Posted by: themoonisdown | June 23, 2009

Trashy mags, beef jerky and Robert Pattinson

I need that "Yikes" magazine! That looks like my kind of reading!

I need that "Yikes" magazine! That looks like my kind of reading!

Dear Rob-

I have a secret guilty pleasure… trashy mags and bad junkfood. And if I’m not in a airport newsstand I make a run to the drugstore for my fix. It’s alright, you’ll learn to love me for this AND I pick the best junkfood so just let me know what you want and I’ll pick it up. Today’s choice? Beef jerky. Sometimes you just want a dried out piece of meat. Ahem. And of course when I go to check out the clerk goes “Beef jerky huh?” Uh, excuse me? I don’t come to your work and go “So, minimum wage, huh?” Jerkoff.

So anyway Rob, if you don’t make runs to the drug store all the time like I do than you wouldn’t know you’re on the cover of pretty much EVERY magazine out there. I half expected Cat Fancy to have a feature on why you hated cats but were learning to love them because Kristen had one. See the way I did that? I gave even a Cat Fancy story a Robsten twist. It’s so easy!

The biggest loser Gosselin boob job fashion spectacular!

The biggest loser Gosselin boob job fashion bulimia bachelor spectacular!

So because I love trashy, semi true, semi untrue, rag mags and started this feature over on Letters to Twilight and thought we should bring it over here to your neck of the woods, Rob, since you’re EVERYWHERE!

Hang on tight Rob as I work my way through another week of rag mags for your loyal fans!
Themoonisdown

I’ll be covering the three best looking ones that caught my eye: US Weekly, Life & Style and People.

First Up:

People Magazine

IMG00424In some People Magazine Editor’s twisted world, Rob lost hottest bachelor to that melty Ken Doll himself: CHACE CRAWFORD! Is there any justice in the world? Well maybe just a little because they featured pictures of Chace from high school in which he has the most insanely manscaped eye brows and bleached blond hair! HA! We all knew THAT guy in high school.

Let’s get to the goodies:

Or lack thereof. As you can see I gave this feature a HALF thumbs up. First of all it’s an OLD picture from the EW mag shoot like a year ago. Seriously People, this is your idea of selling magazines? And then the accompanying blurb is about people screaming at him and him feeling like crying. And then talking about people’s “energy.” Uh thanks for making Rob sound like a hippie who’s into patchouli and reading people’s aura’s

Not a dry... uh... eye in the house

Not a dry... uh... eye in the house

So you wanna know the best part of this trash mag? It would have to be the fact that a page before Rob’s feature is an advertisement for “Premarian” which is apparently some sort of cream for when your lady business is dry. That alone was worth the 4.95. Robert Pattinson- the face and the cure for vaginal dryness.

Grade: D
Buy this for it’s inadvertently comical placement of  menopausal cream ads oh and a picture of Chris Pine. Yea, that’s ALWAYS good.

Follow the cut for more advertisements for dry female body parts… and Rob…

Oops my hands in the way...

Oops my hands in the way...

Life & Style

By far the trashiest and least reputable of the trio I picked up for today’s in depth reading (“for research,” of course) but I knew I had to grab it for it’s amazingly photoshopped cover that promised “YES, We’re Dating!” and their relationship is “dividing the cast.” Sounded like I would be in for some good gossip!

And then I flipped to the article…

IMG00427

The print version of "Speculation Thursday"

And it was as if Life & Style writers were LTT/LTR regulars. Because the entire article reads exactly like UC and my’s Wednesday/Thursday Speculation extravaganza. Right down to the Nikki Reed/Oregano triangle. And even the KStew/Dakota BFF business. Seriously, Life & Style, we want a cut!

Grade: B
Get this if you’re a Robsten fan and even though it’s gossip we already knew and wrote about, it’s funny to see in print that “Rob ditched Nikki after hooking up at least TWO times when Kristen opened up to his advances.” Oh and I learned that since I have a long torso, I should get a “monokini.” These rag mags are always so helpful when choosing a swim suit!

Summer vacay plans: knotted tshirts and lots of them!

Summer vacay plans: knotted tshirts and lots of them!

US Weekly

This was probably the rag I was most looking forward to based off the cover picture and title “Tangled Web: Rob and His Women.” Though this sounds a lot like a Lifetime Movie of the week, clearly US Weekly was referring to all of us lovely ladies here at LTR.

IMG00429

Robbie, Chrissy and Tay Tay, OH MY!

Bypassing that Stephanie Pratt “The Hills Made Me Bulimic” nonsense, cause honestly who isn’t vomiting after watching that show? I headed straight for the goodies (that’s what she said!). The article titled “Summer Separation,” which might be a lost novel from Judy Blume’s  Friends Forever collection, features pics of Rob and Kristen on set and “how they’re handling their time apart.” And of course everyone’s favorite KStew/Dakota BFF’s picture. The most surprising being the tidbit about Kristen, 19 attending a Hwood party where she “sipped vodka and nuzzled Russel Brand’s (!!!) neck.” Now, this isn’t my first time at the rodeo, but listing Kristen’s age and then that she was underage drinking might be a a little irresponsible, US Weekly. Just sayin’. And where the crap did that Russel Brand thing come from?! I think we may have found KStew’s “type” though: dirty, english guys.

My husband's in Coldplay!

My husband's in Coldplay!

A big thumbs up for “New Boys on the Block” feature which has not only Rob (as the next Johnny Depp, meow!), and not only Chris Pine (new Harrison Ford), but ALSO Taylor (as the new Keanu Reeves). Though I can’t help but wonder if that’s a complement or not.

And lastly US Weekly has a little blurb of Stephen Moyer from True Blood calling Rob a “pussy… He’s the slimfast, Diet Coke of Vampires.” And as much as I love True Blood, Bill, if Rob’s the slimfast then you’re the cheeseburger because you have the cheesiest bad southern accent and dumbest looking fangs around. So go back to whining about Sookie or as you would say: “Sukie” and leave Rob to be brooding Edward.

Grade: A-
Get this if you want quantity and wanna laugh at how Emilie and Rob are “even starting to dress alike – plaid and dirty looking.” Uh, hate to break it to you US Weekly but “hobo chic” is the fashions de jour these days, especially for the Twi cast.

Now back to this beef jerky…

Found that special unicorn? Ready to plan your Twilight themed wedding?! We’re here to help at LTT!
Wanna discuss stuff besides the posts?! Get on over to the forum and make some new friends!
Today’s the last day to submit your handiwork in the Rob Porn-Off with the Twisisterhood!

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Responses

  1. The people at the CVS know me well. I come in every other day to pretend I need some vaginal discomfort cream, but they know what it . . . um, I really want: full color photos of Rob.

    The worst part is that the trashier the magazine, the closer it is to the checkout line, and I have to endure the questions: “Are you looking for a particular magazine?” [No], “Why are you buying so many?” [none of your beeswax] and my new favorite, “Don’t you already have that one?” [yes, but it suffered some, uh, damage and I need to replace it].

    Helpful hint: If you have a teenage girl available to you, you can send her in to buy them for you. She may charge you premium rates, but it’s worth it.

    • what happened to the good ol days of dont ask dont tell?! clerks are supposed to check you out and nothing more! no chatty business!

    • “suffered some damage” bwahahaha! love it!

      I have to admit – I nearly bought “Bop” for the poster. Hubby would never have let me live it down. Gah.

    • “Suffered some damage!” LOL

      Oh, man, Moon! Great catch with the Premarian. I laughed so hard I had to call OMB to share. Laughing just wasn’t enough. Kinda like crying after an orgasm.

  2. Seriously – Rob keeping the lady bidness moist – I literally sprayed my coffee on my computer screen reading that and now my coworkers are wondering WTF is up with me.

    Totally worth it, Moon.

  3. “Have a problem with vaginal dryness? Use Premarian! Or.. just turn the page!”

    • save on money and your prescription bills! use peoples hottest bachelors instead of premarian!

  4. “Robert Pattinson the face and the cure for vaginal dryness”

    Here we all were thinking that he was a Ray Ban ambassador, but no…

    Pre-Marian sounds a little bit Robin Hood – he can steal from this thief any time he likes.

    • LMAO!

    • he’s apaprently the spokewhore for EVERYTHING now

      • Rob Pattinson, BrandWhore…

        Feminine products kinda takes it to a whole new level.

  5. I love trashy mags and buy them every week. To read local gossip.
    Rob isn’t so (in)famous in our part of the world yet, so I have to buy german, french, english… magazines and I am always disappointed, because everything they feature, I already know, it’s been published and commented here two weeks ago.
    LTR headquarters, you rule!

    • thank you! only the best for you guys!

  6. I was seriously disappointed in the People mag. That’s what I get for not flipping through it before I buy. I’ll have to go get that USWeekly though.

    FYI, there’s also a short write-up in Entertainment Weekly about the Brit Pack. It’s a pretty good little piece.

    • seriously dissappointed!

      got the EW but then ran out of time reviewing. great little blurb though!

  7. “And of course when I go to check out the clerk goes “Beef jerky huh?” Uh, excuse me? I don’t come to your work and go “So, minimum wage, huh?” Jerkoff.”

    Will you be my West Coast BFF?

    Please? I have Champagne and Jerky…screw strawberries…jerky is where it’s at.

    Today’s letter = WIN

    • lets do it!

      classy ladies love champy and jerky

  8. i <3 trashy mags!! haha
    and i am addicted to true blood as well :P hahha. tho i agree, the accents are the cheesiest things ever!

    Robert Pattinson the face and the cure for vaginal dryness.

    ROFLMAO!

    o rob.. how i heart thee :P

    • seriously THE worst. as my family is from the south i am SUPER embarrassed by how bad these are. yuck

      • if it werent for the story line, i wouldnt’ haev been able to get past it! :/

      • Haha girls I think they do the exaggerated accents on purpose. The show’s supposed to be somewhat satirical.

    • Omg I agree on the accents…from southern louisiana and I swear I can’t watch the show because the accents are like nails on a chalkboard to me! I hate when people eff up louisiana (or southern) accents. We have enough stereotypes to deal with just being from the south but throw in being from louisiana…well it ain’t easy is all I’m sayin. Seriously when I am out of state and i say I am from Lousiana…people are like:

      “oooh I bet you wish you had some boiled crawfish huh? ”

      me:”no dickwad, I loather the fuckers actually.

      them: blank stare…confusion…but…but..

      me:”yeah salting and boiling small crustaceans alive and then pulling their little bodies apart with my bare hands just doesn’t appeal to me.”

      That being said I think I’m gonna go get in my pirogue and paddle myself on down the bayou and then afterwards I am gonna go drink kamikazes in the French Quarter and show my tits to strangers in exchange for beads. Take care bebes!”

  9. Let’s just say that personal lubrication has not been an issue since Fall 2008.

    TMI?

    • ^^^^^;)

  10. OMG!! The funniest post yet with Rob as the cure for dryness….I laughed for a good 5 minutes and had to wipe away the tears….Good stuff!

  11. Uh, excuse me? I don’t come to your work and go “So, minimum wage, huh?” Jerkoff.

    HA! Best.Line.Ever.

    • im getting it tattooed on my arm, next to my big daddy portrait

  12. “See the way I did that? I gave even a Cat Fancy story a Robsten twist. It’s so easy!”

    LMAO, love it! Also love the placement of the menopausal cream w/ the Rob photo, LOL!

    I to am a mag whore. I subscribe to a gazzillion.
    InStyle, Entertainment Weekly, US Weekly, In Touch, Life & Style, OK Weekly, Self, Hollywood Lifestyle (which I think is kaput because I haven’t gotten an issue in eons), People (I get that free b/c I used milage points), TV Guide (I also get that free because I use milage points), Fade In, and the one I miss the most is Premiere magazine. Best movie magazine ever and it went out of buisness. :-( But yeah, the only one I don’t get is Star b/c even though the rest of them I get are rag mags, I think they are the biggest liars of them all. I don’t know what it is why I get them, I think it’s because I like the pictures and all the “stars they’re just like us” and the “spotted” and Life & Style gives great tips on where you can find the star styles for less. They use to always have Keanu (back when I was big into him) photos, articles so I subscribed for that. (THAT’S NORMAL), plus I gotta keep up with my pop culture, and even though I get Rob in the mail weekly and it’s mostly BS articles….I enjoy the photos. US Weekly and OK tend to not be as rediculous and fabricated as Life & Style has been lately. Life & Style is turning into Star. Ok, so aren’t ya glad I just shared all of that? LOL!

    Now, onto People. Even though that is one mighty HAWT photo of Rob….they need to stop using photos from that shoot for everything. And Chase Crawford? WTF People mag, what are you thinking? I wonder how cheesey the new Footloose movie is going to be?

    • Not as cheesy as the article I saw (which I hope was a joke) of Rob maybe revamping the role of TeenWolf.

      Yeah, that would be totally craptastic. And there is NO WAY IN HELL I would ever watch it…actually I would send a very strongly worded letter to Stephanie Ritz about it.

    • um let’s start mag trading! i need some of yours in my life.

      and yes life & style is SOOOO the new star magazine

      and i love them for the people watching photos and fashion tips! right on jena

  13. I have a theory about that People Magazine. Obviously Rob should win hands-down. But if he did he would have had to give a lengthy interview about how sexy he is and sit for a bunch of photos. I have a feeling he isn’t keen on doing that unless he’s contractually obligated. Either he won and refused, or People knew he’d never go for it and picked someone else. Which is how we ended up with a weird quote and an old photo. They asked him to dress like Tarzan for a photo, but he threw up a little in his mouth and they said ‘nevermind’ and figured saying ‘Brett Michaels is on board!’ wouldn’t be much of a lure.

    I was completely apalled when my sister got a subscription to one of those rag mags. Mainly because they keep the paparazzi in business, but also because it was so ridonkulously expensive. But since it’s there… and I’m guaranteed a few photos of Rob and a funny story about how he dirty danced with Paris Hilton at some LA party while KStew sat home and cried.. well, I might as well flip through it…

    • Dirty dance with Paris…

      I feel like I need a shower…and maybe a really hard loafah cause that makes me feel tainted.

  14. Yes, Rob is definitely the cure for vaginal dryness. Imagine buying a tube of that stuff with his face on it as spokesperson.

    Don’t be too hard on Bill-yes the fangs are ridiculously cheesy but I love it when he says “Sookie Stackhouse, you are maaahn.”

    I sometimes wonder how Twilight(the movie) would’ve been if they’d made Edward British so we could hear Rob’s real accent-his American accent is a little off sometimes -I think Britward would be HOT.

    • Yes yes of course his Brit accent is hot stuff but I actually do like his American as well. I dunno… it’s just so… hot that he does it :X And not to be hard on him but he does slip up once in Twi.. the scene where he’s taking the bump out of Bella’s car and he says the line about “So you’re worried about being in a house full of vampires cause…” But like someone else mentioned before in the NM trailer the scene where he breaks up with her he sounds soo totally American. He better not be losing his accent, grr >:o
      haha.

  15. I hate gossip mags you just know that half the “sources” are made up..

    Ive given up on ever getting the real story about robsten, i think theyll take what actually happened/not happened to their grave. I think unless they get into a real relationship, theyll never tell.

    SOOO what im really curious about is why Nikki and Kristen arent friends anymore. And i think Nikki should tell us in an interview because I dont know how many interviews i witnessed her not so subtley bring up the fact her and Kristen were “BEST FRIENDS”… So no more spectulations I really want to hear it from the horses mouth :P (no pun intented)

    • of course theyre made up! i think thats half the fun of them cause theyre so obviously fake. you just have to remember going into it that theyre probably arent very true stories and they they sites “sources” and not real people. newsweek they arent!

  16. Who needs feminine cream when we have Rob porn folders on our laptops………

    Please, please, please Kirsten do not go there with Russell Brand {sorry fans but I’m not} first class dirtbag and your youth is NO excuse for this one……..

    Does anyone else have trouble to walk past these magazines? Every time I see a picture of Rob I want to buy the mag, so far I’ve only given in once as I tell myself I have better Rob porn on my computor but it’s a struggle……

    • yeah, I’m often tempted when I see Rob on a magazine.But usually it’s just rehashed crap or outright lies and pics I’ve already seen, so I keep walking. Also I hate to give money to Life & Style, Star, etc. I will buy it if it’s something new, like GQ.
      Although I do read anything I can find with him in it when I’m at the doctor’s office.

      • I don’t have trouble resisting to purchase them, but I do stand in the grocery line and stare until it’s time to check out. I have actually been pulled out of a staring (at Rob) trance by the cashier. But the most embarrassing thing is when my daughters (2 and 4 years old) scream and point at the mags and say “MOMMY! MOMMY!, IT’S EDWARD!”

        Someone please tell me “that’s normal.”

        • Yeah – my stepdaughter always calls out my “boyfriend Edward” on the mags too. Cue hubby rolling eyes. lol! She is well trained

    • i buy them for other stuff too (the fashion, random pics, certain articles) and so anytime theres something rob/twi on it it’s really just an added bonus!

  17. Introducing a product so revolutionary, so cutting edge that you may wonder how you ever managed before…

    Now theres….’Robmarian’

    Never again must you suffer with vajaja discomfort. Robmarian has harnessed the raw pheromones of the world’s smexiest man Robert Pattinson into a convenient, and easy to apply gel.

    Robmarian…for those moments when you really wish you were banging a sparkly, seventeen year old vampire.

    (Included is life sized poster of RPattz, Twilight DVD, and extra knickers. Do not use if while operating heavy machinery or driving. Results may vary.) :)

    • Complete and total WIN.

      I <3 you!!! That actually made me snort…which we all know is the SEXIEST form of flattery.

      • Another investment opportunity?

        Now which photo to put on the box, hmmmm? I’m thinking his hands???

        • I think an assortment, some jaw porn, hair porn, hand porn.. And the ‘laying on the floor smoking’ pic from Dossier for the ‘after’ pic.

        • You could just use his lips and I’m sure that would work.

        • Maybe this one:

          http://4.bp.blogspot.com/_t6qV5eRxaKA/Sjm6n4a529I/AAAAAAAAA4M/fXEqzc2CrXU/s1600/bigfacelove.jpeg

          Or, check out today’s RAOR – any of those would work too… (Dear God JAG, are you trying to kill us?!)

        • Put me in for part of that with the Tattoo Blaster cream for my kid’s college fund….

          I love a good investment opportunity!!
          :-)

      • Real women snort.

    • Can you send it over to El Salvador? How much for shipping and handling?
      Oh! Do I get a discount for ordering more than 2? (I have friends you know) I jajajajajajajajajaj

    • Oh, and I forgot to add…partner not mandatory. :)

    • LMAO! Brilliant! This would sell big time! ;-)

    • @DanaB….pic didn’t show up BB, resend????

      • i love you all! seriously dont operate heavy machinery.

        also side effects include: sparkling lady business

        • OMG…yes!

          • And….that’s what she said.

      • Proselyte – E-mail me at dabear09 at ymail.com I have something for you. :)

        • Mailing you now. :)

          • Oh, and hi….where is Rob’s face? That’s what she…nevermind.

      • Sorry hon. The link works for me… :(

  18. Bypassing that Stephanie Pratt “The Hills Made Me Bulimic” nonsense, cause honestly who isn’t vomiting after watching that show?

    Bwah bwaha, bwahahahahahahahaha!

    Love it Moon! xo

  19. How their relationship changed Nikki’s Life…??
    eeeehhh… Oookkk… Seriously, Life & Style… trash…

    I love the kind of Interview that actually tells you something… not things that “a source” said.

    Sometimes I’m glad that I can’t find those kind of magazines here… but I guess people love gossip… we love to read gossips… guilty pleasures… jejejejeje

    I mean, we love speculation, but quality speculation (like LTR/LTT), not trashy…

  20. Oh Moon. I heart you.
    The cure for vaginal dryness,
    The minimum wage worker
    The throwing up after the hills..

    brilliant

    • hearts

  21. I hate when twits analyze my purchases. It’s super annoying. And my personal junkfood like is chocolate milk and salt & vinegar chips…or Funyuns if I’m feeling particularly nasty and want funky breath!

    Now back to lecture at hand…OMG, I have issues, I live my life as a singsong.

    I love the feel you copped with PeopleRob. Sneaky.
    Wait…Did Stephen Moyer actually act like he’s better than Rob? Really? The acting is B at best on that show..it’s only saving grace is Anna Paquin. His accent SUCKS for having hired a vocal coach and he’s UGLY. So take that!

    • ok i wants going to say it but you brought it out. i LOVE funyuns. gives you the most raunchist breath ever, but SO good going down.

      Thats what she said.

      ps damn you ripped bill a new one. i like it!

    • My personal best was when I was still single – a pair of fishnet stockings, condoms, Dove soap, soymilk and cat litter. HA HA HA Fred Meyer’s cashier just lifted one eyebrow and looked at me.

  22. ““So, minimum wage, huh?” Jerkoff.”

    LMAO– oh, Moon, I’m kinda in love with you. In a fake-lesbian sorta way of course.

    And, I totally thought of you and your rag mag addiction when I was at the airport the other day. I was like, I wish I had Moon here to help me decide which are the best bets. Cause you don’t wanna drop 4 dollars on one pic and a blurb. I need full color 4 page spreads and shizz.

    • exactly it has to be an informed decision. they really should hire me at these crap zines and ill get them raking in the twi fans dough in NO time

  23. I swear, I am so going to get a job with one of these magazines. I can put all my real journalistic skills aside and begin making up all kinds of fun stuff. Plus, they’ll have me sold if they let me hang up my poster-sized picture of “The Tuck”!

    • HAHAHAHAHA Amber, didn’t we just have this discussion?!? LOL that job would be absolutely PERFECT.

  24. Staring into Rob’s eyes for too long is like staring into a solar eclipse without using a piece of cardboard with a hole poked through it. The intensity of the schmexy is such that he can cure a variety of vaginal disturbances.

    • a cardboard piece with a hole punched through it. oh 6th grade science i love you

  25. And lastly US Weekly has a little blurb of Stephen Moyer from True Blood calling Rob a “pussy… He’s the slimfast, Diet Coke of Vampires.”

    Oh no he diiiiiiiiin’t?????! That better be a lie. Cause I know who I wouldn’t kick out of my bed for eating crackers Stevo, and it AIN’T you! Nuff said. Put that in your half-a**ed accent, hair plugged, one shot wonder pipe and smoke it! Oh and, and….er….Bite Me Gramp Vamp!
    (and yes, I meant that as a derogatory, not an invitation.)

    • I know, right? What is his PROBLEM? You know that he is lashing out because he is really worried that he himself is the pussy vampire. I mean, he is just inviting the Wrath of a Twi-milfs everywhere, isn’t he? (maybe that is what he wanted)

      • You simply do not mess with Twi-MILFs. We’re not Twi-Moms dude.
        We. Play. Dirty.

        • Word, sister.

  26. hahahha you guys are hilarious!
    I wonder what Rob would be like or say if he bought that magazine and opened it up and seen what people were putting RIGHT next to his face. lol.

    yea,sorry People Magazine, not such a good move.

    love the “rob is the cure to vaginal dryness”, though, thats a good one!

  27. I have never left a comment before, but that was just classic! I just found LTR/LTT and I am loving it!

    • we’re so glad you’ve joined us!

    • we’re so glad you’ve joined us!

    • There are three things you must know for sure:-
      Moon and U.C. ARE Goddesses
      You will hunger for each new post
      Your life will be unconditionally and irrevocably changed forever…………

      Welcome it’s a great place with the coolest people ever…….

      • hi jscholes! welcome!

        and ruby tuesday you are too kind… that compliment was just the picker upper we needed! and also your use of unconditionally and irrevocably made my heart proud.

  28. I’m addicted to this post. it’s hilariously written, and i feel like your thoughts are my thoughts.

  29. “The article titled “Summer Separation,” which might be a lost novel from Judy Blume’s Friends Forever collection, ” hahahaa! I LOVE Judy Blume – I “learned” lots reading her stuff! I find myself reading as fast as I can in line (which is to say looking for pix) so I don’t actually buy the mags – thanks for letting me know which ones to “read” first!

    • judy blume ruled my universe in grade school. i still read her blog from time to time. i need to check if she’s updated it

      • It’s all about Forever really…
        The great naming of the man parts…

  30. oh my goodness, bill’s accent is atrocious! i only watch TB to laugh at the bad acting. oh and by the by, i didn’t realize getting highlights and worrying about your hair was a badass vampire thing to do!

    • i love true blood! it defs has its moments though. also LOVED eric in the foils! HAHAHA

  31. omg, hilarious!!

    I was in the Safeway yesterday, and opted NOT for the “Family Friendly” checkout aisle, so I could look at all the mags, and my daughter pointed out that RP was on every cover…. She was perusing them and said, ‘uh oh mama, he has a LOT of girlfriends’. The cashier almost leaped out of her cubicle and said ‘No he doesn’t!! Those are all lies!!!!’ I wanted to ask her what her LTR/LTT name was!!! hahah

    Thanks for the mag reviews, now I know which one to pick up and flip through next time I’m in the store…..Oh and you had me snorting coffee at Cat Fancy, and EVERYone barfs after the Hills, ’tis true!!!

    • haha I was at the store and I saw a mom and daughter looking at a mag with Kstew and Rob kissing in Italy… this is how the convo went:
      Mom: Oh look they are in Love!!
      Daughter: NO THEY ARENT!!!
      Mom: He’s kissing her.
      Daughter: THEY ARE FILMING A MOVIE MOM!!!

      I love when I see things like this out and about…

    • The cashier almost leaped out of her cubicle and said ‘No he doesn’t!! Those are all lies!!!!’ I wanted to ask her what her LTR/LTT name was!!!

      It was ME!!!….kidding. Um, it’s only the reaction that would be the same.

      (Cute, my girls say Mama too.) :)

      • I thought it might be you, but you never told me you got a job at a Seattle area Safeway, so I acted all cool.
        ;-)

        (–my 12 yr old boy still calls me mama, too, I’m holdin’ on to it….so cute, I love it)

        • You were, you were totally composed.

        • You live in the seattle area??? So do I! Well I live on the East side… I frequent the Kirkland Safeway on 85th…

          • Well, I won’t blow your street cred, because I’m WAY over here in Da Cit-ay…..(S-way on 75th and Roosevelt)

            But next summer, when Pro3 comes out for her trip to Forks…you might have to meet us in that dive bar for Twilight themed drinks…we promise to behave. A little.

          • Like right near Greenlake? my BFF lived over there (she just moved) I know that area really well you are only like 10 minutes from me!!! I used to go out to Ballard for church every week..
            What bar serves twilight drinks? is it downtown?

          • Only a very, very little. *evil grin*

          • Yep, right by GreenLake, how funny, I was thinking I was the lone outpost here in the PNW!

            I actually made up the dive bar serving Twilight themed drinks in my head, but I am guessing there HAS to be one in Forks, right?? I mean, there is a diner serving Bella Burgers there, there must be some crappy Pull-Tab bar serving Edwardtinis…..

          • haha and i thought I was the only seattlite!
            i most def wanna come hang out with you and Pro3 and you when she is in town!
            Any other PNW friends around these parts???!!
            I actually go to Northwest University in Kirkland… have you ever heard of it? it’s where the Seahawks headquarters are ( well I guess they just moved afew months ago to Renton but it was at NU for 20 years ) Thats how most people know our school is b/c of the Seahawks.

          • Yes, I’ve heard of it! –and I knew the Seahawks moved from there…..

            We will have to keep in touch, so when we get a critical mass for a LTR/LTT outing, we can get to planning!

    • another sister in the struggle! even checkers love RP

    • AH! I was at Target about a week ago and 2 women were talking by the magazines (yes I was lurkey looing also) and one of them said “Can you imagine grabbing hold of that?” (it was the one with the Italy scenes) It took all that I had not to do the scooby doo (barrrrrooooo? with the ears sticking up).

      • The scooby doo “barrrrooooo” was classic!! LMFAO!

  32. This post was amazing!
    i HATE when the Bartels clerk comments on my purchases… so what if I want to buy 4 boxes of candy, beef jerky and a case of red bull… (this is my regular purchase when pulling an all nighter in the library)
    to be honest I usually lie and tell the clerk that Im going to a “study group” and Im bringing the snacks… I dont think Esther (my usual clerk) believes me…
    Stop judging me esther!

  33. Oh, and I already love you for your love of junk food, I have a serious candy stash in my car (non melty stuff), and never met a flavor of Doritos I didn’t like.

    • fruity stuff is my downfall and CHIPS. god i love chips.

  34. OMG> this was fantastic ROFLMAO

  35. Yep, chips, diet coke, ice cream, gossip mag – on a couch in front of TV with BFF attending is a GREAT party!

    • AMEN TO THIS!

  36. LOL! Brilliant! Oh I hate that too when clerks are analyzing my purchases! OK c’mon, tampons, “is it the time of the month?” Grrr. Last week at Target this man was like “wow, chocolates and babyfood (while ringing me up) those are the best, can’t go wrong with that!”

    I barely buy trashy mags, my DH complains about them. I read off my sister’s stash of trashy mags that she keeps in her private collection in her own private bathroom. She’s a high-paying executive who’s obsessed with trashy mags! LOL.

    Bill’s accent is so annoying! WTH does he say “Suckie? ” Don’t get me wrong, I like True Blood and I’ve read all the Sookie books but I was imagining Bill to be a lot more handsome than Stephen Moyer! Did he really say that about Rob? Who does he think he is? There’s no competition and his southern accent sucks. ROFL. I’m trying to be nice but I hate it when people criticize Rob.

    • No kidding,
      “trying to be nice but I hate it when people criticize Rob.”
      especially men. Ummmm, jealous much?

      • Yeah even my own DH criticizes Rob! Grrrr…yeah I’d say it’s jealousy, can’t think of any other reason :-).

  37. Love this posting, I nearly choked with laughter!

    No wonder that cream needs heavy advertising – sales must have gone down rapidly since Rob hit the news.

  38. Loved the post!! I’ve been a People subscriber for years (and love to read the rag mags at the gym, they make it more bearable)

    I have to say I was disappointed when People came this week and Chace Crawford was named “Summer’s Hottest Bachelor” but then I thought well People couldn’t name Rob as hottest bachelor because he’s clearly going to be named Sexiest Man Alive and they probably couldn’t give him both titles in one year and sexiest man alive is sooo much better!!

  39. Those gossip mags led to my obsessive googling of RP and thus to LTR.-I’m no huge fan of Twilight- read it at the insistence of an 8th grade student…All those profile pics of Rob on the newsstands got to me! Glad to know I’m NORMAL and not some perverted 30 year old.
    I also happened to be eating a jelly bean that I swear was whiskey-flavored (generic jelly bellys!) and noticed I was reading a post by jellybeanrainbow-when I spit out the offensive bean…I figured that was some cosmic kick in my ass to quit lurking and own my new found…hobby, neurosis,habit…

  40. Lainey’s post about Rob today is brilliant. It’s absolutely hilarious…

    She gets the best Twi-Harder emails, and I love it when she shares.

  41. US magazine is doing a whole issue of Twilight that is supposed to come out on the 26th of June -
    Which I am waiting for to add to my Robporn stash..

    UC and Moon, you guys are so funny and of course everyone else here) I feel like I found a “home”

    Twi – milfs, We. play. dirty.

    LOVE IT!!!

    • It’s out already, saw it at the grocery store today :)

  42. I’m surprised no one else has picked up on this yet, but…

    What a coincidence that the vaginal dryness cream advert is written in the Twilight font!!

  43. I just changed my SN to something more appropriate(I’m new here anyway). Anyway, can someone tell me how to change the avatar?

    I think I saw that US mag…now I want it….I’ll get it and I’ll hide it under the bed! I’ll look at his pics before I fall asleep!

    • surprised no one answered yet – you need to join wordpress, then you can pic a ridiculous picture of yourself, instead of having a ridiculous alien!

      Welcome to the major silliness!

  44. LOL!! “Beef jerky huh?” Uh, excuse me? I don’t come to your work and go “So, minimum wage, huh?” Jerkoff.
    Just like feminie products.. just scan and make no comments. The local 7-11 cashier where I live announces everything you are purchasing.. Chocolate donut, banana slurpee, gum.. (DUDE just scan!!)

  45. LOTN???

    Ca-caw! Ca-caw! lol

    • The Ca-caw is really creepy, you know.

      • My bad….lol

        • Did you forget the psycho killer meetings are earlier, FN, and that’s their call?

          • Oh yeah…..I really need to work on this whole psycho killer thing.

            Also, how do you know when the meetings are and what the call is???

          • i’m from the future, i’m magic, i know these things.

          • Hmm….

    • ca-cow? are you calling me a cow FN? Probably true, but you don’t need to call me on it!

      • Cows say “Moo” Lizzie.

        • animals were never my strong point

      • Never! I’m sad that you think I’m that mean! :(

        (I’m going to the corner to cry JSYK)

        • sorry i was confusing you with me there for a sec! lol

      • Okay, I’m done.

        I’m listening to “Shaniqua” and it made me feel better.

        (you know “Shaniqua don’t live her no mo’” LOL)

        • that could be your theme song, sorted the accomm for SA yet?

          • LOL. I forgot how funny it is.

            Almost, I’m waiting for my sister to let me know what she found out.

  46. Animal farm tonight?

    • rapidly heading that way E. What animal would you like to be?

      • That’s a loaded question!

      • NO! No more assigning people to things. Last time this happened, I ended up as a banana and Jenny and Bobby’s wedding. NO!

        • Excellent point!

        • So true. Let’s not.

        • The picture of you and Rob is cute though.

          • We are really adorable together.

        • c’mon being a bannanna goat isn’t so bad.

      • However if I was forced to choose….can I be a Unicorn?? (mythical creatures count, right??)

  47. HI Lovlies!!

    • T. T. T. T!!! hello gorgeous, nice to see you.

    • Hey! How are ya??

    • Hey Tara!

    • Nice to see you guys too! Im good just busy busy! So much going on lately!

      How are all of you?

      • so are we speaking to T the employed?

        • NOPE! I wish… never heard back from them… lame!

          • they’re loss T.

          • That IS lame!

          • I know thanks Lizzie!

    • Hi Tara! Was it the animal theme that drew you in?

      • LOL of course!

        • LOL So what’s keeping you busy?

        • still giving swim lessons, funeral on saturday (moms uncle) and then I have family coming in on friday, so ive been cleaning and then i have two people that are having babies within 3 days!!

          • Wow! That is a lot of stuff! Babies! Fun!

          • ya its pretty exciting!

      • You know how Tara likes it animal style.

        • Bwahahahahahahaha!!

      • LMAO E, we clearly manifesting too politely the other night for T to pop in!

        • Yup! Gotta have a little umph! in there!

          • or oink oink even

        • DUH! I thought you would all know that by now!!

          HA HA EP!

  48. Well, ladies, I’ll be back in a little while I have to go research how to be a better psycho killer….er…I mean, play Skip-Bo w/ my siblings :)

    It was good to see you T!

    Night Lizzie & EP (I’m sure you’ll be asleep by the time I get back on)

    Later EyeC!

    • Night.

  49. OK lovies, it has been short but zoo like but i need to go earn my keep for a while, may be back later. If not have fun

    • ‘K. May see you L.

    • Later.

  50. That was kind of a whirlwind!

    • It really was.

      • What’s happening in your world, EP?

        • School. So incredibly boring. The most exciting thing in my life, I’m designing a playground for my class. It’s the most fun assignment I’ve had in a while.

          What’s up in your world? Is your project coming along?

          • That does sound fun! Gets your brain working to think of all sorts of great ideas.

            Still working on it. Will have a couple days more. Tomorrow night is LA at 7:00 PM and I think I’ll run on up to the Hi-Dive before–just drive by. I’m debating about buying a ticket early for the movie. Think I’ll call about noon and see how busy it’s been.

          • I’m sure I’ll enjoy it when I get past the lame assingments I’m still working on.

            You’ll have ot give us a complete review. Good plan calling ahead.


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