Saturday, I woke up to the best news ever… It was reported that you were engaged and I was elated because after four years you finally decided to tell everyone about our relationship. Yes folks, Robert Pattinson and I have been together for 4 years and yes, we finally decided to make it official! I would no longer have to stay in LA slaving away as if I was a normal gal with a regular life and no mysterious long distance boyfriend who only came around occasionally and left me to blog about vampires with all my spare time. We could finally be together, no shame, no secrets, no lies. We were engaged and you spilled the beans to Allie Wired of all places! Joy filled my heart to say the least.
But then Sunday I woke up to the saddest sound I’ve ever heard. What’s that sound I heard? Yup, it was the sound of a million hearts breaking in unison and the sound of my own finally deciding to call you on your shit! You’re cheating on me, your finace! In public with your costar at a Kings of Leon concert of all places! How will I ever listen to Soft again now?
I won’t even tell you about how sad Clare and Dick are… they called me together this morning upset and wanting to know what they could do. You know how they get on two receievers in seperate rooms and talk over each other? Yea, thanks for putting me through that this morning at 7am. I can’t bear it when Dick gets upset and sobs. What a wreck.
And even though I’m not 100% convinced you were kissing in that picture, because from the angle of it you would have had to have an owl neck to make that work, and honey we ALL know you’re not that flexible NOR coordinated. Nevertheless your behavior tells me that not only are you cheating on ME, you’re cheating on US and what we have, and what we have is special! Who else writes fake letters to you everyday?! Ok, besides UC. WHO?! Who else combs the internet looking for awkward pictures of you and videos of you and TomStu set to Clay Aiken songs? Ok maybe some other people. But tell me who has only watched half the movies you’ve ever made but still writes a blog about you? Yea ME! And when you’re ready to admit that you know where you can find me ( ironing Bobby‘s plaid shirts) but until then I’m moving on to greener pastures. And by pastures, obviously I mean Xavier‘s hotel room.
The other woman,
*for the truly stupid. DUH I am not Rob Pattinson’s Fiance. Just his girlfriend*
Follow the cut to see the ‘cheated on but I’m alright’ playlist I’ve come up with to get me through this time
Seriously, Rob am I alone in this relationship?
I wanna hear everyone sing this with me! And GO!
This will be your theme song Rob, trust me.
Heartless = you
my original boyfriend sang it best…