Posted by: UC | May 22, 2009

Going once, going twice..Rob Pattinson is SOLD to the man with the fattest wallet (and probably the homliest daughter…)

Dear Rob,

Word in the riviera is that you were auctioned off yesterday at a charity event in Cannes. I first heard the news while I was busy working on a memorial day email campaign for a hot tub sale we’re having this weekend. My search for “Memorial Day quotes” to be turned into cheesy hot tub sales phrases kept getting interrupted by delicious pictures of you in a tux and rumors of some sort of auction (Although I should have abandoned my search and focused on you. My submission of “Even one-legged veterans love our hot tubs” was turned down by the bosses). Needless to say, I had a few thoughts throughout the day about this rumor:

3pm: I get word you were on the Red Carpet
(that sounds so official. What I mean is I read it on twitter from
RobPattzNews like the rest of your fans did
)

now slide, slide

It's electric. Now boogie-woogie-woogie

Are you secretly part of a French boy band and were you giving your first dance/singing performance on the red carpet? That’s the only explanation I can come up with for why you’re posed like this. Your agent, Steph, seems pretty legit- I know she’s giving you red carpet etiquette advice. Take it. This pic made EastFriend from The Quad ask if we thought a fly flew into your mouth with it hangin’ open like that. Nice tux though. Really. Nice.

4pm: I hear you were auctioned off for 40,000 Euros

Note, this is not Robert Pattinson. Nor the person who won the auction. This is me. Yes, I'm an old, British man.

(Note, this is not Robert Pattinson. Nor the person who won the auction. This is me. Yes, I'm an old, British man.)

I cringed when I heard this news. In my head I role-played the many conversations Nick & Stephanie must’ve had with you to convince you to agree to this awkward auction experience (and while it was in my head, I jotted down my role-play ideas to use on the blog in the upcoming weeks. But it got a lil’ weird when Nick starting hitting on Stephanie and you were there, and Stephanie was flirting back. Then Oregano came into the room and starting yelling at you for something you may or may not have done with Kristen (But probably did). Yeah, it was weird. Remind me never to role-play alone again) I bet Nick & Stephanie made you feel really guilty about all the dying children in Africa in order for you to agree to the auction, right? Either that or they agreed to let you do your own hair, just this once. Cuz I forgot to mention it above, but it looks like maybe you forgot to use the Frizz-ease. Either that or you’re majorly overdue for a trim. It was at this hour that I was also overcome with extreme jealousy. I wanted to kick the ass of the woman who won this auction. She would not get my man. I was in the kind of mood that only ice cream could fix.

10:05 pm: Marc Malkin spills the deets

Rob rocks the mic

For the auction, Rob decides to sing (to the tune of meatloaf's song) "I would do anything for this auction... but I won't do that" (what's that Rob? Kiss a 14 year old underage girl?)

At this point in the night my bad mood has gotten worse. I had just spent 20 minutes of my life driving around with the husb stopping at 3 closed ice cream places & ending up with a gas station convenince store milkshake (I hate the ‘burbs, but holla Wawa), but I should never fear. Marc Malkin saved my night with the best gossip ever. Turns out it was never planned- you were put on the spot with all that auction business, so I did all that in-my-head role-playing for nothing (ugh, what a waste of a Nick Frankel fantasy). Plus the bidders were parents of girls who would get to kiss you on the cheek. That’s NOTHING! I can take tweeny-boppers any day. Finally, Mark ended his post with this bit of hilarity (seriously, he should join us at LTR): P.S.: The winning bidders were not the parents of Kristen Stewart or Nikki Reed. Brilliant!

10:10pm: I watch the auction video

Clearly Mark Malkin doesn’t do his research. This looks set-up to me, so phew! Role-playing fantasy about Nick Frankel justified! Can I have a fangirl moment here!? OMG! THIS is why we have a blog called “Letters to Rob.” Cuz you’re that guy! The guy that is so clearly mortified and embarrassed that this is happening, so clearly shocked that the bidding starts anywhere higher than $5.00 yet takes it all in stride- does it anyway, does it humbly and makes a hell of a lot of money for the sick children! Although… you seem to also be the guy who gets cut off while saying “And if it goes well, maybe it’ll turn into something a bit more….” More what? More scandalous kissing an underage girl already is-? More exciting than a kiss on the cheek for said underage girl?

So congrats Rob, on handling this WAY 2nd-hand embarrassing experience with pride & grace and raising a lot of money for a great cause. Now all that’s left is meeting a screaming teenager, holding her while she cries & then kissing her wet cheek and pretending you’re loving every minute of it. Or, you could just forget all that and pretend I won the auction… I can donate the dollar I saved from buying ice cream at a gas station instead of a real shoppe tonight. Plus I just found $.10 in the couch….

Watch out, I will might turn my head when you go for the cheek,
UnintendedChoice

Wanna know the results from our first “See You at the Poll?”  287 of you voted that In Italy, Rob was most looking forward to: Laughing at Kristen and responding “She’ll pass” for her, every time a waiter asks “Would you like Oregano?”
But my favorite “other” response was: Comparing his junk with Kristen Stewart

100 Monkey’s Saturday: Do you have tickets to the 100Monkey’s show tomorrow night at The Khyber in Phily? E-mail me so we can meet up! (Letterstotwilight@gmail.com) If you don’t have tickets, it’s sold out. Boo :(

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Responses

  1. Awww, our Robbie looked so embarrassed at the auction – he was blushing just as hard as when someone asked him about Monsieur Handjob the other day.

    He kept trying to talk and they kept cutting him off. Part of me thinks they could have raised more if they’d let him talk, but then when he says one of his no-filter comments like “If it goes well it could turn into more” when parents are being encouraged to bid on him for their kids … yikes! Maybe it’s better that they talked over him.

    So adorable!!!

    • dude i think he could have gotten WAAAYY more this was obviously NOT his crowd and everyone was talking. LAME!

      • I’m most defs thinking that Rob could have gotten higher. They shouldn’t have cut him off in his offer to do the mattress mambo. Ten bucks there was a closet Twi-Mom in there wanting to bid, but had to hold back the *urge*.

  2. Did you see the way the presenter was flirting? And she never paid for her check kisses!!
    Love the post as always <3 you U.C. and Moon <3

  3. You gotta know it
    It’s electric
    Boogie woogie, woogie!
    Now you can’t hold it
    It’s electric
    Boogie woogie, woogie!
    But you know it’s there,
    Yeah here there everywhere

    I’ve got to move,
    I’m going on a party ride
    I’ve got to groove, groove, groove,
    And from this music I just can’t hide.

    Are you comin’ with me?
    Come let me take you on a party ride
    And I’ll teach you, teach you, teach you
    I’ll teach you the electric slide

    When Moon maries Rob, we are SO doing the Electric Slide at their reception. What a day, glorious day that will be!

    p.s. I win. Cause I quoted the Slide and a hymn in one comment.

    p.p.s. You win. Because this was the best breakdown of that Twilight Zone-ish auction. All for a good cause though, right?

    • I may or may not like the idea of doing the electric slide at Moon & Rob’s wedding.

    • songs on the DO NOT play list at moon and robs wedding:

      1. the electric slide
      2. the funky chicken
      3. the macerena

      though i may rethink these after we take a caribbean cruise with clare and dick.

      • Can we do the tootsie roll? I learned it in 7th grade PE. I can practice if you want.

        • Songs we will boogie to at Rob & Moon’s wedding:

          1. Tootsie Roll (“To the left, to the left…”)

          2. Who Let The Dogs Out

          3. You Never Even Called Me By My Name
          (Long live David Allan Coe. Amen.)
          Because I gotta have my redneck contingency up in that joint…you know them British folks will LOVE it. 50 bucks says Dick asks me to dance during the “I was drunk the day my ma got out of prison” verse.

          • @ Leigh Anne

            Great call on “You never even called me by my name” fav line?

            I was drunk the day my Mom got out of prision…so I went to pick her up in the rain…but before I could get to the station in my pickup truck…she got ran over by a dang old train…. lol luv it

      • what about the cha cha slide?

  4. UC – I’be got 5 bucks I’d be MORE than willing to donate…you know, for charity. We could donate AND share Rob and then we’re doubly good.

    Besides, a little kiss, kiss, pass never hurt anyone….

  5. ‘P.S.: The winning bidders were not the parents of Kristen Stewart or Nikki Reed. Brilliant!’..I about pissed my pants when I read that one too…Don’t worry UC I too would ALSO turn my head if I got the opportunity to kiss Rob and do naugthy naughty things to that man if given the chance! ;) HAPPY FRIDAY!!!

    • classic!! best part of her awesome post! oh and the title!

  6. I could not believe he said what he said… “something more?” OMG! I know he was joking, perhaps trying to “up the biddng?”… but GEEZ. I was a teeny bit 2nd hand emabarassed for him at that moment.

    Nice to know that even celebs suffer from “foot-in-mouth” disease! Ha!

    Still…. very very adorkable!

    • Very very very cut (period)

  7. ‘something more’?????? Oh dear. Baby listen to me…

    I love that you are really just an insecure, socially awkward, likes to sneak peeks at the goods, chain smoking, typical Brit drinkin all the damn time, dry humoured, gangly, cant be bothered to care about clothes or bathing, junk food eating, horny, twenty-three year old boy. Thrust into the spotlight, with very little in the way of a filter when you’re nervous.

    I love you even more now.

    • @UC – I would LOVE to meet up with you all in RL on Sat.. I am in TO, and could drive down. But alas, time doesn’t allow, and tickets are sold out.

      Besides, no doubt, there will be drinking involved. I don’t drink (scratch that), I CANT drink. Last time I was eighteen and I ended up table dancing in a scanky bar in Mexico on a trip with my friends parents. True story, my brother went a few years ago by coincidence, and informed me that my photo was still up on the wall. Didn’t see that coming. My friend had to hold my hair by the end of the night, and I ate the worm. (Tequilla people!) Good times.

      • If I ever go to Mexico, I’ll look for that picture lol

      • hahahahahaha.. i LOVE THIS STORY.. and I wish we could meet too!

      • UM maybe you SHOULD go… cause you sound like good times!

        • @ Dany…just look for the skankiest dive you can find right on the ocean, and look for a photo of a flat chested, panty flashing blonde somewhere on the walls of said establishment. Ya, some ppl shouldn’t drink. My friend just got a respectable dolphin tattoo on her bum, instead, I’m iconized as the ‘do you know where your children are?’ poster child for a generation.

          @UC & Moon…it’s those innocent, Christian girls ya gotta watch out for. Guess I had the coil pushed down too tight. I was bound to spring sometime. Ya, I never do anything half way. :)

  8. Soooooooooo excited when this was unfolding last night :)

    And yeah, Sharon Stone and Harvey Weinstein should donate some big bucks too :) haha

    So — planned or spontaneous?

    Rob is sooooooo kind and seems incapable of saying no (apart from is you ask him to pose Twilight stylee for a pic)
    <3 you Rob!!! <3 you LTR!!!

  9. Yup, second hand embarrassing is exactly what it was. When he said that ‘something more’ remark I was almost speechless! I thought, “Oh Rob, be careful what you’re sayin’!” lol He was back to his old self, just blurting out the first thing that came into his mind. I think he got brain freeze when she started the bidding at $10,000!

    But no matter, he was still darling to watch, beautiful to look at and it all goes for a great cause.

    Great post UC–filled to the brim with chuckles and laughs! You lift me uuuupppp!

  10. Just took out a second mortgage in case he decides to do this again.

    • I liquidated all the kids college accounts. Sorry kids – mommy had to get her fix.

      • who needs college!?

      • Think of it as an investment… “And if it goes well, maybe it’ll turn into something a bit more….” then Daddy Rob can just pay for the kids college education with all the money he made making the movies mommy fell in love with him in.

    • haha!

  11. I have just watched the auction video on my computer at work, which unfortunately doesn’t have sound. Still I smiled, laughed and crushed the same on Rob, he is the most adorable/sexy (odd combo) man in the entire world.

  12. Poor Rob..he looked so embarrassed. And why was no one letting him talk? Of course, when he did, he blurted out ‘something more’…what could that mean?? I have got to get my mind out of the gutter. Only Rob can pull off the ‘nervous, socially awkward hottie’ look. Love it!

    He seemed quite surprised with the bidding, c’mon Rob…$5??

  13. I dont need to write comment, just look at the video. Oh mark also said if someone is over 21 then rob would kiss you right now. im coming rob.
    *0113 and 0145 mins highlights.

  14. Too cute.

    Like a that baby duck in Tom & Jerry cartoons that was friends with the mouse…trying to find his mommy.

    By the way…can we make sure that there is NEVER Static Guard around for his shirts? The way it clings as he pulls back the jacket and hitches up his pants so that they lay perfectly on those wonderfully sculpted hips and…sorry, I need a moment.

    • OMG, you just made ME need a moment…..

  15. Can anyone rip the auction video (is it from youtube?) and email it to me at work so I can see it please? jbruner@fnni.com
    Things are blocked at work and last night my home computer got a virus and I have to wait 4 business days for a external harddrive to arrive from Del to do a system restore because removing the viruses didn’t fix it and I just may go bonkers if I can’t see anything for a week, LMAO! Can anyone help a girl out? LOL!

    • i’m lame and don’t know how to rip :( I think i need you to teach me

      • There’s a program out there, I’m lame because I can’t remember
        what it’s called, LOL! Anyone got the link?
        You just put the youtube link in the box and download and vwalla!
        But I can’t for the life of me remember what it’s called.
        JBell, are you out there? I know you have the link.

        Can someone explain to me why there
        isn’t sound in safe mode? I tried to watch youtubes
        last night in safe mode, no sound whatsoever.

  16. I’m actually quite surprised that the bidding didn’t go higher! Maybe there weren’t a lot of *parents* at the auction, just hipster couples.

    Seriously, though, only $20k for Rob’s lips on your kid’s body? … Well, ok, that sounds a little weird…but still, I’d expected it to go way higher.

  17. I’M SO EXCITED FOR THIS!!!!!!!!!

    From EW.
    http://4.bp.blogspot.com/_sASGYLkBNCU/ShY7b8wUxwI/AAAAAAAAEjw/R889JSlTk4s/s1600-h/0009tkw6.jpg

    • In green like that dress, I kind of wish that they all didn’t have to wear contacts. Can you imagine how FIERCE KStew and Robs eyes would be against it? Ok, maybe not hers but HIS…

      You people are making me fall in love with Rob and I’m too old for that shizz. So stop it!

    • i yelled out loud in an airport when i saw it! read my mag letter over at ltt!!

  18. I will gladly rob a bank if he would like to do this on a regular basis in various states in Roberica and come to NE! Just sayin…. :-)

  19. Yeah. All that was awesome last nite. The Tweets just kept pouring in. I was in a bad mood as well, until I saw the auction video. SO ADORABLE!!! I felt bad for him, but we got a super cute vid of Rob outta the deal so, WIN. :-D

    P.S. Did you see JAG’s blog post on that first pic-y of Rob? I’m sure you did being you. So EFFing funny!! LPL!!

    P.P.S. Mark Malkin’s Ok in my book for saying that last wittle funny bit. :-D

  20. Ayayayayay. Who’s the lucky little girl. Don’t tell me she’s Weinstein’s daughter. This reminds me of Charlie and the Chocolate Factory. The scene which the rich bratty girl asked her dad to buy her the squirrel.
    Girl : ” Daddy!!! I want the Squirrel”
    Willy Wonka : ” Don’t touch the squirrel’s nuts”

  21. This is exactly why I love him, he’s so nervous it’s adorable! He just wants to get off of that stage! But still, he stays there, doing all the things he does when nervous and pacing like a shy kid when being introduced to his new classmates.

    And then, just like Chandler (for all the Friends fans), who tells bad jokes when nervous, our dear Robert blurts out his non-filter line: “And if it goes well, maybe it’ll turn into something a bit more….” LMAO!!!

    I love him. Just like that, with no additions, I just love him, exactly the way he is. *sighs*

    • hahaha… that’s Ms Chanandler Bong!

      You took the words right out of my mouth Dany.

      I totally agree… so adorable and embarrassed, which makes him even more adorable.

  22. Oh hell yes, he is THAT guy and we love it!

    “Watch out, I will might turn my head when you go for the cheek” = best “warning” ever ;)

  23. Oh man, I don’t have time to watch the vid right now. Just had to say that Frizz-Ease is my best friend.

    Epic post!
    Awesome. :-)

  24. this was clearly something nick and steph forced him to do. Your nick fantasy was most def justified (and I’m not one to usually condone any nick fantasy) he was hard at work making rob his bitch once again.at one point rob looks like is to going pass out from 1st hand embarassment he took a deep breath and totally pulls it together but did look akward when the lady went in for the double cheek kiss
    I’m sorry rob but if I were paying 50 grand for a kiss from you I’m expecting a lot of tongue plus a guarentee that it goes so far that I convince myself that it’s possible for me to be pregnant from said kiss. Too bad daddy isnt insanly rich and I’m not ugl causing my father to feel the need to pay that much for my first real contact with a man.this sort of feels wrong like when my school auctioned off the hottest guys on campus to raise money for human trafficking. They totally pimped out people for the cause of people being pimped out… Defeating the purpose? Nahhh!
    Ps rob sitting with D&G??? Whothe he’ll his this high roller and was has he done with my hobo rob?
    *throws fists in the air and yells “Frankel!!!!!!”*

    • that last line is supposed to say who the hell is this high roller (effing iPhone predictive text!) effing frankel…. Everything embarassing is his fault from now on. I totally Frankeled that post…
      *Frankeled
      Something done that cannot be undone no matter how much money you throw at it causing extreme first hand embarassment ( sort oflike Schruting it from the office)

      • hahahah frankeled!

  25. I totally had a flash back to my awkward youth (and still now sometimes) when you are nervous and try to be funny, but realize that you said something rather inapproprate.

    I swear, we could be soul mates!!!

  26. yes, this whole auction business has reminded me why I love him. and if I won the auction, I would totally show up in the trench coat (and that is all) and stilettos and just take him through the back doors to the dumpster.

    • hahaha – I was thinking, “pay $20k for my DAUGHTER to get the kiss?” HELLS NO!

  27. And now I must add another one to my list of “things I never thought I’d be turned on by – until Rob came along”:

    * a man who comes on to underage girls

    This will go right under:

    * suspenders

    and right above:

    * a tuck

    • haha… love this!

    • WTM, you are brilliant.

      I agree – we love him despite his dorkiness and inappropriate behaviour, and often because of it.
      :)

    • WTM, you are brilliant.

      I agree – we love him despite his dorkiness and inappropriate behaviour, and often because of it.
      :)

      Fab!!

      • ooops!!!

  28. Does anyone have the linky loo for the
    youtube ripper? I’m gonna see if I can download
    it at work.

  29. poor baby looks so nervous on that stage,look at him pacing and all that moving around.and 5 dollars???c’mmon rob LOL!!! i think he was kinda shocked when the bidding started at 10,000 dollars!! and if my rich mommy/daddy won that bid for me,i’ll kiss the shizz outta rob,like tongue-in-your throat-all-the-way-to-your-uterus kind of kiss.

  30. @UC Another awesome post…and quick too! With all that business of having to come up with catchy slogans for hot tubs you STILL came up with this EPIC post. How do you do it? Is there some super secret ingredient in Wawa milkshakes that makes you more funny? I didn’t think it was possible!

  31. @sherin, thank you! Downloading now at work.
    Can someone post the youtube link for the auction please? All I get is a white box so I can’t access it from here otherwise I’d do it myself.

    • ive only seen the E! version so far… if i come across it ill post or email you!

  32. All I can say is, good thing this auction wasn’t on eBay. Could you imagine? I get pissed when I get outbid on a fucking toy for my kid. But RPattz? I’d go broke just trying to outbid all the other bitches.

    MUST.WIN.ROBERT

    • “but it now!”

    • lmfao!!! I love this!

      M

      • congrats. You are our 60,000th comment. YOu win something. Moon- what does she win? A trip to Wawa? With Rob?

        • aaaaaahhh!!!! Yay!!! This is either the happiest moment “of my life” or the saddest because I’m on your site way too much. I’m picking happiest! Okay, I’ve got to get lunch before these excitement endorphines wear off and I pass out.

          Love you Moon and UC!!!

          M

  33. @UC – I love this quote “I hate the ‘burbs, but holla Wawa” ….please tell me what it means because I’m laughing so hard at it!!

    M

    • Oh Wawa is heaven to most ppl who live in the philly area. It’s what I HATE about this area: http://www.wawa.com/WawaWeb/

      it’s a gas station.. that also makes sammys (i do eat there sammys) seriously. gas station and sammys… (here comes amourpsu… telling everyone why wawa rocks and not to listen to me….)

      • I love your face for linking me and everything! That’s too funny.

        M

        PS – I’m meeting AmourPSU in NYC at Christmas. You. Should. Come. Too. Mull over that for a little while, but say yes in the end.

      • Don’t listen to UC… she doesn’t ever know what she’s talking about! ;)

        Wawa is phenomenal… and it didn’t start out as a gas station. They were originally all convenience stores… like the Ritz carlton’s of convenience stores… 7-eleven is a holiday inn… and Wawa is the Ritz. Eventually, they started delving into the gas thing too.. bc you know, it’s all about the one stop shop. Anyways, you can get fabulous fabulous things like hoagies… or milkshakes… or fruit cups… or all sorts of beverages… or cigs… or ice… or lunchmeat… or coffee.. or sizzlies… or oreos… or well you get my drift.

        more importantly, wawa is a drunk person’s heaven. i’ve been known to befriend several wawa late-night employees in my time (whether they be down the shore or when i was in college) because of Wawa’s dedication to serving the drunk of Philadelphia.

        • I will give Wawa that… at 2 am when i’m drunk & HUNGRY… they always come through for me. Plus at 10pm when I drive around for 20 min. looking for an open gas station.. they’re always there for me (i hate the ‘burbs)

          don’t get me started on ‘down the shore’

          • I like Wawa’s subs… but just a question… WTF were they thinking when they named the place? Could they have been a bit more clever than Wawa?? It sounds like a baby is asking for something to drink…
            Just sayin.

            It is good for drunken hunger though.
            Thats why two cents.

            Oh and UC… seriously… “down the shore”?? i wanna smack bitches in the damn face when i hear that!! And Ill appologize ahead of time just in case any of you have this tragic flaw. but its not wudder its WATER!!! that drives me insane!!!

            oh man, i could go on and on

        • Okay…what are sizzlies??? omg, I love you girls and the East coast lingo!

          M

      • what no love for sheetz or as i like to call it shitz

  34. I was also wondering about “And if it goes well, maybe it’ll turn into something a bit more….” More what?. I NEED MORE. TELL ME WHAT WHAT WHAT???

  35. “Are you secretly part of a French boy band and were you giving your first dance/singing performance on the red carpet? That’s the only explanation I can come up with for why you’re posed like this.”

    bahahaha– I’n not going to lie…I cried a bit from laughing so hard at this line. He does look sexy in his beej-in-front-of-a-mirror pose but after awhile it looks awkward. Still. I’d do him. Am I wrong??

    • beej-in-front-of-a-mirror pose <= I love your face.

      M

    • SO not wrong.

  36. Dang, I live to see Rob in a tux hoping that someday I’ll be able to see this LIVE …whew…
    But in fact I prefer *Rob naked in my bed* THE END

    $5, Rob?!? Really? Can you offer a kiss for $5 someday in my presence? B/c I know that YOU will be wanting to pay ME after our kiss.
    (this sounds just awkward like you in that auction video. Don’t you see, Rob? Soulmates!)
    xoxo

    PS – I felt a bit lost with the Wawa thing… WTH does it means?!? LOL

    • He’s adorable. I’ve got the biggest cheesiest grin on my face watching that! Can we all say SUPERSTAR! And although he still comes across as embarassed (and who wouldn’t let’s face it) I really think he’s coming to terms with how to deal with all the hoodlum about himself and stepping up to the plate with it – he has come across as a mighty fine young man in Cannes. He is SOOOO good at press.

      And it’s lovely to see him in a tux for a change …. sometimes I get a bit fed up with the repetition of the hobo chic! (must be my age – don’t shoot me!) and I get the urge to throw all his clothes into the washing machine (there is probably an ulterior motive there too). There’s no one else I’d forgive quite so much for looking like a scruffy badly dressed hobo than Rob (my own hubbie would have got his marching orders pretty quick if he dressed like that!) … but he does clean up so good!

      You know what, it has been such a relief to have him away from stalking fans in Vancouver and all the minutiae scrutination – at least in Cannes the press/paps have really been in the open for all to see. Still I guess all the idiot stalker fans who have travelled to the set in Italy will probably start up all that crap again any moment now ….

      I can’t wait for him to start filiming Remember Me. I think I’m a bit Twilighted out right now though I’m sure I’ll be at the first available showing in November of New Moon. But I’m seeing Little Ashes on Monday here in the UK – hooray!

      Anyway, thanks Rob for all the hundreds of yummy photos you posed for in Cannes … and for all the cuddly moments with your body guard (I so approve of him – about time they got him some decent protection) and no I’m not jealous that your body guard got to envelope you in his arms, no not one bit.

      ps I have lied somewhere up there!!!

  37. I don’t think that’ s what you wanted, Jena,…..sorry, that’s all I can do, + my Mac has a mind of its own.

    • It’s all good, someone hooked me up so I can see the vid
      at work now. Thanks though!

  38. Well it just shows his heart as he was willing to put himself completely outside of his comfort zone and do something for the greater good.

    Well done Rob, well done :)

  39. Rob’s shoes are always hawt.

    On the red carpet, that is.

    Umm…I love you. This post killed me.

  40. OMG!!! he’s so lovely!!! so shy!!! he gets so blushed! so cute! he’s simply perfect… even when he’s saying all the wrong things! jajjajja
    Lovely! absolutely lovely!
    I never thought I could love him more, but now I do…
    You’re prefect and beautiful Robert…

    I don’t have that much money for a kiss but if you come and visit me I’ll make sure we can turn it into “more”… (and im not underage)

    >_<

  41. aww poor rob, I think he should start being meaner then maybe they won’t make him do these dumbass things…but that seems to be impossible for him, he’s like the NICEST celeb in the freakin world! (even when he has to kiss 14 year olds)

  42. Dear Rob,

    I don’t have a teen daughter or 20,000 euros. I do have a 6 year old daughter and $20 so you can come kiss her on the cheek and then I will kiss you everywhere. Deal?
    <3
    Annie

    PS $5 bonus if you blush like that for me.

    • Dear Rob,

      $5.00?!

      Oh Rob,you are so adorkably sweet that you believe you are only worth a beginning bid of $5! *facepalm* Hey, I will up the ante from Annie…I have a 7 year old (almost 8 now-even better–and she doesn’t even like you so you won’t have to worry about anything further). I don’t have the 20,000 euros either or $20, but I can offer you a Twilight DVD ($20 value alone), some crayons and my, I mean A saucy little Hot Pocket. I’ll even let you warm your carrot in my microwave ifyaknowwhatimsayinandithinkyado.

      Waitng for your electric slide,

      SpunkMe
      XXX

      • Should we pool our resources?

        Dear Rob,
        I’ll throw in sidewalk chalk (I’ll just tell DD her brother ate it.) and a homemade bacon cheeseburgah. Oh, and another Hot Pocket, and believe me, if you are around, both our Hot Pockets be extra saucy. *wink

        I get off (ahem) at 9!
        Annie

      • I know Spunker—$5!!! WHAT was he thinking??? Silly boy.

      • This whole post has me LMFAO, but your “I’ll let you warm my carrot in my microwave IYKWISAITYD” was the best!

  43. i may or may not have given my dad a dirty look today when i saw him. he doesn’t know why, but all i could think in my head was “why did you never buy me a robert pattinson to kiss?” Clearly, my father never loved me.

    UC… i heart this post.. i was chuckling to myself quite a lot… and i’m sorry that everything closed and you had to settle for a wawa milkshake. at least it wasn’t from the sev. oh and for the record, i totally would have bought a hottub from you if i read the advertising line about legless war vets. i mean, duh, who wouldn’t?

    and i love embarassed rob… i think he figured out what he wanted to say… and kept trying… and trying… and then by the time he finally got it out… it just sounded so lame bc it would have made more sense the first time he tried to speak. haha. oh poor robbie.

    also, i just love how you know that people like emile and josh harnett and joshua jackson are all sitting there thinking… “yeah ham it up now rob… bc in 3 years they won’t give a shit about you” as they down shots of vodka to help them deal with the grief they feel of not being asked to be auctioned off.

    • @Calli

      Spot on Calli, although I do love me some Pacey :)

  44. awesome video. so endearing. was that sharon stone acting as auctioneer? i think the luscious one could have gotten way more money if there had been a sensible auctioneer who wasn’t pandering pattinson kisses for their pre-teens. any self-respecting person would have an internal dilemma over whether this was appropriate. a supper ‘date’ on the line and he’d have gotten loads more.
    i sorta wish i didn’t see this video b/c i am trying to ‘get over’ him. just when i think it’s going well i see this scrumptious video. now i’m off the wagon again (or is it on the wagon?).

    • oh and it is super annoying that they didn’t let him talk. he’s hilarious and that would have raised more money for the children too. gotta love the way his long fingers cradle the mic. *sigh*

  45. LOVE IT UC! I also wonder if the girls that won are like Veruca Salt off Willie Wonka and the Chocolate Factory.
    But I want a kiss from ROB NOW Daddy! Believe me that is a golden ticket I would love to have!

  46. did you guys see this http://www.lifeandstylemag.com/2009/05/robert-pattinson-is-making-kri.html

    • I bet she’s a Brazilian girl – or at least her parents – living in USA. “Dutra” is a very ordinary Brazilian surname. I don’t know if this can be a Spanish surname too…
      And I found her Facebook and there’s a “Christiano Dutra” (maybe a brother/cousin?) with a LOT of Brazilian people in there.
      xoxo

  47. UC, if I ever saw an ad that read “Even one-legged veterans love our hot tubs.” I would so totally buy five of them.

    And I genuinely hope Rob never grows out of this awkward stage. It’s far too entertaining.

  48. what a cutie! and quite the humanitarian even if he didn’t quite know what the hell???

  49. I have been lurking here a while since discovering Robbie way too late and have been catching up. OMFG. You guys rock, Rob rocks, that video from AMFAR that I have seen 200 times today rocks and I hope Rob never changes. God bless him!!!!!!


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