Posted by: themoonisdown | June 4, 2009

Happy Birthday to UC, Love Robert Pattinson (and friends)

and they don't involve singing OR cake

and they don't involve singing OR cake

Dear UC-

I’m writing this letter on behalf of Rob, who’s calling in his birthday wishes to you, he would write it himself  on his “Robert Pattinson, Sexist Man at Large” monogrammed, letter pressed stationary I gave him for his birthday, spritzed with a scent of Rob Musk (his own personal brand of cologne made from virgin tears and old Nike shoe leather) but he’s cornered by some TwiMom stalkers behind a hot dog cart in New York City. Poor kid.

But never fret cause I, Moon, your trusty bloggy partner is here to help Rob relieve relay his wishes to you…

Wish 1 – While you’re in NYC this weekend you will be able to lose your dear Hubster and rendezvous at that predetermined dumpster behind Pastis for a little birthday lunch fun times

Wish 2 – Please stop speculation Thursdays and Wednesdays because the speculation is OVER, he loves you and only you and not some girl who dumped her italian spice named boyfriend. Like she could EVER compare to your beauty, wit, charm, creativity and penchant for all things “that’s what she said.” Team Robchoice (or maybe Robtended?)

I know you love it when I sing

I know you love it when I sing

Wish 3 – After he saw that horrific GIF of himself “pole dancing” he asked to borrow the pole from my house to show you his REAL moves. Cue his Warrant / Poison “Pole Megamix”

Wish 4 – Hold very still! He wants to try one thing… don’t move…

Wish 5 – Please use your arts and crafts abilities to make Pattinson Pants for every LTR reader, along with matching Eclipse Keds and Canvas tote bags with his face on them. That way he’ll know we’re all TRUE fans. Ok, ok, maybe I fibbed a little on that one, he actually said find every piece ever made and rip them apart and burns the pieces at a celebratory bon fire, while singing “Celebration” by Kool and the Gang in his honor.

Why only 5 wishes? He wanted to SHOW you the other 21 himself. His words, not mine.

Well when he puts it that way, how can you resist??

Join with us after the cut as Rob throws UC a very special CONCERT for her birthday

Rob wanted to have a special concert in honor of your birthday

First to the stage… why ROB himself!!


Robert Pattinson – Stray Dog
Ignore those bitches talking through your birthday concert… I’m going to kick their arses


Robert Pattinson – I Was Broken


Rob treats you to a cover of the great Van’s “I’ll Be Your Lover Too.” Don’t cry.

Then since Rob wanted to treat you EXTRA special on this day he invited these lovely gals to come serenade you! How’d he KNOW?!!

Hayley from Paramore

Paramore -When it Rains – live

Katy Perry

Katy Perry – Thinking of You
It’s awesome how he knew THIS was the best version of this song… such a smart boy.

Then he KNEW the quad would want to wish you an extra special day AND also invite their favorites to play at your birthday concert. No worries this is all on Rob’s credit card, so we spared NO expense!


EastFriend:
Rob’ll serenade UC with The Beatles tune, “I Will,” acoustic-style.  In a dimly lit, super smokey bar…a bottle of Jack on the stool next to him.

East Friend’s Birthday Greetings:
Dear UC,

There were birds in the sky
But I never saw them winging
No, I never saw them at all
Till there was you…
Stella Wishes and Sprinkles Dreams,
EastFriend…who really loves you a whole darn lot.
xoxo


50 Cent – In the Club
Westfriend:

Yo UC! Itz yo burfday.
You’re gonna bang Rob, like it’s your burfday…
You’re gonna sip champy behind a “dumpster
And, no-one-gives-an-eff-that-Robsten’s-true-cuz-he’s-bangin’-you-on-your BURFDAY!
Dearest, bomb-dot-com-UC-that-is-in-no-way-lamespice,
I hope you have the happiest of happy birthdays! And that you “forgot something at the store that you need to pick up” so that you can have an excuse to jump behind a dumpster with Rob and special hug…or whatever tickles your fancy at that moment.

All silliness aside, you are one of the dearest friends, and I love you! Happy bday girl!

And after that club banger, how could the night get any better? So you see dearest your birthday is pretty awesome and we love you lots and lots in special hugs kinds of ways!

XO and the biggest HAPPY BIRTHDAY EVER!
Themoonisdown and Rob

PS I tried to get that guy from Santa Monica Pier to sing “Hallelujah” on video just for you but he yelled and me and chased after the pigeons. Sorry! NEXT YEAR!

Check out the LTT party and The forum!

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Responses

  1. Some seriously good tunes there!

    Great post Moon, and Happy Birthday UC.

    Have fuuuuuuuunnnnn!!!

    SG xoxoxoxoxoxox

  2. Happy Birthday UC – Have a wonderful Day!! :)

  3. Happy Birthday, UC!

    My (all) your New York dreams come true!

    Here’s a HAVE MERCY right back at you.

    Have Mercy on your Birthday.

  4. That should read May, not My.

  5. Happy birthday UC! I’m magic mirror wishing you one Rob popping out of a cake! Have a fantabulous day!!!

  6. GREAT post! Happy Birthday UC! Have an absolutely awesome day! :)

  7. Happy Birthday!! Enjoy all your wishes from Rob!!

    • Unicorns. Freaking unicorns.
      You could have warned.

      I’ll bet Rob gives good unicorn.

      • Ahhhh to have unicorns from Rob would be…HEAVEN!!!

        • It would certainly be something…

      • LOL, there’s nothing I could’ve done that would’ve prepared you for the Unicorn!

        Oh yes!!! A Unicorn from Rob would be the ultimate pleasure! Maybe we should add that to UC’s birthday list….

  8. Happy Birthday, UC!

    Today I pray hedges of protection over your life, while singing Smitty’s “Friends,” and making you a customized WWJD hemp bracelet.

    With Rob.

    • Love it! Another Kindred spirit!

    • HEMP!! theres a first

  9. BRILLIANT!!!!

  10. HAPPY BIRTHDAY UC!!!

    Wow, Rob really put together some good wishes for you–and that gorgeous picture of himself on your card is definitley a keeper!

    Enjoy that concert he has lined up for you. It’s sure to melt your heart–and more….

    Celebrate like there’s no tomorrow!

  11. Happy “burfday” (again), UC! Have fun Rob stalking…I mean, chillin’, in NYC!

    BTW, does anyone know how long he’s supposed to be there? I have plans with the besties to go on the 27th. I plan to entice him with my preggo bod. With any luck, my boobs will be a whole cup size larger by then! :) Snort!

  12. Happy birthday UC!

    Have a great day!

  13. Happy Birthday UC!
    hope you have a lovely day!

  14. HAPPY BIRTHDAY UC…HAVE A GREAT DAY…LUV YA MORE THAN LOTS!!!!! <3 :D

  15. Happy BD UC! Are you glad your life has come to this? don’t forget to thank moon for her wonderful letter!

  16. Happy birthday UC! I hope it’s Robtabulous! =)

  17. Happy Birthday, UC.

  18. It’s simple. You got your wish. Rob loves you and only you.

    Just make sure to take pictures and for posterity.

  19. Happy Birthday UC!!!!!!!

  20. Hoping you have a humping HHH Happy Birthday U.C. no-one deserves it more than you…..
    Loved the concert just what you need to play in the background ENJOY<3

  21. @UC…FANTASTIC birthday wishes for you my friend! Enjoy every moment thoroughly!

    New York is it???? Well, you are just a wee bit away from me now…wish you could swing by and hang. Have a super time!

    Things to Do on your Twenty-Sixth Birthday
    (along the same vein as yesterday…)

    1. Eat A LOT of NY food! Street meat, overpriced eateries, cupcakes, and the like. Do it now before your metabolism knows what hit it…trust me.

    2. Hug your 26 year old bum…take pictures of it,
    buy it expensive creams with questionable ingredients, revel in it…trust me.

    3. Do NOT, I repeat, DO NOT, take a cab through Harlem with a driver that has plastic lizards resting on his dashboard….trust me.

    4. Take Rob up on every last beautiful and disreputable birthday offer his has made to you…trust me!

    xoxo

    P.S. @Moon/East/West…Superb music selections!

  22. Dear UC,
    Just picked Rob up at the airport… he seems to be quite feisty this morning so i hope you realize how particularly difficult it has been on this drive to not pull over on the side of 95 and ravage him. Oh God… he’s giving me eyes. crap. focus calli, focus. Okay, i’m bringing him to you. Be ready. You might want to find somewhere soundproof… yes, i just said that… but you’ll understand once you see him. He’s ready to pounce. Anyways, your lucky it’s your birthday, bc only on days like these can i be totally selfless.

    Happy Birthday Lover,
    calli

    p.s. okay so maybe i’m not completely selfless and there was some heavy petting when he got in the car… but that’s all. promise.

    • Your sacrifice is duly noted. All in the name loyality, this is the sign of a true friend.

      Now, I’m a two hour drive away…once UC has had her fill (woo!), pop him back in the car and book it up here.

      • Does one every really have their fill of Rob?

        hehe.

        • Hey Calli, I’m just sayin I’m willing to test out this theory. Cause I’m all about research….and, ah, development. Yeah, I said it….and that’s what she said! xo

  23. HAPPY BIRTHDAY UC!! :)

  24. Okay, so now I have a 50 Cent ear-worm and I’l be singing that damned song all day. But UC, you are so worth it! Hope your B/D is Robulous!

  25. Happy Birthday to you, happy birthday to you, happy birthday dear UC, happy birthday to you..

    Moon – there you go with the twi-mom reference again. You make me want to sell my kids on the black market just so I can fit in better.

    Maybe we could get JAG’s RaOR fakeRob to wish UC a special happy birthday. Hope you don’t mind going lesbo for a day cuz I think fakeRob is actually Roberta and a SAHM from the burbs of Chicago.

    • not all moms who likes twilight are twimoms!! remember?!

      • Oh yeah – I keep forgetting. Too many drugs in the 90’s. Only the short term memory works now. Wait – what were we talking about again? Who’s Robert Pattinson?

  26. Feliz Cumpleaños, UC!!!

    Have a great birthday, say hi to Robert from me, and please leave him wondering what hit him! lol

  27. Happy birthday UC! May ALL your wishes come true! :)

  28. omg…. i’m dying of laughter. and of feeling special in my heart. THANK YOU EVERYONE. and EastFriend.. you NEED to do a rap for video for all the world to see. that was brilliant!

    Dammit, Moon, I really wanted that Hallelujah guy!

    • i tried!!

  29. UC + NY + ROB = “special hugs” ;)

  30. Happy Birthday UC! I hope you have a Robtastic day! x

  31. HAPPY BIRTHDAY UC!!!! *smooooooches*

    Moon, you just HAD to use jawporn pic-ys didn’t you? Knowing what they’d do to me? ;-) You are so creative, girl.

    I <3 you both.

    Hope you have a great day UC! And have fun in NYC!

  32. UC,

    Have a very happy birthday!!!!!

    Big fake lesbian smooches and puffy heart loves,

    mwah!
    LPB

  33. HAPPY BIRTHDAY UC :)
    ALL THE BEST

  34. HAPPY BIRTHDAY SNARKY BEE-ATCH!!
    Hope you have crazy day filled with Rob Goodness! (ifyouknowwhatimean&ithinkyoudo)

  35. Happy birthday UC! I wish you the best! I hope that you can see every rob porn in the world today!

    God bless you!

    ¡FELIZ CUMPLEAÑOS CHICA!

  36. UC-

    Happy Birthday!! Enjoy your day and I hope that you can blow out Rob’s “special candle”! : )

  37. Happy Birthday, UC!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

    Too bad we’re not having a big party in…
    …a big big house
    With lots and lots a room
    A big big table
    With lots and lots of food
    A big big yard
    Where we can play football…

    Some Audio Adrenaline just for you because it seriously just started playing! Hope your birthday is wonderful!

    • OMG! nice! i was totally doing the choreography in my mind to BIG HOUSE!

  38. Happy birthday UC!!

    I’m off to help moon get those bitches who talk during Robbie’s songs. Who the eff do they think they are?

  39. The concert was amazing! Thanks for inviting all of us! :) You and Moon rock our world! Happy Birthday friend! :) xoxo!

  40. Success, UC!

    On my walk to work this morning through SoHo I spotted a homeless gentleman sporting ROB’S SNEAKERS! THE VERY SAME. I can only assume he found them next to a dumpster where Rob had removed them prior to your rendezvous, and that you’re now walking around the city with a shoeless and satisfied Rob.

  41. happy birthday..get drunk and make bad decisions!

  42. We share *NEARLY* the same birthday. Mine was two days ago!

    HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!!
    :) Hope it’s filled with lots of Rob and cake!

  43. Feliz Aniversário UC!
    Happy Birthday UC! :)

    Wishing you tons of “Special hugs” behind the dumpster and then ~all night long~ at one of those cute BUNGALOWS!

    xoxo

  44. Awwwww, you have the best friends, UC!! We love you too and have a hap hap happy birthday…and maaaannnyyy moooooooorrreee!!!!

    Myria….OUT!

  45. HAPPY BIRTHDAY DEAR UC!!!!

    I wish you Rob, Isle Esme and tons of chocolate!!!

    Love

    ANDREA

  46. Dear UC,
    Happy B-day. We send your present – Rob – to East Coast just for you.
    Love, Summit

  47. Happy Birthday!!!

    UC, wishing you life filled with more happieness, satisfaction, contentment, health and bliss. Also wishing you to do whatever you want to do today and whoever you want to do today, ;).

    love you
    maygirl

  48. UC:

    Happy Birthday! When you get back from New York, wearing your I <3 NY t-shirt, we'll know WHY you love New York! Those birthday spankings can be very nice when done right. Enjoy your Rob time. Have a wonderful birthday!

  49. Great post girls …as usual you are hilarious!

    UC Happy Birthday you lucky girl!! Those are some pretty slammin (yes, I said slammin) bday wishes. I knew you were gonna get spoiled ;)

  50. Happy Birthday UC!
    Good luck with the Rob stalking this weekend – I hope you get really lucky – like trapped in an elevator with him kind of lucky!

    O yeah – and Moon – WTM is right! Please don’t pick on us twimoms!!!

    • moms who love twilight are not ALL twimoms! we tlaked about this! you’re fine!


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