Posted by: themoonisdown | February 17, 2009

The British are coming!

well myello there

well myello there

Dear Rob-

So by now the cat’s outta the bag and everyone knows you’re going to be presenting at the Oscars. You’d think a major world event had happened with the text messages, emails, tweets and calls I was getting when the news leaked Monday night. I have to say I’m kinda more excited about this than should be allowed by any rational adult. But can you blame me? This is the first real thing you’ve done in months! It’s been too long, Robbie, and I can’t wait to see you! So upon hearing the news, I immediately text UC, who was out with her Hubster on a date night.* I know, I know! But this was NEWS!! News we had been debating all day and it was finally true! So, hun since this is a big night I have a list of demands you MUST follow (trust me, you will be rewarded):

01. Please shower and shave before you show up. Scratch that, I’ll come over myself and personally take care of this item. Don’t be alarmed if I show up with squeegees and grease cutter; it’s for your own good

02. Avoid Ryan Seacrest on the red carpet… stick it to him for saying you were boring, like that guy knows ANYTHING about personality, he tried to high-five a blind guy

this is our secret sign... lick you lip and it's on!

this is our secret sign... lick your lips and it's on!

03. If Kstew is presenting with you, make sure she lays off the green for the day, gets her hair professionally done and SMILES. I can’t take any sour puss fighting for screen time next to you

04. Once you show up in LA, proceed directly to my house, do not answer any texts from Nikki Reed asking you to help her with groceries or getting more packing boxes or whatever idea she comes up with. It’s a ploy!!

05. If Mickey Rourke starts looking angry, run the other way… that melty face could body slam you. Love you Mickey!

Good luck Rob! Oh, and if I’m unavailable, your date better be Clare or TomStu
XO
Me (themoonisdown)

Sources:
Twitter
Emails
Instant Messages
My mom
text messages
The postman
You ladies
Twilighters Anonymous
Hit Fix
The President included it in his state of the union

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Responses

  1. Rational adults? I cannot even faux calm at this point. I just wonder what shoes he will wear with his tux… OH MY FREAKING GOD — I just went numb. Rob in a tux… I think I might die.

  2. Lmfao. “The president included it in his state of the union.” hahahaha I totally agree, bring Clare! Collin Farrell does it all the time (brings his mom, not Rob’s mom of course) :)

    And I hope he opts for the UK Twilight premier look rather than the LA premier look… all that black just did nothing for me.

  3. Useless comment. Forgot to check the notify box.

  4. and now I have a reason to PVR the Oscars, although I will fake surprise when I see Rob so my hubby doesnt have to feel less of a man.

  5. YEAH!! I’m so excited!!

    Hmm…I am really curious about who his date will be.

    Dear Rob,

    I am free on Sunday, February 22. I’ve got the LBD, I can get the plane ticket and I can bring a six-pack.

    Let me know!

    Love, me

  6. Every year I go to an “Oscar” party at a friend’s house.. We ooh and ahh over the pretty dresses and have our own ‘ballots’ where we try to guess the winners. Those with the most correct win prizes!

    My friends don’t know I’m a fangirl deep down in my heart and I will not be able to remain calm when I see Rob on screen.

    Dear Best Friend,
    Due to a terrible illness, I will not be joining you this year at the Oscar Party.
    Love,
    UC

  7. “The President included it in his state of the union”
    ROTFLMAO! I am SO excited about this! I watch every year, but this will make it so much more enjoyable! I can’t wait!

  8. Hey, what happened to my avatar? I’m back to being a green box?

  9. mmmmm.. a reason to watch the Oscars. I was setting the hubster up for this last night during “the deed”. I think I said something to the effect of.. ” ok… Ill go for another round, so long as you say it is Okay for me to watch the Oscars – in the living room” I remember him asking me why. I quickly distracted him, if you know what I mean, and mumbled ” to see Rob ofcourse.”

    Anyway.. I hope you ladies were able to see Rob doing the chores at my house yesterday… I got plans for him today as well. (cue porn music: brrrmp chicka bow wow)

  10. Better set the Tivo so I can watch him again and again and again and again. I think this may be a private party.

    Dear Rob,
    I am available for the “after party”. LBD/tux not needed ;)
    xoxo
    FMP

  11. Brilliant. I tried to chose a favorite quote…but, umm, no…1-5 are all applicable…excellent.

    Yes, I plan to lock myself in my bedroom away from the hubs and the kids (whose kids are they anyway) and watch…and drool…and make inappopriate noises.

  12. @moon I love you! Thanks for brightening all my mornings with your clever wit & rob goodness. I am so with you on #4, watch out Nikiki I don’t want to have to bum rush you lol!

  13. I wonder if they’ll place redhead braid girl in her Edward shirt on the red carpet again? LOL!
    Doubt it but wouldn’t it be a hoot? Did I just say ‘hoot’?

  14. Good stuff! I especially enjoyed no. 1 & 2! Stay away from that Seacrest guy. ‘Squeegees and grease cutter’ Ha ha!

  15. @Jena- a hoot and a half! Andy Morris would be great to see again!

  16. @themoonisdown lmao!
    @spankransom that was my 1st thought as well wonder if he will wear his nike’s

  17. So effin’ EXCITED and I just can’t hide it!

    I had to make room on my dvr to fit in all the shows that he may make an appearance on.

    *guilty, shifty look* Sorry my dear daughter for deleting most of your favorite cartoons. ;-p

  18. I am so in on the Oscar action this year. My husband is already committed to watching b/c he wants to see Mickey Rourke win for The Wrestler. So, he will have to suffer through the fan girl squeals!!! Yay!!!

    @UC I may have to use the “terrible illness” excuse to get out of work on the dvd release date….

  19. Ok, so there’s the E! Red carpet special, TV Guide red carpet special and then the half hour red carpet special on ABC, am I missing any others? I want to make sure I record them all. SQUEE!

  20. I just went and did a cartwheel down the hall at work because I’m so excited!!! No, I didn’t….LOL! But I want to….but then I’d break my neck!

  21. SQUEEEEEE!!!!!!!!

    I can’t even begin to tell y’all how thrilled I am about this…but you probably know that and feel the exact same way, lol.

  22. @Jena – omg I only put the E! special on to record! Thanks for reminding me! lol and I just pictured myself doing a cartwheel down our hallway here at work thanks to your other comment… then I laughed kind of loud and the patients gave me strange looks. Screw ‘em. They wouldn’t understand.

  23. @JBell, let’s go do one together! LOL!

  24. Wow…I didn’t realize I’d have to record so many shows. I guess I gots a lot of DVR to watch this week so I can make some room!!

  25. I think in honor of this I will wear a beanie and have hot pockets for dinner Sunday night! LOL! My I’m posty today, but I just can’t help it! ROB’S GONNA BE ON TV SUNDAY, ROB’S GONNA BE ON TV SUNDAY!

  26. Speaking of Rob on TV…

    How come now that I’m Robsessed, ABC Family Channel NEVERS plays the Harry Potter movies?!? They used to do marathons of them every other day!!

    C’mon…I need my Rob fix!!!

  27. Dear God/wardrobe people at d oscars/robs mom Clare etc etc please please let rob be in a tuxedo * swoons* and please please dont let him wear those shiteous nikes also.thats all.

  28. Yippee! Robbie’s back on TV, gotta love the DVR.

    @Moon: I don’t think you’ll need the squeegee, he cleans up real nice on his own, but helping to shave and place little kisses along that beautiful jaw line would be cracktastic! *Sigh, faints just thinking about it*

    I’m excited to see him with the shorter hairdo all dressed up in his finery.

  29. @Moon — this is hiliarious, “he tried to high-five a blind guy.” WAHAHHHAAA!!

    Seacrest is douche. I hope Rob and Clare publicly snub him.

  30. wonder who his date will be?hope its his mom or else in the famous words of red hair braid girl ” i will end you” if he brings some other chick lol

  31. What fantabulous news to come home to today … I have a warm giddy glow just thinking about Rob’s annticipated deliciousness at the Oscars. I might have to lick my TV screen (is that dangerous?).

    I can’t wait to see the hair, a bit longer now, hopefully nicely washed and not in the beanie (though I do love the beanie … but you know Rob, sometimes you’ve got to let the hair do it’s thing – it is a celebrity in it’s own right after all). My fingers are twitching in anticipation already. I just want to ruffle through it ….

    Sighs ……..

    ps Rob … I feel like a proud mama about you getting to present at the Oscars – you are going to go so far boy!

    pps that is the only “mother like” feeling I have for you … as for the rest …. better not say. I am a lady after all!

  32. Ooh by the way, if you are in the UK – the SCI FI channel started playing that wierd fantasy film that Rob made when he was 17 or so on Sunday evening – they’ve split it into four parts, so you’ve only missed one. Very corny and Rob is just a baby in it … but still working a credible beard despite his youth! Next part is on Sunday and it is under the title Sword of Xanten and not the other name

  33. “he tried to high-five a blind guy” LOL! He cannot be trusted!

    I just squee-ed! I HATE when I squee. Rob, look what you have done!

  34. That’s 2x this week I’ve squealed like a teenage girl, when my new EW arrived and when I heard about the Oscars!!

    I have a feeling there are many more squeals in my near future!

  35. Kstew…please, please..smile :) Please I mean just try thinking of something you know that makes you ummmm ok giddy and perhaps slightly hungry..I dunno just sayin.
    I mean I understand you are miserable. You are in a relationship with Oregano..I mean you could have Rob. You could, he has pretty much made that clear. So for some insane reason you are committed to Oregano…….
    hold up,wait… no I get it Kstew..I mean I understand the no smile, miserable git (enlish slang tee hee) face you portray now. You could have Rob and you are stuck with Oregano..Nuf Ced :( frown on girl, frown on!

  36. Is there possible any way you all can come over Sunday night and watch with me? I will provide the Snapple and Hot Pockets!

  37. Good Lord…I am so excited I don’t even know how to type a sentence anymore. *see above*

  38. @brummielover LMAO at miserable git……but really the girl is so damn miserable it makes me want to come over and slap her sour puss face!!

    Trying to decide which my favourite demand is but love them all.

    In the UK and I am thinking that the Oscars will be on either REALLY late which will mean I will need a valid excuse to be off work on Monday…..don’t think my boss will understand the “Sorry I can’t come in but Robert Pattinson is FAR more important to me than my job” excuse

    OR

    it will be shown at a later date, 24 hours or so later and then by that point I will have spontaneously combusted and if this is the case (haven’t checked the listings yet) someone will have to put it on youtube for me to save both my body and my mind! Thanks very much :)

    p.s very much looking forward to see Mr P in a suit/tux…………you BEST take your mum or Tomstu as a date if none of the above are available…..or me?I am available…….i will need a different excuse not to be at work but it would be worth it!

    • @Emma, we will be SURE to get any new to-die for pics posted immediately following the event.. just in case you can’t see it right away! PROMISE!

  39. I don’t know if I want to see him! GASP!! I’d rather know he’s in Canada getting ready to shoot! Not to say I won’t be all bug-eyed waiting for his presentation!

  40. I’m pretty sure that I’ll miss most of the Oscars, seeing as how I’ll be hiding out and making plans to abduct… I mean, congratulate RP on the honor of presenting.

  41. Awwww, Moon…you know I said I was hoping for a Rob/Mickey moment. Don’t be killing my buzz, or I shall be forced to dye your luscious locks with red Kool-Aid.

    p.s. Did you go to work today or are you at LAX. Seriously…

  42. LOL very funny. Yeah that whole showering thing, Rob it may have worked for the movie but not for the oscars.

  43. I dont know if I can make it 5.5 more days! I’m so damn giddy and excited! “…more excited about this than should be allowed by any rational adult.” I feel like I’m 14 all over again. hahaha. I think this will be my last comment of the day… maybe. :D

    [breaks out into song]
    I’m so excited, and I just can’t hide it!! And I know, I know, I know, I know I WANT YOU!!

    Gosh… It’s so nice to have a place to vent this and not be thought of as crazy/insane.

  44. @JBell – You know you’ll be back…those always come back!

    Am I the only one that finds the black dirty Nikes endearing?!? Like he needs me to help him get dressed and take care of him (which I am available for, as long as you don’t mind me dressing and taking care of that other guy in my bed as well).

  45. @unintendedchoice, you know I love you right?….seriously……already thinking about what I can get you *cough* kidnap for you from the UK for Christmas this year :)

  46. lmfao. @Amber – I’m back. It’s a sad sad problem… although I don’t mind. Those damn email notifications are killing me.

    Sooo. I just looked and I can get a flight to LAX leaving here Saturday night and coming back Monday afternoon (because who knows how long I’d be out at those after parties) for only $250! I don’t need a hotel since I’ll be camping outside of the Kodak Theater (or in Rob’s hotel room) and I can fit my LBD and shoes and what-not into one of my huge purses that my ex-boyfriend hated (I told that “git” they’d come in handy one day!) So take note Rob, take note. I’m a cheap date I promise. I’ll even let Clare go with you to the ceremony, I woudn’t take that away from her… but when she goes back to the hotel, it’s paaaarty timeeee!

    Okay. I’m done. Back to work now. :D

  47. @unintendedchoice,so I am prepared….ribbon bow or no ribbon bow? wrapped or unwrapped?…………….going to go prepare myself for losing the lovely Mr P to the USA for a few days…then off to Japan….then to Vancouver…….italy…..flight tickets aren’t THAT expensive right????

  48. I just caught myself wondering what I would wear if he asked me out to the Oscars…This is ridiculous and I will stop it RIGHT NOW!!!
    Awwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww
    @unintendedchoice – Please, please come up with all the hot pics here as soon as you can…In Germany it will be a little late to watch the Oscars that night for us who have studies to do on Monday but I’m sure I can break away for some minutes to check out LTR! Sooo looking forward…

  49. I’ve had a horrible thought….what if he skips the red carpet? Some of them do that, especially presenters cause it’s not really their night. Even Shia LeBeouf did it at the BAFTA’s.

    What if we only get to see him on stage for only 2 minutes? I think I might cry if that happened.

  50. okay ladies, I agree with everything that has been said here…I almost passed out when I read moon’s post, I’m afraid I might have scared my daughter….note to self, teach her how to call 911 just in case one of these days thinking about Rob really does do me in…I do have some bad news for you though…I’ve been reading a lot about the academy asking those who are presenting to skip the red carpet altogether in order to get more people to watch the actual show. This means no Rob during the Pre-show…I’m soooooo sorry I had to break it to you…DON’T HATE ME…. Remember, it makes me sad TOO!


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