Posted by: UC | September 22, 2009

The one where Rob Pattinson goes emo on us

Dear Rob,

Thank you for giving us something to blog about. Before these LA Times pictures came out today, I was planning on writing a letter to Patty, your dog, begging her (him?) to run away or something so we could have an excuse to write an open letter to the South Barnes Police department.

You know how lots of blogs & fan fic writers provide a soundtrack for their posts and stories? Well, we’re so sorry we’ve never done that. Today’s “Breaking it Down Vanity Fair Style” comes with a soundtrack. You’ll find the songs throughout the post in the form of you tube videos. Warning: You may cry. Warning: You may want to wear black. Warning: You may want to raid a Hot Topic. Warning: You may feel circa 1999-2002. But trust us, to get the full effect of what we went through while breaking down these new pictures, you gotta listen along:

pic1
UC: It looks like Edward’s hands are busy opening a candy bar
Moon: I think this is contemplative Edward or rather, he’s thinking about how he gets to straddle Kristen all night or probably what they’ll have for dinner in craft services
UC: He’s hoping for twix
Moon: Will it be spaghetti or tri tip? He hopes there’ll be no more spinach like last night. gross
UC: he’s not Popeye
Moon: his muscles are painted on- they don’t come from a can of leafy green veggies
UC: right. Popeye’s are real

moon is an emo dork
pic2
Moon: So clearly Kristen has mastered the art of peeing outside against trees
UC: that big tree hides her from the prying eyes of Chris Weitz. Wait- is that Chris? or the local lumberjack? I can’t tell
Moon: They’re random crew dudes. That grandpa is about to knock the photog over with his boom mic-  no one messes with his KSew
UC: ‘don’t peek’ he warns
Moon: He’s probably got a wurthers in that parka
UC: yeah.. he borrowed them from Edward
Moon: Kristen is helpless to that toffee candy

pic3

Moon: BORING! Moving on…
UC: Aww! what a cute little boy (ahem)
Moon: He’s totes clenching so his muscles look pumped
UC: He’ll be a dashing older man someday. He looks like a doll- like that Jacob doll mixed with Ken
Moon: What dolls did you ever have that had abs?
UC: He’s the Mexican Ken doll.  Moon-  Barbie and KEN!
Moon: Oh- I was thinking porcelain dolls on a bed- on a frilly bedspread.
UC: No THIS
Moon: um thats the creepiest ken doll ever
UC: I know. My Ken did not have a penis that definied.

moon is an emo dork
pic4
UC: I think this is my new favy Edward picture for this movie
Moon: oh emo Edward in full effect- I LOVE the Elvis collar
UC: yeah.. he’s practicing for his band’s show later. He’s playing with Dashboard Confessional. He’ll break into tears in the middle of a tune
Moon: awwww he’ll out sad-bastard Chris Carrabba
UC: Seriously, move over Carrabba. Go back to that Italian restaurant where you came from
Important question: Do you think he cleans his ears?
Moon: God I hope so- Clare taught him that much
UC: I dunno…. I can see that being someone’s job every morning- to clean his ears.
Moon: While he practices his Dashboard Confessional songs? Someone in make-up cleans his ears? He’s “VINDICATED I AM SELFISH I WAS WRONG”
UC: And they also trim his nose hair and floss him
Moon: “SCREAMING INFIDELITIES!!!”
UC
: cuz you KNOW he doesn’t floss
Moon
: “YOUR HAIR IS EVERYWHEREEEEE”- dude that song is ABOUT him. He totes sympathizes. (Emo song #1)

UC: Wow. Chris Carrabba is SO guido. I never realized
Moon: He’s sooo Florida and is like my perfect man circa 2000-2004 (not the guido part)
UC: from Carraba to Rob (that sounds like from Justin to Kelly)
Moon: Wow- Mike on drums looked like Seth Cohen for a sec. This music video is gheetto
UC: Um Dashboard dork of the day award. You know the drummer’s name? EMO dork of the day award!

moon is an emo dork
pic5
Moon: OHH look grandpa is back!
UC: Obviously this is a serious scene because as we learned from Calliope last week, “tweed is serious.”
Moon: this is grandpa Edward in full effect
UC: Do you think he and Chris Weitz share beanies? And don’t they look like “little people” in the woods? With all those big trees?
Moon: yea cause Chris and Peter share scarves, so I’m sure it’s all about cast/director bonding. Yeah this is totally the midget version of Twilight
UC: do you think Chris is listening to Rob’s cover of Dashboard’s “Places you have come to fear the most” on those headphones? (Emo Song #2)
Moon: Yeah- it’s that or his take on the Summers kiss EP which works perfectly for the sad forrest scene

moon is an emo dork
pic6
UC: It’s peek-a-boo Rob
Moon: OHHH it’s Robert’s album cover art for his Dashboard covers album!

Moon: I’m getting my Dashboard albums out right now, by the way. Dont cry: (Emo Song #3) cause i am
UC: what should Rob’s album title be? It needs to be something long and emo. It needs to be about New Moon
Moon: Yeah, it’s gotta be all angsty and shit
UC: I’ll look at Dashboard’s album titles for inspiration
Moon: There is also some emo album title guide
UC: Ugh… how do you know that? are you in an emo band you never told me about?
Moon: Yes
UC: How about: Impossible to leave you, but I will, for your sake
Moon: Nah- it needs to be more douchbaggey
UC: I will haunt your mind so you know I never truly left
Moon: HAHAHAHA
UC: Dashboard had: A Mark, A Mission, A Brand, A Scar. How about: A Love, A Leaving, An Ache, A Reunion
Moon: A Vampire, A Girl, A Wolf a Cluster f*ck
UC: or Don’t you dare f*ck that wolf?
Moon: Dude we better have some emo nerd readers who can appreciate our creativity
UC: and our emo brilliance. Find me that song where Chris Carrabba cries
Moon: Emo Song #4 Dude this music is like pretty much the soundtrack for Twilight (or at least for Wide Awake)
UC: We should so write angsty fan fiction where Edward & Bella are in an emo band

emoalbum

Coming in 1998 to your local church basement emo rock stage

Moon: Best version of this song ever: Emo Song #5
Moon: And OBVIOUSLY he has a song written about us: Emo Song #6
moon is an emo dork

pic7
UC: And we thought we were confused by Bella running through bushes in Italy? look at THIS picture. It looks like she brought her ‘purple’s cool” comforter to the the camping department at Cabellas and some dude brought along his pet snow dog… At first glance I thought the snow dog walker was Jordan, our resident LTT Unicorn (which is a knock to the dog lady and not him- she makes a handsome man)
Moon: Jordan was pissed cause they told him Ashley was filming and it turned out to be Bella.
Rob’s hand in his pocket- he’s making sure the condoms are still there (or that leftover twix)
UC: or.. the wurthers. Cuz, well, an old man like him? In the tweed pants? and those shoes? I don’t think he can get it up.
Moon: He has VIAGRA mixed in with the wurthers. It’s the BLUE pill, Rob! Not the gold foil wrapped toffees! Easy mistake.

Picture 2moon is an emo dork

Moon: OH MAN JORTS ALERT
I’d like to point our attention to Jacobs jorts
UC: he didn’t read our post
Moon: They’re not like Rob’s since he’s not pairing it with a fanny pack or nascar shirt, but dear Jacob, jorts are a dealbreaker! Even if you’re a hot werewolf who runs through the forest

Picture 1

UC: With this pic of Grandpa Edward…. I’m just so confused. What is with the angle?
Moon: outtake from the album cover shoot
UC: This pictures was a little too much “Instead of leaving I’m going to stay in your closet & stalk you,” so they axed it. But was the photographer under the table getting the shot?
Moon: nice white tie, Edward. This was definitely stalking material
UC: the photographer may have also taken this through the peephole in Rob’s hotel room
Moon: “Don’t mind me Bella, I’m just hanging out next to your sweatpants in the closet here”
UC: “I’m hiding under your purple summertime comforter that’s in storage, in the closet” (Ghetto Song #1)

Picture 3moon is an emo dork

Moon: “you want me to do WHAT?! I thought anal wasn’t in the contract? I’m gonna have to get Steph and Nick on the line”
UC: “Didn’t I tell you? I eat wurthers now. I can’t get it up anymore”
Moon: “This is my new yoga move I’ve been learning- DOMWARD DOG”
UC: “You mean they are going to be q-tips in my EARS?”
Moon: Maybe Edward is really a sub. Subward dog
UC: oh yes… Edward in the movie would totes be the Sub. Umm Confession: After hanging out with our gay friend this weekend and hearing about a guy he dated who is into S&M.. hubs & I were discussing the ball choke. Which I thought was a choke for the balls. Hubs said “No, it’s for the person who is in submission to put in their mouth- to not talk.”
Moon: You mean the ball gag?
UC: Yeah, same thing, but gayfriend called it a choke. Then I said “ohh for the sub to wear” And hubby was like “What? No?” and I said ‘Yes, The sub would wear it.” And he said “What’s a sub?” And I thought, “Oh shit….”
Moon: HAHAHAHAHA you’re all up on your Dom/Sub. You’re like “Uh, about my secret lifestyle. I’ve been reading S&M Fan fic. And learning a lot. Wanna go to a party and SCENE for awhile?”
UC: Do you think Chris Carrabba scenes?

Picture 4

Moon: Edward is putting on his benetint (lip stain)
UC: do you notice that he wears a gold pinky ring? I was gonna judge him… but then I decided that’s just awesome. That’s emo. It’s Guido- it’s Florida. It’s something Chris Carrabba would do.
Moon: He also has make-up lady hands. Nice nails, Edward.
She has the best job on the damn set. She gets to touch his chin and lips
UC: Seriously. Do you think it’s a coincidence that those hands don’t look to be the hands of a 21 year old who just got out of MAC beauty school? But from an older, more mature lady?
Moon: for serious. They’re not dumb. Get grandma on the set. No squeeing. (And she’ll also be able to give up her Premarian)

Picture 5
Moon: freaking Bella praying
UC: what do you think she’s praying about? For blessings on her food? On the fish fry?
Moon: asking God to help her decide between jailbait and Rob
UC: and for her hairpiece to stay on and to stop itching
Moon: and for Wal-mart to have more slutty tops when she goes back to pick up one for herself in different colors
UC: and that this time they don’t put her on the front page of PeopleofWalmart.com next to this guy

Picture 7

Moon: Dude Taylor’s tattoo!!!!!!!!!!!
UC: and his fake looking stomach! Who is that skinny? I like the snowman next to him
Moon: His upper body is REDICULOUS
UC: redonkulous is an appropriate phrase here.
Moon: Where is Big Daddy? I wanna see Big Daddy in a North Face jacket
UC: I dunno- do you think that snowman is Big Uncle?
Moon: Yeah. It’s big Unkes. I may have to photoshop a Big Daddy puffy jacket pic for my personal collection

Picture 8
UC: Let’s talk about this picture cuz they clearly all die. And are walking into heaven. This reminds me of the movie Ghost (RIP Paptrick)
Moon: They’re praying again. I’m so glad the cast is blanketing this film with prayers. Obviously they’re fasting and praying like Lula prompted.
UC: Do you think they’re praying that that creeper in the left hand corner will leave them alone?
Moon: “Dear God, make this shit not stink and let there be fish fry for dinner tonight.” That creeper is Chris, leading the prayer. They’re going in a circle. And he’s closing
UC: “Dear God, please make him stop with the method acting tonight. I need to get some. And all he wants to do is suck on wurthers”
“Dear God, I love this tweed. I feel so serious. Please let them sell underwear made from it”
Moon: “and let Vancouver university let me be a professor for one day so I can be serious in this tweed”
UC: “and please let me sell a lot of albums from my emo debut”
Moon: “and please let Nike make an orthopedic sneaker so I can wear it with this tweed” Then Chris prays, “Dear Lord, let me not suck this up as much as Cathy Hardwicke. And please help her lose my phone number so she’ll stop inviting me for mucho mudslides at Fridays so she can “give me tips” or “Just the tip”

“My hopes are so high that your kiss might kill me,
UnintendedChoice

What do YOU Think of the pictures? and oh- we’re not done. That wasn’t even HALF of what we broke down:)

Keep discussing over at The Forum
We’re keeping the music theme going over on LTT

PS: We apparently got nominated for some twitter thing. We’re not sure what it is, but we hear that if we win Rob promises to send us a naked text. And we promise to share. So vote for us (Search for our twitter name: letter2twilight)

Pic Source

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Responses

  1. so wont you kill me! so i die happy!!

    i should never ever be allowed to talk about dashboard confessional in another post! HAHAAH i know WAY too much.

    and ps chris carabba most DEFINITELY scenes on the weekends

    • Thanks for making my music playlist today – All Dashboard Confessional All Day! And yeah, Carabba definitely scenes on the weekends!!! He’s got to, he can’t be emo ALL the time!

      • dont cut yourself!!

    • You killed me with the whole Dashboard Confessional tie-in today!! I was so into them back in 2003ish – “the college years.” (saw them in concert 3 times! no, I’m not bragging….) Sadly, Dashboard’s angsty lyrics fit Twilight dead on!! Sidenote: what was the budget for the Screaming Infidelities video? LAME! And that chick looked 30ish and so not hot enough for Carrabba. He’s sad that SHE left him? idiot.

      LMAO @ your emo album titles:
      Moon: A Vampire, A Girl, A Wolf a Cluster f*ck
      UC: or Don’t you dare f*ck that wolf?

      This makes me wonder if DC submitted any music to be considered for the New Moon soundtrack…..I bet they did…… ;)

  2. I don’t think those are photos of the ‘midget’ version of New Moon, I think they were taken BY a little person. That’s why they are all low-angle shots…

    And Taycob’s posture is very odd in those photos, isn’t it? Even the way his hands are curled suggests he’s posing for his next Taycob action figure.

  3. I just want to tell you guys, you always get my mornings started with a laugh. Thanks!

    The Wurthers bit gets me every time.
    My mother came over last weekend to see my kids and before she left, she pulled some Wurthers out of her purse to give to her grandkids. I had to turn around so she wouldn’t see me laughing. I didn’t want to explain that one!

    • grandmas and grandpas LOVE wurthers and peppermints!

      • I know! My grandpa used to keep them in the pocket of his suit jacket and I would eat them during church. I perfected the art of opening the wrapper without making the paper make a sound…you have to do it that way so you don’t get pinched on the arm by your granmother.

  4. “Don’t you dare f*ck that wolf.”

    Nuff said – you ladies rule!

  5. “I’m hiding under your purple summertime comforter that’s in storage, in the closet”

    Hahahaha. I loved this post! Too much to quote for me, but creepy closet Edward just had to be mentioned. Closet Edward also looks like the vampire on the banner for ‘the vampire in the basement’ fanfic. Would they slowly start to abandon the twilight-saga and opt for a fanfiction-script instead of breaking down? Is that what Bella is praying for as well? God bless her.

    • That obviously needed to be breaking dAwn. These two are bound to be confused.

    • Please God if they do they chose Lolashoes Let your light Shine and A life Extraordinary… my heart is a flutter at the idea of Rob doing ALL of that…..

  6. Lovely new pics. And yes, Robward looks a bit emo.

    And only 58 days to go!!!
    :)

  7. hahahaha loved all the dashboard! my heart is yours to fill or burst, to break or bury … and I bet Cathy does call Chris up all the time. She’ll probably be showing up/sneaking into the New Moon premiere.

    • or wear as jewelry, whichever your prefer!

      dude shes so gonna get bounced for crashing the NM premiere! HAHA

  8. I’ve decided to change my major from business management to “people who put make up on sexy men.” There’s staying power in that.

    I nearly pissed myself over the anal thing…not so cool at work. Or any time really. =)

    Oh, and Taycob’s belly might look weird, but I don’t live far from Georgia and his booty sure looks nice….

    oink

    • “Oh, and Taycob’s belly might look weird, but I don’t live far from Georgia and his booty sure looks nice….”

      And the choir said AMEN!!!

      Gah, I am such a creeper.

  9. 20000000 points for including R. Kelly’s “Trapped in the Closet”

    So is the other man, Jacob?

    Hm… And that last photo is so freakin religious.

    Love it!

    PS Nearly22 here. Changed my name bc as I am now 22, I don’t want to be a freakish liar, hanging on to last year.

    • The only thing funnier than Trapped in the Closet is Jimmy Kimmel’s version. I can’t remember what its called, and I don’t watch Jimmy Kimmel, but I was being all preggers insomniac a year a half ago, and saw it. It is absolutely amazeballs hysterical.

    • glad you clicked on the link! that was Moon’s addition. Hilarious

    • cant pass up a good opportunity to put trapped in a closet in a post!

  10. its like a really weird twilight porno, complete with granpa eddie, snow dogs (mmm beastiality) and loads of “purple’s cool” references.

  11. Loved this post! You should send you cover art to Rob together with a letter begging him to please make a studio album, be it or not covers of Dashboard songs.

  12. WOOOHOO!! I had my first coffee snort ever this morning when UC almost outed herself as a new S & M afficianado. Absolutely been there. 100% without a doubt.

    But my dear hubs knows where its coming from , but is not caught up on the lingo, so his response was…do you think Edward is a top or bottom? what about Rob? #thingsmyhusbandsaysaboutRob

    Taylor Lautner is an animal, or a machine, or possibly an actual werewolf. Everyone else is in their long johns, flannels and glove warmers, and he’s in jorts. And a tattoo.

    Dear Taylor, tattoos are not sufficient winter weather wear.

    Big Daddy was clearly out to lunch on this one…he could have at least given him a protective scarf.

    Wake me up when September, October and the first half of November end.

    • Dammit! There is so much WIN! in this post that I don’t even know where to begin. Look out my window, there’s all the work I was supposed to do today that will be replaced by posting about tweed jackets and mofo-ing lipstick ladies on set.

    • He must be an effin werewolf.

      Get this boy some long johns, stat!

    • Oh my, I just learned about top and bottom minutes ago (gay colleague, in case you’re wondering). We used our foam dice to decide whether Edward would be top or bottom in case he would be gay. It was indecisive, which probably means versatile. Shouldn’t come as a surprise (thatswhatshesaid).

      • And when we asked the dice whether Rob might be gay, it said ‘tomorrow’. So for good measure, we asked if he would be gay AFTER tomorrow, and the answer was a reassuring ‘no’. Phew!

    • we defs think when him and tom stu are together he’s a bottom for sure. tomstu has the upper hand in this relationship!

      and yes taylor needs a freaking windbreakers at least. or some socks.

  13. when i saw these pics i thought: somebody get the juvi a shirt!
    Im kinda over a half naked Taylor…

    • Rob should loan him his Tweed jacket.

    • BLASPHEMY!! over half naked jacob??

      also tweed jacket + jorts = GOOD CALL!

  14. Being a Georgia resident I have to say I am pretty up on what REAL jorts look like…and I am sorry to say, Jacob’s just don’t cut the mustard.

    The body is too good, the booty is too illegal, they are too low slung on the hips. Jorts have to be acid washed, mid thigh and nut hugging tight…and you should be a Florida Gator fan.

    And I think it is wonderful that Kellan has influenced the cast and crew so much that they now have nightly prayer sessions…he is such a shepard of men.

    • Jorts like this…

      http://2.bp.blogspot.com/_wppCop2ceao/SIVWGPfSRxI/AAAAAAAABEI/m2gEx8vJCMQ/s400/gator_fans_2007.jpeg

      • hahahahah

      • I think I know the guy on the right.

      • That picture is so bad it’s good

      • This post def made my top 5 fav LTR posts. I used to be a hardddcore Dashboard Confessional fan, so the references were well appreciated.
        Especially loved:
        “Seriously, move over Carrabba. Go back to that Italian restaurant where you came from”
        Haahaha brilliant!! Love you guys and your awesome breakdowns.

        • i’m glad you got that… i feel bad b/c sometimes I think our international readers will not get our jokes…. the Italian ones will get that one, though.. since carrabbas is so legit it clearly started there..

      • OMG you think HOT GINGE (on the left) is available?! he looks like mr right now for me!!

        • You know…he IS pale and has ‘bronze’ hair…is he who SMeyer was thinking of when she was describing Edward? Shirley no?

    • wow, you sure are in-the-know when it comes to jorts..:)

      • Learn something new everyday… today the term “jorts” . Thanks for the education. :)

        • You NEED to see the LTR post about realbreakers. Jorts are discussed at length.

    • ::Sigh:: my mom’s side of the family is from Georgia. I love how you accurately described the way jorts are supposed to look and insulted Florida gator fans all in one post.

  15. Moon: “you want me to do WHAT?! I thought anal wasn’t in the contract? I’m gonna have to get Steph and Nick on the line”

    UC: “Didn’t I tell you? I eat wurthers now. I can’t get it up anymore”

    So bad but so good……

    Point worth noting, I found this comment about Werther’s on a UK website:

    “Do you suck or bite and chew? I do all three.
    I am of course talking about Werthers Original sweets”

    New marketing campaign as follows:

    Suck, bite, and chew. No pain just pleasure.

    x

    • um i think this is the perfect time for a: THATS WHAT SHE SAID!

  16. Holy shizz ladies, that was hilar!

    My faves:

    “What’s a sub?” “Oh shit…” I have soo been there recently. True story.

    “and please let Nike sell an orthopedic sneaker so I can wear it with this tweed” I am picturing something off-white leather with an almost platform heal. Jorts and the ortho-nikes = deal breaker!

  17. “So clearly Kristen has mastered the art of peeing outside against trees” hee, hee

    Trees, dumpsters, whatever’s handy.

    Awesome break down guys!!

  18. I love you guys, I do…I totes worship your humor! I wish I had a Twi-obsessed buddy to “break it down vanity fair style” with! LMAO And the emo titles for Rob’s band…priceless! Don’t you dare f**k that wolf…LMAO

    • I would die without Moon. True Story

      • i would resuscitate you ala jacob in NM and i wouldnt touch your boobs. well maybe once.

        i <3 you

  19. I saw these pics on the facebook page of Twilight yesterday, got me so excited! I love those pictures of Rob/Edward where he’s looking back. So handsome as always.

    I think the photo where Edward was on the bed is a dream sequence. Love the purple’s cool comforter, glad to see there’s continuity.

    • I have that comforter in grey. It’s from Target. Charlie must go there for flannel.

      Disclaimer: I bought it well before Twilight took over my life, I swear!

      • yea right.

        *drives to target to buy matching comforter*

      • Really? I wonder if they still have it! haha. I want it! I want one just like hers! :-)

        • It’s from the attract-an-Edward line.

  20. ahhhhaaaaa!! Okay UC, my fav part of the whole thing was you knowing what a sub is…OMG. My husband would shit himself. He already asked me what who the hell I was talking about when I said “beautiful bastard” on the phone the other day. He thought it was him….pppfftt! We have GOT to learn to keep our hustle tight…this stuff can’t get out! LOL

    • HAHAHAH there is only ONE beautiful bastard and he belongs to the office!

      poor hubs

  21. Excellant post as usual too much win for me to comment on except I love all the fanfic references, to quote another LTR “Twilight is the gateway to prevhood” generally through fanfic….
    just for your information regarding The Sub/The Dom story The Training is due to start today!!!!!

    • I just read the first chapter of The Training, Oh my God, I am completely without words, speachless… God, I missed Domward.

      Again, awesome post guys, this Sub / Dom confusion … hilarious! jajajajajajaj
      Go and read The training

      Just a tip (that’s what she said): don’t read it at work (I did and no, no, big big no no, jijijiji)

  22. I was so torn when these pics went up yesterday. Part of me was super excited, but part of me wanted to scream. Robward looks BEYOND CREEPY in most of them! And when he doesn’t look creepy, he’s having makeup applied. Meanwhile, all of you Tay-fans get to drool over your jailbait’s six pack of glory… I call wild shenanigans.

    P.S. I forgot about Dashboard… rampant flashbacks to freshman year of college! Love your album names.

    • i agree. Creepy, emo Rob.

      • I adore Creepward!

        But emo? Ugh. That just makes me feel old.

  23. omg he did look like seth cohen! adam brody is hot.
    must keep chanting he’s only 17 although thats only 4 years younger than me, i still feel grosse even thinking about it.

  24. “Wait- is that Chris? or the local lumberjack? I can’t tell”

    ——I think it’s Bob the Builder.

    “Rob’s hand in his pocket- he’s making sure the condoms are still there”

    ——WIN!

  25. You guys are so fun, really really love this post. So many wins!
    The album cover is perfect.
    Can’t wait for the rest!

  26. I have tears streaming down my face (of laughter, not the emo kind). I may or may not have gone through an emo phase when I was in college. Your titles for Rob’s album cracked me up, and I think “Instead of Leaving I’m Going to Stay in Your Closet & Stalk You” would actually make a fantastic follow up to “I’m Leaving for Your Sake, but Won’t Let You Move On.” I may have to dig out my Taking Back Sunday t-shirt and hoodie collection for this…

    • you had me at taking back sunday.

      • ;)

  27. “Moon: Edward is putting on his benetint (lip stain)”

    NOOOOOOO! It is SO not ok for Edward and I to wear the same lip stain!

    p.s. – Did you know that Benetint lip and cheek stain was first intended to be nipple make up? True story. I will be so updet if they use Benetint on Edward’s nipples.

    p.p.s. – I love when you break. it. down.

    • Nooooo.. Really?!

      First the Sassysmart’s updated definition of jorts, now nipple stain?!
      whoa.. (fun) fact overload.. LOL

  28. I’m not even done reading your post, but I had to jump ahead and comment because this is an EPIC BIDVFS post. I love your songs! I love your emo album titles! I love your sub/dom references! I have been busy the last few days, somehow have not found time to read LTR, but clearly, I am not prioritizing properly.

    OK, back to reading! And LMFAO by myself at my kitchen table!!

  29. can we please also address the fact that Edward is wearing a pink shirt! How can he go from wearing loafers and tweed to that? He is meant to be a vampire not a 21st century metrosexual guy who is apparently comfortable enough with his sexuality to wear a pink shirt.

  30. This entire post was just hilarious. Thanks for making my morning. I love when you guys start cracking on Paw Paw Edward and his tweed…they should have just traded out the Volvo for an Oldmobile, lol.

    • Oldsmobile…as if that makes much of a difference :-)

  31. People of walmart pic! Naked scary Ken doll pic! Just snarfed my coffee!!!!

  32. All I could think was that Robward was one feathery earring away from being pirate in the white shirt with the not-quite-hetero scarf thingy. I believe his pants are wool, which may be more serious than tweed, if that’s possible.

    • I <3 you.

  33. mmmmmm..
    looking at the pics of tay tay make me seriously re-establish my views on jail bait..

    haha, edwardo looks scrumptious as ever!!
    <3

  34. I bet Tay was PISSED every time they made him put a coat on.

    What’s happening to me? Lately I find myself scrolling over Robward pics to get to Tay pics. The bod is just impressive.. That’s all. I just have to look at IT. I don’t have any hots for him, but I can appreciate a piece of art when I see it. It’s just so freaking defined. I mean who else has that waistline?! Not even Kellan. *hope he’s not reading*

    Rob, you seriously have to do something about this. You’re fading..

  35. OK, just one more post – I have been at this computer for WAY too long this morning. But Kristen peeing against the tree, and all the old man tweed jokes, and the songs – in short, YOU BOTH RULE!!! I love you in a NOT “shove a ball in your mouth to keep you quiet while I nail you from behind” kind of way :-)

    And the promise that you are only half way done!!! Do we get the rest tomorrow?

    • I love you in a NOT “shove a ball in your mouth to keep you quiet while I nail you from behind” kind of way

      Is that the inside message of the Hallmark Twilight Anniversary Cards?

      I think I might be laughing at that line all. damn. day.

  36. He’s Robeye the Sailor Man! I <3 you both for this. God good the brilliance that comes from your randomness is astounding.

    PS I need to get with Lula to discuss SexyAlex, so I don't post FAIL tomorrow. Ugghh, I have funny to emulate.

  37. Can’t help it, I keep looking at the pic of KStew “praying” and all I can think of is how she is practicing her burping techniques so she can burp and stumble her way through the dialouge..a’la Biology scene in Twilight

  38. Too much, Too much!! There is just to much to enjoy in this post! I am all emo here!

    Love you girls, keep it up, it makes my day happy!!

  39. I’m hooked on this blog now! yay! I’m so happy Bon Iver is on the new soundtrack…

    • yeaaa its nati!!! write something on your chalkboard wall for me and drink some boones and sing!

      let us know if you do any more twi songs

      • I’ve been on the road for so long…I can’t wait to paint a chalk board wall again!!! are you coming to LA for Eclipse? I’ll do a Twilight Set at some bar!!!

  40. Dear goodness, Taylor is so cute but why does he have to look cute and also man-child at the same time? It’s like how Hayden Panettiere is clearly attractive but she too is like woman-child.

  41. How the execs at Summit ever thought that Rob couldn’t pull Edward off, is beyond me! Dude looks AMAZING all vamped up (did anyone else think of Lestat when looking at these pics?! Hello? Pirate shirt, much?)!!

    • Also, I have to say I admire Taylor. It’s hard to remember that he’s a 17 year-old dude when he looks like THAT, but in truth, he’s super young and he’s worked hard to get his body like that. I only hope it doesn’t stunt his growth… Or that he doesn’t keep GROWING ’til he’s the size of a certain Californian Governor… YIKES!

      Remember Tay, drink lots of milk and eat from all of your daily food groups! Oh, and avoid those “protein shakes”… You don’t want to go all “werewolf” (aka: roid-rage) on the Twi-cast, do you?

  42. Taylor is …wow, but I can’t get past Rob’s lips and eyelashes in the makeup touchup shot. Beautiful.

    M

  43. “Ask and you shall receive”. Prayers work y’all. New Moon is going to be great. Off to dig out my Doc Martens and black eyeliner.

  44. This is bloody hilarious… thanks for the laughs guys!

  45. The prayers to GOD, have me falling down laughing!! You two got it goin’ on! Love this site, now, back to the real world, enough wastin’ time for me, but you all keep wastin’ it, I can’t get enough.

  46. Moon: He’s sooo Florida and is like my perfect man circa 2000-2004 (not the guido part)

    OMG. Me too. Sigh, did I love DC. I love it when you reference stuff like this: Chris Carrabba, John Stamos, the OC/Adam Brody, it brings me back to high school/college. It’s nice to know that there are other people out there with the same interests (esp Buttcrack Santa), since I dont know any of them in real life.

  47. UC: Yeah, same thing, but gayfriend called it a choke. Then I said “ohh for the sub to wear” And hubby was like “What? No?” and I said ‘Yes, The sub would wear it.” And he said “What’s a sub?” And I thought, “Oh shit….”

    Laughing my ass off! The other day I was trying to get my husband to do something for me and when he wouldn’t, I threatened to bust out the riding crop. He like, “Riding crop? What the fuck? What are you looking at online?” I didn’t know what was worse, him thinking I was watching S&M porn online or reading about it in fan fiction of all things.

    • “The other day I was trying to get my husband to do something for me”

      TWSS!

  48. yall just took me back to highschool. cruising around town in my 1996 ford taurus with the tape deck that hooks up to my walkman so i can play cds because i wasnt cool or rich enough to have a cd player in my car when i was 16. i had to wait until i was 18 in my new car to hear chris carrabba wail from my integrated cd player.

  49. I’ve been laughing all day. Can’t listen to the tracks yet (still in the office & will listen at home), but you are all hysterical.

    I love Rob whatever face he’s pulling, make-up he’s wearing, I just don’t care.

    Can’t wait for 20 Nov!!!!!!!!!

  50. I LOVE this post thank you for lighting up my day! You all ROCK!!!


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