Interpreting dreams about Robert Pattinson

"Hey Rob. Wanna borrow my Under Armour?" "No Thanks. I already got 3 shirts"

Dear Rob,

(putting on my best Mike Newton voice) “You’re alive!” It was nice to see your face for a shiny second being driven around by your new bodyguard, the Under Armour Oakley Robbyguard, and then walking into a trailer as Rob and emerging as Edward.  I thought I was going to have to live my life just seeing your face in my dreams.  My latest dream involved you, me, and a shower. Niceeeeee Or, wait. Was it me in a shower and you out of the shower…. or on the shower?  Were you watching me shower? Oh! I remember now. I wasn’t dreaming at all. I was just creeped out because this shower curtain is sold out from all the creepos that think by having you on their shower curtain it’s like having you in their shower. Not.The.Same.Thing.

So, I came across this site where people can submit their dreams about you and have others interpret them. I wanted to partake in the fun, but didn’t feel like being spammed for the rest of my life by signing up to participate. So I brought the dreams here so I could share my interpretations with you:

Dream #1:

I was at church with all my friends. And a british lady made me kiss my friend Braden, but he looked like Robert Pattinson. When our lips were about to touch, we both burst out laughing. But I really wanted to kiss him. Then my friends, Ryan and Kaleb, both poked me in the ribs, and it hurt really bad. Then Draco Malfoy from Harry Potter appeared with my friends Abish and Michaela. Then Draco asked me to dance even though there wasn’t any music. When he spun me I realized we were at Hogwarts, but it still looked like church. Then Draco said he didn’t really want to dance with me. But I knew he did. When we stopped dancing my friend Braden’s mom told me Draco really liked me and wanted to dance with me again. What does my dream mean?

Answer: Clearly you’ve been sorted and, oh! Bad luck. You’re gonna be in the Sliterin house.  Not Hufflepuff with Cedric. (Also I’m getting a vibe from the spirits that you should be reading something other than young adult fantasy. Perhaps add some Nicholas Sparks sob-fest fiction into the mix.  Spoiler Alert: the character you love always dies.)

Dream #2

In my dream I was in some house and I saw headlights in the window, and my mom said, “your date is here.” When I went outside that vampire from Twilight (Robert Pattinson) was there leaning up against a jeep with just boxers, cowboy boots and a tie. Then he ran over and hugged me, and then we got into the car, except he was in the trunk and I was in the back seat next to some girl. Then he leaned up and put his face next to mine so that they were touching and it was burning hot. Then I woke up with my heart beating really fast. What does my dream mean?

Answer: This is a tough one. I’m feeling a couple options for your dream.  The most probable is that the vampire from Twilight, Robert Pattinson, is a closet werewolf with the pre-phase fever. To hide his true identity as a werewolf, Robert Pattinson, the vampire, is also a secret Chippendales dancer.  And possibly going after a role in “BrokeBack Mountain 2- Two vampire dudes get it on“

Dream #3

Me and my cousin were having a fight with two old ladies. We were throwing rubber thongs at each other. I threw a thong at one of the old ladies and it broke. Rob Pattinson got angry at her and rolled her up in a long carpet and started to bash her. Me and my cousin were lying on the ground watching, shaking. It was strange. What does my dream mean?

Answer: Rob has anger management issues- he HATES when people mess around with his rubber underwear collection. And if you ever meet Rob in real life, make sure you don’t have any floor carpets around. And by all means NEVER throw your rubber underwear at old ladies. Wait. Make that- never wear rubber underwear. (Yes. It’s probable that this dreamer meant “thong” as in “thong sandal,” but I’m from the east coast. We wear thongs on our asses, not our feet)

Dream #4

I dreamt that both Robert & I were embracing, occasionally kissing but mainly cuddling – it was almost like we were giving each other a massage using our hands and heads to caress each other. We were both sitting next to each other, and he was leaning on me.

Also, is it possible that when people sleep, they can meet in other realms such as dreams? He’s not the only celebrity I’ve dreamed about. What does my dream mean?

Answer: No. That’s not possible. And Rob is not dreaming about you. Good try though. (And that “massage” you mentioned? It’s called sex.)

What happened to the good ol’ days of having sexytime dreams about you, Rob? Why are people dreaming about Robert Pattinson, the vampire, Robert Pattinson, the pre-phase werewolf and Robert Pattinson the old lady beater? Oh, maybe that’s because all you’ve given us lately is one measley little picture of you in a car with the Under Amour Oakley Robbyguard and then a quick ‘phase’ from Rob to Robward. Come on. Give me something more. Or I’m not gonna ‘meet’ you in my dreams anymore (Yes, I knew it was possible.. I was just lying to that girl in my answer… I don’t like to share….)

I’ll be dreamin’ of you tonight…
UnintendedChoice

Do it. You know you want to. Share your dreams about Rob. Did you hit him over the head with your underwear?

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