Dear lady in this picture,

Are you short of breath and you know you’re not having heart palpitations because you just got the ticker checked out last week? Are you suddenly drenched in sweat and it’s unseasonable cool in New York City? Do you catch yourself constantly looking at the principle actor when you’re supposed to be watching over the extras? Do you suddenly have the urge to smoke though you kicked the habit 24 years ago (when the actor you’re with was probably still in utero)? Were you there that day those crazies ran after Rob and did you do a fist pump and say “you go girl!”?

If you’ve answered yes to any of these questions, then the test results are in: You have a bad case of Pattinson-itus

I know, it’s shocking. But it’s obvious that your symptoms all lead to one guy- Robert Pattinson. Yes. He’s 22. Yes. You’re 54, but who cares? You may be uber professional and the most experienced headset lady in the business, but you will spend the next 6 months of your life obsessing over a guy who could be your son. At first you’ll try to say it’s just a motherly instinct because you never had a son and always wish you had, but eventually you’ll succumb to the reality that you want Robert Pattinson to take you like Mr. Headset never could.

You have a couple more weeks with him in person- enjoy every minute of it while you can because when it’s over, all you’ll have left is the virtual reminder of your time with the 22 year old. The first week will go fast- there is so much out there. You will do nothing but watch interviews of your new obsession, and once the interviews are done, there are pictures. Hundreds and hundreds of indexed pages of google images. After those dry up you’ll find your way to the best sources- RobPattznews on twitter for your daily play-by-play, Robsessed for every new picture first and then, of course, LetterstoRob for a community of like-minded women who can’t believe their obsession yet don’t want it to stop. We’ll teach you “That’s Normal.” Cause it is.

It’s normal to check Rob-related sites first thing in the morning running out of time to check the weather report so you end up wearing heels & a dress in a torrential downpour. It’s normal not to know what’s going on in the political landscape of your country but to know exactly where Robert Pattinson was yesterday at 4pm. No one (well, no one at LetterstoRob, anyway) will think it strange when you give a stranger a friendly look across the bar because you notice them drinking Heineken and you thought “Ah- he’s not alone in drinking that nasty beer.” And when you start to fear that everytime you pass a magazine stand and catch a glimpse of that beautiful man, someone will notice that you stare a moment too long, just know you’re not alone. And That’s Normal.

So welcome to a life of wishing desperately for something you’ll never have. Send my condolences to Mr. Headset for he’ll never live up to the new expectations. And now go home, be a good dirty lady and write some Remember Me fan fic for us to enjoy!

Welcome to a life of questionable morals and compromised virtue,
UnintendedChoice

Poor lady.. she has no idea.  Do you ever wish you didn’t have this, uh, acute fondness?

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