Posted by: UC | August 18, 2009

So is it Robsten? Or is it not?

Psst: This is a good article to read before you read today’s post How to tell if someone is being sarcastic

Dear Rob,

What the H is going on with all these peeps thinking that all the pics & rumors about you and Kristen lately are proof that you guys are together? It’s so obvious to us what is really going on. With the help of our Robsten expert, Calliope, Moon & I are going to uncover, once & for all, the truth behind all the rumors of this past week and 1/2.

Valley of the Rob

UC: Rob was seen leaving her parent’s house in the valley
Moon
: he LOVES the valley. who doesn’t love temperatures in the 100s?!
UC
: the line is shorter at In-n-out than the one in Hollywood
Moon
: Valley= more suburban moms, more chances for run-ins with twi moms
Calliope
: he just wanted to hit the open road mannnnnn- he was just doing what the GPS told him to do
UC
: the GPS had a comforting British voice- reminded him of Mum
Calliope
: he kept turning the wrong way because he liked the way it said “recalculating”
Moon
: he drove in circles all night

Proved Duh

The Cab Ride (aka “when the shit hit the fan.” Or the “made the world of twidom explode” cab ride. Or “The day I did zero work at work” cab ride. Lastly the “Don’t shoot the messenger” cab ride.) Here are our collective guesses:

  • Kristen’s really with Marcus
  • Kstew LOVES folky whiny music and Rob knew someone playing some that night
  • Kstew gave them directions, and they didn’t think it was right to not invite her
  • Marcus makes fake ids and he made one for Kstew
  • She’s an LA native she knows her way around so she was being helpful. Plus they’re British and the steering wheel is on the other side. So they get confused going out alone.
  • They thought kstew WAS bobby long and were driving him to the show cause he was late. The mullet was in her eyes.
  • Since Kristen was the last in the cab, it’s cause they forgot her- they ran out without her. They thought she was bobby still playing the set. And they were trying to escape without her. They wanted some alone time. Cuz she’s the girl who tags along even when you don’t invite her. Like the annoying little sister. Who has a crush on Marcus. She didn’t go to high school and didn’t get these social cues. She’s like an awkward homeschool kid.
  • They wanted free cab fare so they brought her along to flash some nip to the cabbie- too bad the cabbie thought it was a dude nip. She had on her slutty bella walmart tank on under her unisex shirt

Proved Next (after the jump- do it!)

Chateau Marmont

UC: The rumor is that they went back to the hotel…. and Marcus left abound 1 am- The crazy people are calling this PROOF of Robsten. But we know it’s not…
Calliope
: they got her TOO drunk at the show and had to bring her back
Moon
: she blacked out in the elevator and rode up and down the chateau till 6am when she was seen leaving
Calliope
: Rob didn’t want to send her home to momma stew because he KNEW he’d return to The Couve one ball less then the last time he was there
Moon
: nope so he left her in the elevator and blacked out in HIS room
UC
: Mama Stew means business
Calliope
: Rob and Marcus played rock, papers, scissors for 3 grueling hours until they figured out who was the loser and had to take care of her ORRRR they had a guitar-off- the last one to stop strumming had to hold back the mullet
Moon
: they played till someone finally out-sadded the other one
UC
: Marcus won, obviously. And once Kstew started spewing vomit… he high-tailed it outta there
Calliope
: then rpattz had to lend her a shirt

Proved This is too easy

ilovestachesThe Stache Shirt

UC: Please tell me more about this shirt, Calliope
Calliope
: the morning she left the hotel she wore a shirt that said “i <3 mustache” And it had a picture of a mustache (No, Moon, it’s not her shout out to Charlie/Billy Burke) I had to look it up- the phrase, “i heart mustache” is synonymous with a girl sitting on a dudes face… (you can fill in the blank) Well, it’s Rob’s shirt- that Nikki Reed gave him. She said, “If you don’t want me you must be gay” So Rob gave it to KStew to wear knowing that Nikki salivates over tabloid pics, and she would think that Kristen & Rob were sleeping together. Plus her shirt from the night before had vomit all over it from the elevator rides- so she needed to borrow something.
UC
: You’re right. Rob wanted to make Nikki mad. Cuz the truth is, Rob is jealous. Of Nikki & Paris Lastis. Since Paris is rich
Calliope
: and greek and tan
UC
: And a shipping heir. Rob likes boats.
Moon
: and his HAIR- Rob wants to dye his hair half blond and start a bad early 90s r&b group
UC:
And Rob’s always wanted to be a little man in a boat
Calliope
: and if there is nothing Rob would love to be more in life… it’s hairier

Proved Give us something hard (that’s what she said)

Marcus’ Show

Calliope: fri they went to Marcus show with Rob’s manager, Nick Frenkel & his wife.
UC
: Do you think Kristen is into Nick?
Calliope
: i think that Nick and his wife are trying to court Rob and Kris- they are kinky like that
Moon
: Nick’s wife LOVES young dudes who look like old men and sing folk music
UC
: right.. The Frenkels want Kris & Rob to ‘put their keys in a bowl’
Moon
: Nick and his wife are their couple’s accountability partners
Calliope
: Maybe she’s trying really hard to be a lezzi for momma stew since momma stew never wanted a daughter. And that’s why she keeps taking in all the riff raff boys into her home.
Moon
: What’s Rob gonna do up in The couve? She’s gonna want to play scissor sisters and he’s gonna be stuck reading a book off the boringest books ever published list on amazon

Proved I’m about as bored as someone reading one of Rob’s books…

After the Marcus Show

UC: According to the ever-so-reliable Life & Style, they went back to the hotel Cheateau around 10:30 pm and held hands, made-out over french fries and Rob let down his inhibitions. Do you think he did a naked table dance?
Moon
: It was for the Chateau’s weekly board game night!!!!!!!!!
UC
: ohhhh they were playing charades! They had to make the people guess who they were acting as. Category: celebrities
Moon
: she got the phrase “fake girlfriend”
UC
: and so they kissed (Rob dry heaved) and someone guessed right- RobSTEN
Calliope
: except Rob kept charading in British English and Kristen in American English- he got the word “rubber,” and she got the word “condom.” So it led to a whole lot of assumptions
Moon
: Marcus and the paps were SO confused (it’s so nice when they let the paps in to play charades with them)
Calliope
: he mimicked rolling on a condom and she yelled out CONDOM, and then he kept mimicking and she kept yelling “Rob” and “CONDOM,” and then he started to do it phonetically and started to RUB HER (get it? Rubber= RUB HER?) It made for quite the comical outburst after the crazy charades.
Moon
: So then they gave up and played twister
Calliope
: in which they fell on top of each other in heaps of laughter
UC
: there was this Armenian pap.. He did this impression of an Italian pap… it’s what put them over the edge
Moon
: and she was giving him mouth to mouth cause he was laughing so hard.
Calliope
: and the paps mistook it for sex
UC
: Well, we clearly know what THAT was about

PROVED

lunchdateLunch at the Palihouse Hotel

UC: This is a tough one. Robsteners went crazy. Apparently… K touched his leg…but…that’s cuz.. he got ketchup on his jeans. It was near his crotch. and she was like “ew. ketchup near your peen” and then she dry heaved cuz she said “peen” while talking to Rob (and that’s like remembering your dad has a peen)
Moon
: It’s a British Bistro/hotel and Rob and Marcus wanted to show the YANKS a little bit about Jolly Old England
Calliope
: according to US Weekly they were flirty and she threw that napkin laying on the ground next to him in some of those pics at him
UC
: she was like “you’re a dirty nasty boy with a nasty dirty peen- use this napkin”
Moon
: she threw it cause she wanted to cover up his face, and hoped it would hit Marcus too so she could have more time with the random girl.
Calliope
: maybe Rob wanted to show her every place he did it with Megan Fox and Camilla Belle
UC
: yes..he rubbing it in her face since K is into those chicks. Cuz they’re hot… you gotta admit

PROVEN Done and done

balconyThe BALCONY pics

Moon: they were practicing for the summit re-release of romeo and juliet
Calliope
: they were dropping water balloons on anyone wearing more than $30 worth of clothes
UC
: Then Rob told K the mullet made her look like an old hairy dude from the hills of west virginia, and she threw a balloon at him- then he threw one at her. That’s when they changed shirts.
Calliope
: Right- they went in to towel each other off because they are good friends and don’t want to get sick since they’ll soon be making out on set in The Couve and one’s germs would soon be the others- So they de-shirted, toweled off and put on new shirts. Then went back to the balcony.
UC
: it was kinda like de-shirting w/ a guy cuz of her small boobs- not a big deal to Rob.
Moon
: it was like Rob’s gym class in jr high
UC
: right.. some of the guys were just a lil’ more feminine than the others
Calliope
: and then Rob used the hotel menu to order hot chocolate because they were cold- I mean, they usually wear 7 layers at least.
UC
: And flannel
Moon
: And hats
Calliope
: So one shirt each was making them chilled
Moon
: plus 10 layers of grease- the dirt alone is enough to keep the warm on a breezy day

Proved

Teen Choice Awards

Calliope: K punched him in the stomach during the acceptance speach because he didn’t let her talk. He monopolized the mic
UC
: It was really rude
Moon
: She was angry because he didn’t introduce her to Megan Fox even after they talked about it friday night! And he promised to
UC
: He swore to on his love for the ‘stache shirt, and he obviously lied. So the reason they left in the black Escalade together was because Kristen called Nick and was like “get me a big ass car w/ tinted windows… i’m kickin his ass”
Moon
: They were really hoping someone would make a video set to clare de lune. Cause CLARE DE LUNE’s GREAT
UC
: cuz every video of K kickin’ Rob’s ass needs to have a classical music soundtrack
Moon
: Kristen got a lift to TRUXSTOP (lesbian bar in west hollywood)
Calliope
: Rob wanted to pop water balloons on her skirt. He thought it would be fun.
Moon
: as they were driving by truxstop they slowed down to 15 mph and she jumped out
UC
: he did it- he threw a balloon out the window. The lesbians may have liked it when Kristen walked in all soaking wet.

Proved

Kings of Leon Concert pics

Calliope: Have guys ever been to a KOL concert? The place OOZES sex- like I wouldn’t be surprised if they pump pheromones and estrogen in through the air ducts
Moon
: you get a shot when you walk in and a birth control pill from the usher
Calliope
: i bet they have a room of people have sex and pump the air from that room into the stadium- there is that much sex. So… the air was all confusing to Rob & K, and they hadn’t showered in a long time, so no one else sat next to them (it’s another bet they’ve got going on)
Moon
: And Rob is partially deaf in his right ear and KStew has to YELL in his ear so he can hear correctly
UC
: he’s partially deaf because of the lack of showering- ears filled up with dirt.
Calliope
: Then that guy sitting below them? He was trying to ruffie the girl he was with- till he realized she was a dude, so he switched the ruffied beer with Rob’s beer very discretely. They didn’t notice because they were busy smelling each other.
UC
: and that’s when he went in for the kiss…. the almost kiss….
Moon
: that pic were his face is in the shadow is where he passed out- Kellan had to carry him home
UC
: right.. Kellan grabbed him. and Kristen was tired… so she pretended she took a sip too… and Taycob carried her home
Calliope
: Kellan was so overcome with the sex air that he just started texting everyone in his phone book feverishly… asking for sex- It got awkward when TAYTAY turned around and winked
UC
: then Ashley had Alex Meraz carry her home cuz she was like “Eff it- my hoo-hah was all over the interwebs.. I hooked up with Carrie Underwood’s sloppy seconds… I deserve to get it on with a wolf tonight”
Moon
: it was actually an orgy- they all stumbled into the sex room on accident
UC
: kellan, nikki… Kristen… Rob… all limply from the ruffies… and Caleb Followhill
Moon
: thought it was the EXIT, but… it was the SEXit

Proved This was wayyy too easy

So there you have it Rob- now you and Kristen can go back to cleaning up each other’s throw-up, sharing each other’s shirts & hooking each other up with your hot friends… no one will question if you’re together anymore.  We’ve just proved all the rumors WRONG.

Until next week when you’re caught shoving your tounge down Kristen’s throat (searching for the old antique ring you guys stole of Nikki Reeds as a joke, of course),
UnintendedChoice, theMoonisDown & Calliope

Wanna know where we really stand? We may have something for everyone here:

Moon: I’m a ‘don’t give a crapsten’ AND the LTR/LTT  resident flip flopper. Somedays I think they are together, and somedays I don’t. Lately, I mostly think they are. (HIT IT!)

Calliope: I think they are together. And I like that they seem to make each other happy and relaxed. And I think that Xavier Samuel is what their love child would look like as a teenaged-boy.

UC:  I’m completely of the “I don’t give a crapsten” camp, but I do think they are together- banging each other’s brains out, yes, but actually in a full-blown relationship. And I will forever hate Kristen because of my utter jealousy that she is with a man such as Rob, however I will also laugh because I have much hotter hair.

Cry, Celebrate or laugh on The Forum
Someone special gets a letter over on LTT

(Source & Source & Source & to BROOKE baby for finding me pics, always xx!)

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Responses

  1. Well I guess there isn’t much to be said…if they are or aren’t together well…it doesn’t really matter…I don’t even know how I feel anymore…bleh :-/

    • Agreed. I dont know where I stand anymore…and am tired of jumping back and forth

      • Me too, I don’t care. If they are,it won’t last forever, because I truly believe she is gay and doesn’t quite know it yet. And she is a spoiled 19 yr old that has,unfortunatley impressed Rob for some ungodly reason, but I think he will outgrow it and maybe they will just stay friends, or not! Mostly I am just tired of guessing….I have my fantasy and I hope he doesn’t pull any dealbreakers, like marry the bitch or someone equally obnoxious and unworthy.
        What happened to our deep, intelligent, gifted Rob? KStew? Sloppy out of shape at 19, KStew? My, “What r u thinking,Rob?” factor just went sky high. Can I sit thru New Moon? Hmmmm, we’ll see come November. Maybe KStew is my dealbreaker afterall.

    • i don’t think i want to live in a world where rob would love a mullet wearing,weed smoking, habitual blinker like kristen. i wanna vomit every time i think about it(and then get a mullet and hit a bong so rob will love me too)

      • Agreed!

        • couldn’t agree with you more-it is horrifyingly BAD judgement on his part… maybe i am not a nice person because i dont love him as much as i thought i did. someone classy and smart and articulate not a pot smoking stuttering ,looks like she sleeps outside 19 year old …basically just about anyone but her…i think what does it say about him??????

          • Agree with u all the way

      • LOL@Habitual blinker!!! gahh she annoys me so much…

  2. “Calliope: they were dropping water balloons on anyone wearing more than $30 worth of clothes”

    Hahaha. Priceless.

  3. Also, I don’t give a crapsten, mostly because I’m so in love with tomstu. *le sigh* (not to be confused with La Push which comes first)

    • omg crapsten!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! lmfao!!!!!!!!!!!!!

    • I love Tomstu too!! :))
      its cupcake time!

      • Oh you won’t fool me so quickly Messenger lady (this made me think of Microsoft which is never good, but anyway..)
        You don’t think I know that TomStu hates fat girls? (oh, ok, women, whatever) Are you trying to trick me and persuade me away from my TomStu pursuing anorexic ways so you can have him all for yourself?!
        I’m so onto you! ;p

        • Hey, PG TomStu is mine!! (LMAO). <3 :)
          I met him (really bumped into him ) I was sober at the time, so it counts. I didnt just imagine him. Really, I only had a few cheap tequlia shots.

          The fact that I'm 5'10 (6 feet in heels), and he's only like 5'8-5'9 won't deter me. I love cupcakes (cupcakes = men 20-25).
          What a sweet little morsel TomStu is.
          So I'm willing to split the cupcake down the middle.
          I'll share.

          xH

          • Aw Hermes, that’s so sweet. I’ll share Tomstu with you! We can be like UC and Moon and have a website where we write letters to Tom. We should hook up on twitter and break it down vanity style!

            And I didn’t know cupcake referred to yummy young men! I feel so un-rad. Although, according to the urban dictionary, the definitions of ‘cupcake’ are many and varied.
            My personal favourite is this:

            “When a muffin and a unicorn fall in love they have cupcake”

            Perfect. i love me some unicorns.

            http://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=cupcake

            xPG

          • Oh, and about you bumping into TomStu? I’m totally in denialsten about it.

      • That’s fine if you had a change of heart and switched to tomstu, 1 less female to share rob with

        Btw the message about living in a world where rob lioves a…priceless but I’d still take him, after I hosed him down (not really, who am I kidding, I’d take dirty, clean….)

  4. I think they are in love, or at least Rob is.

    (Not sure what he sees in her personality-wise, but of course I only know her usually sour public persona).

    I’m in the whatever-makes-Rob-happy camp. And he does seem like a much happier camper in recent pics.

    I do feel a little odd lusting after someone else’s boyfriend, but I’ll just add that to the oddness of having the hots for someone 20 yrs younger than me and the oddness of me being hot for a man at all.

    • EUREKA!-
      I know what Rob see’s in Kstew.
      Kstew is like TomStu She looks like a young boy..
      A tough little boy, but a boy none the less.

      She can wear plaid as well, and a benie. She smokes, and probably drinks that dutch swill that passes for beer.
      The bromance lives!

  5. Oh, and the Frenkels and their key party? LMFAO!!

    • the balcony scene….lmfao!!!! “Then Rob told K the mullet made her look like an old hairy dude from the hills of west virginia” omfg!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! you guys just made my day :)

    • Popcorn!

  6. That’s a lot of evidence to digest… perhaps there should be a pie-chart of something. You know, just to clear things up.

  7. well i’m convinced. Hang on a minute what am i convinced about again…?

    Whatever. If i was her i’d be hitting it too.

    • you put it perfectly. I don’t understand if you guys proved they are together or not. Though the photo evidence seems to be mounting . . .

      And yeah, if I was KStew, I would be pulling out the stops to get into that boy’s pants, whatever it took.

      • You’ve almost got to give the girl credit for pulling it off with a mullet. Almost.

        • See, that is something I don’t get. Pre-RPattz, Kstew was somehow clean and groomed! And RPattz said he likes strong women, right? So why does he like the one that will become a very disgusting replica of him when she starts “dating” him? That is not strong, and it IS very disgusting!
          I mean the thing in her hair doesn’t mean she has to be sweaty and greasy… and there is only one person in the entire Universe that can pull out that look…and that is RPattz…

          • I still doubt Robstene, even w/ recent pic.

            Looking at pics even from just a few weeks ago, you could tell she really disliked being around him. God that sour little puss!
            Something or someone lit a fire under her and she’s changed her whole attitude (and remember she’s been sourpussy for over a year with Rob)

            So Mullet changed her love radar within a matter of of a week?
            pffttt..

            So I say, PretendStene.

            I think we’re being Punked.

          • I’ve had the exact same thoughts! I remember KS from Panic Room and was so impressed with her then. I’ve seen pics of her in the years since and she can look great! The Vanity Fair shoot – wow! So, the only thing I too can deduce is that she’s absorbing RP’s ‘style’ and you are SO spot on, NO ONE can pull off what he does but him! Ack! I just want to wash her up and part that hair on the side until it grows back or at least calm the Joe Dirt poof of it all! I think too this must be her one last “I don’t give a shit what I look like, eff it all” phase before she realizes that she won’t always be 19, skinny, and wrinkle-free. In any event, I’m clearly not able to be objective about who RP spends his time with when it’s not me! Waaaaaaah!

      • What stops has she pulled out.. to stop showering and dressing like.. oh I don’t know A GIRL?

        • I think i figured out what the kstew attraction is..
          (she kinda looks like a boy). Like Tom Sturridge
          (oh no)!!!!

          Does that make it like a bomance instead.

  8. I don’t care if they are doing it, I just don’t want to see it. The KOL pictures nearly gave me a thrombo and I had to drink at least 3.25 beers before I could process them. I like the “sex air” theory and plan to use it as a defense the next time I kiss a stranger.

    • <3 you tiffanized…..3.25 beers? why not 4? and to really "process" everything I recommend brandy…..

      • I didn’t stop drinking after 3.25, it just took that much before I could look at the pictures without getting all sickjealous. It would have been tequila, but I was at Busch Gardens and all I had was beer.

    • I agree, I don’t want to see it. It kinda makes me (OMG I’m gonna say it) think less of Rob. But mostly, I just don’t want to see it,period. And I think she probably smells funny

  9. Eh, people sitting next to each other in a car, eating a meal with one or more people, extra dark super grainy photos of two people not kissing? I remain unconvinced. These are two people who can’t go 3 seconds without being photographed and I have yet to see anything resembling actual affection in any of the bazillion photos I have seen.

    If they are together, then I’m a Good-For-Themsten. But until I have real proof I’m a Skeptisten.

    • Oh they are together. They are just a crapsten couple (and I say that affectionately)

      OK I admit, this was all just so I had an excuse to tick the ticky box.

  10. Again, thanks for early AM laugh to get the day going.

    I really don’t give a crapsten, but I like to think about the whole cast sitting around sarcastically talking about how they can mess with the paps and public as too what is actually going on…

  11. “The mullet was in her eyes.” Totally, flippin hilarious!!!
    I’m with ‘tiffanized’ – I don’t care if they are together but don’t wanna see it! EEK!!!

  12. “thought it was the EXIT, but… it was the SEXit” that should be on a shirt…

    i’m still a doubter but…am just hanging on to that for dear life

    • So am I, Adrienne. So am I.

  13. Who cares if they are together or not, when the mere question spurs all this wonderful NON-sense! Keep the laughs coming, ladies!
    After reading this, with tears in my eyes, I think I could even laugh if I saw their engagement announcement now…

    • I agree, thanks to UC and Moon we will all celebrate at THE WEDDING……some with beer ……..me with brandy……..

      UC and Moon keep us all grounded and LOL after all happy Rob is happy us……

  14. I can so see KStew as an awkward homeschool kid.

    Admittedly, I like the Robsten thing. I would rather see him with her than with someone like Paris (Hilton not Latsis…well I guess not him either, sorry Nikki).

    Along the lines of deal breakers? Guys who like the valley and guys who are into mullets, Rob is walking a very fine line.

    • haha…. who like the valley AND mullets.. seriously! i think you’re off Team Rob!

  15. As I have said before…it is totally fine if they are together, whatevs. I just ask one freaking thing of KStew.

    ACT LIKE YOU LIKE BEING WITH HIM!!!!!!!!!

    Hottest dude on the planet + girl with a mullet with generally crappy attitude = lucky girl.

    FFS!!

    • @ sassysmart : Totally agree with you.

      Dear Kristen,
      Thank you for taking it for the team
      Please be a good girl and give us some sex tape. Preferably with your face being blurred and a lot shots of Rob’s face and other.. uhm.. vital parts.

    • TRUTH. Preach it.

    • Thank you, Sassysmart for pinpointing my angst! I couldn’t figure out what bothered me so much about them until I saw it in writing. Apparently I am not the master of the obvious I thought I was.

      He’s the hottest guy on the planet, Kstew, and you’re banging him. Do the rest of us a solid and show your enjoyment. Or is this sourpuss act your attempt to convince us you are a descent actress?

    • In your words Sassysmart.. and the choir said AMEN!!

    • why would KStew change anything about herself? R likes her for what she is.

  16. I’m not convinced they are together (I’m also totally in denial).
    They are good friends who hang out alot. Just because you have lunch with someone or get in a car with them doesn’t mean you are doing them (for me anyway).

    Denialsten, all the way. It works for me.

    Can’t Kristen get something, anything, done with her hair now?!

    • Denialsten! LOVE IT!

    • Welcome to Team Denialsten. You’ll like it here.

    • I must be sleeping with a lot of people if having lunch with them or getting into a car with them is proof positive.
      I’m such a slut!
      ;)

  17. Good morning! Thank you so much! This was so entertaining! I’m a flip-flopper too. Some days I think they’re together and some days not. But I don’t give a crapsten too. My concern is Rob and he’s a big boy(in more ways than one) so he can take care of himself. I just want him to be happy and I want someone to bring out the best in him. And if he thinks Kstew’s the one doing that and makes him happy, then whatever.

    These pictures are very incriminating I must say. If they’re not steady they are at least sleeping together. Just my 2 cents.

    *Singing All by Myself and nursing my coffee*

  18. So I told my husband that I was officially depressed and in mourning because it looked like Rob and KStew were dating. And because he is the greatest husband ever and super tolerant of my ridonkulous obsession, he made the following argument:

    Yes, they are dating, but Rob is only doing it with her because that’s his method acting thing. He’s doing it for his craft.

    Me likey this excuse so much!!!! Maybe they are a couple, but he doesn’t really love her. He just needs to feel it deeply to be Edward. As soon as he’s done with Eclipse, Rob’s back to just friends status with the KStew. And by then, maybe he’ll have met me, and he can forget pretending to love a little girl and find out what it is like to get it on with a mid 30s mother of two!

    So that is my current position – yeah, he may be dating her, but it is all for his job.

    • What a wonderful husband!!

    • I really do feel like I’ve been dumped for a trashy little boy. I’ve been dumped, but never for a dude, so I am working through these feelings.

      However, I unfortunately have to disagree with your hubs (kudos to him on trying to make you feel better, mine just makes stuff up like, “TMZ has pictures with Rob’s hand down her pants” [damned if i didnt run to the computer just to figure out he had made that up])…if this were all about the craft, he’d keep it in his pants until the next movie.

      There is no way there is more than fucking going on, because she is just too surly. Besides, if you were young, hot and wealthy with a lot of time on your hands, would you really be spending it painting pottery or reading poetry to each other?

      I can’t believe this, but I have to get it out… I, Sarah S, am a hardcore Nonsten.

      • Welcome, Sarah

        • Thanks for the welcome to Nonsten, and thanks for letting me get out all my snark, sarcasm, frustration, foul language, 14 yr old boy humor, etc so that I can keep it together in RL.

    • Totally love your husband for stating the obvious!!! What were we thinking?! We SO got it wrong! He’s a method actor and therefore, needs to “feel” (*ahem*) what he is doing!
      I’m going to take one for the team: I am volunteering to be KStew’s double in rehearsing with Rob and his method acting! :)

  19. “UC: the line is shorter at In-n-out than the one in Hollywood”

    “Calliope: he kept turning the wrong way because he liked the way it said “recalculating”

    “Moon: she blacked out in the elevator and rode up and down the chateau till 6am when she was seen leaving”

    “It was near his crotch. and she was like “ew. ketchup near your peen”

    All bril! But this next one is my favorite:

    “Moon: you get a shot when you walk in and a birth control pill from the usher”

    ROTFLMAO!

    Moon, did you see that Star magazine used your photo?

    Ok, Robsten or no Robsten? I’m back and forth. Today I’m “they’re totally together”. But I would like more proof! Like tonsil hockey behind a dumpster proof!

    • I was wrong it’s Life & Style, with Rob and Kristen from the TCA’s on the cover. In the article your photo was used.

  20. So I don’t understand what the sarcasm warning was for, clearly that is EXACTLY how everything went down, I mean have you heard the british woman’s voice on the GPS, it’s simply mesmerizing, and who doesn’t love a water balloon fight?!? Drinking and cleaning up each others vomit check, not showering together, check, huddling up at KOL, check, all things friends do.

    Unfortunately all things couples do too but eh you all know where I stand ;) I would however like some concrete proof, they really need to start looking for that antique ring of Nikkis, I’m getting tired of all the are they aren’t they crap

  21. “they didn’t notice because they were busy smelling each other” ha ha ha WIN!!

    I could smell them from my screen. no wonder the cast sat away from them – the air around them was permeated with after SEX smell coupled with greasy hair and what have you.

    Oh why, oh WHY ROB?!
    could you just turn back the clock and be who you were before all these started? even just for me? or me

    I saw one of the photos ( am so damn, should have attached it) where they cramped into a small 5 passenger car – and I blamed Rob for this, they looked all so silly – but Rob looked the silliest. LET the lady (Elizabeth R) and the two teenage boys ( Taylor and Kristward) sit comfortably and take it as a man – sit at the passenger’s seat and be done with it ! people already know your face – one more pic. wouldn’t hurt forchrissake!!

    How can Edward ( i mean Rob) be so ungentlemanly! am so frustrated with his manners. ACH! maybe I should pull out those you tube interviews that remind me of a more intelligent, articulate, yummy sexy Rob, A Rob who did not flinch at cameras, a Rob who could say ‘thank you’ and please in his sentences, a funny Rob with no inhibitions ( remember? Clive Handjob in Paris?, Spunkward?) thats the Rob I miss. am fed up with the current Rob whose work of ART has been marred with NONsense!!

    I have been thinking hard
    I would like to change gears to Xavier Samuel
    but he is too smooth for my taste, he reminds me of a snake pet slithering out of your grasp. Nah and he is for now too gay unless proven.

    So here I am loathing the internet and yet hooked to it – I need therapy….or Rob to stop his dating escapade and get back to normal!

    And Moon, UC & Calli did I ever tell you how BRILL you are? Well here you have it ….. You are EXCEPTIONAL!
    Calli please continue with TwiTheatre I love it

    • Calli is going on a trip for 3 weeks where she promises to do nothing but write Twi-theatre. RIGHT CALLI?

    • “LET the lady (Elizabeth R) and the two teenage boys ( Taylor and Kristward)”
      That is epic!

  22. hilarious as heck. seriously, xavier as their teenage love-child, totally see it. her chin, his hair, her boobs, his shades…

  23. This is Effing Priceless! The whole damn thing!

    UC: he did it- he threw a balloon out the window. The lesbians may have liked it when Kristen walked in all soaking wet.

    *LMFAO BWAHAHAHAHAHA*

  24. moon I hope you are getting paid for these freaking photos being published! When my cousins ex girlfriend dated George Clooney for a year he sold all sorts of picture (yeah he’s a scum bag, but he only said nice things about her they were together for 6 years then she started dating George weird eh?) anyways you should be gettin some cashola for that shiz!
    Ps I don’t give a crapsten. But I’m a flip flopper myself. And I too have way better hair than kristen. Maybe she is a totally normal person/ cute and girly around friends. Who am I kidding. Kstew wore a I heart stache shirt. You can’t get anymore trashy than that. Seriously I would think that Rob would be more into classy girls. I guess not so much. Man rob I feel like I totally don’t know you even after all this time…oh wait….

  25. See there you go… posting something so complete there is hardly anything left to be said…. except that I can ALWAYS think of something to say :)…

    I don’t care… seriously.. I don’t care.. just do it, don’t do it… have it, don’t have it… believe it, don’t believe it… wear it, don’t wear it…

    The man is EYE CANDY PEOPLE!!… Keep that in your mind.. keep that in your fan fic, keep that in your fantasies, keep that in your dreams and he shall remain the perfect man.,.. the trouble is when you let reality in.

    Until he has a one on one sit down with me and, until he and I have had an extended period of days to chat (or whatever) I will know that the only thing I know about him to be true is what I have heard him say, which most of the time you can take with a grain of salt because he admits to making stuff up, and what conclusions I have drawn about him… what I believe to be true about him isn’t real.. (Hell.. most of what I believe about him is not even attainable for ANY human male.. let alone our almost perfect Rob).

    Today’s mantra for the faint of heart

    “KEEP IT UNREAL BABY…..JUST KEEP IN UNREAL”

    Go find your favorite picture or video of the Dreamy One.. whichever one you love, the one that stops your heart.. that makes you smile… that does whatever makes you feel good.. go find that picture or video and just look at it over and over. Remember what drew you to it all… drew you to him and smile.. because ultimately if your fantasy is making you sad.. it’s time to get a new fantasy!

    “KEEP IT UNREAL BABY…..JUST KEEP IN UNREAL”

  26. “One of those awkward homeschool kids”
    LMAO…….peed my pants…

  27. I’m currently taking this online exam for internet security requirements for our email at work. It’s stupid, but all employees must do it. I just came across this section:

    “Dumpster diving” is the act of going through residential or corporate trash in an effort to find useful items and/or information. It can be a useful activity for hackers and Social Engineers, hoping to find information that will allow them to “penetrate” a person’s or company’s defenses. It can also be a “very useful activity” for corporate spies.

    I am now laughing.

    • WIN!

      It may also be a “very useful activity” that will allow Rob to “penetrate” my special place.

    • 5th in line girls, My Place 5th in line…….
      So is the line still as long or are a few dropping by the wayside? now ‘its proven’ my Moon and UC…..not forgetting Calli, you’re class girl, 1st class all the way…..

    • Awesomeness. The influence of LTR/LTT knows no bounds.

    • Yes! I’m glad I’m not the only one who has a Pavlovian response to dumpsters. At work we had a diagram of our building, which inexplicably had the location of our dumpster on it, and I drew a little stick Rob behind it. I should have drawn a little stick me in there too, but I was already getting weird looks.

  28. Dearest twi-besties
    I am humbled by your snark, wit, imagination and sarcasm.

    You guys killed me on pretty much every section however, Calli won a special place in my heart with:

    Calliope: Kellan was so overcome with the sex air that he just started texting everyone in his phone book feverishly… asking for sex- It got awkward when TAYTAY turned around and winked

    Died, just died.

    Next post, Texts from kellan..saw a preview on twitter and I may have peed myself just a little bit.

    And UC, you are quite welcome! xoxo

  29. Holy hell that was BEYOND hilarious. I don’t even have anything witty to say. And I can’t even quote all my favorite parts because there were TOO MANY. I’m literally stunned by the brilliance of the three of you.

    That being said, I go back and forth between Nonsten and Don’t-Give-A-Crapsten. If she acted like she liked him, I’d be a little more ok with it… But mostly, I just hope that they don’t eff everything up. If something goes wrong, that could mean some pretty awkward movie-making in the future. And if they mess up our precious Twilight movies just for a little fling, I will have to hunt her down and punch her square in her mulleted face. And maybe give Rob a talking to… and a spanking…

    Hmm on second thought, maybe all of this doesn’t sound so bad…

  30. O.K., I admit it hurts every time I see our beautiful, funny, smart and sparkly Rob with that vacant eyed, robot Kristen. But, in the long run if he’s happy then I’m happy (though I know I could make him REALLY happy) but, until that time comes (big sigh) whatever happens, happens.

    I totally agree with tiffanized, if they are together I don’t want to see it!!! However, I’m perfectly happy with moon and UC making fun of it!

  31. I’m with the ‘I-dont’-give-a-crapsten” camp. I think they’re cute together, though, and I totally think that they are together and humping like rabbits. I actually like that they’re not all lovey dovey and all over each other. PDA grosses me out, b/c half the time it’s done to show other people how much in love you are. Besides, even if they were regular, non-famous people, neither of them seem the type to hug or kiss in public. Just my two cents – sorry I had nothing funny to say – you girls have the funny covered.

  32. First…..the “How to tell if someone is being Sarcastic”…..Pure genius!!

    “If you are really having trouble, just ask if they are joking!!!” hahahahahaha!!!!

    I am so from the Idon’tgiveaneffsten camp…..but that doesn’t mean that I don’t visit the Iwannapunchherinthenecksten camp on occasion! Come on over the water is fine. AND any woman with hair like that cannot be trusted….case in point….Kate Gosslin. Seriously.

    Another great one ladies….keep it up! :)

    • f*cking funny, Obird!

  33. Again, the most important reason why Rob couldn’t resist –>Kristen Stewart’s want is mindblowingly powerful. No one is safe.

    http://kristenstewartwantsit.wordpress.com/

    PS I also love the fact that Rob loves boats and wanted to be the little man in the boat. You ROCK!

    • I just spent a little while over at kristenstewartwantsit and my stomach hurts, I’m laughing so hard. Thanks, Janetrigs!

    • <3 you Janetrigs…..never been there before and am crying with laughter now…..yeah and looks like lucky B**** has got it!!!!

    • ZOMFG I had to keep taking breathers from that site, I was dangerously close to laughing loudly and hysterically in my very quiet workplace. I couldn’t stifle all of my snorts though, and got some weird looks from my co-workers.

      I never thought discussions of superpositions and quantum theory could mesh so well with anything to do with KStew.

      Gold.
      Much like the rest of this post was gold, ladies. And I also love that you did your civic duties in instructing certain ‘readers’ in the subtleties of sarcasm in advance. If people who don’t get sarcasm can really be said to be literate/educated/humans worth listening to.

      Also, KStew’s haircut makes me feel good about my haircut. Especially as my haircut probably cost as much as her ‘stache tshirt, and hers probably cost the same as that pointy deathbringer dress she wore to the TCAs.

  34. So, I’m getting tired of all this Robsten news and last night I decided to back away from the computer and go to the gym to get away from Rob.
    the problem….Rob followed me

    I took a book from home that I hadn’t read in 6-7 yrs that was completely non-twi related. I was reading along happily while cycling and then I got to the description of the male lead….
    gray-green eyes, Englishman, brown hair
    that’s right….Rob’s now starring in my imagination AGAIN

    then, I happened to glance up at the tv they have on and its Access Hollywood…what just happened to be playing, that’s right, the NM trailer-arrrrggg!

    so I went back to reading after gawking at the tv and then I hear the opening to Use Somebody coming on over the radio…and the DJ starts talking about the Vancouver KOL concert, and how Rob and Kris are doing it (this news must really be everywhere if my small town top40 DJ feels the need to talk about it over KOL)

    at this point I’m thinking that this is effing ridiculous and there is apparently no escaping Rob anywhere….
    but it gets better….
    guess what song comes on next….
    Wait
    For
    It…
    thats right “Disco Stick”
    I swear that God has taken time out of his very busy schedule just to f*ck with me!
    It’s a good thing I was about done with my workout anyway because it’s just not comfortable thinking about Rob’s disco stick out in public, not if I don’t want to get arrested!
    my conclusion-Rob is inescapable.

    • LOL! Rob and his disco-stick is haunting you. I can’t listen to Sex on Fire without thinking of Kristen (in her wife-beater shirt) and Rob (in his Stoli shirt) making googly eyes. Those two are short a couple of showers.

    • by the way, this is the book I’m reading.
      Someone needs to write a screenplay and cast Rob in it pronto! It was made for him
      Despite the fact that it was written in the ’40s it’s completely smuttastic and it’s a period drama….I’m a sucker for a period drama…and smut
      http://www.amazon.com/Forever-Amber-Kathleen-Winsor/dp/1556524048/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&s=books&qid=1250637417&sr=8-1

  35. Blog on sisters, blog on! This was one of your best!

    And UC your hair is much hotter!

  36. Damn I was hoping the stache shirt she wore WAS giving a shout out to Billy OR that she LURVES her Pringles, being how those chips are shaped and all.

    • I completely forgot about the stache shirt. Glad I needed it to be explained to me. I’m all for being a pervert, but seriously, that’s just terrible. Classy K-Stache, real classy. (that being said, I could totally get on board the R-Stache train)

      I won’t start the debate of “all these little kids look up to them as role models” because I honestly don’t know where I fall in the argument, but I am not cool with this shirt.

      K-Stache FAIL!

    • I think she is the one who “dives”, speaking of the stache shirt

  37. You have got to be one of the funniest websites ever! That is some what leaning towards what i thought of the Robsten stuff, all rumors!

  38. what’s robsten? you mean robert and kristen..who cares what they do in their private lives, it’s not like they’ll ever do it with us lmao!

    • NO! Don’t give up the hope! Rob WILL do you me

  39. truly don’t give a crapsten but i do love a tuba—am leaving the site with a wicked smile on my face thinking sarcastic thoughts—which you all can’t recognize or analyze because thought is free—;o)

    • Wha?

  40. “UC: I’m completely of the “I don’t give a crapsten” camp, but I do think they are together- banging each other’s brains out, yes, but actually in a full-blown relationship. And I will forever hate Kristen because of my utter jealousy that she is with a man such as Rob, however I will also laugh because I have much hotter hair.”

    HAHA I dont give a Crapsten..Her hair is terrible.. GoD KStew you just play Joan Jett in a movie you arent actually her..Maybe she didnt hear about posers in her homeschooled highschool days.

  41. Seriously…awesome.

    I knew they were just friends. They’re totally just friends. If I keep saying it…will it be true? Actually…I can go both ways on this one…

    A. I hope they ARE together.
    They make each other happy AND they have amazing chemistry…for the win. (and greasy hair)

    B. They’re totally just awesomely bad dressed friends. Very artistic. Very free. It’s so Woodstock of the 2000s. and maybe they make out.

    xo
    Ash

    p.s. I agree on Xavier looking like their love child. Brilliance.

  42. Proved I’m about as bored as someone reading one of Rob’s books…

    READ Kill Your Friends!!!!

    I just finished it on Sunday and wow… just wow.

    It will make you think of Rob in a new light.

    • I like my friend athankyou!

  43. I have to say I thought those last few pics of them at the KOL concert were a little telling. The body language in the pics when they were just sitting next to each other watching the stage looked a little off. Kristen is leaning towards Rob in her seat and he’s leaning AWAY from her. Not sure it means much in the face of all the considerable Robsten pics we have, but I’m thinking maybe she’s the one more into this than him. (I’m a total blog virgin or I’d post the pic I’m talking about, sorry I’m a newbie).

    Thanks for laughs today, I’m sick at home from work and there’s nothing like a little LTT/LTR to make me feel better. And just maybe the reason I’m sick at home today is because I found Wide Awake last night at 5pm and read it til 3am…just maybe. That’s normal, right?!? Congrats on the SM shout out too!

  44. Moon: They were really hoping someone would make a video set to clare de lune. Cause CLARE DE LUNE’s GREAT

    LMAO!

  45. You could almost say she deserves him for her ugly hair. You know how some people are super gorgeous, but less fortunate in other areas, or vice-versa? Maybe Rob is the Yin to her Yang mullet.

    Maybe..

  46. “It got awkward when TAYTAY turned around and winked”
    LMAO

    Okay, I was LMAO with almost everything…but I didn’t think the wordpress comment window would be big enough.

    Oh and I’m team crapsten all the way…

  47. haha! I feel by this time, Robsten lives! Now they’re just having fun with it. Plus having fun keeping entire world fm confirmation. Heard the actors all had 2 sign confidentiality clause in contract, re:Robsten. As if, luv they went into Sex room on accident! LOL thought Sexit was Exit
    yes, UR all so very logical, on accident! LMAO U guys rock ! I bet they get a kick out of reading all the shite being written bout them! This is HISTORY being made.

  48. So, I’ve just been to town and spotted a perfect tee shirt for KStew. It was pink and it said:
    I AM NOT ARROGANT
    I AM BETTER THAN YOU

    Except I first read it as ‘I am not pregnant’ but it would have worked either way. Obviously, she should wear it in an ironic sort of way, with her trademark knot on the other side.

    Speaking of husband comments, I just have to relay this little nugget the manchild bestowed on me during my short-lived Robsession:
    “The only way that [insert f*ckhawt pic of Rob] could be between your legs is if you gave birth to it.”
    Which I thought was a little harsh at the time, but now think would make a great tee shirt for Cathy the Coug.

  49. This shit is priceless!! I’m in tears :)

  50. Moon: They were really hoping someone would make a video set to clare de lune. Cause CLARE DE LUNE’s GREAT

    (zOMG that shitastic video…LMAO!)

    Calliope: Kellan was so overcome with the sex air that he just started texting everyone in his phone book feverishly… asking for sex- It got awkward when TAYTAY turned around and winked

    Thanks for making me burst out laughing about twenty times while I read that. It is much easier to be Team Crapsten now that you have “debunked” everything.


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