Posted by: UC | August 31, 2009

What kind of boyfriend is Robert Pattinson?

Shit. I lost my wallet. I'm gonna have to ask Dakota to spot me for this cab ride

Shit. I lost my wallet. I'm gonna have to ask Dakota to spot me for this cab ride

Dear Rob,

Let’s assume for a second you have a girlfriend named Kristen Stewart. No- this is not a blanket UC & Moon declaration that we 100% believe it (we do UC does and Moon sometimes does) nor based on anything we might have heard through our very secretive grapevine. It’s just an assumption we need to believe in order to have the following conversation. We recently received an e-mail from our dear friend Calliope which said:

Calliope: I have a serious question (when am I ever serious?) But seriously:

When Rob & Kristen go on dates… who pays? Does Rob always pay? Does Kristen sometimes pay? Do they take turns? Do they always go dutch? Does Rob pick up the tab at Glowbal while Kristen fronts the cash for In-N-Out?

UC: I’m pretty sure the room service bill gets forwarded to Rob’s home address in London ATTN: Dick & Clare Pattinson. Clare, the former model scout & vegetarian health-nut, is so guilt ridden that she raised the kind of son that in one month would be billed for: 20 double cheeseburgers, 15 orders of filet Mignon wrapped in bacon, 3 hotel robes, 13 bottles of Wild Turkey, 1 replacement bottle of hotel shampoo and two viewings of  “Debbie Does Dallas Again,” while Papa P., the former luxury car salesman, was so excited to recently spot his son in a green, mid-life crisis Porsche, instead of a beater BMW from the 80s, that they’re willing to pay for anything.

Moon: Rob SOOOO pays when they go out (at least he better) As for those big dinners out, someone like Stephanie or Nick pays and then they just expense it. (So essentially Rob pays. HAHAHAA sucka)

Calliope: Moon, you may be onto something… DO YOU THINK THIS IS WHY OREGANO NOW HAS NO MONEY and had to resort to getting paid for to take FAKE pics of him and KSTEW up in Vancouver in April (you know the ones where she’s on his back all smiley- the last time we saw them together?)… because he blew all his cash on taking her out to dinner?!? I bet that’s why she only dates wayyy older dudes. Because, honestly, who wants their 19 year old girlfriend paying for their dinner…?

Moon: UC you forgot to mention the 2nd side of the bill Clare & Dick received: 100 cartons of parliament lights (or whatever he smokes), 253 mini bottles of grey goose, an oxygen tank, complete replacement of the carpet and linens (since he didn’t allow the maids in and he smoked like a chimney & didn’t bathe.)

Calliope: Guys… I know how it went down:

OREGANO: listen, Summit called me and they want to pay me to take pictures with you to pretend that we are still together.
KSTEW
: yeah, you said no though right?
OREGANO
: Yeah… no… I told them I’d do it.
KSTEW
: WTF OREGANO (she calls him oregano b/c she reads the blog) Why would you do that? I already told you, I ain’t growing your herb in my garden anymore.
OREGANO
: well we dated for 4 effing years, Stewie, and all those dinners added up… Nobu ain’t cheap. And neither is the herb. So I’m hard for cash.
KSTEW
: well then get an acting JOB?!?
OREGANO
: I would except that damned EFRON kid has better HAIR than me… plus Cathy & Nikki keep putting in a good word for me, which, obviously DOES NOT HELP.
KSTEW
: Fine. Whatever…. I’ve got to go. Rob is taking me out to dinner.
OREGANO
: Where to?
KSTEW
: This uber fancy place at the Opus Hotel.. Last time we racked up a $400.00 dinner bill.. but that was just apps & wine and tonight I’m starving. What are you doing for dinner?
OREGANO
: Umm… not sure yet… (in the background: that’ll be 3.99 sir… did you want ketchup for your fries?)…
KSTEW
: are you at the drive-thru?
OREGANO
: umm… i gotta go…
KSTEW
: You are at the drive-thru.. aren’t you?
OREGANO
: Shut up… the McDonald’s extra value menu has some excellent choices on it…. and thanks to you I’M BROKE.

So Rob, we do have a serious question (and like Calliope, we’re rarely serious) but we need to know- what kind of boyfriend are you? Do you pay for your girl’s meals? Do you hold the door? Do you let her steal the covers? Do you buy her flowers? Do you pretend you’re going to let her pick up the next meal’s tab but at the last minute steal the bill and pay for it yourself? Or are you constantly asking Kellan & Jackson to spot you a $20 because when you get up the front of the line at Starbucks to pay for your girl’s drink, you realize your credit card slipped through the hole in the back pocket of the jeans you’ve been wearing since your Harry Potter days?

What kind of boyfriend are you?

Inquiring minds want to know,
UnintendedChoice

What do you think? Good boyfriend? Bad boyfriend? Typical 23 year old boyfriend (whatever that is?) A kid? A grown-up? Dick set up a budget for him on mint.com? Too afraid of banks so he keeps thousands under his mattress in the hotel? Does he let the 19 year old pay? So many questions. And it’s Monday. No one has anything important to do – DISCUSS!

Then keep it going on The Forum
We have a proposal for casting directors in Hollywood on LTT

Calliope LOVES and come home soon

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Responses

  1. I take him for the kinda guy to just hand over the whole wallet to his girl saying: “I don’t do money.”
    And also explains why he’s not dating Ashley. Mystery solved Y’all!

    • Are there any guys out there who hand girls their wallet and purr “I don’t do money” or did your wildest fantasies about men concoct this? If not, where can I find me one of those?

      • you can find one of these men at say a star trek convention or at the supernatural-con. they are the types that are waaayyy too eager to get some dumpster lovin so they can brag to all their friends that they finally saw a “boobie” so they freely give their wallets away. In my robtasies i envision him being generous with the dinner bill. Or maybe not…maybe on his old 80′s style BMW he has one of those way awesome stickers that says ” Cash, Grass, Or Ass.” and since Kstew was a big ole zero before twilight she opted for number 3 after rob told her he wasn’t into the gonja like she is.

        • http://www.aquiredtaste.wordpress.com

          • When you gonna updatel? Dying to see what pearls of wisdom you’ve come up with.

        • Dragon Con is this weekend in ATL.

          • very soon!!! I’m working on the 5 reasons eclipse is bad for you now. I just have so many things i want to put on that i’m having a hard time deciding. i welcome any tips though so drop in and leave me suggestions!

    • i need a man like this. i just dont want to have to balance the books. NO THANKS!

  2. rob pays in cash
    kstew pays him in lap dances

    • mystery solved!

  3. This is the line that made me LOL: “… plus Cathy & Nikki keep putting in a good word for me, which, obviously DOES NOT HELP.”

    Hygiene issues, hobo-like attire, verbal diarrhea (sometimes), and getting into the cab ahead of Kristen (right in front of Moon) notwithstanding … Rob has always struck me as being gracious & well-mannered — I do believe Dick & Clare raised him well. So I think that he is a good boyfriend, most of the time. :)

    BTW I’ve never mentioned this to you guys before but I am convinced that Rob (or someone from his team) has LTR/LTT bookmarked and visit it regularly. Dude, even Sam Bradley & Stephenie Meyer have visited this site and for sure, someone has mentioned it to Rob. Anyway, I am sure Rob has heard that you’re the one who exposed R/K’s concert date to see Bobby (or was it Marcus) … and I’ve imagined Rob thinking … O RLY? Moon was there within 5 feet of me? I wonder what she was like. What do you think Moon? Possible? :)

    • moon said he did pause for a second while passing her. he probably totes recognized her from our ‘family photo’ with Little Edward in LA last spring….

      • Maybe so, UC! Seriously now – if you ever had a chance to be face-to-face with Rob, UC — would you admit to him immediately that you’re UC of LTR/LTT or would you fake it and pretend that you’ve never even heard of Twilight. LOL. I feel like you’ve prolly discussed this in the “Do’s & Don’ts when meeting Rob” but hope you could refresh my memory. :)

      • Or he was just ogling her…in front of Kristen…which would make him the jerkish kind of boyfriend.

        • Can you blame him? I mean, who WOULDN’T ogle her?

          • he totes recognized ME! he was like DUDE MOON is that you? and then he used his hand to shove kstew (by her face) into oncoming traffic and then pulled me into the cab with him and we sped off to the chateau. TRUE STORY!

            (and then i woke up)

            and i think i can speak for both uc and i if we ever met rob we would NEVER in a million years talk about LTR. in fact i would lie lie lie and burn this place down. i love you all, but come on this is rob!

          • Haha! I love how you said you would burn the place down. I would do the same thing!!!! :-)

          • @ Twihigh, Moon, etc.

            Hey, I’m not a guy…. but I would pick Moon any day over KStewie (who has a body like a 13 yr old guy).

            Unless your into partners who have bodies like 13 yr old guys (like TomStu ahem). -I bet Stewie says a thank you prayer every night to the guy who invented the wonder bra.

            In any case.. uc/moon, folks… (beat me up).
            I still think whole things a fauxmance and Stewie carries Oregano around with her in her pocket (he’s her little italian stud).

            naughty naughty!
            xH

  4. First of all, KStew weighs roughly 65 lbs and she smokes. How much do you really think she eats? Even when she’s smoking up.

    I think Rob is probably the kind of boyfriend who pays for dinners and stuff, but never has cash on hand. If he can slap down plastic, dinner is on him. Even if you invited 4 friends. He probably doesn’t buy a whole lot of sweet gifts, but he does sing you songs (which is really adorable until he forgets your birthday), and he doesn’t care if you walk around looking like hell warmed over.

    • between them they probably spend 10 dollars on food and smoke 2 packs during dinner.

  5. I saw a clip on youtube where Rob and Rachelle (heart her) were playing a game with an interviewer where they held up pictures to answer the questions. The interviewer asked who was most likely to lay down their credit card after a night at the bar and both Rob and Rachelle said Rob.

    So I think Rob would pay on dates. But not with KStew. Because I refuse to believe that hot mess until they are making out directly in front of me. Like close enough for me to touch. And I’d be all hey Rob, you don’t want to kiss her. She has thin lips and always has her mouth open so she’s most likely a mouth breather. That means her mouth is all dry. C’mere and let me show you how good a kiss can be. I’m very nearly five months older than you so I clearly have more world experience. I’ll make it good, I promise.

    oink

    • I want there to be a press conference, where Rob formally introduces ..her.. as his GF. And tells all the things they’ve done. Until then, I’m not convinced.

      Of course I pray nightly that this never happens.

      • HAHAHAHAHAHAHah a press conference! OMG HILAR! soooo want to see that happening :-)

    • hahaha i love that thin lips and open mouth means shes a mouth breather. amazing.

      and i LOVE that video/interview

    • @PinkDolphin-
      agrees.. Robsten is a fauxmance. I don’ t believe it either. Its all so scripted and contrived.

      re: That Rob has diahrreah of the mouth.. yeah, I heard that’s true. He talks incessently sometimes. Hopefully he’s not on the “coke – a – cola” diet, (which has that unfortuante side effect.

      So Robbies mom is a vegan?
      No wonder the boy rebels and eats meat when ever he can. he’s a carniverous animal he is. Always going for the meat, yep there are a lot of pics of him stuffing his mouth with meat, those meaty meaty juicy burgers….
      Mr. Meaty should be Rob’s nick name.

      oink oink.
      -H

      • Rob loves the meat….uh….WIN!!! He so loves meat, on his plate and on his date! Yet another reason I will never, I repeat NEVER, belive in the crime against nature called Robsten. It’s wrong, it’s icky, it’s making me throw up in my mouth a little. She has a mullet for shitz sake! I mean who in their right smoke filled B.O. mind would ever find that attractive. I didn’t like it on billy Ray Cyrus back in the day and I don’t like it now. Damn Kstew. Damn her to hell.

  6. LMAO, that was total win

    “KSTEW: WTF OREGANO (she calls him oregano b/c she reads the blog) Why would you do that? I already told you, I ain’t growing your herb in my garden anymore.”

    As to who pays for what, I haven’t really thought about it until now. I feel as though Rob has no conception of money especially because he’s back and forth between so many countries he probably never knows whether to pay in pounds, american dollars or canadian dollars. And I see him more of cash person than a card person.

    So based on those things I think that Rob probably never pays for anything directly. He probably texts Nick and Steph while he’s enroute somewhere so they can have everything taken care of for him.

    • I agree with the no concept of money thing-it’s probably why he got called out for being a bad tipper in NYC. It’s different here than in England and he probably just threw a bunch of money on the table and hoped for the best.

      • he got called out for being a bad tipper?!! when? where?! haahahaha

        • It was on all the gossip blogs. He and his posse had dinner at some restaurant and only left like a 10% tip. In my part of the world, 10% is considered the minimum if the service didn’t suck. Maybe it’s the same in the UK, and he forgot he was in the US. Or maybe they were drunk and couldn’t do the math. Whatevs, doesn’t make him a douche in my eyes (like anything ever could). Maybe just mathematically challenged.

        • http://robertpattinsonwho.com/?p=4659

          And, it was more like a 14.2% tip. I think OK just needed a Rob story and that was the best they could come up with.

  7. HAHAHAhaAHAHAHHAHa!!! Laughing my eyelashes off again!
    I realy don’t know what kind of BF he is. Mybe we can ask Cho chang from Harry Potter?

  8. I would like to think that he is all romantic and intense on dates. That he obviously pays and opens doors and stuff—–but, I think he is more than likely a normal 23 year old guy on a date. As normal as the most-famous-guy-on-the-planet-and-the-hottest-to-boot-guy could act anyway. I don’t really think rob has any game, not that he needs any because just his breathing is game enough, but I imagine that he tries really hard and that’s good neough for me.

    I’m with PinkDolphin though, no Robsten. He rushed into the cab before her…I think that says it all.

    • i agree about him getting into the cab before her. i think that says so much about the whole situation. rob does have manners and is polite even when he doesn’t want to be, *the photog that was taking his pic outside the resturant in NYC* he was pissed but still kept a smile although forced, on his face.

      i hate to admit it cause i don’t want him with her, but i also don’t think they are DATING. Screwing each other yes, i’m not that naive to think they aren’t or haven’t. i think they have that whole friends with benefits thing going on.

  9. I think Rob is the kind of distracted head-in-the-clouds person that would forget his wallet, along with showering and putting on fresh clothes. The intention’s probably there, but unless one of his bodyguards/PAs/everpresent fangirls can slip him some cash, I’d expect to have to step in to foot the bill.

    The real question is: as long as you get to take his scruffy clothes off and push him in a hot-tub-for-two at the end of the date, does it even matter who paid for dinner?

  10. Of course he pays. For everyone. Rachelle confirmed this in that one Canadian interview. I trust Rachelle implicitly…she ain’t no liar.

    Besides, he said himself (in the EW interview) that he blows all his money as soon as he gets it. So with Kristen, the operative word is “blow.”

    Ahem.

    • i agree. i think he pays for everyone SO much that he maxes out multiple credit cards each month with cash withdrawals (which Nick cleans up and pays for him each month) I don’t think Rob does plastic…

      • Well.. I hope he does plastic ( wear condoms).. protection is important you know.. especially in los wankales.. where every cootie known to man sits on Paris Hiltons vag.

  11. Here’s my favorite line of the post:

    OREGANO: well we dated for 4 effing years, Stewie, and all those dinners added up… Nobu ain’t cheap. And neither is the herb. So I’m HARD for cash.

    Oregano’s hard for cash? I doubt anyone would pay very much. Maybe they’d cover his McD’s tab.

  12. In my mind, Rob’s got a super-ratty leather wallet that contains:
    approx $5 in foreign currency
    1 old pic of patty the dog
    and
    1 of those Amex cards that rich folks have and the rest of us reg folks want

    his pants pockets have crumbs, $.45 in change, smokes, that old ass cell phone, and several little pieces of paper with random lyrics written on them.

    Would he be a good boyfriend?? ummm prob not…he’d prob forget your b-day and then when you get mad about it he’d say j/k and sing some song he’d claim to have written just for you!

    p.s.

    • errr..damn the no edit option
      p.s.
      Only 2 viewings of Debby Does Dallas???

      oh and random question, when you’re famous, who scores your herb for you??? Is that your P.A.’s job??? Do you actually pay for it or is a situation like Snoop Dog in ‘Half Baked’?

      • Well it was Debbie does Dallas Again… so that only deserves two viewings. I’m sure if it was the original that would have been watched well over two times.

      • He goes to the bodega. And they always remember him.

    • You mean the AmEx BLACK card…the one made of Titanium?

      Yeah, I want one of those for certain!

      • yes! one of those…Edward always has one in fanfic… maybe I should watch less CNN and more CNBC since apparently my financial knowledge is now coming from fanfic

        • Win!

      • I believe the official card is the Centurian Card, I may or may not have looked into how to get one far too much. Just to get one you have to spend $250,000 in one year. There’s a $5000 initiation fee what the hell are you being initiated into?!?! And that doesn’t include the $2500 annual fee

        http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/American_express_centurion

        • Yes, it is. I have a friend who has one. I have still not figured out what the hell he spends $250K on a year cause he sure as hell doesn’t dress well or drive a nice car.

          • Wow that’s cool, so you’ve seen it in person then? I’ve always just wanted to hold one make me feel important or something… god I’m such a loser…

          • Yes, seen it and held it (thatswhatshesaid)…it was always funny to watch servers take it. Cause the thing is heavy. I mean in relativity of regular people cards.

    • @ RP girl.. i knew IT.. YOU ARE REALLY ROB PATTINSON in disguise

      (snooping on this blog for months now..) Some of us suspected at first!

      Your obvious correct responses have given you away!
      * the Ratty wallet
      * the pic of patty the dog.
      *.45c in change, the $5.00 bill..
      * the old phone
      * pocket pants with crumbs..

      Knowning you would probably NOT be a good boyfriend, and those lame ass songs …

      I mean its way to conincidental.

      You are exposed.. (but don’t expect us to stalk you online.. that’s even way to creepy for us).

      So enjoy our snarkism.. and come back for more.
      :) H

  13. I take him for the type of BF to always wanting to have drunk sex…and I would constantly have to remind him every other day (I don’t think he would be able to handle everyday) to shower! :)

    • Drunk, dirty sex with Rob? Yes, please!!

      • Oh trust I ain’t complaining I would totes do it as well…I’d just really have to get in shape to be able to do all the work…cuz you know if he’s drunk he won’t be of much help!!! Bwahahaha ;)

        • Now there’s an exercise routine I can really get into and stick with. Drunk Rob-sex!

    • Finally! The perfect combination of excersise and booz. Ya know you will be getting drunk fo sho (if not while drinking with him) while sucking the drunk out of him…ahem…figurative speaking…

  14. Since I have seen no hard evidence that Rob does have a GF, I’ll go so far as to say that IF he had one, he would be as gracious and polite as he seems and pick up the tab-always. Also he would hold the door for a LADY(even a cab door-ahem, ahem).

    For “hookups”, however all bets are off. This is a very ambiguous term-I’m going with Urban Dictonary’s def,”having sex with no strings attached”.
    In this case Rob might spring for In ‘N Out Burger and a six pack but again-not really necessary.

  15. I think that if Rob wasn’t a complete gentleman to his lady friends (re: girlfriend, not girls he’s just banging *coughkstewcough*) Claire would have his ass.

    Seems that the Patti’rents are great examples of what a loving couple is, two that have entrusted the other with their heart and so they take the role of being a steward of their love seriously.

    Remember, the couple that dances on Ellen together, stays together.

    • KStew and Nikki dropped by…

  16. I think Rob would most likely pay for everything. Its a male Taurus thing to take care of your GFs too a point where they can’t stand it. He picks the resturant. He pays. He buys expensive gold jewlery and chocolates even though you said you like white gold and are allergic to chocolate….

    I think Rob was asked what he had in his wallet cash-wise once in an interview and he said “$4000.00″.

    • “Its a male Taurus thing to take care of your GFs too a point where they can’t stand it”

      This totally explains why the last guy I dated who was taurus was a complete douche to me the whole time. I made more money than him and tended to have to pay for everything.

      Wait, nevermind, he really was a douche that drove a Taurus.

      Sorry, I got confused.

    • Huh wonder if that’s a female Taurus thing too. I’m a Taurus and I’m totally the dominant one in the relationship. I tend to pay for everything and walk behind my boyfriend and let him get into cabs first… Unless we’re do something fancy, then I let him lead, except I still pay for things, must be because I make more than him…

      • I’m a Taurus too, but it means that I have expensive taste, and make him buy me things – especially when he doesn’t clean up when my stubborn ass asks him to. It also usually means that I don’t let him do a lot of the stupid (in my opinion) spontaneous stuff he comes up with – he is a Sagittarius after all!

    • My hubby is a Taurus and he has always paid for everything while we were dating and engaged….I would like to think that Rob would be a gentleman type of BF and pay for everything…even when he is drunkRob….God I want to experience a night with drunkRob…..

      I think Rob is the type of BF that he would buy his GF vintage purses, indie CDs, remote getaway vacations and he would even pay for the night his GF invited her friends to come out for a drink-fest…(*sigh):THE PERFECT BF!

      ANYWAYS: Mullstew makes enough to pay for anything too, but since there is no such thing as Robstew (*fingers crossed)….they go dutch…

      • dude both rob and i are tauruses (tauri?) what the crap would happen? id totally let him pay and choose and everything else, i love that shiz

        • I’m also a Taurus. I would be the most submissive Taurus he ever met. Unless he was in the mood to be dominated. We could switch.

  17. Well since he’s such a gentleman, I think he probably pays for everything. But I’m hoping sometimes whoever he’s with will also pick up the tab because I don’t want Rob to go broke. I remember during my dating days that I would try to pay for the tab but my date won’t let me. I don’t think I’ve paid for a single meal or drink, but hey at least I tried to pay.

    I hope Rob has some kind of investment goals because if he doesn’t, all this money is just going down the drain and 30 yrs from now he might be broke :-(.

  18. I think that Rob is not fussed about money but I totally buy that whole Male Taurus thing. I also think he is the kind of boyfriend who calls you 6 times a day just to hear your voice and the rest of the time sits back and waits for KStew you to do sweet things to him. Also, he probably starts every other sentence with “There was that time when TomStu and I…”

  19. Well, if he is dating Kristen, then he is definitely paying for it. (The idea of dating Kristen brings to mind lyrics from Katy Perry’s “Hot N’ Cold.”)

    The real question should be: does he pay for dinner and then ‘pay attention’ to your after dinner needs? That’s what a good boyfriend would do. Or is that another conversation on what moves a boyfriend from good to great?

  20. I saw a picture of him leaving a club with three or four girls and one of them fell and he left her laying drunk on her back on the sidewalk like a dying beetle. I am basing my entire opinion of his relationship behavior on this photo.

    This is how I think dating Rob would go down: you go out to dinner, and he’s checking his phone constantly for texts from TomStu. Then when the food arrives he sticks his finger in your mashed potatoes just so you won’t eat them and he gets to have them. When you get back from the bathroom, he yells–in only the way a man with seven Heinies in his system can yell–”Did everything come out alright?” He pays, of course, because you both know he pulled down $12 mil for “New Moon” and God only knows what for the rest of his movies. After, you make out in the cab on the way to his apartment, where all of his furniture is still covered in plastic, so he asks if it’s cool to just sit criss-cross-applesause on the carpet, then you make out some more because he’s Robert Effing Pattinson. Then you don’t hear from him for five days, until he sends you a booty text (which you naturally respond to, because it’s Robert Effing Pattinson).

    • Quote: “I saw a picture of him leaving a club with three or four girls and one of them fell and he left her laying drunk on her back on the sidewalk like a dying beetle.”

      I think that was one of those situations where those women were stalking him, and they had been following him from like down the street or the whole night or something. He probably figured if he helped her get up he’d lose his virtue when they all jumped him as he bent over.

      • LOL – I always thought that picture looked like a Vanity Fair shoot gone slightly wrong….

        x

    • Changed my name up in here to be consistent with twitter…so it’s going to take some time for it to post…

      This post is just chock full o’ win.

      dying beetle, fingers in the mashed potatoes, criss-cross-applesauce

      oh yeh…and making out with Robert Effing Pattinson
      <3 you!

    • “he left her laying drunk on her back on the sidewalk like a dying beetle.”

      I cannot stop laughing. It’s dead silent in my office now and I practically have tears running down my face from your description of that. Hilarious.

    • “Then when the food arrives he sticks his finger in your mashed potatoes just so you won’t eat them and he gets to have them.”

      Awesome!!!! My dogs are looking at me funny because I am alone giggling like a moron.

    • Because of this comment, I think I have a new girl crush. You had me at “‘Did everything come out alright?’”

    • Rob’s finger in my mashed potatoes would have no effect whatsoever on my eating them…just saying.

      • Oh, me either. I would just have to (ahem) stick my finger in something of his for revenge.

        • I’d lick them off his finger.

    • I REMEMBER THAT PIC!!! (the drunk chick, lying on her back like a beetle)..
      LMAO….. and Rob looking out like WTF, I’m outta here.

  21. drunken booty texts from Rob….please God someday….I’ve been a good girl (that’s a lie)

    • “drunken booty texts from Rob”

      Hahahah! A girl can dream, right?

  22. My bet is that Rob is generous to a fault (when he has $$), he has manners, & is a typical 23 year old that dotes on his girl paying WAY too much for things to make her happy then freaks when he gets the bill. He’s independent of Mum & Dad, but an accountant was definitely hired to pay all his bills (but by whom?). He would NEVER give anyone his wallet to rifle through. He’s private.

    Rob’s been burned as the nice guy in the past (& finished last!) so in an attempt to be a “bad boy” he no longer opens doors for a lady. Guilt floods him, but he’s working through it…hence the brooding look.

    Now, considering Rob experienced a laundry malfunction at the TCA’s…do you really think he has a GF – especially Kristen? Hello, he borrowed Marcus’s clothes because he didn’t have any clean clothes to wear to an event. Screams no GF! You know Kristen’s mom would’ve been all over that (I would!), uhem, laundry.

    Seriously ladies don’t we take care of our men? My daughter (17) took care of her boyfriend. We make sure they have clean clothes and look good in public? Right?

    In the end – one look into Rob’s gorgeous eyes and who really cares? The girl will be a goner and won’t notice a thing. *coma inducing eye dazzle*

    • “We make sure they have clean clothes and look good in public? Right?”

      Yes, the typical lady does… But that kind of lady doesn’t walk around in hobo-esque clothes with a mullet. So… I don’t think that disproves a relationship. KStew’s not one to care about clothes/fashion for herself, so I doubt she cares what Rob wears. It’s just one big grungy/angsty party over there!

    • wow that read like a FF. and i too would take care of a boy but this is kstew not sure shes a normal GF

      • Stewies (ex) .. Orengano always looked like he had on clean clothes..
        Robbie.. well, Robbie looks like Robbie.
        No changes from how he first arrive out of the box from the UK.

        A GF would seriously take charge of that boy. Don’t think Stewie would be any different if she was his GF.

  23. I would bet he’s one of those serial “I’ve got it” guys. Girlfriend, friend, anyone. But never cash – probably always credit cards. He doesn’t strike me as the kind of guy with the foresight to visit an ATM… ever. And you know he probably hasn’t a clue what his bank balance is… But I have a friend like that – he’s no millionaire, but he’s single and does pretty well for himself, so he’s always picking up tabs.

    I think he just likes to take care of people, but in a way that requires as little effort (and as much booze) as possible.

    • “I think he just likes to take care of people, but in a way that requires as little effort (and as much booze) as possible.”

      This could definitely be ‘Rob in one sentence’ relationship-wise.

  24. Dating her: total gentleman, flowers, mix tapes (!!), jewelry “just because”, improved hygiene, oh, and he def is the type of guy who makes looooove to his woman.

    Hooking up: Makes sure to meet up with her in between lunch and dinner so he wont have to pay for more than a Starbucks, no shaving, even less showering, and um….can you say jack hammer?

    P.S. There is no doubt in my mind that were I to get a booty text from Rob, I would drop everything (husband, kid, job, life) and get on a plane.

    Even for the jack hammer.

    That’s normal.

    • especially for the jack hammer

    • Story about the Jack Hammer.

      I dated the most beautiful man I have ever seen in real life…he was a jack hammer. I had to STOP him and do it all myself.

      He then stalked me for 3 years.

      I GOT SKILLS!!!!

      Boo-YEAH!

      • Ok, I’m now embarrassed I actually admited that.

        • You shouldn’t be. I <3 your face!

  25. I agree with the other posters as he’s probably the best intentions boyfriend. Opens the door when he remembers, buys you flowers only when he makes you mad. I can’t picture him as a jewelry buyer. He’s more like “I stole your Ipod and downloaded music for you. Happy Birthday” “Now let’s go out to dinner. I can’t cook food, but I can guy you some”

    He probably carries cash, but has a credit card too. I COMPLETELY agree with the old wallet. He still has his first big boy wallet, a worn black leather bifold from middle school. An upgrade from the velcro Batman wallet.

    He seems like laid back guy, who says he doesn’t care where he eats, but then adds in foods he doesn’t want. Rob seems to find a place he likes, and eats there. He pays. With Kstew they would probably take turns paying for nonfood things, or lunch something like that. She seems like the kind of gal that wouldn’t want a man to do everything for her. Nina especially seems like a ‘we share expenses’ type of girl.

    • “An upgrade from the velcro Batman wallet” Hillarious! with a picture of TomStu giving him his favorite crooked smile.

      • Better yet, a CULLEN SMILE.

  26. oops..buy food, not guy food

    • I actually thought that was a clever new turn of phrase:

      “I’ll guy you some” – I’ll get what you want/do what you want me to do with as little effort as possible.

      Everyone knows that most blokes will buy take-out instead of setting foot in the kitchen when you try to make them take care of dinner. At least in my house >:(

      • Ha! I totally did too. “I’ll guy you some food” as in “I will not cook or clean a plate but I will totally break out the batman wallet!”

  27. ooo. I shuttered the the pillow-name “Stewie” and had to immerse myself in Family Guy to rid my self to the goosebumps and shivers….

  28. “I’m gonna have to ask Dakota to spot me for this cab ride”

    WIN!

    And, “Do you hold the door?”

    We know he holds the door… for himself! Remember Moon’s cab ride photo? Exhibit A.

    p.s. – I had another dream with Rob in it… Only this time I was still with my boyfriend and cheated on him with Rob. I felt so horrible when I woke up!

    p.p.s. – My caller I.D. at work just read “J. CULLEN”. You better believe I almost said, “…Jasper?” when I picked up.

    • did you suddenly feel calm?!

      • Ha! I totally told my coworker that story and said, “And then I felt very calm.”

  29. SHAMELESS self-promotion:

    I agree with CALLI’s assestment.

    Furthermore, I believe that Alexander would make a better boyfriend for many reasons, one of which is expounded here:

    http://h2bsexiestmaninworld.wordpress.com/

  30. I’d think they get food and alki drinks for free, wouldn’t you? He’s famous and people want both he and KStew in their restaurants.

    Didn’t he go to dinner with a fan-chick while filming Little Ashes? Apparently, he’s a “good” date, as far as paying for food goes (he has older sisters who have intilled gentleman-like behaviour in him, after all! *sigh*), but I’d think he would monopolize the convo if you couldn’t carry your own. Hmmm…. That, to me, would be the sole downside to dating the Pattz.

  31. I can’t believe this is an issue I have never even pondered. As far as picking up the check, I guess Rob would do it, and have no fact to base that on…and being a good boyfriend? Of course! He’s perfect!! I would know….
    ;-)

  32. I’ve always thought of him as the kind of boyfriend that picks up the bill at the restaurant, indulge you in several sinful ways and sing mellancollically to you before a steamy night. He will also let you pay the bill once in a while, but only to repay you with inseanly hot sex a la hobo style in some dark alley, allowing you to suck his fingers while wildly running yours thrugh his hair… * stops typing and fans herselt repeatedly* or maybe he just doesn’t give an effin rat’s as* cuz his effin Rob Pattinson and every girl in the worl would be glad to be working 2 shifts to buy him whatever he wants, never sleeping and just getting home at night to continue pleasing him non-stop *sigh* Thats right, I want to be his (sex) slave.

  33. If Rob bought me a $1.79 YooHoo, shut the cab door on my leg and threw up out the window it would STILL be the best date of my entire life. Because it would be ROB.

  34. I think he’d make a great boyfriend. I mean he gives guitars and books as gifts which are better than flowers and candy. Personally I like things that don’t die and disappear. Also, I refuse to get into a cab first or alone so the fact that he jumps in first don’t bother me. As far as who pays for meals it depends on who wants to go where. But if cheeseburgahs aren’t on the menu and I have to order for him—-he pays however he can……LOL

  35. My hubby is a Taurus and he has always paid for everything while we were dating and engaged….I would like to think that Rob would be a gentleman type of BF and pay for everything…even when he is drunkRob….God I want to experience a night with drunkRob…..

    I think Rob is the type of BF that he would buy his GF vintage purses, indie CDs, remote getaway vacations and he would even pay for the night his GF invited her friends to come out for a drink-fest…(*sigh):THE PERFECT BF!

    ANYWAYS: Mullstew makes enough to pay for anything too, but since there is no such thing as Robstew (*fingers crossed)….they go dutch…

  36. Yeah, all I’m thinking is I can’t get over the fact that UC maybe, perhaps, 42.58% believes that Robsten is real. What blasphemy is this?

  37. “OREGANO: Umm… not sure yet… (in the background: that’ll be 3.99 sir… did you want ketchup for your fries?)…”

    That’s just win right there!

  38. I think he would be a good boyfriend and pay. Love the post and funny as always

  39. Rob as a BF? The good boyfriend? Nah..
    More likely as a secret dirty lover..

    Better arrangements..
    *Those hurried couplings in non discript cheap hotel rooms.
    *Opportunities for getting hammered behind the dumpster and Drunk sex, don’t forget that.
    *Playing footsie with him under the table in front of Stewie and the entourage.
    * Booty calls day and night, wherever, whenever.

    Of course he’d pay for everything.
    Why shouldnt he? – He gets paid 17 mill per film now!

    Also, forgot to mention.. I’d get him to contribute to my 401K fund ever time he nailed me.
    I’d have made back all the money I recently lost within a few months I’d figure.

  40. Hahahahaha, I just saw a wicked name for Kristen over on Twilight-headed – KStewpid.
    Sorry, KStew lovers. That’s kinda mean (or awesome)

  41. i read this post a bit but the thought of robsten just makes me gag so i quit midway. im sorry ladies. my robsession has gotten so far to where i hate any woman he’s with. esp when that supposed woman has a mullet and a shitty attitute. i feel ashamed…but at the same time i dont. no worries, i read every other damn thing on here anyway lol. ugh i just know im gonna have a robsten nightmare tonight *sigh* THANKS. lol ;)


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