessed. For everything. Ever.

And to Vanity Fair. For taking Rob wherever you took him (gay Head?) and making him look like this

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Responses

  1. “Butter-cupcake-beer-orgy in EFF ME major” BAHAHAHA, you crack me up, as usual.

    That piano picture really is something out of my wildest dreams but I currently have Sepia-Corona-drinking-Rob-in-Pyjama’s as my desktop background. Yummy.

    I love Gay Head.

    • Gay Head is my new favorite place in America.

      • Do you think the pics were taken at Gay Head? Because you KNOW Rob would have thought that was hilarious. I bet he started giggling and all the serious VF people looked at him with disapproval and he though “I wish there was somewhere I could go where everyone has a great sense of humour like me and we can laugh about everything that is funny about my life.”

        • I giggle when reading about Gay Head. You seem to have fit the perfect sentence to have Rob’s perfect lips say. BAHAHAHA!

          **raises hand** Rob over here….everyone (meaning me) has a perfect sense of humor!

          lol.

    • Hilarious………. Have just now picked myself up off the floor from this shoot. Thank you, VF!!! Can’t wait to get my copy! :)

  2. I can’t breathe right due to these pictures. I’m gonna come out and state it right now. I love both the sweater and blue pea coat. I don’t know why…don’t ask. I think the blue makes his eyes look pretty (er) and the sweater looks like something I’d wear in the middle of winter in front of the fireplace with some hot chocolate.

    And let’s not even get me started on the piano pictures, because it may acutally kill me.

    Oh, UC, there’s NO SUCH THING as too much lobstah…

    • I agree. I love the sweater and the blue *plaid* pea coat. See @Cecpet below for the same reason I love the sweater. And the coat… just … the outtake of him … in the coat leaning against the store window … with the popped collar … and the white tee … with the peeking waistband … I just … I can’t … *Died*

      • Is that a TWEED, PLAID pea coat?

        Or is is wool?

        No matter, it’s beautiful.

        I love you, Rob.

    • Rob could seriously wear a tea cozy and look hot*…

      *As long as he is bathed and clean. Slightly scruffy helps.

    • Totes agree with you about the blue coat… Rob is divine in blue/green/red/yellow/orange/grey/brown/black/white… and pretty much every colour except pink.

      They make him look smexy. *stares dreamily into space

      • He looks good in anything….he could be wearing a burlap sack and I’d still be turned on.

  3. Awsome shoot – pyjamas, shoes with no socks, beer and ciggies – effing sexiest thing ever who’d of thunk it !!

    And the day you write about the threesome the blog will probably explode with congratulations who cares you had to share you do everything else together ha ha ha !!

    • Awesome – so good I can’t type coherently

  4. Gotta love nouveau riche Rob.

    His neighbors all pretend to like him, and they’ll come over for his big annual lobster boil, but they shudder whenever he raises his hand with the pinky ring to give them a butter-cup toast.

    • thats the best mental image ever!! a toast with a butter cup and pinky ring!

  5. OH. MY. GOD.
    All I can say is THANK GOD we get international VFs here because I would die if I could not get my hands one this.
    Oh and when you started talking about The Notebook you kinda lost me for a minute. Best. Movie. Ever.
    Mmmmmmmmmmmmmm.
    Anywho. I guess the fact that Rob and I both have pinky rings means we’re meant to be, right? Yeh, I thought so too! haha

    xox

  6. I’ll be honest. I actually hate this photo shoot.

    It makes me have very naughty fantasies about a man other than my husband and I think that’s probably wrong.

    But it’s never stopped me before.

    I actually don’t mind the blue coat. The off-white sweater, however, looks like something one of his sisters let him borrow.

    • not wrong just normal ;)

    • Ohhh so I’m NOT the only one feeling bad about the “other than my husband” fantasies. This photoshoot. Oh. My. Yum.

      Signed,
      Guilty over Rob Porn

    • I said it yesterday…I hate Rob and I hate these pictures.

      I hate them because of all the dirty thoughts I have and the fact I have no one to take those dirty thoughts out on.

      So, I hate them!!

      • But is it worse to have dirty thoughts and no one to take them out on or to fantasize about Rob while acting out the dirty thoughts with your significant other?

        These are the philosophical questions of life that Rob porn bring us.

        • Well, this thought was brought up in Bull Durham. During a hot session between Annie and Ebbie Calvin, Annie was yelling Crash’s name. Ebbie was getting upset and Annie asked him…”Would you rather me be effing him using your name or effing you using his?”

          He smiled and they continued.

          So for a guy I think he would rather reap the benefits.

          • I love that you just quoted Bull Durham. And I love Crash Davis.

          • To make another movie reference….

            “just when I thought I was out…. they pull me back in!!!!”

            (VF, that is.)

            scuze me while I channel some Michael Corleoni!

            I hope the “timing” of this VF shoot is not lost on anyone? i’d say his management is finally earning their keep.

            And all us waning Robsessors… just got a “shot in the arm”.

            thank you.

    • Should I feel guilty about tinkering with the thought of having the DH buy a big fluffy sweater AND a piano?? Would it be worth the odd stares when I ask him to eat some corn on the cob while giving a sultry stare?

      • I did wonder, after I closed my gaping mouth, why would one give sultry stares while eating corn? That must be some good shizz

    • Poor guy.. channeling his inner “Claudia”… oh the nightmares his sisters caused him….. (the sweater is a no-go) haha

  7. I love the sweater. And Rob could actually be wearing a horse blanket and he’d still look hot in it. And let’s just say that Mr. Fursploded was VERY happy about these pics last night…whether he knew it or not.

    • horse blanket, saddle…whatever you’re into Rob it’s ok with me.

    • I think it’s appropriate that Rob wear a horse blanket… or saddle?

      Should I stop there?

      • No.

    • The benefits the Mr.’s get without even knowing the source!!!

  8. Love it when you two doing breaking it down a la vanity .
    Hobo Rob had turn to rich old man Rob. Dancing Rob seems so long ago.

  9. Horse blanket….(insert dirty metapor here) ;)

    This was HILARIOUS!!!

    ANYHING is better than that sleeveless button-up…i still have to think really hard of sexy Rob when i read that bit…
    *shudder*

    I <3 Lobster bib…sigh….

  10. I love the piano pictures. Piano Rob number two is like “Eff that Sonata. Come here.” If I had a fireplace, that picture would be above it.

    Vanity Fair could make a celebrity portrait book with just pictures of Rob. I want to find the photographer that brought us this magic and give him a big smoochy kiss on the cheeck!

    • Oh lord, if there was such a book I would need to buy duplicate copies. One for my house, one for work, and one for my car.

      • I ogled their fantastic book with portraits of other celebrities this weekend… so pretty… yet so expensive… My Christmas wish list is beginning to take a shape.

    • I had dirty thoughts when I saw him sitting on that piano stool!

  11. You had me at “butter”…

    *Brushes self off after falling on the floor*

    After such a loooooooooooooong dry spell of not seeing Rob, these pictures are, well, effin HOTT. I’ve never wanted to rip someone’s cable knit sweater off of someone so fast before. And I also have a hankering for some corn on the rob, I mean cob.

    • I <3 corn on the rob. YUM!

    • I just snorted out loud when I read this. My sentiments exactly. Thank you.

      • You’re more than welcome :D

    • Good lord! that is some serious corn porn talk! Love it

    • Good lord! that is some serious corn porn talk! I Love it

      • HAHA!! Corn porn! I have to add that one to the list of all things awesome! :)

        • It’s not mine… I stole it from someone at LTR yesterday. Might have been fangbanger… or I might just like typing her/his name. :-)

  12. LOL so I totally just realized that you guys were breaking down the Vanity Fair pics Vanity Fair style. It’s the little things in life that amuse me.

    Vanity Fair will never cease to amaze me. Lets hope this shoot is like the last one… the gift that keeps on giving… a year from now I hope we are still getting outtakes. Ih and an hour long video to boot would be nice too :)

  13. I do believe that this VF magazine shall be the first mag I have bought solely for the purpose of ogling Rob. Kinda sad really.

    Also, the white sweater is “Gangster Rob” meets “New Money Rob.” Only gangsters wear their sweaters half on like that. Just imagine the sweater being red and Rob could be jumped in as the newest member of the Bloods (or blue and a member of the Crips – don’t wanna get on anyone’s bad side). :D

    • Not sad. Or we’re in the sad boat together. I think I might buy this one too (along with a few other mags to make it look like I’m just picking up my “usual” reading material and not to stare at Rob for hours on end).

    • I’m with you! I have never bought a magazine before with the sole purpose of ogling Rob… Though I may or may not have bought the Glamour issue that had the ‘Twilight Beauty’ feature.

      Plus, at least VF is a respectable magazine, unlike some other publications out there…

      Second plus, it has an interview with Larry Summers in it – that provides an additional excuse for me as an economist to buy it. yay!

      • You’re an economist?

        My economy teacher was from Belgium!

        Isn’t that where you’re from or am I making that up?

        • Nope, I’m from Belgium! And since we’re only ten million around here, there is a slight chance I might know him. :-) (Wouldn’t it be hilarious if he turned out to have been my neighbour or something?)

    • Eh. I just don’t know. I mean, I feel like, if ever I were to PAY for Robporn, it would be for this photoshoot. And then I think about actually having it IN the house. Hmmm. I dunno. I think my Covenant of Purity Contract may actually reference this particular situation, and I’d better look it over. I’d hate to have my purity ring revoked like Jayde yesterday.

      • BREAKING NEWS: I read my purity contract. Only refers to movie spoilage.

        Great news, guys! I can buy Harper’s Bazaar!!!

        • :D

    • I (barely) resisted buying the GQ; only my total inability to explain away the purchase of a men’s mag to my DH stopped me.
      But Vanity Fair I can throw on my coffee table with no shame…
      well at least no visible shame – thank the lord he isn’t a mind reader!

  14. Rob is looking good. And by looking good I mean HOT.

    Maybe he thought “Well, they haven’t seen me in a month, so i’ll just look freakin’ sexy in the next VF shoot and they’ll forgive me”

  15. I loved your breakdown again ladies! Thanks for reminding me of the sleeveless button up and the gold brocade bedding and how the thought of its absence will make every scene look perfect. Maybe Bella was crying so loudly because she was angry she didn’t get to see the button up. She wanted to at least have that visual of Edward before he left. It would have eased the pain, without a doubt.

    “EFF ME major” LMAO Brilliant! It’s my new favorite key, for Rob songs only.

    Ow and Robster owns my effin’ ass.

    • LMAO!!! @ ROBSTER!

      Umm. crusty man crustacean = Buttery Robsterliciousness

    • LOVE Robster!

      How can any man be so pretty, yet so ruggedly sexy at the same time?

    • I am sitting at my desk right now about to pee myself because I am laughing so freaking hard over “Robster”!! That is brilliant!!!!! :) Robster for the win!

    • You could also call him Lobert. Robster may just be a tad too provocative for the Robsteners – to see their dearest Kristen replaced by a crustacean… It would make for some nice photoshopping opportunities though.

      • Hey, hey, there – we can take a joke! Hahaha. Haha. Ha.

        Robster. You’re good! That’s so funny.

        P.S. Haven’t you seen the mullet? Obviously, Rob has already dipped his KStew in butter.

        • Hey StotheP…Just came across this by accident and thought you might enjoy. Kiefer is my original vampire crush. http://www.nydailynews.com/entertainment/movies/galleries/the_lost_boys_where_are_they_now/the_lost_boys_where_are_they_now.html

          • LOVE IT. AND it caused me to have a flash of brilliance.

            Picture this: Robert Pattinson AND Keifer Sutherland. Now THAT is a threesome I can get behind! Or, you know, wherever . . .

            Say it with me!

            I’m gonna need . . . TWO VAMPIRES!

        • I can’t reply to your reply, but…

          Yeah, I quite agree. And we already know Rob likes mullets, so ’87 Kiefer would work well.

  16. I love the sweater pictures. It´s something a good looking Swedish guy would wear on an autum day like this (below 40F, yellow leafs falling of the trees and really windy). Imagine blond, still a bit tan from the summer, tall and broad shoulders… Hmmm, works for Rob to :-)

    • I’m thinking of #HotAlex (Alex Skarsgard)…

      ANNNNNNNDDDDDDDD…..I’m done!

      • Ok…that did me in. Rob was enough and then you had to go there and mention Alex. Whew.

        • And again . . . I’m gonna need TWO VAMPIRES!

          As opposed to two dragons? Anyone? Bueller? Anyone?

  17. I love these photos. And now we know where he has his lobster hat from! I bet you ten bucks he nicked it from the wardrobe lady.

    Someone at pattisonlife referred to the sweater photos as “HemingPattz”, that made me giggle :)

    • You are such a sleuth!! Of course that’s where the hat came from. So if he always takes a souvenir from the places he’s been… Do you suppose he has pieces of mullet with him?

      I can’t wait to give him a souvenir…

      • Thumb down? I meant thanks for figuring it out and sharing it with us… But I just re-read my comment and it didn’t sound like that. No sarcasm was intended….scout’s honor.

        • I didn’t give you the thumb down, Xylem!

      • I’m totally thinking that he kept the microphone and a strand of Hugh Jackman’s hair after singing karaoke with him :D

        • when did that happen? and were can I lust after it?

    • Ok, if that is the case does that mean we will get vintage Yankees pictures…I’m thinking Rob doing the “I’m the luckiest man-man-man alive-live-live” circa Pride of the Yankees channeling Lou Gehrig. In a pinstripe uniform holding his bat?

      Wow, Gary Cooper and Rob in the same thought, I might have found my perfect heaven!

      • holding his bat…that’s what she said.

  18. Poor Rob hated that old man sweater so much he couldn’t even bring himself to put it all the way on.

    I think this is really how Rob lives his life. Kristen tried to drag him down into the dark underbelly of mullets and flannel, and this is him breaking free. Linens and horseblankets, butter and beer. This is Rob’s life.

    • I read “butter and beer” as butterbeer and had Harry Potter moment. You know Cedric was down with the butterbeer.

      • Cedric got trashed on the butterbeer. That’s why Cho liked him better. He was a bad boy. All she wanted was to “alohomora” Cedric’s robes. He had on flannel under there. They used to sneak out to do it in the Forbidden Forest.

        • Hahaha!! WIN.

        • Alohomora his robes, petrificus totalus his phallus.

          • omg, horny HP nerdfest happening right here and I really really like it.

          • You rhymed that on purpose didn’t you? Win!

          • Bahaha, you got me rolling on the floor with laughter for ‘petrificus totalus on his phallus’. Brilliant! Loving this self-declared horny HP fest, and am now very sorry that I didn’t buy the box with the first 5 HP dvds in London this weekend. What was i thinking when I bought The Godfather box instead? I should go sit in a corner as punishment now.

          • Keep it up, people. Keep being all witty and inside-jokey, and maybe I MIGHT read one of those Harry Potter books all the kids talk about.

          • The fact that I understand these jokes and find them hellaciously funny makes me a little sad….what happened to me? I feel like a took a nose dive off the of the adulthood platform. Wheeee!

      • I thought the same thing about ‘butterbeer’…which by the way is gross.

        • Is it real? I thought it was made up. Though I would like to try some pumpkin juice. Tis the season and all that.

          • From Mugglenet…

            Ingredients:

            1 cup (8 oz) club soda or cream soda
            ½ cup (4 oz) butterscotch syrup (ice cream topping)
            ½ tablespoon butter

            Directions:

            Step 1: Measure butterscotch and butter into a 2 cup (16 oz) glass. Microwave on high for 1 to 1½ minutes, or until syrup is bubbly and butter is completely incorporated.

            Step 2: Stir and cool for 30 seconds, then slowly mix in club soda. Mixture will fizz quite a bit.

            Step 3: Serve in two coffee mugs or small glasses; a perfectly warm Hogwarts treat for two!

            Non-alcoholic…which could be why I don’t like it.

          • But I am sure you could use Butterscotch schnapps and it might be good.

          • That sounds good to me. But I’m a butterscotch freak.

          • Totally made that mugglenet butterbeer recipe! Haha. That turned out pretty good. Also tried treacle tart. FAIL! Had to sneakily throw the whole batch out in the woods behind my apartment!

    • This whole thread warms my heart.

  19. I can’t take it anymore. My will is completely and totally broken.

    This VF will be my very first Rob publication I have ever bought.

    The pictures are breathtaking, the colors and lighting. The fact he wears a clean, clearly drycleaned white shirt that he still managed to get all rumpled makes me want to…actually spend money on him.

    I have officially crossed over to the dark side. Someone bring me a cupcake!

    • Same here! I mean, I own GQ, but only because my bestie bought it for me (thanks, Mel!).

      Now… NOW, I voluntarily choose to buy this mag. le sigh. But c’mon! It’s worth it…. Sexy times with Rob. Very nice. ;)

  20. They did it again!

    Who is up for doing butter shots off of Rob? I know I am. Umm butter shots with a hobo lick chaser.

    “… we’re coming rob…”

    btw… The bendy Rob behind SUV is noticeably absent. Could there be a Robity Fair Breakdown part duex in the works or better yet, will it have it’s own breakdown all by itself? Umm bendy-post-coitus-Rob.

    • i believe we have some saved for a rainy day:)

    • Rob body shots? Woohoo!!! Count me in. I’ll start saving my pennies for the plane ticket. (I assume I’ll have to come to Rob)

      • you said “come to Rob” :)

  21. I like these pictures purely because they make him look older :)

    Older = Better = Cazza

    x

  22. I now understand it all KNOWING the location is Gay Head and putting Rob in front of Gay Head Lighthouse IT’S SUBLIMINAL !!!!

    In the interview he tells us no Robsten!
    What’s actually happened is Robsten is Summit’s invention to hide the fact that Rob is GAY!!!!
    Now that Eclipse is shot, {remember Rob originally signed a contract to do all 3 and agree to their terms with little expectation of there being more}, he now wants to come clean and is having to come out gradually so as not to disappoint all the fangirlies and give Mums a hard time trying to explain to their 9 yo why Edward doesn’t love Bella anymore and was pictured in the paper kissing Tomstu {THAT picture will NOT bother me!!} and so we have this photo shoot full of subliminal messages just so that when he says I’m gay we’ll all say “I always wondered you know..”
    Either way it’s all lush Robporn for me and as long as you share the video girls enjoy, enjoy, enjoy……..

    • RobStu!!!!!

      Their love will never die!!!

      • right on..
        LONG LIVE THE ORDER OF THE PLAID AND ROBSTU
        tomstu is my little cupcake (le sigh).
        x H

        ps. Ruby is probably 1/2 right.
        me thinks robbie likes both.
        but who cares right?
        we love him unconditionally.

    • Way to kill the dream, Ruby Tuesday!

      I had to give you a down thumb… Sorry.

      ———————————————————————————-

      I now have to give you an up thumb because I feel so terrible. :(

      • Well fuck. It just switches the thumbs back and forth. Can’t give both.

        NO INDECISION IS ALLOWED ON THIS BLOG!

        So, up thumb it is. Can’t carry that around on my conscience all day… ;)

    • That was like being smacked in the face with a fist of TRUTH.

    • For serious??

    • You shut your face. Lalalalalalalalalalalalalala I CAN’T HEEEEEAAAARR YOOUUU!!!

      • For all…….we are a blog based on ……..wait for it……….SARCASM!!!!!
        Though as a Mother of 20 year old gay son all I can say is “lalalalalalalalalala”
        Either way or even both ways Rob is always going ‘rock my boat’ cause I’m THAT’S NORMAL!!

        • Word, Ruby. Word.

    • Pshaw!

      Rob dresses too poorly, eats too atrociously and showers too infrequently to be gay. haha!

      • Thank heaven for that… Is it odd that now I have my fingers crossed that he doesn’t shower today, or this week or EVER! Hell, if keeping him dirty is going to keep him straight then I ban him from ever showering again! what? THAT’S NORMAL.

        • If Rob is gay I am getting a pene for Xmas. I’ll take it anyway I can get it. Roblovin’ FOREVER!

          • OHHHHHHH I’m laughing so hard right now! Please, I want to hear you sing, “All I want for Christmas is a sparklepeen, a sparklepeen . . .”

            Pulling a Chaz Bono for Rob – that’s devotion!

    • Ruby, ruby…. I think you’re on to something! Hate to say it… but it wouldn’t surprise me. No doubt, THAT’S what he’s always smirking about in all those gorgeous pics… but wait what about his old german girlfriend?

      Hmmmmmm? Maybe he’s a “switch-hitter”?

    • Ruby… i think you’re on to something here…. and I for one would not be surprised! It’s probably why he smirks so wonderfully in all his schmexy pics… he knows the truth… and he loves that it kills us anyway!
      but wait… what about his old german girlfriend????? Hmmmmmmmm?

      Maybe…. he’s a ‘switch-hitter”? Pride of the Yankees my ass. LOL!

  23. “Breaking down our threesome”-ROFLMAO!!

  24. The grandpa sweater and the wingtips are part of Rob’s current trend. They go perfectly with the tweed and the Werther’s Originals.

    • Did anyone else notice that he has on the EXACT same wingtips in the street pics from Japan a couple of days ago? Check it. Please tell me that I win the creepy-stalker-does-nothing-but-stare-at-Rob’s-new-pics-in-a-clearly-disturbing-microscopic-way award. And then tell me it’s Normal.

      http://www.robsessedpattinson.com/2009/11/2-hqs-of-robert-pattinson-out-and-about.html

      Eighth picture down:

      http://www.robsessedpattinson.com/2009/11/robert-pattinson-vanity-fair-outtakes.html

      • And could they be the same ones he wore in Cannes?

        I think so. They really stand out-they’re cool.

        • Pretty sure it’s the same thing!

    • I do think they look like the same shoes. I only hope he really wears them out sans stockings. Ankle hair needs to breathe.

  25. I was trying sooo hard to ignore these picture until I had the actual magazine to salivate over-thanks for destroying my resolve. I couldn’t not read this post.

    We visit a friend who rents a house that is very close to Gay Head. Now I can fantasize about laying on the beach with Rob, on his horse blanket (it itches), feeding one another butter. Which is also a handy lubricant when there’s no Rite-Aid around.

    which leads to this-I read this FF where Rob uses butter for just that purpose, and I found it so funny that I told my husband about it. He printed out a pic of Rob (shirtless, from NM) and stuck it on the butter compartment in the refrigerator, where it remains. We had both our families over this weekend (daughter’s bday) and I wonder what they thought of the half-naked man on the butter compartment?

    Anyway these pics are the hottest yet-I don’t mind he sweater or the horse blanket. I can’t wait to have the actual magazine to add to my stash.

    • “half-naked man on the butter compartment”

      That is amazing.

    • I kinda <3 your husband a LOT for that.

    • Isn’t this nice? My darling husband offered to pick it up tomorrow after work (he works nights) for me!!!! Haha, I can’t wait. I will be staring at these pics forever….I think I’ll put them on the bed too :-).

      Dazzled your hubby is a darling too! I remember you said he got you the Edward cutout poster!

  26. I’m going to be completely honest – I had become more or less indifferent toward Rob until about 48 hours ago. He wasn’t doing it for me anymore. And then I saw the piano shot… And the “outtake” of him in bed. Spark reignited.

    • agreed

    • To be honest, me too… I was close to believing in that there is nothing special about him. And here I am again, all refreshed.. :)

    • Ditto. Damn that man’s sexy… eyes.

    • Ditto. See how that damn movie promotion stuff works?

      Last week:”Oh, that RPattz guy is nothing special with his plaid and his jizz-stained pants and his trucker hat and his Heine. What a tool. I have no desire to see him mumble his unshowered way through a teenage vampire love flick.”

      Today: “Holy fuckenstein … Robert McGod Pattinson is the hottest thing of all time. I will bear his children and sell my own to get into that little cup of butter. I will see New Moon 85 times, at least, just to feel close to his beauty.”

      I feel violated and manipulated. I like it.

      • Wow. Well said…well said.

      • yea I know Summit is raping us without mercy

  27. this is getting redundant because i say this every time but best-breaking-it-down-ever! “I love Gay Head” omg

    and of course he did this photoshoot just for you – it’s his way of giving back to his fave ladies, Bunny and Noreen…he’s speaking in code to you just like when he buttons his flannels wrong 9 times out of 10 because he knows we obsess over that – i mean how can one person get that wrong so many times!! that’s his way of showing us some love, am i right?

    • i read that wrong and thought that the comment you said every time was “I love Gay Head.” you can imagine why i choked and spit my cereal out. lmfao

  28. oh yeah…forgot “EFF ME major” = WIN

  29. My heart skipped a beat when I saw him drinking my beer. Love the Rock.

    • yes!! i forgot that too…love him MORE for that

    • Rolling Rock is my beer of choice as well. Seeing his mouth on one made my um … heart … twitch.

      • In TN and a Rolling Rock fan? I knew you were good people!

  30. What I wouldn’t give to be sitting on that piano!! Major major HAWT!!!! In my next life I want to be a photographer!

  31. This pics are all kinds of gorgeous. It takes me back to the memories of my first original “porn” – the JCrew catalogue. My girlfriends and I in college only had the subscription so we could look at the scruffy men strategically placed on sailboats, throwing frisbee w/their dog, walking through high grass in heavy sweaters…HOT.

    It’s the simple things for me – just give me a well dressed beautiful man and my mind can imagine the rest.

    • Ah, the J.Crew catalog. That is some good porn. They used to feature Patrick Dempsey sometimes when I was in college.

  32. EFF ME major….

    Yes please, and I’ll raise you a dominant 7th!!!!!!!

    • Gawd I <3 you for being a fellow music nerd! Chording references FTW!

      • Music Nerds Unite!!!! <3

  33. ” I don’t have the strength to stay away from buttah” not my best MA accent

  34. Yum. Yum. Yum. Yum. Yum. I lit’rally can’t think of anything else to say.

  35. This photoshoot rocked my world. And my world is very close to the Cape. And “Gay Head” has always made me giggle. I love that you two know about it!

  36. Oh Rob, you took my breath away again….:-) Sigh.

  37. “Moon: dude can you imagine hauling that thing outside? In the romance novel, Rob is a piano mover. He’s called to “move it and tune it.””

    Rob can “move it and tune it” for me anytime, anyplace, ifyouknowwhatIamsayingandIthinkyoudo!!

    Love the breakdown girls! My alter ego loves threesomes!

  38. Love the breakdown, also love Gay Head, and miss Calli’s lobster. This was a crapton of awesomesauce.

  39. As a foreigner, today it’s quite hard for me to understand all your comments, so I had to ask my dictionary:

    “What the hell is a BREAKDOWN?”

    But I didn’t catch the meaning (you know, sometimes the suggestions are incomprehensible……..),
    so I have to ask my ladies around here…BREAK- DOWN ??? Is it something like…

    “With this shooting Rob BREAKs all the rules to make sb.(me) get going crazy so much so that I will go DOWN everytime everywhere even if he kept on the lobster bib?

    I really didn’t understand this thing today… wait a moment, I still have to look for the translation of “threesome”……………….OMG!

    • Moon & I started this blog b/c we “broke down” that 1 hour long crappy Video of Rob & Kristen at the Vanity Fair photoshoot last year.

      “Break down” means…. talk about. obsess about. talk about what it REALLY means… obviously some people ‘break down’ things seriously. We do not.

      Except for the part about the threesome. We really mean that there. Tell me when you look up the meaning. You’ll know why we’re being serious :)

      • Thank you UC!
        I looked up the meaning…and now I have another (very serious) question for you
        “Can I come with you? We could make a “foursome”…you know, even numbers are better numbers….pleasseee!

        • Foursome is more or less an “orgy” – are you familiar with that word? Or am I helping to further expand your vocabulary/corrupt you? ;)

        • hey sis-in-Rob are u sure you want a foursome? Don’t u want Rob all to yourself? Hmmm?

          • A big YES, You know me already…hahaha, but unless I get nothing….you know…compromises are the better solution….lol

  40. I’m obsessed with the sweater picture…I want to be IN that sweater with him. if only he had his raybans on with the sweater, my life would be complete and I could die happy!!

    • I’d die if he was wearing the Nikes and sweater AND Raybans. True story.

      • Me too. Rob in Raybans = sex.

  41. Hilarious – once again. You two crack me up.

    “EFF ME Major” my favorite part!

  42. I like the idea of Rob playing the sonatatas. Is that like one hand on the piano and the other on the ta-tas?

  43. I’m sorry, I just cannot get over this photoshoot. Best. Yet. And not just because he looks like he’s old money from the Cape that I could completely wreck in that bed. mmm… what? Daydreams. How will I explain to my co-workers why my work is not done?? Seriously, Rob. Seriously…

    • I know, right? How inconsiderate of him. The big (gorgeous, sexy, fantastic) brute.

      *crosses arms in (fake) annoyance*

    • I know, Rob you’re killing us! Ugghhh.

      And how the heck can he make smoking look so damn hot? Gah I can almost imagine him taking a long drag out of his cigarette. Some of the pics from the mag shows him smoking. Uhmmm. I don’t smoke but he makes it look so good. Like an after sex snack.

      • AGREED! Avid smoker hater…and then…well…Rob. Dang him!

  44. Between my vajayjay nearing explosion from the pictures and my bladder spasming from the post/comments, my whole crotch area is about to spontaneously combust. That ought to be an interesting explanation to the co-workers!

    • Hahahaha…..Rob has a way of making us…come.

      I am so naughty today, forgive me, I will try to be more ladylike from now on! :-)

      • Hi hon, don’t worry….that’s so normal…
        off..send you an email..hug:-)

      • Oh, this is no time for ladylike…you can make up for it later. For example, I have a date with the silver polish later tonight. that has to get me a pass for all kinds of crass behavior!!!

        • @Sassypants. I can forget ladylike, easily :-).

          Rob is completely slaying me, dang it. Thank God I’m anonymous!

    • Is that why they call you “sassypants”?

      • Oh yeah…nothing quite so enticing as spontaneous combustion! Damn I can bring the sexy!

  45. This is by far the best photoshoot. *dies* I know I say this every photoshoot, but this one trumps them all…!

    I mean ROB IS DRINKING! You know how we all feel about DRUNKROB, Vanity Fair! It makes us CRAZY… Crazy with lust, that is. ;) Your sales will skyrocket. There won’t be a single VF left anywhere in the world. Thanks for killing trees, VF. Thanks for NOTHING.

    I will purchase this masterpiece. Done. I’m so weak…

  46. The “I love Gay Head” caption made me giggle like the 12 year old girl that I am inside.

    “UC: if I ever see him with a cupcake. It’s over. Done. I give up and die happy” — UC, I don’t think I’ve ever heard anything that was more true than this statement. Ever. And I hope while he’s eating that cupcake you’re wearing a cupcake apron with tiny silk booty shorts, and then he accosts you while his titanium anaconda.

    And that white sweater is so fuckhawt, you bitches be CRAZY!

    Thanks ladies, I always love the breakdowns VF-style!

  47. Oh gosh I read this at work and I was done for. “I love Gay Head” wow I don’t know if I’ve ever laughed so hard here before. I probably looked like I was making out with my keyboard cause I had my face down and my arms wrapped around myself to hold in my silent laughter — kinda like NM Bella but for the opposite reason!

    This photoshoot is awesome but so random! From formal concert piano Rob to grandma sweaters and lobster bib Rob?? Suburban SUV husband Rob?

    My favorite though was the taking-off-the-jacket Rob. I’ve been Rob-porning it ever since I saw it — “I had a long day at work … come here and make me feel better about it …”

  48. Humm… Loved the post, as always! You guys are so funny!

    I have a question: What is a DILF?

    • Dad I’d like to (beep)
      opposite of MILF!

      • OR Director I’d like to (beep)!

    • I like that people are being educated today

  49. I just wanna thank you ladies. I’ve been drowning in the beauty that is Rob and I needed a ‘snarkful’ hilarious view on this photoshoot. So thank you!
    Also, after thanking you guys I should also blame you b/c I’ve been going to Modclothes and the little work I’ve been doing at work and now my paycheck is going to that as well. At least I get to look cute so I can’t really blame you.

    • seriously. i do that every morning when i log on to the blog… love the modcloth.. !!

  50. Best. Week. Ever. Vanity Fair pics, New The Office Chapter (which is why i’m so late to the page today ladies, sorry!) and the VF Break down. I love it.

    Sleevless button-up reference makes me giggle every time i think of it. Nevermind the thought of the unbuttoned version at the sparkle reveal.

    I cannot stop looking at the VF pics….by far the best collection of Rob photos ever. Except horse blanket – definitely wrong. My fav was the black and white where he appears to be buttoning (unevenly of course) up his shirt. H. O. T.!!!

    Starting off to be a very unproductive work week ladies!

    • Thanks for the heads up on the new Office chapter – it was the only thing that could drag me away from the photos. I have done nothing today but drool like a post-frontal-lobotomy patient. I was not coherent in any way and just shut myself in my office until I could get home and keep drooling. O.M.G. VF you have excelled yourselves.

      On another note I have entered the draw to be at the London Twilight event on 11th November, please keep everything crossed for me!!!!


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